The First Day Of My Life
by Spazzstickkim
Summary: Kim enjoy's stalking Jared Tal. It's fun, like a hobby. Until people, including Jared himself, begin to actually notice her in return. Then thing's get bumpy.
1. Chapter 1: PreSchool

Hey, this is Kim. Yepp, same name. You can guess what attracted me to their story. This is my first fan-fic, so it might suck, though I'll hope it doesn't. Give me lots of feedback, good or bad, constructive criticism is very welcome. The start is going to be slow, short chapters, lots of fillers. I'm trying to ease into it, and pace myself. Ill try to update as often as possible.

So enjoy the story, I love Jared and Kim so much. I might even put Bella in here somewhere, maybe. Maybe.

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There's a boy in my class. Jared.

To say he's the reason that I exist is a stretch. But he's more than obviously the reason I wake up in the morning. And then the reason I go to sleep at night, so that I can wake up for him again in the morning. Then repeat. And so the cycle has continued since pre-school.

That's when I met him, right there under the jungle gym on the first day of school. See, we were both very small runts compared to the other kids, as a result we both ran to seek sanctuary beneath the spiderweb infested steps. One look in his charming hazel eyes and I melted.

'Want some play-dough?' He asked politely, always the perfect gentlemen.

I could only nod. Never before had a boy asked me such a divine question. I swear, the sun shone down through the cracks above us and created a special pattern across him on purpose. Just to emphasize how meant for me he truly was.

It was like God was telling me, 'Here! Kim! This is him! This is the guy your meant to be with! Have fun!'

And the rest was up to me -a 5 year old. Thanks alot, God.

He pulled from inside his holey pockets a big wad of poop colored dough -the consequence of mixing different colors- and slapped it in my right hand before smiling humongously. His two pearly white teeth glistened.

I still have that play-doh in a drawer in my bedroom...

Perhaps things would have been different if we hadn't been discovered that day.

And if every other girl in the tiny preschool hadn't been just as aware of his sparkling hazel eyes and messy black hair as I was.

Maybe we would've made funny shapes with our crap colored play-dough and laughed and been merry and become good friends in no time. That seemed likely when he smiled at me. But just as soon another voice became known, calling for him. He faltered, glancing back before giving me an apologetic sigh.

That was the very last time he looked at me. It's been 12 years.

Turns out Breanne Olser was the rat that called him away. Along with Toni Martil and Chris Mackenzy, two other popular 4 year old's. One minute he had been hiding away self-consciously under the jungle gym with me, the next he was the most sought after child on the playground.

He left, and I stayed. And that's where we're still at today.

Of course, now that's just a metaphor. I didn't actually stay under that wretched creation for the rest of my life.

Now I cower beneath my books and my homework, while he drives around town acting like the big shot he is.

Same concept, our playground has just gotten a bit bigger, that's all.

I suddenly became aware of a pair of green eyes watching me.

"Care to share?" Jennifer was bent forward, back hunched, her head leaning on the back of the bus seat in front of us while she stared at me.

_No, nosey, I don't care to share. In fact, it's none of your business. Back off._

"No."

I looked out at the road that was passing by so quickly. Soon I'd be trudging through the doors of Quileute High School, just as I do everyday. I'd make my way reluctantly to English, where I would attempt to sleep but never actually succeed. Then to Algebra II where I would overwork my already swollen brain. World History comes third, also an important subject, forcing me to indulge in an overwhelming amount of thought processing which usually leaves my brain fried by lunch. Not that that matters too much, I only rarely need to focus during lunch.

It's after lunch that all those tired brain cells need to work double time.

Only after that immense torture, would going to school payoff.

When I walk into Spanish II and finally receive my reward.

Just four periods. Not too bad.

Of course, that's if he plans on coming to school today. Those chances are always fifty-fifty. Sometimes he prefers to skip, usually with the slut of his choice, and sometimes he gets sent to the office the whole period because he comes in late for more than three days in a row.

I silently mouthed a prayer he wouldn't be late today if he bothered to come. This would be his third tardy. He wouldn't be able to stay if he came anyway.

I'm not a stalker, seriously. No kidding. I'm just observant. Yes, I'm just very very observant.

Whereas Jared is the opposite.

He doesn't even know I exist.

"Not that he'd care." I muttered aloud.

Jennifer hadn't stopped staring at me, and now pain shot through her serene expression. Right before anger registered.

"Thinking about _him_?" She asked venomously.

I sighed.

Jennifer has this thing against Jared. More specifically, she hates him. Not once have I ever contributed to this undeserving hatred. All I ever do is speak up for him, and talk about his many good attributes. Which only fuels her hatred further.

And even though I've never _ever_ said how much it hurts to love him and only be ignored and rejected in return. Jennifer knows everything. And therefore, hates him.

Truly, that's what friends are for, though.

"What else would I be thinking about?"

My voice sounds funny. Depressed, I suppose. I wonder if she can hear it.

Hmm, I wonder how long it's been that way?

So hopeless.

I've basically been hopeless my entire life. Ever since that day on the playground at least.

Actually that's not true. I still had hope then.

It wasn't till a few weeks later that my hope really dispersed.

It had only been a while since that fateful play-dough run in and I had been attempting to gain courage since. I was preparing myself as I strolled up to him casually, readying the words in my head. I'd start with a very chill entrance, 'Whatcha got there, Jared? Some play-dough?', seeing as he was never without play-dough for one single day up until the second grade.

That wouldve been a great conversation starter had I been able to deliver my line.

But no, that was the day I realized the difference between popular, and me.

And that hideous comparison still hasn't changed.

I was immediately pounced on when I had begun my mission to his desk, I hadn't even taken four steps.

'Go away.' Breanne said in a surprisingly cold voice for a toddler.

'Your weird.' Sonya Perks added.

'Nobody likes you.' Tilly Perks chimed, playing with Jared's play-dough at his desk.

I started crying before I knew what hit me. I had been just a little thing, and for a child the word weird was somewhat of a curse word, so that had stung brutally. What's worse? Jared didn't even look up to see the exchange. He didn't care one bit. That was the first time I realized I'd become invisible to him. So quickly, so easily, in just a matter of weeks, he'd forgotten that I existed at all.

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If you have something to say, Id love to hear it. Please review [:

Ahmm, I guess I'll give a little preview of what I listened to while writing this chapter, just for fun.

The First Day Of My Life-Bright Eyes

Concering The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinoise-Sufjan Stevens


	2. Chapter 2: Growth Spurts

Second Chapter! Ahh, exciting! I want to get to the juicy stuff!

Unfortunately, I have to wait just like everyone else and create 'suspense' or whatever.

Mmm, I like this chapter, but I've already written the future so I _am_ a bit biased. Hope you enjoy it!

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Jared didn't get sent to the office that day. He hadn't even come.

Just as he hadn't come for the last three weeks.

"Stop twitching." Jennifer commanded, glaring at me from her seat across the table.

"No." I snapped back. I can twitch if I want. There's no law against twitching. Twitching is normal.

Sometimes.

"Stop, Kim, it's freaky." Samantha agreed, her red hair shaking as she laughed, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

She frowned.

Though, she shouldn't take it so personally.

I should explain, but I'm just so darn depressed.

Plus all the answers I was coming up with in my head were pretty rude.

'See, I don't actually know what's wrong Samantha, and that is the fifth time you've asked, so the fact that my answers are becoming more and more cryptic is more your fault than mine. '

"She's just mad because Jared's not back yet." Jennifer explained, eyeing me with an annoyed expression.

I guess that's an easy assumption to make. But not completely true. If I were mad, I wouldn't twitch, I'd fume. Fuming and twitching are different. Fuming involves clenching your fists, yelling, gritting your jaw, and being all pissy. Twitching is described exactly in it's name, just twitching.

But then again, twitching is the result of pain, and suffering.

I've been doing alot of suffering lately.

Three weeks without his face is a worse fate than death.

"I'm not mad." I mumbled, but they both shrugged it off. They didn't trust _my_ own judgement of _my_ emotions.

They haven't in a long time. Basically since I met them.

None of my friends think of me as emotionally stable.

But I am, totally. Depending on the circumstances.

Like if I know where Jared is, and that he's alive and breathing and I am able to see him everyday and hear his voice, I'm perfectly fine.

Is that too much to ask for? To be around him?

I'd settled for not talking to him and not truly having him in my life, isn't that enough to give up?

"Jared must've gotten it from somewhere, maybe he was cheating." Tilly Perks sat down a few chairs away and immediately had my undivided attention.

My sensitivity to Jared's name is truly spectacular. I can be a mile away from someone, but the moment they speak his name, I'm all ears.

"I doubt he's got mono, lord knows he'd still have found SOME way to go to Josh's party." Sonya countered, suspicion ebbed in her eyebrows.

Since elementary school Breanne and the twins had grown apart, Breanne had found other -more brainless- cronies to push around and Tilly and Sonya had actually grown into decent people.

Well, as decent as a teenage girl addicted to gossip can be.

But today, their gossiping proved to come in handy.

I need to know where he is!

"No no, that has to be it, Laura swore she got in his pants right before she left school with mono last month-" I cringed noticeably. Tilly stopped, having seen me in her peripheral vision. A smug smile that vaguely resembled the Cheshire cat spread across her face when she realized she now had an audience, "-and now he's out. That's obviously why." She paused to toss her hair and give me a 'I know your listening' stare, then turned back to her sister, "And maybe he didn't even want to go to Josh's party. It was pretty lame without him."

"It would've been better if he'd gone." Sonya agreed.

Chances are they were both right. Not that I'd gone to Josh's party myself, or any other party Jared had actually attended. But I'd heard from more than a few people Jared was often the life of every party this pitiful town attempted to throw. No surprise. Jared is the life of the school too.

More accurately to say, he _owns_ Quileute High.

Everyone knows him, every girl wants him, every guy aspires to be him, and every teacher wants him dead -further securing his popularity status.

As a child I had quickly fallen in love with him under the jungle gym, but I am almost one hundred percent positive if I hadn't had that incredible moment with him on the playground all those years ago I still would've ended up falling for him at any age. He's just _that guy_.

That guy that any girl would willingly give up her boyfriend for, no matter how long they'd been together. That guy that makes your blood rush and your stomach do nasty little flip-flops. That guy that makes your body go numb when hes too close, or your brain feel high when he breathes in your direction. He's **that** guy. That unfairly beautiful guy.

"I don't believe it." Samantha said after a short moment of silence.

Everyone at the table turned to stare.

Samantha and the twins aren't exactly friends. Seeing as Samantha and I are at the same-low-level of the popularity scale. And while the twins aren't top notch, their up there.

But somehow, her outburst caught their interest and they looked to her to continue. The entire table along with them.

Samantha appeared thoroughly uncomfortable, "I heard Laura was lying about that, and that Chris Mack went up to her and confirmed it. They never did anything." Samantha explained, looking as if she wished she'd kept her mouth shut. I breathed silent sighs of relief.

"Yes, I heard that too." Tilly said thoughtfully, looking unhappy that her inaccurasy had been called out. "Maybe he's dropping out." She theorized, her eyes sparkling like that'd be the greatest thing ever.

No. No it would not be.

How the hell would I survive school if he never came back?

I might as well drop out too.

"No, no!" Sonya glared at her sister, pouting like a child, "It's like I said, he would have called someone! Nobody knows where he is. I asked Chris Mack too, and he seemed really worried." Sonya insisted stubbornly.

Not that I would admit to this, but Sonya wasn't telling the whole truth. I had eavesdropped on that conversation in English, and it had actually gone more like 'Hey Chris, where's Jared?'

Cue glaring from Chris.

'Mind your own business, Sonya.'

Cue glaring from Sonya.

'Don't be an asshole, Chris.'

Cue angrier glare from Chris.

'Look, bitch, he's not here, alright? Get off my back.'

End of conversation.

But he had actually looked pretty worried for a while after that.

And after a few other people bugged him about it he had finally admitted to not having the slightest clue.

"Ick, why were you talking to Chris, Sonya? You shouldn't talk to him, he might get the wrong idea." Tilly suddenly snapped, referring to the fact that Sonya and Chris had been dating on and off for years.

Sonya instantly turned beet red. "I just asked a question."

"Still, the rules of breaking up are, you break up and that's that. Don't talk to him unless you want to get him back. It's just not right, it'll only get you hurt in the end."

I wanted to argue with her. That's total and complete bullcrap. But it's none of my business whether Sonya and Chris Mack talk to each other, so instead I tried to steer the conversation back in the direction I needed.

"What do you think happened to him?" I asked Sonya eagerly.

She looked at me for a minute, not in an unfriendly way. But not kindly either.

"I don't know." She said finally, sticking a grape in her mouth.

For a while she got very quiet, eating her grapes, and I eventually decided the conversation was over.

"You know, I think it's very strange that he's grown so fast." She said suddenly, her eyes drifting slightly, off into her own world.

I grimaced at the table. I'm not so worried about his height right now.

And I think that she, as his friend, should be less worried about his growth spurt and more worried about his whereabouts.

I sighed and looked at Samantha, but she was staring at Sonya with the same far off expression, lost in thought. I noticed that she had found something interesting in Sonya's words that I hadn't.

I looked back and forth between them, trying to comprehend until I caught Jenn's eye. She looked equally confused.

"Growth Spurt." Jenn said the word in an obvious tone, expressing that for sophomores, the two should've known better.

I looked back at Sonya who was shaking her head, her eyes unglazing slowly. She was finally able to focus her eyes, "Maybe." She muttered to herself.

For some reason, I doubt that she was referring to what Jenn had said.

She was answering an unspoken question in her mind.

I'm not sure why, but from that second I suddenly wished I could read Sonya's mind. She knows something about Jared that I don't. I have to know. But then he lunch bell rang, and she disappeared.

Damn.

"Ready to go back to hell?" Jenn asked as we exited the cafeteria. I laughed, at her creepy expression.

I chuckled as I replied, "Locked and Loaded."

I couldn't catch up with Sonya until seventh period chemistry, though I was still eager to continue our conversation.

She's not my lab partner or anything awkward like that, luckily. Nope, that would be Steven.

Steven Coop.

Sweet kid.

Weird and a little creepy...but sweet.

Sonya's desk happens to be right behind mine, though. Giving me easy access for further interrogation.

I scooted my chair noisily across the distance to sit in front of her, causing Steven to drop his thermometer on the ground in a jumpy hand maneuver. He stared at me accusingly before continuing our experiment. Solo.

Okay, i'm not a stupid person. In fact Im quite clever and ace almost every class when the report cards come in.

It's not my fault Steven offers to do all the lab work by himself. The kid _likes_ it. Who am I to deny his pleasure?

Sonya, on the other hand, forces her pitiful partner Jonathan to obey her every whim and will. Leaving her free during lab days as well.

Which is a good thing for me today.

"Hey." I said as I scooted up.

She was sitting back in her chair, filing a nail. She stopped mid-file to glance up at me. After staring for a minute, she seemed to deem me worthy of her presence, because she put down the file and crossed her arms, "Hey?" She murmured curiously.

"Whats up?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

She wasn't fooled. Instead of answering with her usual mindless banter she gave me an open, "I don't know, you tell me."

I smiled. Had I tried talking to Tilly in Spanish like I had considered, she would've quickly turned me down. Sonya is a much easier target.

"Well, I was just thinking about earlier, at lunch, when we were talking about Jared-"

"_Of course_you were." She purred, smiling the same smug Cheshire grin that her sister usually sports. They are too alike in some ways.

Yet Sonya is overly attentive, more so than I like. She is well aware of my obsession with Jared. And has been since forever.

Not that most of the school isn't...

Just about everyone except Jared himself knows.

Though I'm sure someone has mentioned it to him at one time or another. Whatever, he probably forgot two seconds after he heard.

I was never very happy with the fact that it had gotten around. This was usually the center of the jokes people made about me.

I grimaced momentarily before continuing, "Uhmm. Yeah. So you never really finished answering my question."

She twirled a strand of brown hair over and over her pointer finger, staring with that Cheshire grin for far too long. I squirmed uneasily, causing her to laugh.

"Kim, Kim, Kim, little adorable Kim." She muttered with amusement, throwing her head back and laughing a little bit more.

I winced, her laughter is more degrading than it should be.

Finally she settled her giggling, "You asked what I think about this Jared debacle, yes?"

I nodded quickly, making her chuckle again.

"Hmm." She sighed, staring down at her fingernails.

Again the long silence commenced.

That was something about Sonya I could never get used to. Her thought process was apparently so thorough it took ages to complete.

After years of thinking she picked up her nail file and began to hammer away at her nails again.

I very nearly growled at her.

As if she sensed my tension she continued, "I find it very strange, Kimberly, that _my _friend Jared hasn't been returning my calls." It didn't slip by me that she was separating us. Me and Jared aren't friends. She may be decent, but she's not past rubbing salt on my wounds for her own amusement. She stopped filing again to stare at me, "He's not answering Tilly's either. Or Chris Mack's. Or Toni's, or Breanne's. Not Laura's, or Chelsea's, or Jamie's. His cousin, Daniella, went over to his house and noone answered the door." She was beginning to sound breathless and set her file on the desk in front of her.

She leaned up in her chair, glaring at Johnathan who had turned to listen until he looked away, then looked back at me. Her voice was much lower now, trying to keep the conversation between us. "But the lights go on from time to time. His parent's go to work. His parent's come home. His little sister still goes to school over at the elementary. Someone even swore they saw him one night, walking in the forrest." Her curious tone had chills running up and down my spine.

She's right.

He had to still be at home. His family hadn't left. Jared's car was still parked in his driveway-I'd snuck over after school to check a few days after he stopped coming-and hadn't moved.

He's still here. Hiding.

"And even more strange. His girlfriend, Angela, only got one single text message from him since he left." She looked at me pointedly, "A break up message." Sonya scrutinized my reaction.

But luckily I'd already heard about this, so there wasn't enough in my expression to amuse her. Honestly though, when I'd first heard the news, I literally jumped for joy. I hadn't expected Angela to last as long as she did, and it had begun to make me nervous. She wasn't his type at all. Plus, she's a senior.

What's a senior girl doing with a sophomore boy? I mean come on!

Sonya snapped me back to the conversation.

"In the 12 years I've known him, Jared's never once ignored his friends like this." Sonya sounded harsh now, like she was taking his rejection personally. But why shouldn't she? _She _is his friend. _She_ talks to him. _She_ doesn't know what its like to be ignored by him. Not like I do. I can't take it personally. "This isn't like him. He wouldn't do this! Not unless something was up. Something big. Something **bad**. Worse than bad, a disaster."

I was beginning to shiver at her words. Her tone was acid to my worried heart.

"To be honest," She leaned even closer, practically crawling on the desk, whispering, "This whole thing is way too weird. If Jared were sick he would call us, to tell us what he had. If he was dying, his parent's would say something about it. People would know! If he had ditched school he would've told us, we would still see him outside of school. If he had left town without his car or something, we wouldn't be seeing his light going on in his room!"

I realized suddenly that I was leaning closer too. Our faces were much too close for comfort. I breathed deeply, trying to steady my crazy heart, and leaned back again.

"S-so you think it's-it's something else? That, like, th-that he's not sick?" I stuttered, the intensity of this conversation had my head spinning.

She leaned back too, picking up her file. "I'm positive he's not sick." She insisted, with so much confidence I couldn't doubt her.

"I think maybe it's got something to do with his parents. I mean, their being so quiet about this whole thing, it's strange. Why wouldn't they give an explanation? Why won't _anyone_ give an explanation? Maybe, like, he did something bad. Something really really bad, and they locked him in his room, or something."

I frowned. That was not the conspiracy theory I was looking forward to.

That explanation sounds too rational considering the creepy path Sonya's thoughts had appeared to be on.

A second ago she had sounded like the world was working against her, now she voiced her opinion that he'd been grounded?

No.

That's not it at all.

"I don't think that's what's going on." I disagreed.

She shrugged, moving onto her next nail. "I don't know." She said again, like a mantra. 'I don't know' has always been her favorite response.

She stopped filing her nail again, but this time only for the quickest heartbeat to mutter, "He really has grown quite tall."

She let that sink in, then went back to her filing and ignoring me.

She's right.

He has grown tall.

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He really has.

He really has grown tall.

No way!

Yes, really. He has grown very tall...

Ahah, yea, I can't help making fun of my own story.

God, I love this chapter though for some reason.

Probably because it's mine ;)

Hokay, music education time!

Oh btw, I listen to really chill music when I write. In reality I like more hardcore stuff. But it's too distracting when I try to concentrate.

In no order:

Alley Cat-Sherwood

Control Freak-Copeland


	3. Chapter 3: What's Up His Butt?

Chapter Three [:

Only two more chapter's till things start to take off for real! I'm really liking Kim's character, as time goes by and I write more about her, she really starts to develop a personality. I am sticking to the cliche that she's partially shy and damageable, but she's also got alot to say when it comes down to it. She **isn't** just a wallflower.

Enjoy chapter three, let me know what you think.

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Two days of uneventful nothingness...

Life without Jared is dreary and drags on and on miserably. The day's are neverending. And when I lay my head down at night, begging unconscious sanctuary to take me, I find myself unable to slip away. Worry is holding me here, holding me in this desperate agony until he returns.

I can't take much more of this.

"I wanna go home." I whined, ramming my head against the metal bar in the lunch line. My friend Travis eyed me gingerly before frowning and leaving it alone.

However, the lovely Jennifer would not do that very thing. _Leave me alone_.

"Stop complaining." She demanded, loading two trays with food.

She had gotten into the habit of forcing me to eat the last few weeks, since I'm incapable of functioning without Jared here. Not her wording, mine.

I admit completely to being useless without him in my life.

Even if he was in it very little before...

"No, I wanna complain! I _need_ to complain. I deserve to complain!" I spat back, stubborn.

She rolled her eyes, "You do not _deserve _to complain, Kimberly. Starving african children without wonderful best friends to feed them _deserve_ to complain. You? Ha! You don't deserve to complain at all! You deserve to be slapped. So stop whining before I give you what you deserve, deal?" She ranted freely.

When I didn't retort with some whiney complaint, she got worried. Looking at my probably strange, wide-eyed expression. The same one on every other face surrounding her. Confused at the sudden hushed silence that had overtaken the lunch room, she turned around frantically.

"Kimberly?" She asked, following my gaze, then gasping.

I still couldn't answer.

My eyes were busy staring. Staring at _him_.

As were everyone else's.

Every pair of eyes were locked on one single figure, sitting alone at a table not too far from where me and Jenn stood staring.

Why everyone was quiet, I wasn't sure. But I'm guessing it had something to do with the new look he's sporting.

Fury.

Severe and undiluted rage.

"Who put the stick up his butt?" I heard someone murmur, but didn't truly process the words until Jared's head snapped towards us. Glaring in the direction of the speaker somewhere to the right of me. Still, I only vaguely cared about the rude comment.

I was too busy studying the **new** Jared.

Not disappointing, by any means. But not very pleasing either.

He's so... so... BIG, now.

So big, and so _angry_. Jesus, those are the only two ways to put it.

His eyes, which were always so carefree, so light and hazel and airy, now looked flat black against his tan skin. And his easygoing smile that barely ever left his face was nowhere in sight. Instead, he was frowning. Deeply. A frown that looked permanently plastered to his face. And now, after whatever idiot child's outburst, he was literally shaking with fury.

It was a scary sight.

This was a different, frightening Jared.

Someone should tell him that intimidation is an unattractive quality. To say the least.

Not that he's become any less attractive in the _looks_ department.

Other than his murderous expression-the one that makes him appear to hate mankind and all living creatures alike-and the loss of his beautiful messy black hair, his gorgeous facial features are quite the same.

His beauty is still there, somewhere, hidden beneath his new rough exterior. But the look in his eyes, the hatred there, just makes it harder to find. It makes you afraid to look at him too long.

Somehow, regardless of our fear to stare, no one in the lunchroom, since spotting him, had looked away for a fraction of a second. Not even the lunch lady's and supervisors. Not a single sole could look away from his shaking body to save their lives.

Recognition flickered in his eye when he noticed this too, and he shook his head back and forth quickly, clenching his fists and squeezing his eyes shut.

He looked more than uncomfortable sitting there alone.

I'm not sure how long we all stood staring at him, in complete silence. But eventually someone got the courage to look away, and suddenly everyone was talking, loudly.

"Move the line!" The lunch lady's started yelling.

Everyone was freaking yelling all of a sudden!

Everyone! So loud, so obnoxious!

I didn't want to hear them anymore! Talking about him like this.

I just want to watch him, sitting there moping, staring at his food but not touching it. Although it is pretty sad... I don't think once since they day I met him, had I seen him not surrounded by a group of friends.

I liked seeing him in all his glory without a million people getting in the way. It's a nice sight.

Except now he's depressed, and that isn't something I like at all.

A voice brought me back, "Kim! Kim!" Jenn was shouting, concern etched in every yell.

Had she been trying to talk to me?

I looked at her for a moment, only barely, before looking back at Jared.

But she took this as a sign that I probably wasn't catatonic. She sighed, knowing I was listening even if I couldn't completely come back to reality, "God, he looks _different_." She commented, towing me along with her by the arm.

I simply nodded.

"What a haircut!" She said, giggling.

I wanted to reach out and slap her.

The haircut isn't so bad really... And plus, it'll grow back. Right?

We left the line, giving his table a wide berth, as everyone else seemed to be doing, and made our way to our usual spot a few feet behind him. I was glad, sort of, that we were still close by, but not in his line of view. I could study him now without him catching me...

As soon as we sat down I became engrossed in the Jared-centered conversation that had erupted across the table.

"I don't like the way he keeps glaring at everyone. What the frick's his problem anyway? What happened to him?" Travis was barking, his fists clenched.

Obviously Jared had glared at him already, that would be the only reason he's getting so personally anal over it.

"I know!" Paula chimed in her annoyingly high soprano. "What's wrong with him? Like, what the hell did we do?"

"What's with that _super_cut. Look's like someone went at him with a blunt razor!"

Oh. No. They did NOT just go there. I've had quite enough of the Jared bashing. "Anyone ever think maybe something bad happened to him? Maybe he's not doing too peachy? Maybe he got hurt?" I asked furiously, my voice on the edge of venom.

Everyone turned to glare. My ability to intimidate is that of a kitten, unlike Jared's.

"Is that our fault?" Travis countered. I thought about replying, but found myself speechless. Comeback's aren't my forte.

So instead I hushed up. My attempt to protect him wasn't going as planned.. Like he even needed my protection, though.

He's so HUGE.

He'd grown at least another four inches, not that he hadn't already been growing two a month. What was he now? 6"8, 6"9?

That took a great toll off my 5"2 dignity.

And then, to add to his height, his normally thin body was now completely filled out. Even from behind, I could see the ribs and tendons and ripples of muscle pulling with every breath he took.

I was melting just watching him.

"Stop staring." Jenn ordered, scowling me.

"Why? Everyone else is." I snapped back. I couldn't help noticing how mother-daughter our relationship was sometimes.

She was always scowling me and I was always defying her.

Even now, I was refusing to look away out of spite. And interest, of course.

I turned back to watch him, holding a napkin in case of a drool emergency. Oh Jared, Jared, Jared. How I've missed stalking you, Jared. I wonder if I should find some sneaky way to implant a tracking device on him. Just in case he decides to be absent again and I loose track of him. It's a valid idea in my opinion. I dont think I should get one that I have to put in his butt though, that probably wouldn't-

Oh. Crap.

What came next was something that made it impossible for even Jenn not to look.

Again, the entire cafeteria's eyes fell on Jared, and silence commenced.

"Ho-ly Crap!" Someone whispered. But the entire cafeteria shushed him quiet.

"What the hell is your problem?" Angela Hootts had more or less come out of nowhere, and was now shrieking in a very humongous Jared's face.

It was hard to judge his reaction from behind, but he had become straight as a board, rigid in his seat, the only movement left in him was that familiar angry shiver.

He was not looking forward to this.

No answer came from him. Or no one heard one at least. But he did appear to be mumbling something quietly as far as we could tell.

"What? What was that? Are you telling me to be calm? No! I will not be calm! Wanna explain to me why I got broken up with over a text message? With no explanation? Huh?!" She shouted, her tiny fists balled up at her sides. Looking like a crazed monkey.

She was very primitive looking to me, always had been. I never saw what Jared liked about her.

Ickk.

"I'm sorry..." I heard him mutter quietly, then there was the audible sound of him grinding his teeth.

"Oh, ohoho! Your sorry? Oh well that just makes _everything _fine and dandy then eh? No. It doesn't! Explain, now!" She screamed, but suddenly he was gone.

Completely gone.

He had disappeared from his seat, like magic.

There were gasps from around the cafeteria, everyone was suddenly whipping their heads around. Searching for the missing person. A group of people screaming on the floor next to the door of the cafeteria were the only explanation of which way he'd fled.

He'd run past them and shoved them down in his haste to leave. Faster than lightening. Faster than we could blink.

This was a very different Jared from the one we had known.

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Dum-Dum-Dum.

Ha, I love how angry Angela gets. So typical. But somehow still entertaining for me?

Alright, about reviews, I have some idea's to work off of, if you feel up to it. Like, I'd love for you to tell me what you think of my characters. They haven't got too much meat on them yet, which I promise will come in the next few chapters. You'll have a chance to really get to know them.

Also, I'm thinking of writing more about Kim's home life, and her relationship's with her friends. Let me know if you'd be interested in more of that.

And if you have questions about Kim's life, or Jared's. I'll be glad to tell you what's going on behind the scenes [:

Playlist:

Goldmine Valentine-The Bigger Lights

Grand Theft Autumn-Nickasaur


	4. Chapter 4: Continental

Chapter four! One more chapter, then guess what's next? Yepp, freakin finally. I can actually start getting down to business now, lol. This chapter let's you understand more of Kim's home life. In my story she has just one sibling, her brother, and no father.

I hope you like chapter four, have fun [:

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"Mom! Mom! I'm home!" I shouted, tossing my bag in the general direction of the couch before ambling up the stairs towards my room.

"Sweety!" I heard her squeal, shuffling up after me. "How was school?"

I wonder if she'll actually give a crap today?

"Weird, that guy-" I started hopefully. But as usual, after she asked, she didn't wait for the answer.

"Im making spaghetti for dinner, that okay?" She asked, already on her way back downstairs.

"Yeah, I-" Again, she didn't wait for the answer. She was already gone. "Guess." I muttered to myself, walking into my tiny room and making my way through heaps of dirty clothes to my bed.

My beautiful bed.

So soft. So warm. So inviting...

Then my cell phone rang.

Sighing, I returned to my bag, heaving it on my knee to unzip it and retrieve the unholy device.

I momentarily considered tossing it out my window. Hmm. Will I regret this decision later? Probably. But right now it's not so bad..

"Hello?" I asked, not hiding my irritation.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Jenn asked, noisily chewing something.

I went to my bed and crashed back into it, curling into the blanket for warmth. "Laying down, you?"

She laughed once without humor, "Ahh, just basking in the most dramatic day in the history of Quileute High. You should really bask in it with me. It feels nice. We may never have another day like this. God, it was so entertaining." She mused.

Unfortunately, nothing about today was amusing, whatsoever.

Starting from Jared's walk out, things only went further downhill. He ended having fled the campus completely. And didn't come back. Without any explanation as to why he'd been gone. Turns out he didn't speak to a single person in the entire morning he'd been there. Not one person.

I'm left just as clueless as before.

And thanks to Angela's little scene, I didn't get to stare at him the next three periods like I was looking forward to.

It's been three freakin weeks. THREE! I can't stand it anymore.

Today could've been my salvation had she just kept her trap shut!

"Its not entertaining." I replied in a monotone and heard her grumble something unintelligible.

She continued to mumble until it started turning into english again, "You need to learn to laugh Kim."

"I laugh, I laugh all the time. At funny things. This isn't funny." I replied.

She grumbled again for a minute, then "Fine, not funny. But at least it's _something_. How often do we have _something_in this boring little town? Not very freakin often. Take advantage of it."

That stung. How could I take advantage of something that so obviously hurt the person I love most in the world.

"I can't.. I can't enjoy this, Jenn. Did you see his face? Something happened to him. Something horrible. He's miserable." I could hear myself choking up, but was unable to hide it.

She heard it too, switching to maternal mode, "Don't worry about him, Kim. He's a big boy. And other than the anger issues, he doesn't look harmed at all. You should be relieved! You should be happy that he's back! I was expecting you to be you again when he came back. But today it was even worse. Be Kim again, please. I miss her." Jenn insisted sadly.

I chuckled, "Because I can just turn myself on and off like a light switch."

She laughed with me, "Yes, exactly, now flip yourself on."

We both sighed, "Do you think he'll be there tomorrow?"

She was quiet, thoughtful.

"I don't see why not. He'll probably be in a lot of trouble for leaving, and he's already got so much to catch up on. He cant not go if he wants to pass the year." Jenn assured me.

I nodded, though over the phone she wouldnt've been able to tell. "Yea, your right. Thanks."

She laughed, "Dont mention it...Really, Kim. Why?"

I groaned and rolled over. At least once a week she had to ask.

And I was getting pretty sick of it.

"I love him Jenn." I insisted into my pillow.

She groaned herself, and I could've sworn I heard her roll too.

"_Why?_What do you see in him?" Then she snickered, "Okay, never mind, I guess you see what every girl sees in him. But at least every girl has a healthy crush. Other girls date, other girls move on. You've liked him since before we even met, back in first grade. Don't you think its about time you dated someone else? At least to make sure you can't be happy with another guy?"

"I won't be happy with another guy. I know it." I said stubbornly.

I heard her sigh with impatience, "How do you know?"

"Because there is no one else!"

"Are you kidding, there are guys everywhere!"

"I know _that_, idiot. But there's no one else I could ever see that way. Jared's it, Jenn. Whether he ever likes me back or not. He's it."

She sighed again, but this time in defeat. "Someday Kim, you'll change your mind."

"Never."

"Whatever, you will." She insisted firmly, "I gotta go, my mom want's me to help her move the couch, again."

"Still on the feng shui?"

"It's better than breaking my back trying to participate in her yoga phase."

"Oh yeah, please try and keep her away from that fad. Im not massaging your back again...Ighh." I shuddered.

I could hear her cringe over the phone, "Shh! I told you! We never speak of that!"

"Sorry."

"Kay, Ill see you tomorrow."

"Bye." I muttered, but she had already hung up. She usually hung up without warning. Something Id grown used to.

I turned over and stared up at my ceiling, silently cursing Jenn for putting those thoughts back in my head.

It scares even me sometimes to realize how attached to Jared I truly am.

I wont insist it was love at first sight. Though it very well may have been. But if not, it was attraction at first sight. A crush at first sight. And that adolescent crushing continued on throughout the years, blooming and blossoming. Im more than positive I love him now.

Some of my friends always have to ask, often, how I can love someone I dont know. I respond in the ways I know they want me to. The ways that'll make it sound like I have a little crush.

If I told them the truth, I would scare them.

If I told them that I do know him. That I've watched him grow -kind of stalkerishly- throughout the years. That I've heard him talk and heard others talk about him, and never once forgotten any tiny bit of information. That I've written every single word he's ever uttered down in my diary. That I've mentally tabbed every quirk, every quality, every like and dislike that he has. I know him better than he knows himself.

Knowing him isn't the most important factor of love. I know him plenty.

If they had any sense at all they'd know the correct question to ask.

How can you love someone who doesn't know you exist?

That's a trickier question.

One that I can't answer.

I groaned as I rolled back on my other side, staring at the phone in my hand.

In fifth grade I heard Rahela asking Jared for his number, and of course mentally tabbed that too. He hasn't changed it since.

I should call him. Just to ask him what's up. Ask if he's alright. I don't even have to tell him who it is, he wouldn't know my number, or my voice...But he'd probably find out. No, he'd definitely find out.

He'd ask someone or someone would just know. Everyone just knows stuff in this place.

It's too small.

Too claustrophobic.

_Annoying_.

I sighed, jamming in the number that might be able to rid my mind of him.

He answered on the third ring, "Que Pasa, Mufasa?"

"Zach!" I cried, and just the sound of his voice had my body relaxing.

I felt like hugging my mother for having the sense to bore a brother for me.

"Supp baby sister?" Isaac asked. I heard a crash in the backround, but ignored it.

"Not alot, how's college?"

"Pretty good, ughh I was completely hung over this morning. There was this party, and beer, and you know I like beer. And Casey was there, right baby? She was hungover too. And so like, craziest thing, we woke up all early, which is weird right? Cause we were hung over? So we wake up, all freaked out and hung over, and we decide to go to wal-mart, because of course, there's no tylenol left in my room because my damn roommate-" My brother tends to rant, "-is a freakin alcoholic and he uses it all up without telling me. So we drive to wal-mart, and there's no freakin tylenol. There's advil, there's dayquil, but there's no tylenol. And Casey and me, we don't settle at all, you know this. So we of course go hunting for tylenol. Turns out target was in on it too. Then walgreens. Every other place you would think to have it. Strangest place we found it? Guess? Valero. Va-freakin-lero. Weird right? Hey! Casey! Can you bring me some coffee?"

I couldnt help smiling. Older brothers can be a beautiful thing.

"What about you kid, how are the dreaded halls of High School holding up?"

Then sometimes their just as bad as bestfriends.

"Ughh. Don't ask."

I didn't have to see him to know his ears would perk up like a dog the minute I said this.

"Tell me." He commanded.

And I did. I told him everything. He already knew full well about Jared, and my adoration and devotion for him. He put up with it slightly better than Jenn, but was no great fan either. "I don't like him." He said the minute I finished my explanation of the past three weeks.

"Of course you don't like him." I snapped.

"Especially this new 'angry' bit. He seems dangerous, kid."

"You and my friends have too much in common."

He snickered, "Yeah, well I _am_awsome. You probably pick your friends to match my awsomeness. Not that they can ever compare." I could only roll my eyes.

I vaguely heard Casey Renae in the backround, cracking a joke at his expense.

His girlfriend, Casey, goes to college in Seattle with him. Both of them Sophomores. I knew for a matter of fact that she had her own dorm, not that she was ever at it when I called. For six years they'd been dating steadily, and this was something I saw a great amount of hope in. If my brother could have such an incredible relationship. Who's to say I can't?

I should be just as capable.

Better, even, I'm a freaking girl for cripes sake!  
"Is that Casey?" I became suddenly eager. She was also a good source of advice when needed.

"Case!" I heard my brother call her to attention.

The phone shuffled momentarily.

"Kim?"

"Hey!"

"Oh, Kim, how are you?" I could hear my brother muttering something behind her but coudnt make it out. Until she sighed, "Jared trouble?"

"Tell my brother to mind his own business."

"You called me!" He sounded taken back.

Casey only laughed, "He worries about you." As if that explained it all. "So do I."

I didn't like the pitying tone she was resorting to.

"Don't. It's nothing like that. He was just gone for a really long time. And noone knows why. And now he's back and all pissed and giant. And all his hairs gone and... Well, that's a summary." I explained.

"Hmm. And what's wrong with that?" She sounded confused.

But that only made me confused. "What do you mean?"

She sighed as if I was an abnormally slow person, "What's wrong with him being gone and coming back? Maybe he's just an angry person? Maybe he got in trouble and they cut all his hair off and that's why he's angry." Again with the trouble theory.

Maybe it's true...

How quickly she had come to this conclusion, with only so little information.

"And he broke up with his girlfriend too." I added, though that wasn't very important.

Though she seemed to see a connection, "His parents probably made him break up with her when he got in trouble." She explained, a new tone in her voice, like she was more sure of her answer now.

Which was making me more sure with her.

"Yeah, maybe, I guess you could be right." Though I still want to doubt it.

He's so tall...

"He grew." I muttered immediately.

She laughed, "Honey, your teenagers, you all grow." Then I heard Isaac laughing with her and didn't even bother to protest.

Why protest when there's no facts to base my assumptions off of?

And I don't even have any real, substantial assumptions. I have no theories, so how can I counter anyone else's?

It just doesn't seem right though...

"Kim!" My mother suddenly yelled, forcing me to jump a foot in the air above my mattress.

I heard my brother chuckle, "Mom?"

"Yepp, gotta go." I reported absently, still shocked.

"Try and stay out of trouble kid, call me if you need me." His voice was oozing brotherly concern, which made me grimace.

"Uhuh, Ill call you later. Love you."

"Love you too."

"Bye." I said as I hung up the phone.

Well, a trouble theory is better than no theory I guess.

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"Spaghetti is so _quaint_. It makes me feel so _continental_!" My mother was humming across from me, smiling like a lunatic.

I just stared back.

"Don't you _adooooore _foreign food? It's so adventurous!" She sighed contentedly.

I looked down at my _quaint _meal. I doubt spaghetti is even considered a foreign food anymore.

"Oh, Kim, darling, use your other fork for that. Your using your salad fork, silly goose!"

Oh for cripes sake! She didn't even make a salad! What is that fork doing on the table? Goddammit.

"Sorry, mom."

"No worries, no worries... Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Italy with your grandmother? Her and your Grandfather let me tag along, it was beaauuuutiful! Big rustic buildings! Ancient art and very attractive young men-" Please, tell me she didn't just wink at me, "In fact, we should go there one of these days. I bet you'd get a kick out of the eye-candy, eh Kimmy?"

Jesus Christ, I'm going to barf up her nasty clumpy spaghetti, and then she's going to yell at me about ruining her nasty pink table cloth, and then I'm going to have to stick her stupid salad fork up her big fat butt!

"Yeah, for sure mom."

She smiled across from me, satisfied.

I continued to choke down her _gourmet _spaghetti, constantly reminding myself that the faster I scarf it down, the faster I can leave and hide from this crazy woman in my room. I looked up, just to check on her and make sure she hadn't pulled out a camera. I instantly regretted it. She was still staring at me.

Geeze, for a mother this woman can be the complete opposite of homely and comfortable.

Not that she isn't trying.

I sighed, feeling guilty. I should give her a break. She _is_ trying to include me in something at least.

My mother, she's always been simply mildly maternal. For instance, when I need food, she feeds me. When I need a new hair straightener, she'll buy me one. Whatever I need, she does her best to provide. I was never neglected as a child. Though I was never completely accepted either. My mother is one of those mother's who's just kind of there. I can come to her for money, or witty banter. But I can't exactly get myself to cry on her shoulder. And I can't find it inside me to include her in my Jared obsession.

Of course she's aware. It's hard to go twelve years without being aware of how stalker-like you've raised your daughter. In the beginning she even _encouraged_ it. At all of my school functions my always patient and kind mother would shove me at him. I would literally have bruises on my back where she grabbed me and threw me. To put it in all blunt honesty, I was traumatized unintentionally on many occasions.

But my mom is a single parent. And although she's given up on trying to live vicariously through me, she deserves some inkling of commentary on my life.

Maybe I should try telling her again.

Maybe she'd have some positive feedback?

"Hey, mom?" I started, trying to ignore her intense staring. Is this how Jared feels when I stare at him?

"Yes, darling?"

"I was going to tell you earlier...Jared's back." Not that I'd told her he'd been gone.

I bet she won't even notice.

"Well, that's nice sweetheart."

Ha, of course.

I sighed and continued, "Yea, he's really big now too, and-"

"I think July would be best." She interrupted dreamily.

What the?

"July?"

She nodded, head cocked to the side while she continued to stare at me. "Yes, for Italy."

"Uh...Oh. Ahmm..Alright."

Ha, that's what I get for trying.

I guess July it is.

It's really okay though...

Why would I want to confide in my own mother anyway?

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Oh, Kim's harboring some personal issues eh? More on that later ;)

Don't worry, I don't plan on making that a focal part of my story. This is strictly a romance, not a family drama.

Though, I hope you enjoyed that, getting to see more of her through her other relationships.

Playlist:

The Way We Get By-Spoon

Red Eyed Eileen-Cameron Leahy


	5. Chapter 5: Intruder

Hey, so I think I said this chapter would be the imprint, and if I did, I'm sorry to disappoint. Though it is next, and I'll probably post a double update just to avoid being killed in my sleep. But this chapter is extremely important, this is the chapter that provides basically the entire platform for the future of this story.

So enjoy chapter five and let me know what you think :)

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There's something about the Washington Peninsula that makes you occasionally excited.

Not always, usually I detest the rainy weather and constant leafy surroundings.

But morning's like this, when the fog is thick and moist, resting over a sleeping town. When the sun in practically invisible, though you can feel it's warmth, and revel in it's dim light.

I love morning's like this, when everything is peaceful. When everything feels _right_.

I take a deep breath, inhaling that feeling.

I'm surprised I even remember how _right_ feels. Nothing has been right in so long.

It's shocking, really, that I can feel right at all. When I thought I would have no hope of that until Jared came back to school.

That's stupid.

Damn.

That's truly ridiculous isn't it?

My entire life has been based off of this fickle one-sided romance. I can't be healthy without him. I can't be myself without him. I can't breath without him. Why is he so necessary? Why can't I move on?

"Ugh!" I groaned, slamming my face against the stop sign.

This isn't the first time I've wanted to be independent. To be free of him.

There was even a-however brief-period of time I could swear I wasn't crushing on him. An entire summer of time! Albeit that summer was the longest of my life, and I quickly realized there's little to do in La Push without someone to stalk, it still happened. I still lived without him as the center of my universe.

That was until school came back around and he ended up sitting next to me, _again_.

What is it with these teachers and pairing us together? It's like they know or something.

Like the entire faculty got together and discussed how to screw me over.

"Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!" I muttered, banging my head continually against that same darned metal pole.

"Ugh?"

"Crap!" I nearly jumped out of my skin, turning on my intruder.

I quickly calculated the distance of this pole from my front door, it's just down the street. I'm a fast runner...

I eyed the boy in front of me.

Well, he's not much of an intruder. Too skinny for a murderer. I could totally take him.

"I'm not going to kill you." He said suddenly. What, does he read minds or something?

"You scared me half to death!" I shouted, not sure why I couldn't keep my voice down.

Something about being scared shitless makes you want to yell at someone.

He looked shocked, "Uhmm, sorry?"

I practiced breathing deeply, practically hyperventilating, and probably looking spastic to him.

He let me suffer silently for a few moments before worry finally registered in his expression.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I wanted to glare, but couldn't even focus on him. Jesus, my heart's beating a million pumps per second! I wonder if I'm dying?

I heard him chuckle quietly behind me. Is this _funny_?

"I'm so sorry, I honestly didn't mean to freak you out. I was just waiting for the bus right over there," He pointed off into the mist, leaving me still confused about where exactly he'd been.

That's crazy!

This mist is so thick, I had been unaware anyone else was even out here.

"And then I heard something, so I came to look. And it ended up being a pretty little girl banging her face against a pole."

Huh?

He smiled at my vacant face. My mind is unable to process more detailed expressions at the moment.

"You can imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon _that_." He continued ruefully.

I decided to study my random intruder more carefully.

He's not terrible looking, I must admit...

But he is an intruder, and their not to be trusted.

"What're you doing here?" I asked hesitantly. Wow, is that my voice? I sound like a chain smoker.

Oh no, I hope I didn't blow out my voice! Darn intruder, making me yell!

He looked around pointedly, as if it should be obvious. "Well, waiting for the bus of course."

I had to roll my eyes. Like I didn't realize that already, stupid intruder. I'm not a friggin idiot.

"Yea, duh, but why?"

"To get to school."

"School? Here? In La Push?" I paused, shivering a bit. It's pretty chilly this morning. Probably should've brought my heavy coat. I wonder how much time I have before the bus gets here... I looked at the intruder, remembering our conversation. "My school?"

He bit down on his lower lip, looking up to the invisible sky in thought. "Ha." He chuckled again. "Maybe? Yeah. I don't know. Where do you go to school?"

"Here on the reserve. But you don't, I know you don't." I insisted.

He smiled at me, "And how do you know that?"

Oops. "I-I, I just do..." Nice, Kim. Real nice. "There aren't alot of kid's. It's not hard to know these things..."

He smiled wider but didn't respond. He turned towards the road-at least I think that's the direction of the road- and started whistling. Wow, I haven't heard someone whistle in a while. It's so damn cheerful. It kind of makes me want to hurt him.

I shivered again, thinking unhappy thoughts of my intruder.

If I had wanted to answer his question honestly, I would've had to say, I know he doesn't go to Quileute High School because I would've noticed someone as attractive as him by now.

Sure, Jared takes the cake as far as looks go. But that doesn't mean I'm completely blind.

"Hey," My eyes snapped down to see him staring back up at me. I hadn't realized he'd sat down. "What's your name again?"

I never told him my name, but whatever, "It's, ahmm, Kim Connelly." My response made him smile.

His smile is really quite nice...

Stay focused!

"'Ahmm Kim Connelly', why don't you come sit with me? The bus won't be here for a few minutes, it's only just turning eight right now..." He trailed off suggestively.

I pulled my phone from my back pocket, confirming his words. Huh, well look at that. It is only eight. I could've sworn I'd gotten here around seven fifty-five. Had time really gone by that slow?

I slipped my phone back in my pocket and slowly made my way towards him, attempting to not trip in the smokey air. "Don't fall." I heard him mutter and grimaced in his direction. Though I agree, I _shouldn't _fall. That would be ideal.

I sat down slowly, cautiously. It would maybe be the most embarrassing moment of my life if I fell flat on my butt in front of this stranger. At least there wouldn't be witnesses. But after seeing it, he'd probably tell every person he meets during the next fortnight about the clumsy girl he met at the bus stop. That clumsy girl being me.

"Watch it, it's wet." He warned me as I descended slowly into the spot beside him.

I wish I'd heeded his warning.

Darn my stubborn resolve! I can feel the dewy sidewalk soaking through the material of my jeans. I'll more than likely look like I peed myself when I get to school. I looked over at my intruder, who was also clad in jeans and a tee-shirt. Well, at the very least I won't be alone.

"You seem awfully calm." I commented.

He smiled at me again. He needs to quit doing that.

I'm almost starting to have..._feelings_.

Is that even possible?

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, interested.

"Because our butt's are being sidewalk soaked as we speak."

He laughed, "Jeans dry."

"Slowly." I grumbled back. He continued to laugh.

I can tell this guy's an easy laugher. You usually can tell these types of attributes by having one conversation with a person. An easy laugher's laugh is always carefree and light. Just like Jared's used to be. Jared was always an easy laugher.

"What are you thinking?" My intruder asked me suddenly. I had begun to zone out.

"Nothing." I replied automatically.

Isn't that question a bit nosey for a stranger? I don't meet many strangers, I've lived in the same small town my entire life, but that just seems oddly abnormal to me.

"C'mon, you can tell me." He encouraged.

Alright, Kim, time to draw the line. You have to end it somewhere, and this guy just keeps getting creepier and creepier.

"No, I really can't." I replied, giving him a scowl, "I don't even know you."

He didn't seem the least bit phased by my rude response. Although I had meant it to be discouraging.

"Your right, you don't know me." He agreed, slapping his hands on his jeans and making me jump. Is it his goal to scare me to death before the bus arrives or something? Then what is he going to do? Tow me off into to the woods? "So how bout you get to?"

What? "Sorry?"

He smiled, "How about you get to know me?" He jumped onto his feet, holding out his hand.

I'm lost.

"I don't understand." I said, staring at his hand while uncomprehensive.

He sighed, thrusting it towards me again. "Come on Kim Connelly. What've you got to lose?"

Those words hit me stronger than a bulldozer.

He's absolutely right.

What have I got to lose?

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Yea, I probably shouldn't have given in so quickly.

"Great idea! _'Let's walk to school!'_" I screamed at Alex-whose name I'd recently learned-over the thunderous rain.

He smiled at me apologetically, again.

I continued to grumble unhappily as we sloshed along the sidewalk.

Well this is just great. I'm late for school. All because a certain stupid intruder of a retarded boy decided to be 'spontaneous'.

His spontaneity is sorely lacking.

"I had no idea it was going to rain!" His voice was drenched in remorse.

Too bad I'm pissed, and wet. Remorse can't dry me off.

"It's La Push, it always rains!" I shouted back, throat still as sore as before.

He sighed, "I'm new here, and I'm not exactly a weatherman. I didn't have a clue."

"Where are you from, the Sahara's? Didn't you even consider the possibility of rain? Even if this wasn't La Push, rain happens everywhere. You should've thought this through."

"I _didn't _think it through!" He admitted, "I wasn't thinking at all! Jesus Christ! Look Kim, I'm sorry! I didn't know this was going to happen. All I was trying to do was remove that stick from your ass!"

"WHAT?!" I screamed, turning on him. Though, standing still wasn't helping my drenched and cold state of being.

He stopped too, turning to face me. "I said, that stick up your butt was looking mighty uncomfortable, I thought I would try and help you get it rid of it! My bad, remind me to not care next time I pass by a pathetic girl on the street."

"I am **not** pathetic!" I countered, stamping my foot stubbornly.

He laughed mockingly, throwing his head back for dramatic effect. I winced when water fell into my eye. "Oh baby, you are the **definition** of pathetic! Like earlier, when you were freaking ramming your head against a pole. What are you? Crazy? Slitting your wrists would've been easier."

"I wasn't planning on dying from pole ramming." I snapped back.

He scoffed, "Well, you didn't see how hard you were slamming yourself now did you?"

I huffed aloud, looking down at the sidewalk.

Who does this idiot boy think he is?

First, he freaks me out endlessly. Then he insists on making me miss the bus to take a walk, which ends up turning into us running from rain clouds, and failing miserably. And now he's yelling at me? I haven't even known him an hour!

And the worst part? He's completely right.

I am pathetic.

I turned away from him into the rain, my breaths quick and unsatisfying. I heard the squeak of my equally pitiful shoes beneath me as I began on my way again.

Stupid Idiot Boy. What right does he have to be so...right?

Ugh. It's infuriating.

Here I am, this simple stalker, obsessive, teenage girl. With a perfectly normal stalker obsession. And this random intruder has to walk into my life and broaden my horizon. I don't like my horizon being broadened. I like revolving around my own little world. I like having one specific object to waste away my attention on. It works for me. Why does he have to come around saying all of these completely justified things, and ruin my small, fragile little bubble?

This is completely unfair.

But there it is, I can practically see it in the air slipping away from me. There goes my naivety. There goes my immaturity. Goodbye childhood stalker, I knew ye well...

I had to stop again to catch my breath. Letting go of the past is easier said than done. It's taking a toll on my endurance.

And why is it that now, when I feel all of my obsessive thoughts leaving my body. Now, when I'm just beginning to feel the most independent I've felt in-well, ever. Why is it that all I can see in my mind is **his** face.

**His** face in complete agony.

Isn't **he** what I'm gaining my independence from? Shouldn't **he** be the last thing on my mind right now?

Or am I simply gaining independence from my obsessive behaviour?

I can't even tell.

I feel empty.

"Kim?" My intruder's voice sounds out from behind me. I don't have the strength to turn.

I hear squeaky footsteps scuffing through the rain behind me, stopping by my side. I can't ever look at him. "Yes?" I manage in a small voice.

He sighs, seemingly unhappy with my pitiful response. "Kim...I didn't mean those thing's I said...You were right earlier, we don't even know each other. I have no right to judge."

"No!" I cried out, able now to turn towards him. He looked surprised. "No, Alex, _your_ right." I sighed heavily, a bubble growing in my chest as tears threatened to brim over.

I put a hand to my nauseous stomach, "Alex," I began hesitantly, he stared at me with unwavering eyes. This stranger is probably the best listener I've ever encountered. "You may not know me, but you were completely head on a minute ago. I _am_ pathetic." He winced. "I spend my days daydreaming about a boy who will-sadly-_never_ realize I exist. I've pined after him for years-and years, and years, and years. And not once since grade school has he even looked in my direction, for goodness sake! And yet, I spend my life at his feet-so to speak. And I'm sick of it!" I paused as the tears I'd been fighting to save won over.

I saw Alex's hand's flutter up for a moment, hectic and unsure, probably wondering whether or not to comfort me. They fell to his side in his doubt.

I choked on a sob before I could speak again, "I didn't even know, all this time, how unhealthy I've been. Or I did know, but was too selfish and content to move out of my stupid comfort zone. And now, yeah, I'm uncomfortable. But at least I'm me. God, I don't know who me is. But it wasn't that girl that I was an hour ago, and I have you to thank for it." I sobbed to him gratefully.

Then my crying became to intense for speech. And the air went silent but for the falling rain between us.

That silence spread out for many endless minutes before his gruff voice spoke, "I'm sorry about the stick." He said.

I laughed, choking on my own spit a little bit. "I needed to hear it." I insisted.

He shook his head, "No, you didn't."

I didn't bother arguing further about it.

A non-awkward silence continued as we looked around vacantly.

I laughed out of nowhere, making him snap his head up to me.

Maybe it was an inappropriate time to laugh...

"Sorry, it's just...I feel so strange. I don't know how to describe it...I've just kind of felt a certain way for such a long time... I guess I really don't know how to feel anymore..." I sighed heavily.

Surprisingly, he smiled back at me. "Don't worry, it'll come to you naturally."

"How do you know?" I asked doubtfully. He shrugged, looking off into the fading mist.

I looked with him.

Houses were now visible across the road, and trees to my left were beginning to take on colors now instead of blunt shapes. The rain had all but ceased into a soft drizzle. Life was returning in synchronization to my uplifted mood. I never bought that stereotype that weather matches feelings, but today may be an exception.

I felt a hand on my arm and looked at it, startled. I followed it to Alex's grinning face, and he directed my eyes down.

I followed his line of sight to a crack in the sidewalk beneath us. Blooming out of it was a small weed-like plant, which would someday bud a beautiful flower.

We looked back at each other fondly, "It's just the way life is." He whispered to me.

I nodded, still slightly unconvinced.

"And hey, I know you just met me-" He started.

"I think we're past all of that." I interrupted quickly.

For obvious reasons, Alex already seemed a bit closer than your everyday acquaintance.

He smiled at that, "Yes, but although you've just met me... I'll be right here helping you 'feel' again, as long as you'll have me."

I smiled weakly back at him, "That sounds nice."

I felt a shuffle around my left hand, and was only mildly surprised when his hand took hold of mine.

I'd never admit aloud to this familiar stranger that his hand held no warmth to my now-cold heart.

And still, as my new independence flowed through my empty veins, the only face I could really see when I closed my eyes was the same one that would most likely continue to haunt my vision till the end of time.

Only now, I'm pissed the fuck off.

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Sorry to just throw Alex out there without warning, pretty random, I know. But he's going to be a big part of the story, so don't mark him off as just some filler character that I mentioned.

The Kim I imagine has a brain, and Alex is the reason she has it. She'd been so blinded by her obsession, it took a stranger she met on the street yelling at her to make her realize how unhealthy she's been going about it all.

She's still obviously in love with Jared, but she's stubborn and angry now. And *spoiler* 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. So get ready for that lol.

The infamous imprint is up next, and that is sure to be interesting, so check it out. [:

Playlist:

Another Heart Calls-The All-American Rejects

Silhouette-Swimming With Dolphins

Coming Clean-Chase Coy

Father Parts The Clouds In The Sky-A Kiss For Jersey


	6. Chapter 6: Imprint

So I posted chapter's five and six together to avoid death threats. Chapter six was actually going to focus more on Alex again originally, but I decided six chapter's is too long to wait for the Imprint, so I did alot of rewrites on this. I'm not sure how the end product turned out, but I think it's pretty good.

Let me know if I should fix anything, or elongate it a bit. I'm thinking I might do that anyway.

So yea, enjoy [:

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I'm not sure what to call Alex.

My boyfriend doesn't seem right. In fact I cringe whenever him and that awful word are mentioned in the same sentence.

But he's not just a friend either.

We've been more or less inseparable since meeting those two days ago, monday morning.

We've taken the bus together-once-, and eaten lunch together. We've walked to all our classes together, spent the last two afternoon's at each others houses until the evening, when he called me to continue talking. And Jenn is completely positive he has a thing for me.

"It's written all over his face." She insists excitedly.

She's more enthused by this concept than I am.

See, the thought of having a boyfriend isn't exactly top priority on my list of things to do. I just recently gained my stalker-freedom. Why find someone else to drool over? I have yet to say it aloud to anyone-especially not hopeful Jenn, who's one dream in life is that I find a boy who isn't Jared Tal to crush on-but I think of Alex as a platonic friend. I flirt with him, yes, often, usually on accident as a result of my clumsy behaviour. And I give him a bit of false hope occasionally, like a special slow smile, or the ever-original 'Yea I like someone... Yes, you know who it is silly!' Which I used once, while actually referring to Jared until Alex winked and made the entire situation awkward.

Because, as free of obsession as I am now. That didn't take away the _attraction_.

Not that I've seen him enough lately to even remember whether he's attractive or not for cripes sake!

It's been a month! Excluding the hellish day Angela Hootts ruined by attacking him.

"You think?" I asked Jenn, just to keep her talking and off the subject of my thoughtful face.

Maybe it's for the best. Hey, maybe it's even fate?

Maybe God got just as tired as I am of Jared ignoring me and being unaware of me, that he sent Alex to fill the empty space Jared refuses to occupy. That's totally a valid theory, right?

And Alex is a good looking guy. He's sweet and charming and pleasant to be around. He's a great buddy.

But he's just not Jared.

But then again, what **is** Jared?

I've never had an honest conversation with the boy. How do I know he's so great?

So what if I've listened in on a billion conversations of his, and know every last detail of his hectic life? That doesn't mean I _know him_ know him.

Alex is great. Alex is perfect. Alex is what Jared should be. Attentive, caring, loving.

But he's just not Jared.

Ugh, crap.

There it is again.

That tiny yet substantial detail.

Noone can be Jared. He's absolutely one of a kind. And absolutely unattainable.

"I **know**he likes you." Jenn stated matter-of-factly, smiling sneakily. She leaned in suddenly, making me snap back to reality. "He told me this morning!" She whispered.

Christ! You'd think _she_ was the one he liked by the way she continues to go on about it.

"No kidding." I muttered miserably.

"Hey ladies, what're you talking about?" Alex asked, suddenly appearing behind the seat beside me.

I hesitated.

"Nothing!" Jenn replied, always much faster than me. She gave him a winning smile that screamed liar.

He looked at her skeptically for a moment before he decided to just let it go.

"Alright..." He said, though unconvinced, then he turned towards me with a genuine smile. "Guess what a little birdy told me."

Oh, he did _not_ just use that phrase. That's it. He's totally gay.

"Hmm?"

"**Someone**," He glanced at Jenn who stared at me innocently, "Told me your birthday is coming up in just a few weeks."

I winced. Stupid Jenn and her big mouth.

I hope this didn't mean he wanted to be invited.

My idea of a great birthday had always been Jenn, Travis, and Samantha over for a movie night and some in depth conversation's pertaining to Jared as the main subject.

Although I doubt anyone will be allowing me to follow that tradition this year...

Not that I'd want to or anything...Alot...

But even then, without the Jared rants, I still can't picture Alex fitting into my small living room with the rest of us. Who had all known each other since grade school. Sure, he had come to befriend practically everyone in the school quite easily. Heck, even the really popular kids adored him. But just the four of us alone together, out of school? The nervous flipflops in my stomach screamed 'Awkward!'

He seemed to detect the panic in my eyes, but misinterpreted it's meaning, "Don't worry, I won't make a humongous deal out of it. I was actually thinking of giving you a series of small gifts." He explained, suddenly turning beet red.

Oh crap.

He looked up at me from beneath his blond lashes, "Starting with a date."

Oh crappidycrapcrap.

"She accepts!" Jenn shouted, shooting out of her chair.

"No!" I screamed louder, standing up too quickly and nearly sending my heart into seizures.

They both stared at me in shock.

I sat down again, embarrassed. "I mean, I could be busy. You didn't even name a date."

They both relaxed marginally, "Oh well, any day is fine. Tonight even. So long as you can make it, I'll be there."

That sweet comment made me feel pretty guilty. I wonder if he know's what he's doing. He's alway's making me feel guilty all the time, ugh!

I sighed aloud.

How do I tell this perfect boy, who's made such an incredible and life-changing impact on me, that I don't want to go on a date with him?

"Let me check my schedule and get back to you." I wimped out.

I imagine myself with a tail momentarily, running away with it between my legs.

He nodded, understanding mixing with mild hurt as he began to scarf down his lunch.

I smiled weakly and threw myself into planning. I would need to find a way out of this before I hurt him anymore...

Maybe I could--

Then -in an act of true fate I'm sure- the only words that could possibly catch my attention at that very moment were spoken.

"Looks like Jared's back, _again_. Wonder how long he's staying this time."

My frantic eyes only needed to search for a moment before meeting their goal.

My whole world tilted horizontally then, and my vision became strangely warped. My breaths not able to come fast enough. My ears sounding muffled and muted. The last sight to my conscious eye was Jenn shifting her panicked gaze to me.

Then I fell.

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_Jared's POV._

"OH MY GOD??!" Someone screeched suddenly, frazzling me.

Okay, yes, I look more like a mythical giant than a high school student nowadays. But is it _that_ bad?

"Is she alive?!" Someone else screamed, catching my interest.

Who died?

I looked over at the scene taking place behind me, a group of kids had all gathered around something on the floor. Or someone. I couldn't see the person from my spot, but I listened close, using my new senses to try and separate heartbeats. I can't truly differentiate one from the other if their standing all bunched up like that, but I do vaguely hear an abnormal beat coming from somewhere in the clutter. Whoever it is, probably isn't dead.

More people were walking by, coming to join the group and see what happens to whatever poor sole it was who passed out. At least the attention is off me for once.

I look up into Tilly Perks' angered gaze as she strides by, towing her sister out behind her. If she only knew...If she only knew I was staying away for her good health.

But she can't know.

Damn Sam. Damn rules!

_Stay calm Jared. Stay calm or you have to leave again and everyone will just think your even more of a freak._

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. But different angry faces of all the friends I've been forced to leave behind continue to thread through my mind. Chris Mack, Sonya, Tilly, Toni, Breanne, Michael, Angela. Ick. _Angela_.

I remember that first day I came back. Geeze, that was even worse than today. I ended up being unable to last an hour in this hellhole. Mostly because Angela Hootts had to be her normal annoying self and get on my case.

Even if I hadn't turned into a werewolf I would've broken up with her soon.

All she was was a face, with nice legs, and big boobs. Chemistry was out of the question. An emotional attachment was even less likely. In fact, I don't think we had an actual conversation the entire time we were together. Not that I minded _that_ much. The boobs do hold a certain weight in a relationship. They definitely kept her around for a lot longer than they should have.

"Someone pick her up, let's take her to the nurse." I heard someone demand from the clutter, ordering another boy to do the job. I heard a heart speed up nervously.

"Don't drop her!" Another girl screamed.

For goodness sake!  
I stood up, ready to smack whatever weak boy can't even carry a body to the nurse's office. Then I spotted Mr. Pruinn -our VP- heading in their direction.

I guess he can do it. He passed by me with an intimidated glare.

Ugh, even the faculty looks at me funny now. Everyone thinks I'm a freak of nature, or on drugs or something. Heck, I haven't even seen steroid abusers this tall. They grow _out_, I grew _up_.

"Move out of the way! Move out of the way!" Pruinn shouted, pushing and shoving small children to reach the middle of the messy circle. "What happened to her?"

"She saw _him_." A boy said scornfully, voice dripping with hatred as he pointed to me.

Well that's flattering.

Pruinn sighed, looking down at the girl spread across the floor. Geeze, couldn't _someone_ pick her up? That can't be comfortable.

Pruinn bent down shakily, bracing on hand on a chair so he wouldn't go sprawling down on top of her. Oh sweet Jesus, I can already tell this isn't going to work out. He'll probably end up dropping the poor girl and causing more damage that is truly necessary.

I stood up noisily from my chair, not at all excited for what I was going to have to do, and all eyes fell on me in haste. Awkward silence followed as I made my way towards them.

This girl better be damn freaking grateful when she wakes up.

"What're you doing?" A girl asked me when I approached.

"What do you think?" I couldn't help asking in a cold voice. Seriously though, why else would I come all the way over here? I'm not drama obsessed-wanting to bask in other people's torture- like most of the kid's over here, I didn't come to watch and revel in the girl's humility. "Move." I insisted to some people in the group, when my large body wouldn't fit through their too tight space's.

"No. Hell no. Don't touch her!" The same girl argued, taking a protective stance next to the body. I wonder if she'll actually physically try to stop me. That would be entertaining.

"Don't be an idiot." I muttered to her, finally reaching the muddled and distorted body on the ground. To be honest, whoever it is really does look dead. Her black hair is a mask over her face, and her limbs are in weird directions. When she fell, she fell _hard_.

But her chest is moving, just barely, up and down. Maybe she's just really flexible?

I bent down to scoop her up when another hand grasped my arm. Goddammit.

Already the shivers started.

I can't hold my goddamn temper in for five freakin minutes! I knew this was a bad idea.

I looked up into the brave face of a boy I didn't recognize. That fact actually stopped my angry shivering for a moment. It's not everyday La Push gets a new student.

But even my interest could not outrule my fury.

"You heard Jenn, leave her be." He growled.

Ha, puny little boy. Courageous, but unnecessary.

"I'm just taking her to the nurse." I ground out through my teeth. Afraid that if I opened my mouth completely, I'd bite his courageous blond head off. "Since noone else seems capable."

I heard Mr. Pruinn take a sharp breath. I hadn't actually been referring to him specifically, but it _does_ pertain to him.

"I'll do it." The boy insisted. I eyed his pathetic biceps and wanted to laugh.

"Yea, you can _try_." I spat, voice edging towards raucous laughter. It's just too funny-I can't help it! I'm not even mad anymore.

He sneered but otherwise didn't respond. He looked down at the neglected girl and I heard his heartbeat speed up nervously. So it was _this_pathetic boy who's heart I'd heard from across the cafeteria. Makes sense.

He got one hand snuggled beneath her head and was attempting to sneak another one under the crease of her knees. "I suggest you don't drop her." I mumbled mockingly. Just to be an asshole.

But hell, I deserve to be an asshole. I've seen things this kid only imagines out of misleading horror films. I'm kind of traumatized I think.

He lifted her up slowly, and shakily, making her body squirm unstably in his skinny arms. "Oops!" He muttered aloud when she nearly fell forward out of his arms.

My hand's were there in a heartbeat, underneath her for extra support. He looked up to glare at me quickly, threatening me to keep away.

But by this time I could not return the glare. I could not look away.

My eyes were only for **her**.

Gorgeous, and perfect, **her**.

I made a note in the back of my mind to remember this very most climactic, pivotal, _focal_second of my existence.

The sight of **her** had me reeling.

I suddenly felt my sharp intake of breath before I willed myself to take one-I couldn't count the rapid beats of my heart sputtering out of control, though I could fairly decide that it was beating faster than any hummingbird's.

The world flipped the moment my eyes met her incredible beauty, I felt it! I felt the light headed unnerving toss of the ground moving much too quickly beneath me. I felt the burning heat of the sun on my skin and felt my insides freeze over re-actively.

Everything was changing again-like that first day I changed into a werewolf-but differently, not in a painful way.

Before, when I had become a werewolf, I was in complete and total agony. I had felt my skin ripping from the bones, the bones shaping themselves into odd positions, stabbing at my organs.

Now, again, I felt my skin being pulled away from my body. But in a much different context. Everything inside me was moving with my skin, with my bones, moving in corresponding pieces _towards_ her. To be used at her disposal.

Did she need a kidney? She could have it.

Did she need a lung? Anything to keep her sweet breath steady.

Did she want my brain? She could take it, it's thoughts were only for her now as it was.

Did she need my heart? It was already hers.

There were other things happening while my entire life was erased to make room to accommodate the new essence of my being.

These other things were faded noises in the backround of my most important moment.

For the entire universe was now entirely devoid of any other human life than hers.

The galaxy was thoroughly inactive and absolutely vacuous of any hint of beauty, or meaning, other than the most obvious exception that sat not two feet from me.

"Stop touching her!" A voice said, though muffled by my otherwise occupied ears. I felt something slapping at my hands. Then a girl yelped when her weak arms collided with mine, probably fracturing a few bones. The boy holding my Angel also jerked away, trying to keep her from me. The bastard!

My heart suddenly began to rivet in my chest as the boy took quick steps away from me. Nearly causing himself to fall backwards! I had her away from him and in my arm's in a matter of seconds. "Let her go!" He immediately cried out. But there was no way in hell.

I cradled her to me like a small child, tucking her arms beside her body to make her more comfortable. She began to look peaceful set against my chest. Even unconscious, she knew she was safer in my arms than _that boy's_.

I could feel the exposed skin on her arms, and the intensity of the touch had my body humming. I could tell she felt the vibrations when her eyes began to move beneath the lids. She coming to.

I wonder how I look.

"Put her down!" The girl continued to whine, though no longer attempting to use physical force. The boy looked equally averse to trying that, but was furious in my peripheral vision.

Why do there have to be so many people ruining my moment? Why can't they all just fade away? This is the most important moment of my life and everyone's fucking it up for me.

"Leave us alone." I said to the two, not moving my eyes from my angel's gorgeous face.

Her eyes popped open at the sound of my voice. Which was more than surprising.

The intensity!

My feelings went on a quick spiral when our eyes met. Never before had I seen a pair so deep and endless. The dark brown abyss was so inviting, I hastily slipped under their power. Anywhere those eyes go, I'm sure to follow.

I could suddenly see an eternity in her wide orbs. In that split second her eyes stayed focused on mine I saw a future, _our_future. And nothing had ever been so appealing to me. I saw her going to sleep and waking up in my arms. I imagined her marrying me and bearing my children. I imagined growing old with my beautiful Angel. Noone would outshine her, regardless of age.

But then her eyes seemed to register more clearly, and she looked suddenly...panicked?

"What's going on?" She asked, her voice groggy and unclear.

I couldn't reply. I couldn't speak. She had rendered me speechless. I was momentarily lost in the soft murmur that was her glorious voice. She seemed to be waiting for an answer, her expression expectant, yet I couldn't focus my mind on anything but her plump lips, her trembling fingers, her nervous thrumming heartbeat.

How could one sole human being hold the overly immense burden of being beyond worldly indescribable, while confined to one small body?

And how could one sole human being be capable of carrying the load which is my love for her? The thought of her carrying that colossal mass of love seemed almost painful.

Could a human handle the already fanatical obsession I felt burrowed in my veins without suffering?

This thought of hurting her, even emotionally, was too painful to stomach. I winced at the thought of overwhelming her.

"Oh thank god!" The annoying girl beside me gushed, coming around in front to grab on to my angel's arm. I had to hold back from ripping her finger's off. "Your alright!"

My angel opened her lips to reply, but only a single throaty sound was able to escape.  
What was happening to her?!

"Are you okay?" I asked hurriedly. The hospital isn't too far from here...I could get her there in a heartbeat if she needed.

She just stared up at me, resembling a deer caught in the headlights.

"She's fine." The weak boy snapped, coming to pull her from me again. I took quick steps back, though focusing on keeping balance so my Angel would not fall with me. No chance in hell I'm putting her down now!

"You can put Ms. Connelly down now, Mr. Tal." Mr. Pruinn ordered. Goshdarnit.

Is it everyone's sole mission in life to ruin this most perfect day for me?

I reluctantly put her down on her feet, trying to still keep hold of her in some small way, but she instantly rushed to her annoying friend's side. Her face scared shitless.

What had I done?

"Wait! Come back-" Oh crap. What's her name?

She looks so familiar.

Kind of.

Sort of.

Oh yes, fifth period! Come on! Name, name, name. What is her name?!

She seemed to catch on quickly, her eyebrow's shooting up. Not in surprise. More like in a challenging expression. "Come back who?" She asked sharply.

For someone who just awoke from unconsciousness, she's unnaturally clever.

"Ahmm." I mouthed nervously.

Everything was oddly quiet for a few moments while I failed miserably. Why couldn't I remember my angel's name? Isn't that kind of important? Couldn't I do this one thing right?

I finally sighed, giving up, "I'm sorry...I don't know your name." I admitted sheepishly.

She didn't look surprised. Her facial expression actually didn't change at all for a long moment.

Then the anger broke through her carefully casual charade.

"Well that's a shocker." She snapped and fled the cafeteria.

I started after her instantly, but a hand on my chest held me back. "Don't follow." Her annoying friend spat at me. The weak boy nodded behind her, and the two ran off after my Angel.

_My angel_, who more or less wants me dead.

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Yea, that's what I think Jared deserves after making her wait so friggin long. Girl's shouldn't be taken for granted, and Jared will have to pay the price for doing that very thing.

I bet you thought they'd imprint in class lol. But just because Jacob said they sat next to each other, does not automatically mean you should assume that's where it happened.

I like Kim with more personality, it's different. Don't be afraid of her going girls-gone-wild or anything though. She's still a fool for Jared and can't function properly around him. She's just not a complete social failure.

Next chapter is Kim's POV, I think I'll be alternating from here on.

Tell me what you thought of the imprint, I tried my best, but those emotions are pretty hard to nail down. [:

Playlist:

Not a Second To Waste-A Rocket To The Moon

Dear Child-Anthony Green

Trashbag-Broken Toy Airplanes


	7. Chapter 7: Alone

I can't really give away specifics, but I plan for this story to be longer than fifty chapter's. Crazy, I know. And Alex is only my most recent bump in the road. I will tell you what sort of other bumps could come up. Most obviously, a love triangle, family drama, werewolf business, life and death situations, doubt and heartbreak. But it all coincides to the focal point, being Jared and Kim. Basically it's got all the goodies a love story should include.

Enjoy Chapter 7 and keep a look out for Chapter 8 soon.

BTW I've overall decided to change the direction of this story, so I've rewritten this chapter.

Next chapter is Jared's POV.

**_REWRITTEN!!_**

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**_Kim's POV_**

Really? _Really?_

Okay, I kind of already figured he didn't know my name. It's not surprising or terribly mind blowing or anything.

But why did he have to prove me right? Really. Why couldn't he leave me in the dark? It was like twisting the knife after stabbing someone in the back.

I swear, it's as if Jared already knew I had doubts about him, and he wanted to give me that little push over the edge. For goodness sake!

Are you trying to send me a sign, God? Is that what this is about? Are you telling me I was wrong?

Maybe that day on the playground didn't mean as much as I read into it. Maybe it was simply a childhood crush. Maybe it wasn't fate after all.

That very thought made my stomach cramp up.

Ugh, AGH! He just makes me so mad!

"Kim, are you alright?" Jenn asked for the umpteenth time. And again I felt like punching her in the face.

NO! Jenn! I am not alright! Do I look alright? Am I acting like I'm alright? Does this situation, in any way, give off the essence of alright? No. So shut the frick up!

"Yes. Of Course. Why wouldn't I be?"

She smiled weakly, not believing me for a second. She looked around herself feebly, she's way too uncomfortable. We're all sort of skipping class...For the first time.

Well, at least, it's Jenn and I's first time. Alex is the kind of guy who probably did alot of this back home in...wherever it was he said he came from.

Alex grunted from where he sat quietly off to the side.

He hasn't spoken an actual verbally correct word since running after me. He's too angry, I can tell. It's written all over his easily-readable expression.

I wish they hadn't followed me. I just need to be alone.

Why is it that when most people say they want to be alone, they're actually dying inside for the other person to stick around? See, I'm not like that. I seriously want to be left alone. I honestly do. Like, I'm considering becoming a monk and moving to some country monastery in Asia to get away from these nosey friend's I've got.

"Kimmy, it's not so bad. I mean, we already knew about Jared's whole 'ignorance' thing. You didn't expect anything." Jenn attempted to sympathize with me, _again_.

I just want to tell her, you know, when you try the first time and it doesn't work. That usually means it's not going to work. Ever.

"I know, Jenn." I repeated, tired of her crappy condolences. She needs some originality. She should try and spice things up every once and a while.

I watched as she clenched her jaw, probably realizing at last that she wasn't doing a damn thing to make me feel better. Sighing, I changed position on the bench beneath me, tucking my legs against my chest to rest my chin on.

I looked over at Alex, nursing his wounds in the corner like a kicked dog. Aren't I the one who's hurt right now?

Shouldn't he be looking at me with pity instead of the other way around?

Ugh. Eventually he'll get around to speaking, right? I wonder if I should encourage him. He seems so down...

It's just, consoling isn't my forte. I'm no good at it. I'll probably just screw it up if I try.

"Alex? What's up?" I ask, attempting to sound caring and sweet like Jenn. My voice is naturally small, so it's not hard to imitate. Although I still have very little emotion.

He stared back silently for a couple of seconds. Finally he seemed to find his voice, "Nothing, Kim. Nothing at all."

Oh.

Well, he doesn't sound happy....

"What did I do?" I asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

His eyes flashed, just as I knew they would, and he stood from his seat across from me.

"Nothing, seriously. You only **lied** to me."

And here we go...

"How did I lie?" Out of all the reasons to be pissed at me, I did not expect this one.

There was the leading him on thing...

And the rejecting his offer thing....

And using him for my own selfish gain...

But lying isn't on my checklist.

"Ha! Let me count the ways! For one, you said the guy you crushed on wasn't in school anymore."

"No! No, I did not! I said, he doesn't come to school anymore. That was a valid statement. I never told you he dropped out, you assumed."

Alex rolled his eyes, "Alright. Two, you told me you were over him and wanted to move on. But by the way you were looking at him today, that doesn't seem very true to me."

Wow, why doesn't he just call me a witch and hold a trial while he's at it?

"I crushed on him for twelve years, Alex. And the guy isn't ugly. Whatever way I was looking at him, was probably just a product of those two facts." Okay, now I'm lying.

It's more than just those two facts....It's also the way his hazel eyes have that beautiful spark in them...And his smile is just so alluring, with such plump inviting lips, and-

Okay, yea. It's just alot of stuff.

If I want to avoid passing out again, I should stop thinking of those reasons.

"Ha, fine, Kim. I'll give you that too, although I think your lying." Alex is very sharp, "But there's one thing even you can't deny you lied about."

I bet I totally can.

He paused, looking utterly heartbroken for one split second.

I doubt I'll ever forget the look that momentarily crossed his face. Anguish, sadness, a loss of hope, and broken dreams, all stirred into one expression. It made my bones quiver.

He seemed to be choking on his words, "You said he didn't like you back. You said it was hopeless. You said he didn't care one single bit about you."

I don't see the lie...

"Yea. And?"

He scoffed, "That's not the way it looked to me."

Jenn, who had become very silent watching the exchange, suddenly perked up to defend Alex. "Yea, Kim, same here. He was giving you this creepy stare. It was intense."

I gave them a look that questioned their mental stability.

Jenn gasped, "_You_ didn't notice? Your like a professional Jared-facial-expression's detective. You always notice thing's like that." She seemed amazed.

To be honest, I hadn't been able to focus on his facial expressions whatsoever. My mind went into automatic psycho mode the moment I realized who's arms were cradling me. All my mind could process was the word, ESCAPE. Which repeated over and over like a mantra.

"I didn't see anything. Why would that matter? Maybe that's just the way he look's at people? How did _I_ lie to you about that? For God's sake, Alex. What would it mean to you anyway?"

His face was instantly furious, "It means everything! From the moment I saw you Kim, I knew there was something I liked about you." Jenn shot me an 'I told you so' look. I grimaced. "And then I find out that you have this-completely unhealthy-_stalker_ crush on some guy you've known your entire life! Like, _what the frick_?! What am I supposed to do with _that_? And this entire time we've been hanging out you've been throwing these cryptic messy signals to me! One minute, you love him. The next, you want to be over him. I have no clue where your at, ever! Then I was learning to accept it. I figured as long as you were still giving me the time of day I would just live with it.

"But then-" Alex stopped, his eyes frantically baring into mine. "Then I see the way _he _look's at _you_!" He made a sickened sound in the back of his throat. "That's a spirit breaker, to put it lightly."

I hadn't realized I'd frozen stiff until now, "I still don't get it." I whispered. Jenn's wary glance continued to flicker back and forth between us.

She's probably getting a kick out of this.

Alex came towards me and fell on his knees. Putting us at the same eye level. Which is severely uncomfortable.

"Kim, I was feeding on his lack of attention." He explained.

"What?" Both Jenn and I gasped at the same time. I glared over at her, this isn't her conversation. She was leaning forward towards us, face wrapped in interest. I'm suddenly living a soap opera.

Alex chuckled humorlessly, looking humiliated to admit what he was saying aloud, "I was relying on him to stay obtuse. You were making so much progress...I thought maybe if I could just keep you on the track of forgetting him for long enough, that I might have a real shot. That's why it mean's so much. I _care_ about you. It took me only one look to know that. And now, seeing the way he looks at you, and the way you can't seem to get over him. It's just...It feels so..." He paused, seeming unable to find a word horrific enough to describe his emotions.

"Hopeless?" Jenn offered.

Alex frowned in her direction but nodded, "Hopeless." He repeated.

His head slumped to the ground, in a true broken manner.

The action reminded me so much of, well, **me**.

There's something inside me that's just as pitiful as him. How many time's have I lowered my own head in defeat? How many time's have I recited that same speech in my mind? How often have I felt the incompetence of seeing Jared fall for another girl? How long have I wished for someone to care the same way about me?

And here's the guy.

Here's the boy who finally cares.

Yes, _obviously_ he isn't Jared.

But who's to say me and Jared will ever get together? Even if he has finally seen me? Who's to say we'd even work out if we did?

But what about the 'way he looked at me'? Apparently it was a big deal.

What if he finally realized his undying love for me? And he want's to marry me and grow old with me? And he finally realized the error in his ways and is planning to make the last 12 years up to me just as best as he can?!?!

Pfshht. Yea right. Even I know I'm taking my expectation's too far this time. That's saying something.

Alex and Jenn have their eye's locked on me...I know their waiting for an answer. I know I have to answer. I know what I should answer.

But can I?

That would be, like, **really** letting go. **Really** moving on. I'd have to be able to go at it with all I've got, or nothing at all. Can I do that? Can I let go of Jared completely?

"I have to go." I say suddenly, before thinking it through at all.

"Go? Go where?" Jenn asks as I stumble up from the bench, nearly knocking into Alex on his knees.

I begin to turn around uselessly, trying to locate my school bag. It's probably left behind in the cafeteria. Ugh, oh screw it.

"I don't know, Jenn. Away from here. This is too much right now." I explain, voice shaky and hesitant.

Alex sits on the floor watching, not moving a muscle.

I should probably say something, just anything. Darn me and my conscience! Normal, uncaring people could ignore him and not think twice about it. But of course _I_ have to be _thoughtful_.

I'm going to have to rethink my entire outlook on life.

"Alex," I start, playing with my hands awkwardly. "I-"

"No." He interrupts, holding a finger up to shush me. He begins to nod his understanding, "I get it, you need time." He stands up, dusting his knees off, before looking me straight in the eye.

I doubt anyone has givin me a more meaningful look in my entire life.

"Figure this out, Kim. Then let me know."

I'm speechless.

He turns on his heel and grabs his bag-which he remembered to bring because he's not an idiot-and walks back towards the school. Leaving me with shiver's down my spine.

Jenn also look's moved by his selfless act, her mouth agape in awe. That is, until she looks back at me. I should probably be running.

If looks could kill...

"What the hell is your problem?" She snaps, grabbing onto my arm roughly.

Of course Jenn has to make this her business.

"It's complicated." I return calmly.

"No! No, it's not. It's really F'ing simple if you ask me."

That's funny, did I ask her?

"Well, you know what? Honestly, noone asked you Jenn. Leave this alone." I warned her, starting to walk away. Again she grabs too tight onto my upper arm, inducing a painful yelp from me.

"Don't walk away Kim, we're talking about this!" She insists, dragging me back.

"We aren't talking about this! Jenn, you shouldn't even know anything about this! This is my issue, my issue that does not involve you. It involves Alex and myself, and that is it. Ughh, I can't take this, I'm going home. And I swear to god Jenn, _do not_ make this your problem!"

"It is my problem! Your my problem! Your my bestfriend! That entitles me to know what's going on in your life. Or at least, it used to. What, now you've actually got guy's paying attention to you, you don't need me anymore? You probably should've warned me not to get attached, I'm so sorry I was unaware of our arrangement. Friend's until something better come's along, isn't that right Kim?"

"Oh come on, Jenn, you know that's not it at all!" I replied, rolling my eyes. Could she not be dramatic for ten minutes? Geeze, by the end of this week I'm going to need some serious medication.

"You know Kim, your such a freaking idiot. All this time I've been tiptoeing around your emotions, trying not to upset you because you seemed so damn _fragile. _I didn't want to hurt you because it seemed like your stupid obsession was all you had going for you. But now you've got this incredible shot, staring you straight in the face, and your letting it pass you by! Your making the wrong decision!" She nearly screamed.

"I haven't even made a decision yet!" I argued. This is not a conversation I need to be having.

Especially not in broad daylight, in the middle of fifth period, when we're both at the risk of detention.

"Not yet, but what do you give it, an hour, a day? You'll go running back to him just like you alway's have. Because he's _safe_. Because your _comfortable_. Your just scared of the idea of actually having to be with somebody! Of having an actual boyfriend who care's about you as much as you care about him. Well that's just ridiculous, Kim Connelly. You need to grow up." She spat, storming off after Alex before I could reply.

Damn it. Damn it all!

Why does everybody have to be so goshdarn right all the time?

Why now?

I don't like change. I never have. And all of a sudden, everything is flipping around. My whole world is being flipped upside down, and I hate it! I just wish everything was the way it was, before Jared left school. When I was happy and naive and everyone just left me alone.

That's how things should be.

I huff in frustration and teeter off towards the parking lot. Like hell I'm finishing school today.

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"Kimberly Elise Connelly!" My mother's furious voice came bounding up the stairs.

Oh yay, she's home.

Before I can react in any way-like for instance, clear the junk food off the bed or hide the mounds of tissues I used to cry into-my mother's quick heavy footsteps come scurrying up the steps and my door flies open, making the coat on the hook fall to the ground. "What happened?!" She asks, eyes boaring into mine while yelling.

Okay. I've just about had it with the yelling today.

I looked around innocently, locking my eyes on the pile of tissues, "I'm sick?"

She shook a hand in front of her face, glaring, "Nevermind that, I already know _what _happened. You passed out. Then fled the campus! Want to explain that last part to me?" Her eyes dared me to lie again.

I almost took the challenge.

"Well, you see, what happened was...And then Jenn was all 'rawr', and Alex was being _so_ nice and...And then well I just...And I had to come home and, and..." I trailed off, giving up with a pathetic exhale.

My mother seemed to be turning a deep shade of purple with her anger. "KIMBERLY CONNELLY! YOU GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER THIS MINUTE!" She screeched.

"ALRIGHT _MOM_! Jared came back today, therefore I passed out. And then it all became just too much, I couldn't take it. My whole world is falling apart!" I screamed, ready to grab for the tissue box again. I feel a whole new round of tears coming up.

My mother rolled her eyes, marking this off on her teenage rebellion checklist.

I imagine that to look a little something like this.

1) Period.

2) First crush (That came a little prematurely in my case)

3) First kiss (That has yet to come in my case, and is probably well overdue)

4) Breaking of curfew (Still holding onto that one.)

5) Sneaking out (Again, I'm a pretty sweet kid.)

6) Fleeing school campus (Check.)

7) Swearing the world is ending over a nonimportant subject (She can now mark it off.)

She came to my bed, fingering the tissues and eventually just pushing them onto the floor to make room. We sat awkwardly for a moment, with me on the verge of another sob fest. "Kimberly," She started, stroking my thin straight hair in a true motherly fashion. "Explain."

"I did!" I cried, exasperated. Can she not pay attention at all? "Jared's back and everything suck's and I hurt Alex, and Jenn hate's me!"

She made a clicking noise with her tongue, "Jenn will never hate you darling, you've been friend's for age's. And I thought you told me that-what's his name? Jarin?-character had already come back to school." She pulled my hair in front of my chest, running her finger's through it.

I don't even know where to begin.

Twelve years.

Twelve years of me being _in love _with Jared Tal and my mother is still mixing his name up with _Jarin_.

That is it! I have had it!

"It's JARED, mom, JARED. And I've had a crush on him since preschool. You want to know why you think he was already back in school? It's because you don't care! You don't care about my life, or my friend's, or my passion's! You don't care about anything unless it suddenly involves you! The school called you didn't they? DIDN'T THEY?" I asked her, snapping my jaw shut.

Her mouth hung open in shock, eyes wide and vacant. She could only nod.

"That is the only reason you give a damn! Because suddenly you were the one in trouble! That's all you care about is you! Get out of my room!" I screamed at her, walking to my door.

My entire room went into a tense silence as I was unable to meet her gaze, and she was incapable of speech. We stood there for an inumerable number of seconds until she stood up.

She straightened her pencil skirt and cleared her throat before making her undignified march back into the hallway. I saw her pride stay behind.

I slammed the door shut behind her, locking it fiercely before going to my bed and falling face first into it.

I hate my life!

"I! HATE! MY! LIFE!" I yelled into my comforter, which muffled the volume. I pounded my fists with each word.

I'm glad she left. I don't need her. If she can't be there for me everyday, I don't need her tonight.

Only, I wish that didn't mean I have to be alone.

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Awkward silence's seem to fill my life lately.

"Pass the salt, please." My mother's soar voice commanded. She had gone to her room and cried for hour's after our fight, I had been forced to listen and endure her entire episode.

I passed her the shaker silently.

We continued to eat our oriental themed dinner in that same strange, thick quiet. The only sound was the scrape of our forks and knives across glass plates.

"You'll need to call your brother once you've finished." She said suddenly, not looking up at me.

"Why?" I was confused. Usually we only talk once a week at most, unless... "Mom, did you tell him?"

She popped a bite of broccoli into her mouth and sipped her water.

"Ahh, mom. Why did you do that?"

She put down her fork and knife to finally look up at me, for the first time since sitting down to eat. "Because, honestly Kim, I have no idea how to handle you right now. I'm just lost."

"Handle me? I made one mistake, mom. And why call Zach? He's my brother, not my parent. This is _your_ responsibility!" I whined, tossing down my utensil's too.

"Kimberly, I am a single parent, and this is hard on me. I had to raise you and your brother alone. I deserve a break every once and a while." She complained.

"All you ever do is take break's mom! You say you raised us alone, but the truth is that _we _raised ourselve's alone. You were there to take pictures and witness all of our funny banter to relay on your friend's later. But you were never really _there_. I get that the issue with dad really broke you, mom. And I never expected more than you were able to offer. But I am _not_ a bad kid. I had a terrible, terrible day and I made a bad decision. But it won't happen again."

"How do I know that? How do I know that this isn't just the beginning?"

"Mom, I'm sixteen, nearly seventeen. Have I ever done anything at all to deserve punishment before? What makes you think I would start today?"

"When your brother was your age-"

"When my brother was my age, he was still not me. Don't judge me based on his previous behaviour. Mom, you don't have to worry about it!"

She smiled weakly, "Isn't that what parent's do? Worry?"

"Yea, mom. But I don't think we're going by the book here."

"Nevertheless, I worry."

I sighed. Relieved that the evening had taken this nonviolent turn, "Thanks for that mom. But you don't have to."

We both became very quiet again. Lost in the after-shock of another weak arguement.

"So did you want to hear about today? Like, the whole story?" I asked, ready to spill my guts to someone. My mother is not my first choice. But Jenn's mad at me. And Alex is part of the problem. So there isn't really anyone else. I don't want to bother Travis and Sam with it...

She laughed surprisingly, "That would be great."

Really? Would it?

Hmm. I never thought that whole 'communication' thing really worked. Maybe if I'd just opened up to her a long time ago we could've even had a _relationship_. Who woulda thought?

I opened my mouth to start, "But I'm afraid I have plan's to go out with Madison. Can this wait?"

Is she serious?

"Well-"

"Awsome, you'll take care of the dishes right dear? It's your night. I'm done. Are you done? I completely lost track of the time, I was supposed to have left five minutes ago!" She stumbled out of her chair and dashed to her room quickly. She came back with her heel's on.

I watched her locate her bag and blow a kiss from the living room before flying out the front door.

Out the door in ten second's or less, that's my mother's special talent.

I sighed, stacking the dishes. I don't how I can still manage to find hope. Everyday is the same thing. When will I learn?

The house feel's so eerily vacant all of a sudden. I am alone.

**Alone**.

What a ruthless, depressing word.

Whoever came up with it must've been either really pathetic and helpless, or really popular and indifferent. Either way it's a stupid word and it was rude to come up with it in the first place.

Now it can be tossed around freely, and used on people like me.

Standing alone in this empty house. With the looming fact that all of my friend's are either mad or dissapointed in me, I do feel alone. Insanely alone.

Do you ever stop feeling alone? Even when your with someone?

It's hard to think there's any other way to live. I've never once in my life not felt like theres a huge hole in my chest.

I'm beginning to think there's not even a way for it to be filled.

But I know if I ever want a shot at happiness, I have to try.

I left the dishes for later, retiring to my room.

I snatched my cell phone off the floor and dialed the only number that hold's a chance to make a difference in my depressing life.

"Kim?" His voice made my name into a lyric from a love song. Milking it for all it's worth. Not that a word is worth much on it's own.

"Hey, Alex..." I start, and immediately my heart reacts to what I'm about to do. It begins to beat wildly, begging me to reconsider. I take a deep, painful, breath. It takes every ounce of willpower left inside of me to continue. "About that date..."

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So tell me what you think, I like this chapter. Alex make's Kim realize thing's she wouldn't otherwise consider. He help's build her into the girl she need's to be now that Jared's attention is on her.

Review idea: If you like, give me some idea's for other bump's I could include later on in the story.

I'll post chapter eight today or early tomorrow depending on how many review's I get, so step up! Please... [:

Playlist:

Apologize-Charlotte Sometimes

Telescope Eyes-Eisley

Dog Problems-The Format

Nobody Put's Baby In The Corner (Acoustic)-Fallout Boy


	8. Chapter 8: Just Wherever

Okay, I have alot to say/explain. First of all, I've been getting a TON -way too many- reviews concerning Alex. And I'd like to clear something up.  
I DID IT ON PURPOSE. Everything your feeling, I meant to happen. Your stomach is **supposed** to turn, your **supposed** to love him, your **supposed** to hate him. Your _**supposed**_ to want to keep him, but wish he was dead. That's exactly how it's supposed to be. So just let the story unfold and don't worry so much about him. Jared is JARED after all. Do you honestly think Alex is going to outshine him for long?  
Nevertheless, I've rewritten the beginning of Chapter 7 to ease some of your nerve's. I've only made a few changes, but they tie into this chapter, so I suggest you take a look if you have any question's. You'll most likely find your answer's there.  
Also, sorry it took a long time to write this. The fact that I had to rewrite chapter seven, and that I changed my idea of how I want to take this story-and spring break starting- all lead to this taking longer than I expected. Therefore, DOUBLE UPDATE. Chapter 9 coming later today.

Enjoy, and chill out, I told you I was pacing myself. Let Jared make his name in this story in his own time _please_.

Ahah bye [:

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_JARED'S POV_

There's this girl in my class. Kim.

And she's why I'll go prematurely grey.

Where the hell is she?

I waited. And waited.

And continued to wait.

And she never came back.

I sat in her chair-which still held traces of her beautiful scent-and imagined her walking through the cafeteria door at least a thousand time's concerning to thousand's of different scenario's.

Some of them slightly embarrassing...

And yet, regardless of my humiliating fantasies, no Angel came through.

The stupid weak boy came back, unfortunately. Glaring at me, but otherwise ignoring my existence. And the annoying chick came back-even more unfortunately-not doing as good a job at ignoring me. "What are **you** staring at?" She asked, nearly foaming at the mouth.

My body started to shake automatically, but I fought the need to rip her to pieces, "Where is she?"

Annoying chick noticed the inflection.

She immediately straightened, smiling a smug grin that made me want to punch something. She looked overjoyed to know what I didn't, "She? You mean Kim? The girl who's name you didn't know? Let me ask you something, _Jared_. Why do you care where she is?"

I rolled my eye's. I really didn't have time for these question's. Not when my angel-my _Kim_-was off somewhere alone. What if she fainted again, but had no one there to help her? What if she gets kidnapped? What if she dies?

I wonder if she faint's often?

"Just tell me where she is." I demanded. Jenn scoffed.

Yea, I probably should've tried being nice to get what I want. But my temper isn't exactly under the best control nowadays.

"You have some nerve!" She snapped before storming off to god know's where. I don't actually care where she went. All that matter's is where Kim went.

I looked up to the large clock they keep in the cafeteria, it's already twelve-twenty. Five minute's till fifth period. Five minute's and I'll know she's safe. That's not so terrible. I can handle five minute's.

Can't I?

No.

Turn's out I can't handle five minute's.

After an entire aching minute of torture, I grabbed her school bag-which she left behind coincidentally...and I'm barely fighting the temptation to open-and hightailed my ass to fifth period four minute's early. Early for the first time in my life as a matter of fact. Except maybe in grade school. But nobody count's grade school.

I stood shaking outside of the classroom door until the bell rang, and basically shoved every child trying to get out off to the side so I could take my seat. Mrs. Beaker was astonished.

Never in her wildest dream's had she imagined me being punctual. I must've given that sad woman a stroke.

Nevertheless, we both sat staring each other down for at least two entire minute's, in utter silence. It was really uncomfortable.

Mrs. Beaker and I have never been great friend's. In fact she kind of hate's me. Not that a teacher is really allowed to hate a student, but she definitely does, it's quite obvious. Like, sometime's when I decide to turn a project in just a little late-like two day's, that's _nothing_-she'll refuse to accept it. But when someone like, say Kim, my nerdy seat neighbor/angel, accidentally misses a due date, Mrs. Beaker crack's joke's about how Kim is 'such a perfectionist'.

Would a perfectionist miss a due date? Isn't that a bit hypocritical?

Whatever, doesn't matter much. Mrs. Beaker's right anyway. Kim _is_ perfect.

And I _am_ an idiot.

I mean, who forget's their sole mate's name? Who does that? That's unheard of. Ugh, I should be burned at the stake. I really don't deserve to live as of this point.

Kid's began to file in, looking bored and aimless as ever. Most ignored the fact that I was 'finally' back. Though some had resorted to staring, as had become a usual occurrence. Could it be possible that their still in awe? Can't they look at me for a while and get over it? I'm huge. I'm a giant. Now move on!

I fidgeted away in my seat, twitching with an anxious need to see Kim's face again. Kid's eyed me cautiously, probably wondering what the hell had gotten into me. I wanted to scream it from the mountains or rooftops-or, you know, just wherever-I"VE FOUND HER! I've found the one! My soul mate! And she's hella freakin perfect!

Of course, I can't do that. Word might get around to her, and then I'm really screwed.

I began to tap my finger's sparingly, unable to control my inner turmoil.

Jesus, where in the world is she? Two minute's left till the bell. She'll be here. In all the time I've sat next to her, I don't think she's ever missed a day-_ever_.

Of course, would I even remember if she had? Would I have **noticed**? I'm such a friggin dumbass.

"Mr. Tal?" I nearly catupulted out of my chair. Old people need to stop sneaking up on me.

And yes, that has happened alot recently.

For instance, when Billy Black and Harry Clearwater had decided to wake me up at five a.m. a few day's after my first change to explain what was happening. That wasn't a great idea. Who decide's to explain mythical creature's to a teenage boy-who enjoy's his sleep-at five a.m.? Like, what the hell is that about?

"Shi-yea?" I attempted to avoid cussing. The last thing I need now is a trip to the office.

Mrs. Beaker looked more than aware of what I had originally meant to say, but let it go. "You've been absent for three weeks." She stated matter-of-factly.

Oh yea, that.

"Sorry, I completely blanked." I apologized, feeling even more like an ass, "I'm back."

She nodded slowly, as if she were talking to someone mentally incapable.

I guess that's a reasonable assumption for her to make, judging by the lack of effort I've exhibited this past year.

"Yes, you are. Do you have a reason, or should I call your mother and ask _her_?" Yeesh Beaker, already bringing out the heavy artillery. She usually wait's until five minute's into our conversation's before she resort's to threats.

"No, mam, no need. I had the flu." I heard someone snort beside me but kept a straight face. Stupid children. What would they know about the real truth of why I was gone? The flu is a very reasonable excuse.

"The flu?" She asked, sounding unconvinced. Her eye's flickered to the idiot next to me.

Whoever it was had better be happy I'm not allowed to fight anymore.

"Yes mam."

Silence.

She walked away.

I almost felt bad for her, actually.

How many kid's have come through these past however-many-year's and slowly worn down the layer's of her authority? How many kid's did it take to break this lady's spirit's? And here I am, adding to her misery.

I'm going to have to find a way to make it up to her. I don't want to be that person anymore.

Okay, I won't be melodramatic and say that becoming a werewolf changed me into a better person and all that korny crap. But it did make me realize there are more important thing's.

Being immature and naive is a privilege I no longer posess. I need to grow up.

The bell rang, making me twitch.

Where is Kim?

My mind went into automatic panic mode.

Holy shit, Holy shit, Holy shit, Holy shit.

She's dead.

She fainted and died.

She got kidnapped and drugged and raped and now she's dead.

I have to find her.

I grabbed our bag's-mine and my angel's-and attempted to make an exit. Beaker caught on. "Where do you think your going?"

Damn.

"I have to go to the bathroom... I'm gunna barf." Someone made a sickened choking noise. Serve's them right.

Mrs. Beaker eyed me warily, "Barf in the trash can, Jared." She said, pointing to the trash can by the door.

Is she serious?

"I'm going to find Kim." I admitted stupidly. The truth never work's with adult's.

She rolled her eye's, "Right."

"I am!" I protested. Is that so crazy to believe?

Well, yea, probably.

"Sit down, Mr. Tal."

I didn't move. Everyone leaned forward in their seat's, waiting for the next play of action. Mrs. Beaker set down her dry erase marker and crossed her arm's. The room had never felt more tense. I think even the floor tile's were having heart attack's.

"Sit down, Mr. Tal!" She repeated, voice edging up toward's another threat.

And I almost did.

But at that last moment, just before I turned to give in, **she**flashed through my mind. Her unconscious body. With noone around to help her.

I doubt anyone in the class actually witnessed my departure.

I was too fast. In fact, if Sam hear's about this later he'll probably rip my head off. And if anyone had seen me..Well...There would be alot of question's left unanswered.

I bet their freaking out back there.

But that's just too bad. I refuse to sit by and wonder if she's alright. I refuse to wonder. I have to know.

I just don't know where to begin looking.

There were traces of her spread throughout the campus. At least a hundred different direction's took me to distant classes and route's which she'd traveled. None of them lead me to her.

Several of them led me to a single locker. A locker drenched with the essence of _her_. I fought the urge to break in and take a peak. That probably wouldn't go over well if she suddenly turned up.

And so I wandered aimlessly, every other second bringing about a new round of panic and heartache. I'll never forgive myself if something's happened to her. I never should've let her out of my sight. I should've followed her!  
I ended up sitting against a wall, head back, eye's closed, fighting my inner demon's. Every thought in my mind now concerned her. My entire universe revolve's around her. And I'm glad. I only wish I knew where she freaking was so that these could be happy thought's and not thought's of death and destruction.

After another five minute's of banging my head back against the wall and I decided on another course of action.

I had to do _something_, after all.

I can't just sit here. What kind of soul mate would I be if I just sat here moping?

I should try and find her. I should search far and wide. All I need is a beginning clue. Like, for instance, her address...

And I bet she wouldn't even be all that mad...It's just a school bag, nothing personal. For goodness sake, she carries it around in public all day every day. If it was private she wouldn't very well do that would she?

And I'm doing it for her own good.

To make sure she's safe. That's a noble quality, not nosey behaviour.

I argued with myself for a good ten minute's before working up the nerve to actually open her troublesome bag. Although my conscience still felt pretty guilty about it.

I just couldn't help myself.

I dug through it in wonder, probably resembling a pirate who's finally found his hidden treasure. There's just so much _Kim_inside. Make's me want to go pop her locker again...

I first cherished her school binder, the thickest and most promising book inside the glorious bag. In the front plastic cover she had several picture's of friend's and family. I tried to decipher who was who without much luck. I vaguely remembered the annoying girl's face in several of the picture's, doing different stupid thing's. In one, she was holding a stuffed fish and making a fishy face to the camera. She looked pretty retarded. Where did she find a stuffed fish anyway?

My entire outlook on the scenario changed when I noticed another picture. Kim's corresponding picture, pasted nearby the other, with her making a similar face with a different colored stuffed fish.

Kim pulled it off much better.

I sifted through the image's, recognizing a few other kid's that I'd occasionally noticed while roaming the hallway's. None of them had ever been in my select group of friend's, but I'd seen them. Looking more closely, at all the funny and strange situation's the picture's had been taken in, these kid's actually began to look _fun_. I noted with a strong pain of remorse that, had I paid any attention to the people outside of my center circle, I would've noticed Kim long ago. I would've known her name.

My eye's met another image, this one of a boy who's resemblance to Kim was so immense I was automatically positive he was some type of family. He looked older, and vaguely familiar. I'd definitely seen him on the reserve at some point. I applied myself to memorize his face for future reference.

Maybe one day he'd be my family too... Not that I'd ever get that lucky.

Kim's too good for a pathetic stalker like me.

Look at what I've resorted to!

Flipping through the picture's on a girl's binder, and sneaking through her thing's to know her better. It shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't be this hard. If she's my soul mate, shouldn't we be perfect for each other? Shouldn't we automatically click?

And just like that, I knew who I needed to talk to. Sam Uley.

After I find Kim, that is. I honestly won't be able to breath properly until I see that she's safe.

"Your a sitting duck, you know that?" A voice said casually. I looked up and saw him leaning against the wall beside me.

Frickin a-hole.

"What?" I asked, packing Kim's thing's carefully before standing. I relished the look of intimidation that flashed in his eyes once I was towering over him.

Yea, be afraid a-hole, be afraid.

He kept his feature's nonchalant, "I don't know if you've ever done this before, but sitting in the middle of a hallway while skipping class, isn't a great idea."

"I'm not skipping, not that it's your business, although I have before. So if I were skipping, which I'm not, I'd have to tell you to go shove your suggestion's right back up your ass hole, and leave me the hell alone." I was shaking a moment later, unable to contain the fury that began to build inside.

This kid better get to his point quick.

He kept up his casual pretense, "Sure look's like your skipping."

Why does it even matter? Geeze, what's wrong with this guy? "I'm not. I'm looking for someone."

His face hardened suddenly, "Her?"

We both knew who _she_ was.

I didn't answer.

He pushed off from the wall, coming toward's me with a severe expression. This stupid idiot has no clue! No inkling of what I'm capable of! One foot out of line...

"She went home." He said, glaring up at me. Yes, _up_. Goshdarn pathetic.

"How would you know?"

"Because Jenn told me. Because we're friend's. The three of us, Jenn, Kim, and myself. Whereas you are not."

That was all I needed to hear. Confirmation. She's alive.

I readied myself to walk away. This kid can tell me in a thousand different way's that Kim isn't my business. But none of them can keep me away. If she isn't my business now. She will be someday.

He stepped in my way.

Hell no. He can't be serious. Does this kid have a death wish? Even if I weren't abnormally gigantic, to mess with any guy when you've got biceps that ridiculously pathetic is just an honest to god _retarded _move.

"Move." I'm only capable of single syllable word's so long as he intends to be this close to me. I can't risk ripping him apart in the middle of our school...

"I will, just as soon as you tell me what your playing at?"

Okay, what?

"Huh?"

He winced, "I know who you are. Your Jared Tal." Creepy...

"Kim's told me all about you."

Really now? "She has?"

He nodded, "Yea, she's told me ton's of stuff. Including how you ignore her existence."

It was my turn to flinch, "Ahh." That last comment hurt. Not that he could know it. "Well -whoever you are- that's not going to happen anymore. Now move."

He didn't budge. "Tell me what you want first!"

Ugh. So close to biting his head off. Resist! Resist!

"Look shithead, I don't know who you are, or what exactly your expecting from me. But if you don't move out of my way real quick, we're both going to regret it."

His eye's flashed, but he stood his ground. As previously considered, this boy is pretty brave. Just pitifully weak. Sad combination. "Tell me why your so interested all of a sudden. Unless everyone's been lying to me, you didn't give two shit's about her three week's ago. Why do you care where she is? What do you want from her?"

"Dude, who _are_ you?"

This kid is such a freak.

He ignored my creeped out tone, "Someone who noticed. Someone who noticed her the day I met her, and the way you looked at her in the cafeteria today." I cringed again. The noticing comment's sting like a knife. His eye's narrowed, "Someone who get's what he want's. And isn't unwilling to fight for it."

I steadied my uneven breathing, trying to push the remorse away from my mind and get to the task at hand.

I recovered and glared back, "That's good." His eyebrow's rose. I stepped forward-leaning over him. "So am I."

Tension climax.

He shuddered slightly but didn't move. I took this moment as my chance to walk away.

So pathetic boy want's a shot with my Kim does he?

He can sure as hell have his fun trying. But he can't beat out fate.

He'll also have trouble screwing with true love.

However unrequited thus far...

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Chyea! Jared's finally coming into play. I told you to be patient, didn't I? And I assure you, now that he's in. He's in for good.

Try to remember while your reading this that I'm not completely lame. If your feeling sad or angry or desperate because of something done or said in this story, it's most likely written in on purpose. For future example, Alex and Jenn.

This chapter is from Jared's POV before Kim's phone call to Alex later that night, btw.

Review! This chapter is probably my favorite so far and I NEED to know what you think. No kidding, it's the necessary type of need. So step on it please ;)

Playlist:

Ball Of The Dead Rat-The Teeth

Slower-Theatre Breaks Loose


	9. Chapter 9: Passing Notes

Sorry I didn't update thursday night, but I am glad to say I was able to rewrite this by memory, and even revise it to make it even better. Seeing as my computer that held the future chapter's of this story had a meltdown the other day, I'd say I made good time. I don't remember much from any of the other chapter's, which I already had alot of pre-written, so it's all from scratch now. But it'll be fun, I think. Probably alot more twists now lol. Enjoy Chapter 9 [:

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I shouldn't even go.

I should just turn around, jog back to my house, and scoop the ice cream out of the tub with an extra large spoon.

That sound's like a good idea to me.

It's not like I didn't miss half my classes yesterday. Would anyone truly mind if I blew them off again?

Ugh. One absence doesn't entitle me to more. Then they'd call my mom again and I'd be double screwed.

I take several deep, shuddering breath's. I'm just not ready for this. I can't take it. I'm not dramatic! I don't want to be! I want my life's only tense subject to be when my mother and I have the sex talk-which we have yet to have, though I'm clued in on the basic's- I don't want to worry about talking to anyone in my own school!

Breath! Breath!

I can't do this.

I turn away from the building, ready to make a run for it. Then a set of depressed green eye's capture my attention. "Jenn!" I exclaim, sounding exactly like a person who's just been caught wimping out on something important.

"Kim..." She look's like she spent the night crying.

Neither of us wear makeup, so her puffy cheek's and swollen eye's are ten time's more noticeable. Oh Jenn.

Christ.

There's always that one friend who you can never stay mad at. No matter what shit they pull, or what kind of terrible thing's they say. Eventually, either sooner or later, you'll forgive them. With open arm's.

Jenn is that friend. As some would call it, your average 'bestfriend'.

She came closer, practically limping with her remorse and guilt, "Kim, I'm so sorry for those thing's I said. I couldn't sleep last night, I just kept crying. You didn't deserve any of that."

I shook my head.

I too had spent my night crying. And thinking. My brain worked overtime last night. It was a dreary and endless process, but I eventually decided I'd made the right decision. I just have to follow through now...However difficult that may be...

"Jenn don't, please don't apologize. _You were right_, I was being an idiot. I've wanted Jared for so long, I'm a little retarded when it come's to other boy's. I was having a hard time even imagining what having a different crush would feel like." She continued to look downtrodden helplessly at one of her untied shoelaces, "That's why it's good I have a bestfriend to help me."

I could almost imagine her ear's perking up the minute my word's registered in her silly mind. She glanced up with a bright smile, "Really?"

I could say no. I could stay mad at her.

Her word's yesterday really had hit several nerves.

It's just that noone understand's. Noone _can _understand. I mean, who else on this entire planet has the stamina and endurance to last out a twelve year crush at such a young age? That kind of happening leave's an impact, a scar that won't heal. I am officially scarred for life.

But Jenn is my Jenn.

Jenn is the girl who know's me better than myself. The only person -ever- who's gotten to know the real me. The only person I can have an entire conversation with, without stuttering out of nervous habit. The only person who doesn't make me blush out of embarrassment. The only person who can fully put up with my quirks and obsession's for any length of time.

I give Alex a month before he rethink's his decision to take a screw-up like me for a date.

I nodded to her, "Seriously." She smiled.

Before I knew it, I was encased in a bony set of arms. Not the most luxurious experience, but again, Jenn is my Jenn. And even if her elbow is digging into my hip and her collarbone is piercing my chin, this is the most comfortable I've ever felt.

"I'm sorry!" She said again - because Jenn can't continue to feel bad for ten second's without apologizing consecutively.

"Jenn, honestly, don't worry about it." I muttered into her hair.

She began to rock me a little awkwardly in her euphoria. I just prayed noone in our general vicinity was paying too much attention.

What? What is that? What's on my tongue?

Eww, eww, eww. I got her hair in my mouth.

I resisted the urge to push her away and throw up.

The thing's you'll do for your bestfriend are outrageous, and occasionally, just plain gross.

"Jenn?"

"Hmm?" She hummed into my shoulder, still relishing in her happiness.

"Can you let go?"

She kept still for a moment, making me wonder how long she intended to stay attached to me, but finally sighed contentedly and released me. "Never again, I promise." She swore.

That's such a lie I can't even jusify it with an answer.

Bestfriend's f-up constantly. That's a given. But usually worth it.

Still, not worth arguing about.

I shot a way glance back at the school, shivering slightly.

One down, two to go.

"Scared?" Jenn asked, judging my expression. My eyes flickered to her's. She looked thoroughly put out.

"Yea."

Her face grew more confused, "Why? You and I are cool, and you and Alex are going on a date so I reckon your _more_ than cool, and-"

My glare cut her sentence short.

Please tell me I'm going deaf.

"What did you say?"

I felt the heat boil up in my face. Is anything in my life private anymore? If he's been telling people...

"Well, Alex called me last night. Just wondering how he could fix thing's and what he could say to make everything better. We both just wanted to see you happy again. Then you called him and he told me he'd call me back. And then he did, and told me you agreed. It's not a big deal, Kim. Wow, your face is purple." She eyed me weakly, even taking a step back. "Kim, don't get pissed at me please, we just made up, I don't think I can handle you hating me again. And he called me anyway! I didn't ask for this."

On the contrary, I'm pretty sure she's enjoying the drama roller coaster my life is currently on. But she's right, _Alex _called _her_.

As a matter of fact, ever since Alex got here my entire life has only become increasingly more public.

Alex's gunna get his face kicked in.

At first it was fun, even exciting.

Alex is goodlooking enough that all the girl's took a liking to him, including Breanne and Tilly, and even the notorious big bosom senior Marsha Wite. He's athletic, no all-star, but a decent track runner and an asset to the soccer team. He's kind to the nerd's and dork's-example, myself-and fit's in with the most popular guy's. He's basically Jesus at Quileute High School. He came along and changed my life.

And as I said, it was fun, at first.

I sat with all of Jared's old friend's. Toni and Eric, Chris Mack and Lydia Snooh. They even _accepted_ me, I think. Well, only because of Alex, but I'm pretty sure they had a genuine laugh with me at least once or twice.

People began to notice me. I came out of the woodwork for the first time in my life.

In one day, Alex had everyone's attention. In two, he had them wrapped around his littlest finger. In three he was crowned King. And now he want's to share the crown with me?  
But look at the price. Everyone will know my deepest darkest secret's. I can't be invisible anymore.

Invisibility was my most prized attribute.

Alex has taken that away.

Do I want this?

"I have to go." I growled to Jenn, who was still wary and peering at the floor.

Her eye's shot up, "Where are you going? The bell's going to ring in a little bit..."

"Calm down, I'm not ditching again. I just have to go find Alex is all."

Her eye's widened, "Kim..."

"Don't worry, I'll call you my little birdy." I said, turning to walk off.

"But he know's I'm the birdy!" She insisted, fear etched in her voice.

"Karma, Jenn, karma." I replied, walking into the warzone.

I heard her lurking behind, probably trying to keep a safe distance, but still monitor the situation.

He wasn't hard to find.

I stumbled upon him at my locker, leaning against it with an entirely bored expression.

His eye's flickered when they caught sight of me, and my angry glare. His hesitant smile lit up innocently, "Hey beautiful, how's it going?"

My natural shy kicked in.

Darn me and my crappy control.

"Uh-um I, I heard you were-that you were telling people about...about our...about us going out tomorrow..." Could I be more awkward?

Or would I just drop dead?

His eye's shot up to look behind me and narrowed for an instance -I wonder what he's looking at?- then returned to mine, his innocence revived, "Well yeah, is that wrong? I'm just so excited, I didn't know it was a secret. I'm sorry if I've offended you, it was unintentional." He leaned closer, "I hope you won't reconsider, I'm so looking forward to our date."

How can he say it so easily? Ugh, it make's me flinch.

"And I see you picked a day?" He chuckled, "Tomorrow night, hmm? Sound's perfect. I already know exactly what we'll do."

I guess. I had just been trying to avoid the word date and slipped up. But I suppose tomorrow's as good as any other day?

"Wha-mm, what's that?" I cleared my throat, feeling utterly retarded.

He laughed heartily...I hope it's not at my expense. Almost sending my heart into a frenzy, the first bell rang a shrill screech, "Get to class, you too Jenn." He glared behind me, probably at her. Then he turned to run, "See you at lunch!"

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To avoid Jared, I had allowed Alex and Jenn to steal me off campus for lunch.

But there's no avoiding it now.

The time has come. It's judgement day.

Or period, I guess.

It's judgement period. Time to enter the gate's of hell.

"Can you move?" Tilly Perk's ground out from behind me.

I could tell just by her tone that she was holding her evil back. She's been doing that alot lately. Ever since Alex came, as expected.

Normally, she would growl 'Move freak!'. But lately everyone's been a lot nicer.

I won't miss the snooty comment's. That's for damn sure.

"S-sorry." I stuttered, opening the door to my dreaded spanish class.

I've officially decided I don't need to learn Spanish anymore. I know how to say bathroom, I think I'm all set.

I didn't have to wait in suspense as I had predicted I might.

There, sitting in the chair beside mine -a sight so beautifully familiar it nearly knocked me off my feet- was Jared Tal. Staring straight at me.

He's early?

Well, that's strange. Whatever.

Don't care, too beautiful, can't stand the pressure, oh sweet Jesus, I can't breath!

I took a loud gasp of air, making at least four of the few early kid's glance up. Jared's expression didn't change whatsoever.

I can't really describe the look he's throwing my way, but it varies between obsessive, possessive, and pure adoration.

_Odd_.

I glanced back at Tilly Perk's, just to be positive this new enchanting gaze was truly meant for me.

I'd like to avoid humiliation if possible.

But sure enough, in the time I'd spent staring back at him, she'd already floated back to her seat and sat observing us from her spot. A fact I'm not so comfortable with.

I shook my head feebly, taking exaggerated steps to reach my seat. I really just don't want to be here right now.

Like, I'm fighting the temptation to gag myself so I can go to the nurse. That would be an unattractive sight.

Jared look's extra incredible this morning. Though, I'm almost positive I tell myself the same thing everytime I see him.

His shirt is black and long sleeved, and his jeans are all ripped and sexy, with his cute brown belt that doesn't match at all. Oh, how I love this stupid unfashionable boy...

I shook my head again, faster, while lowering myself into my seat -avoiding the gaze that had followed me from the door to here without hesitation.

Something hit the back of my head and I turned to look, not really minding if it's a prank because my head is way too full to care much anyway. Warren Mackenzie, Chris's cousin, who happen's to be great friend's with Alex nowaday's, was staring at me with a pointed expression. I felt the back of my head and came up with a nicely folded note. In the shape of a swan. Warren is quite the origami artist.

I turned back to my desk and let out a shocked yelp.

There, sitting atop the crappy wood that our school is too poor to replace, was my infamous bag. The one that I had searched for recklessly in the hall's, cafeteria, and front office all morning. All of my attempt's had been unsuccessful.

So why, I must ask, is my evil troublesome bag suddenly staring me straight in the face?

I can vaguely feel my mouth agape in shock.

Jared shifted beside me and I couldn't stop myself from glancing his way. I did a double take.

He, strangely, was still staring in my direction, his entire body turned toward's me in his seat, seemingly unashamed.

It was his worried eye's that kept me. His stare was flickering from me to the bag and his mouth was practically devouring his lower lip he was chewing on it so violently. He looked ready to burst.

We both remained silent, while I tried to process the situation coherently. Unfortunately, that's impossible.

I was really hoping to avoid having to speak to him. Yesterday was...embarrassing to put it lightly. For cripes sake, my entire world basically fell apart yesterday.

I had so wanted him to know me. That would've more or less made my life complete. I could have died with a smile had he only remembered my name.

And today I was hoping everything would just be normal, the new normal that include's Alex. I was hoping me and him could put it in the past and be silent seat buddie's once again.

It doesn't seem like that's going to happen.

Surprisingly, he spoke first. My heart swelled when he took his first breath to begin, "I-I found it...yesterday...in the cafeteria. I took it when you didn't come back." He paused, maybe trying to decipher the horrified look in my eye's or my still gaping jaw, "I'm sorry?"

I was too shocked to respond.

Holy hell.

He's talking to me. And I didn't even faint. I'm completely healthy and fine and conscious and he's talking to me! Of his own accord!

I never thought I'd see the day. This is weird. Why is this happening?

Is he just feeling guilty about the name thing? Is he trying to make up for that?

Do I care?

I felt another paper swan get stuck in my hair. Warren is totally going to relay this class period back on Alex.

Alex.

I do care.

I cleared my throat twice, shaking my head again -as I am forced to do often in his presence, so as not to attack him with my lips- "I-I was looking for it, all morning."

It was he who was speechless now. He stared back at me with unfathomable eye's. So pretty and endless, their depth to oblivion. I love their hazel sparkle that glint's with every light. His eye's are no longer angry, today their bright and peaceful and endearing. I want to stare into them forever and-

Crap crappidy crap.

His leg began to tap against the floor rapidly, like a dog when you scratch it's belly. A smile flooded my vision, enchanting my entire world. I doubt I've ever seen a more beautiful sight. This smile is what I imagine my first glimpse of heaven to resemble. Golden yellow light flooding out over cloud's, warming me and cooling me all at once. The peaceful serenity of feeling at ease and safe. The happy joy of a blissful eternity. His smile hold's heaven.

I sighed subconsciously and immediatly straightened. Stupid gorgeous boy!

He continued to smile quietly while my heartbeat went into a radical spiral, up and down. Occasionally it would return to normal, then I'd try to look at him again and it would all just repeat.

I stared down at my bag, resolving to just not look at him anymore.

"Thank you...For grabbing my bag."

"Your welcome," He murmured in the the most tragically tempting voice I've ever heard.

Poor heart, keep beating! I have to live through this class period! Then go ahead and poop out. But for now, I really want to stay alive!

I couldn't smile back at him, but tried to raise the corner's of my lips unsuccessfully.

The bell had rung already, to my surprise, and the teacher was just now finishing up some work at her desk. She made her way to the board and began speaking to us in Spanish. Probably retelling a story from one of her morning classes, or lecturing us on an aspect of today's lesson. None of us understand either way.

I distracted myself with Warren's note's.

The first one was rather friendly.

_**He's undressing you with his eye's**__._

I smiled. One, because Jared's staring is a bit unnerving, and two, because that idea isn't so terrible to me. Not that he'd ever actually do that. He just broke up with _Angela Hootts_. If she couldn't do it for him, there's no way in hell that I can.

I pulled the second letter from my hair, feeling a bit like a bag lady, and unfolded it's intricate shape.

_**Seem's to me like your enjoying it. Alex is gunna be pissed.**_

I grimaced. Why do boy's have to gossip so much? There's already an overpopulation of gossipy girl's roaming the planet, but then the boy's have to join in? Can't we all just leave well enough alone?

_**I'm not enjoying anything. He's freaking me out too okay, it's just weird. Can you blame me for staring back at someone who won't look away? Leave me alone, Warren.**_

I crumpled the paper, not bothering to fold it back, and threw it over my shoulder.

I couldn't help sneaking another peek at Jared. But surprisingly he wasn't looking anymore.

My stomach sank with an audible thud.

Okay, alright. Did I honestly expect him to look at me forever? That's absolutely ridiculous! Noone can stare at the same thing forever. I expect too much out of life. That's one of my problem's.

I expect the impossible.

I watched him bent over his desk, scribbling his note's, and got a refreshing view of the past. This is how it should be. This is the good life.

Me, being able to stare at him uninterrupted, observing every gorgeous thing about him. I missed these moment's.

Now that he's back, I honestly do feel a weight has been lifted.

I can look at him again!

That's all I've ever really needed-for him to be here.

I don't need him to stare back...though I have to admit I don't hate it.

And things'll be even better now. Now I have Alex.

Although it's bitchy, I must say I've got the good life. I have an adoring guy who like's to spend time with me. And all the while I can still spend these precious minute's staring at the unrequited love of my life. Life is good.

Another paper swan caught itself in my hair.

_**Now your the one staring.**_

Okay, that's true. He's got a point.

I sighed, tearing my eye's away from Jared.

I'll have to be sneaky from now on. Now that Warren and I actually have something in common. Warren's alway's sat behind Jared and I, he's even made some nasty comment's when he's caught me staring at Jared for longer than ten minute's at a time. He's never had any reason to care more than for his own amusement though. Now he has Alex to watch out for.

Which is just icing on my crap cake.

It's alright, it's alright. Everything is fine. At least Jared's alive and well and here, sitting beside me. It's all good.

Another note landed on my desk, this one from the devil himself.

My heart beat sped up rapidly.

On the front of the note -which he had not made into a swan, but folded into a neat square, which mean's he put some type of effort into it- read my name. I stared at the glorious paper for a long while. Warren cleared his throat behind me, probably waiting for my reply to his own swan. But I don't actually have time for him right now, so he'll have to suck it up and wait.

I picked up Jared's note, trying not to be too obvious in the way that I sort of carressed it in my finger's. This note is definitely making it's way into my room tonight.

I spent a long time before opening the note realizing that this is the first -and probably the only one I'll ever get- note I've ever received from Jared Tal. No other note on this very big earth is half as special.

"Ms. Connelly?"

I shoved the note in my pocket, my heart sinking now that it's probably not resembling it's previous beauty.

Mrs. Beaker came clicking down the aisle in her nasty lime green heel's. This isn't the 90's anymore, grow some ball's and modern up woman.

"Yes mam?" I replied in my sweetest voice.

I'm a kissass, this is true.

Has been since god-only-know's how long.

Teacher's love me, parent's adore me. Adults in general, can't get enough of me.

And the fact is, it usually isn't an act. I'm literally a good person, I think. Sometime's I become sickeningly sweet, like now, when I'm in a tight spot. But on normal day's, when I'm not on the verge of getting in trouble, I'm honest to god a good girl.

"Anything you'd like to share?"

I felt Jared begin to shiver beside me. What a weird boy. I'm beginning to think I understood him better when he still hadn't looked at me.

Why do teachers alway's ask that?

Why would anyone who's actually doing something wrong willingly give out that information? Unless your super lame or crazy stupid.

"No mam." I replied, knowing I'd already been caught.

I'm still not giving in.

She seemed disappointed for a moment, then snatched Warren's note off my desk and returned to the front of the classroom. She read it to herself, then re-crumpled it and threw it away. I flinched, thanking myself for my quick reflex's with Jared's note. It would be hard to retrieve it from the trachcan later...

She didn't say anything else to me about it. I think she love's me too much to actually punish me. Seriously, Mrs. Beaker love's me. I'm not even that good at speaking spanish.

I have this weird adult magnet inside of me or something.

The rest of the period passed uneventful. I refused to look away from the front of the room. Though I was more than positive there were two pairs of curious eye's still focused on me.

Darn attention! I hate it.

I'm really going to have to decide whether or not I like being cool.

One minute I do, the next I don't. I feel like my mother. I think I'm recently bipolar.

It has it's ups and down's, like most thing's. Being less of a social outcast is nice. I was never the lowest on the school cool chain, but I've always been riding the line. To be a little further up is nice. There's less bullying, more random hello's in the hallway's. It feel's _nice_ to be liked.

But I am having a lot more headache's.

I wonder if there are just people who are born to be left alone. To be unnoticed. Maybe it's not meant to be a bad thing. Maybe there are just people who can handle popularity, like a natural instinct. All the gossip and intrusion of privacy. They can handle the scandal's and backstabbing. And then there are people who are weaker, like myself-people who will alway's wish we were popular, but deep down we sort of kind of know that if we were we wouldn't be able to take it. That we wouldn't like it one bit.

Maybe that's just who I am.

"You can now chat a little before the bell ring's. Try and use as much spanish in your conversation's as possible." Mrs. Beaker suggested, though no one payed her last advice any mind.

The room became and uproar of nonstop speech.

Usually, when we get talking time at the end of class, I pull out a book to read, or pretend to be busy finishing up some urgent work. Usually these cover-up's are just bigger cover-up's for my ruthless staring at Jared. Today that's impossible, I don't even have to try to know.

Today noone is talking to Jared Tal.

Though I am sure at least five pair's of kid's are talking _about_ him.

I glanced over and sized him up. The difference is immense, but he's still Jared. I don't see why it's taking everyone else so much longer to accept.

I've accepted that he grew faster than a man on roid's.

I still wish I knew why he did....But I accept that it's happened.

It's stupid to be hung up on it the way they are.

"Nice job getting us caught." Warren snapped from behind me, sitting with a few other kid's who I recognized from sitting with Alex the last few day's.

Their all technically 'friend's' now. But not mine, not really. When I'm with Alex they are. When I'm alone, their exactly what they were before he came. Better than me.

"It's not her job to protect you. I suggest you don't write her note's if you don't think she's worth the risk." Jared snarled back at him over his shoulder.

My breath caught.

Did Jared just kind of sort of maybe defend my honor?

That's so...sweet? Random? Not good if Alex finds out. Overdue?

I looked back at Warren, who appeared tongue tied.

Jared hasn't really spoken to many people since coming back. I had completely forgotten this fact, considering he's been talking to me so much.

That's strange.

He'll talk to a girl who's name he can't even remember upon returning, but not to his own friend's? Warren was his friend before. Practically everyone, except my select group of friend's -ironically- was friend's with Jared, _before._

And now he's talking to Warren like he's never spoken to him a day in his life. Like he's just some rude boy on the street who happened to say something to a girl Jared has the urge to protect.

Warren looked betrayed. Chris Mack, at that very moment, sauntered into the classroom with a note from the office -he get's in trouble a lot- and gave us all a strange look. I could practically see the word's in his mind, 'Whatthefuck?'

Warren, probably upon seeing his cousin -Jared's bestfriend...or ex-bestfriend- found some courage. "Don't speak to me, freak. Maybe you used to be cool and have a say in what the kid's around here did or said, but you don't have that power anymore, so screw off."

Jared's entire body looked like it was vibrating, blurring in my vision. Or maybe blurring in reality. That's impossible for someone to do though, isn't it? To blur out of focus. Your eye's can make thing's appear that way...But for someone to actually....

It has to be my eyes.

"Jared-" I started, a migraine piercing through my thought's.

Why is everyone freaking out? Can't we all just love each other? I'm such a tree hugger it's ridiculous.

Jared turned at the sound of my voice, took one look at me and stopped shaking. I don't think I've seen anyone calm down so suddenly from a rage blackout. The moment was intense.

Chris Mack appeared beside my desk suddenly. All eye's snapped to him, as if only he could change the course of the confrontation.

Actually, that's exactly why.

Chris Mack, Jared's buddy and Warren's cousin, was the only one who actually could decide a way to end it peacefully.

We all waited for him to choose his side.

The odd's looked greatly in Warren's favor-seeing as Warren hadn't been his bestfriend, then disappeared for week's, only to return and ignore his existence.

Then he surprised us all, "Shutup Warren." He snapped at his cousin and went across the room to his seat. He kept his eye's on us, but did not look able to intrude again. If Warren kept at it, I doubt Chris Mack would defend Jared twice.

There's too much bad blood between them now.

All of which is Jared's fault.

I honestly don't understand it at all.

Why won't he speak to his friend's? I can see the pain in Chris Mack's eye's, even if he is one of the toughest boy's I've ever known. Jared's hurting him. And Sonya. And even Tilly, though I can't imagine her feeling any type of immense emotion.

Jared's eye's flickered to me and then he sat down, facing away from Warren and his cronies. His eye's stayed locked on mine. I frowned, tearing mine away from him and tugged his note out of my pocket. I heard him tense in his squeaky chair.

I examined it's wrinkled skin and felt my heart ache. I had wanted it to stay in prime condition. I sighed and unfolded it carefully.

His word's were mixed up in an awkward way. It was a note written by a boy with terrible handwriting, who had quite obviously attempted to write elegant script. Every other word was messy scrawl, leading into a curvy y or pretty m.

He had put alot more effort into this than I had first observed.

_**Hi. I'd like to say first, that your Kimberly Connelly. I know that now. And I'm Jared Tal. I'm a naturally sucky person, which you probably realized yesterday. But I hope you'll forgive me for that. I didn't mean to piss you off.**_

I reread the note at least fifteen time's, all the while feeling the empty silent stare's from my neighbor. Everywhere around us was noise. But somehow his silence was louder in my ear's than every other obnoxious voice.

I found my voice hesitantly, "H-how?" I couldn't finish that sentence. But he seemed to understand.

"I had your bag..." He said, looking down at it pointedly.

I couldn't find it in myself to be angry with him, about the fact that he probably went prowling around in my personal thing's.

Funny. I can yell and fight with every other person I know, including my brother last night after calling Alex, but can't be angry with the cause of it all.

I'm so weak.

"Yea..Right." I agreed, my mind spinning nauseously.

We became very quiet again. Then his lip's parted slowly, his eye's searching my face, "Am I forgiven?"

I thought about it carefully.

To be honest, I don't think I have any strength left for anger. Not this week at least.

So that's that. I refuse to fight. I can't do it. I'm not good at it, and I don't like it. I refuse.

I turned to him with a solemn dignity, "Sure." I replied bravely, my voice not shaking for the first time this period.

He smiled, seeming genuinely happy to hear the news. "That's good, I was worried I'd have to do alot more begging."

Crap. If I'd known he was going to beg...

"Oh." I replied.

I'm so lame. All I can think to say is 'oh'. The love of my life is trying to talk to me -for the first, and maybe even the last, time- and all I can say is one syllable answer's? I'm a terrible excuse of a stalker.

We became quiet, and I noticed he stared at me without blinking for two entire minute's. I'm positive of this because I counted the second's out of nervous habit. Usually I would count the second's before the bell ran at lunch to get to fifth period faster. Today I'm just all around freaked out.

"You're very quiet." He noted, seeming to smile as he spoke.

This was a complete turn around from the Jared who had roamed the hall's yesterday morning. He's so _cheerful_. Almost like his old self. Except now the happiness is reserved for my presence only, and he won't even speak to the people who used to revolve around him and make him smile.

"Yea, I get that alot." I replied, trying to keep up my casual pretense.

"Do you?" He asked, interested.

Why is he so damn interested?

"Uhuh." I spat, turning to my desk again. All of this attention is overwhelming. Breath Kim, just breath.

"Do you like that?" He paused, waiting for an answer, I didn't get it. "Do you like people to think your quiet?"

What the hell kind of question is that?

I never really thought about what people said referring to my silence. It's alway's just kind of been there. I've alway's been quiet.

"It's not really a matter of what people think, it's just how I am. I'm quiet." I didn't expect enough of myself to go through those sentence's without stuttering. I'm pretty proud right now.

Just as long as he doesn't screw it up by asking another question. Specifically something humiliating.

"Quiet is good." He confirmed, smiling at me patiently.

Okay...

"I guess. Well, no. Is it?" Being quiet alway's seemed like a kind of con on my list. Life would be easier if I could speak up. Like Alex. Alex speak's up. How I envy him.

I wonder if I even really have any feeling's for Alex. Real feeling's.

Or if I just wish I were him. Sometime's I catch myself hating him with my jealousy. If I liked him, wouldn't I adore those thing's that make him himself? Instead of wishing I could steal them away?

Jared straightened up in his seat, seeming to take my question into serious consideration, but he continued to smile knowingly, "Your silence is regal, it's bold. It make's a statement almost louder than if you were speaking."

I tried to stop myself from laughing unsuccessfully. Of course Jared Tal would be able to read my mind. Of all people, it would totally be him.

Why God? Why're you doing this to me?

"Funny?"

I calmed myself, "No, I was just thinking something similar earlier."

He leaned in, "What?"

I became instant stone. I'd rather he not know just how much I think about him, "Nothing important."

He leaned away again, studying my rigid posture. He looked around, maybe scouring for a reason why I was suddenly tense. He could never know what impact he has on me everytime he speaks.

He looked back at me thoughtfully, biting his lip. He squinted, maybe thinking too seriously. He's so adorable.

I've alway's known about his nervous habit's. I've studied them from afar. Habit's like his tapping foot when he's excited, and his lip biting when he's nervous or trying to hold back information. But this one is new. I like it.

"So," He started. This grasp for small talk he seemed to be making only reinforced the surreal feel of the entire conversation. I'm seriously talking to Jared Tal. I, Kim Connelly, am talking to _the_Jared Tal. This is quite literally a dream come true. Many many dream's coming true.

And he's trying to keep the conversation going! That's what make's it even crazier!

"So?"

He looked at me with an almost fearful twinkle in his hazel eye's, "Who's that guy who's alway's following you around?"

What? Where did that come from?

"Sorry?"

He fidgeted in his seat, looking unhappy that he'd have to repeat his horrific question, "The blond guy. The new kid."

That narrows it down. Really, it does. Even just saying the blond kid would have workd, we have very few blond kid's in La Push. "Alex?"

Jared nodded thoughtfully, then focused on me with as much intensity as I'd come to expect, he smiled, maybe trying to play the nosey behaviour off, "What is he, your stalker?"

"What are _you_?" I said before I could stop myself. I immediately felt the heat rush to my cheek's. "Sorry!" I muttered quickly, ducking my head to my desk.

But c'mon, does he have to tempt me like this? Alex is the only thing keeping me from ripping Jared's clothes off right in the middle of this classroom. He's the only thing keeping me slightly sane, and Jared is completely crossing privacy boundaries.

As a matter of fact, he's being excruciatingly nosey. Just like everyone else.

Jared is just like them.

He's nosey and intent on gossip. Even when he's one of the most gossip worthy case's in the school, he's getting his nose into other people's business! Oh. _Oh_! How could I be so stupid?

Of course he's talking to me now. Now that I'm more 'popular'. Now that I'm a _somebody_. Ugh! I'm so stupid! I could just kill something!

He doesn't care about speaking to me. He doesn't care about my name. He care's about being cool. He's just trying to use me to get his crown back. Stupid stupid stupid!

And I believed him! That's what I get for loving him. Disappointment, hope, more disappointment, more hope, and even more disappointment. It's a never ending cycle. When will I finally grow up?

I looked over into his eye's, feeling myself melt but fighting the emotion's that drove me to attack him with my lip's.

He was giving me a hurt expression, seeming truly pained by my word's. I momentarily lost track of my resolution. Then I snapped back into the harsh reality. "I'm just a little protective." I explained, my voice on the edge of ice. My stomach lurched, as it had when I'd first made the dreaded choice to date Alex.

But I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?

"Oh? Why?" Jared asked, completely confused.

My breath hitched at the little boy glow to his expression. "Because...Because..." Keep your head in the game, Kim! Don't fall victim to his boyish charm! "Well, we're going on a date tomorrow night. He's practically my boyfriend."

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Next Chapter is Jared's POV! :D You'll get to meet Sam and Emily, and explore the bond I imagine Sam and Jared have. Since they were the first two werewolves in La Push, I alway's kind of imagined they'd have a special friendship because of that. Plus, how Jared feel's about Alex practically being Kim's boyfriend.

This was on a thursday, and The Date is tomorrow night. I have something kickass planned for the date, it'll be f'ing hilarious I promise you.

I'd like to clear up in case anyone was wondering, that my story take's place around the time that Bella first arrives in Forks. If you remember, Bella saw Paul, Jared, and Sam all standing around her when Edward left her senior year. This is her junior year, the year that they all changed. Sam was first, this is not long after Emily's accident, but not too soon after either. Paul isn't a werewolf yet, but I promise I'll bring him into the story sometime soon.

Review and tell me what you think [:

Also, are my chapter's too long? I can't decide.

Playlist:

The Shake-My American Heart

Postcards-An Horse

Swing Swing -The All-American Rejects


	10. Chapter 10: Inevitable

Hey guy's, I'm getting back to updating everyday if I can now that my computer isn't sick anymore.  
Thanks Tanaquil, for checking up everyday and reviewing most of my chapter's, your super sweet. Also thank's to all of my other loyal reviewers, you guy's kickass.  
I want to start putting less of my blabbering here, before you read the chapter, so read the bottom for my annoying detail's if you feel so inclined.

Enjoy Chapter 10 everybody [:

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"Chill, Jared." Sam growled for the umpteenth time in the past hour, looking utterly bored.  
Pfshht. Sam's the one who need's to chill. Sam should just shut the hell up and leave me alone. I'm chill. I'm chill as a fkn freezer.

"I am chilled, man. Alex is the one who isn't chill. Asking out a girl after only knowing her a week! That's just sick. He's the one who need's to lay off and relax! She's not that kind of girl. He's going way too fast for her." I rambled, tapping my finger's mercilessly against Sam's kitchen table.

They both gave me a wary stare's, glancing at their poor kitchen table with longing eye's.

Then Emily, Sam's very sweet, very scarred, girlfriend, decided to open her critical mouth, "Do you even know what kind of girl she is, Jared? Technically, you've only 'known' her a day. Hell, if you call speaking to someone twice 'knowing' them. To be honest, Alex know's her better than you do as of this point."

I glared at Emily, causing Sam to snarl deep in his chest. I looked over to the counter where he stood, scarfing down what was left of Emily's lasagna she'd cooked up last night. His eye's were glued on me, waiting for any sign of potential violence. I don't blame him.

I wouldn't let Sam anywhere near Kim, were I even able to bring her around at all.

I love Sam and Emily, I truly do. They've become closer to me than even my own family this past month. Taking care of me, calming me down, giving me a place to sleep, feeding my unnatural appetite. They're saint's in this unholy situation.

But everytime I look at Emily's ruined face, I remember Sam's other half. The other part of himself, that he obviously isn't in complete control over yet. I've imagined him and Kim in the same room many time's in the past two day's. I never get far with that daydream, seeing as it alway's end's with me having a heartattack before anything big has a chance to go down.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let him hurt her. If _I _hurt her.

I didn't understand Sam and Emily's relationship up until only a short day ago. Their passionate, eternal bond, clouded by what he's done to her. He must live agony, day in and day out, for more than one reason. I pity him. I pity her. I pity Kim, for the rest of her life she'll have to spend either with me, or having me shadowing her every step from afar.

I can't live without her. But I doubt I'll be any good to her by sticking around.

What example of a good relationship do I have? Seriously? The only other werewolf/imprinter around ended up giving his soul mate three nearly-fatal wound's straight down the side of her body! The odd's of Kim's safety are one in ten. One in one hundred, perhaps.

But everytime I see her, that doesn't matter to me so much. Everytime I think of her pretty face, of her long silky black hair. Of the bright light that shine's out of every pore on her body. The echo of forever I see in her big dark brown eye's. She's too perfect. I can't not be with her.

I'm not actually with her now, though.

And believe it or not, just sitting here -at this table that's about to fall through from my finger tapping, thinking about her beautiful face and vast perfection- is one of the hardest challenge's I've ever endured. I miss her. I _need_ her.

"I know her, Emily." I replied, trying to hide the bite in my voice. I don't feel like fighting Sam.

That's actually a lie though. I don't know her. Not really. I know just about as much as snooping through a girl's book bag can really tell you. Which is surprisingly alot. But not enough to technically know a person.

Emily eyed me wisely, "Oh yea, what do you know about her?"

I bit my lip. Why does Emily insist on testing me?

So I don't know her all that well. Big deal. Neither does he! Yea, maybe I don't deserve her. I know I don't. But God know's he's not first in line for the job either!  
And I don't have to know her to know she's not the type of girl to move fast. I _have_sat beside her my entire life. Just because I never noticed her, doesn't mean I didn't know of her. I know she's a teacher's pet extraordinaire, as proved earlier in class with her painfully sweet fake voice. I know the first and only time she's ever been absent from fifth period was yesterday, when I imprinted-which already make's me feel like a complete asshole.

I know she's perfect and sweet and _better_than a girl that rush's into a relationship without being sure of it. Alex is just playing her. He's probably just really good with women. She's being charmed into moving faster. That rat bastard.

I looked back at Emily steadily, "She's not that kind of girl." I insisted. Emily rolled her eyes.

That's fine. She can role her stupid eye's however many time's she want's. Doesn't change the fact that Kim's my angel, and I speak the truth.

"Whatever, this isn't helping. I came here for advice, not a lecture." I snapped, standing up and running a hand through my shaved hair.

Stupid shaved hair. I didn't have long hair before. But it was better than this shit poky stubble.

Sam sighed, pulling out a chair on the other side of the table and sitting beside Emily. He stared at her as if she were his own personal Angel. It's pretty disgusting. Do I look like that when I stare at Kim? No wonder she like's Alex. Igghhhh, I'm a disgrace!

"You guys!" I shouted, attempting to regain the attention of the room. Sam's eye's flickered and I could tell if I raised my voice again, I was going to get kicked out of the house-literally. "Sorry, man, just-ugh! I just-I don't know what to do. I miss her, and everytime I see her it hurt's. I want to touch her but I can't. And now this! You should've seen me earlier-actually, I'm glad you didn't. You'd be pissed-but I don't think I've ever felt more broken in my life. Just thinking about her with that scum!" I made a sickened noise with my tongue.

Emily again, became annoyingly critical, though some would call it being 'sweet', "How do you know he's scum? Maybe he'll actually be nice to her?" She asked,her voice light as alway's.

Sam and I simply stared.

He leaned in to whisper in her ear-though I of course could hear perfectly well, "Em, just don't."

"I-I-"

"Just don't." He repeated, leaning back and rubbing his forehead.

I think even Sam would agree Emily's last comment was completely retarded.

You don't tell an imprinter his imprintee is better off with someone else.

But what if she is?

"Maybe your right, though. Maybe he is nice. Maybe he is safe. She's shit out of luck if he ever need's to fight to defend her or anything like that...But maybe he is a nice guy. Who won't hurt her-" Sam winced, "-or complicate her life. Maybe I shouldn't be so angry. Should I be happy for her? Should I encourage this? She's so sweet, she deserve's better than me. I-"

"Jared!" Emily stopped me, her eye's wide. "Jared, stop! That's not what I meant! I didn't mean you shouldn't be with her!"

"But you said-"  
"I was just looking at all side's of the situation." She suddenly reddened and sunk further into Sam's direction, embarrassed, "You know me, I like thinking everyone's got some good in them. I just meant that, perhap's this Alex character will be good to her. But Jared, your her _soul mate_. There's no one else on the planet who is better for her. You are her's, and she is yours. There's no someone else. Noone deserve's her more than you do."

I bit back every thought that came to mind. But then again, I was barely able to function entire sentence's. Emily sound's so right. But looking straight at her, I can't honestly agree.

Though I want to.

God, do I want to! So bad...

"I can't be with her." I whispered, hopeless. I stared down at my feet in a defeated pose.

"Why not?" Emily asked, shifting uncomfortably. She's so sweet, she look's as if she's dying from wanting to pop out of her chair and console me.

I looked up again, straight at Sam, "She's better off without me."

Sam's expression hardened. I'm sure he resent's me for saying it. But he understand's better than anyone. "Maybe she is." He replied.

Emily huffed audibly, we both turned to look at her-Sam in alarm, me in curiosity. She appeared angry out of her mind.

"That's just unbelievable! You two are the most dimwitted boy's I've ever met!"

I guess..yea.

"Huh?" Was all we could respond with.

We kind of already figured we were, but hearing it confirmed, by Emily no less, was a bit of a hard blow.

She fidgeted in her seat angrily, tossing her head this way and that and murmuring unintelligibly, she seemed to be throwing a silent fit. "Ugh! How I'd love to wring your necks! Have you no pride? Have you no hope, or respect, or self-adoration?"

"Huh?"

"Jesus! Your imbecile's! Look at me!" She pointed to her face.

Sam and I exchanged confused expression's.

Emily grumbled again, "Look at my face!"

We both stared intently, trying to decipher whatever point she was trying to make. I noticed Sam cringing constantly with the amount of focus he was being forced to yield on her scars.

"What is this, Emily?" He asked when he couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm not sorry!" She ground out, glaring at us each in turn.

Again, not comprehending.

I think Emily's gone mad or something. That's a shame. She's so great...I guess we'll have to put her away now. I'll visit all the time, with Sam of course.

"I'm happy!" She tried again, still pointing to her half-beautiful face. We both remained silent. "Igh! Your so dumb. Look, Sam, Jared, your both so self-obsessed you know that? You only think of your feeling's. Never of mine and Kim's."

That one hit a nerve.

We both came out speaking at once, "What do you mean I don't think of her feeling's? That's exactly what I'm thinking about! Why else would I imagine condoning that insolent little fuck of a boy?! I want her happiness, and you doubting that it absolute bullsh-" I ranted while Sam sat whispering, "I don't? Oh God, Emily, I'm such a disaster. All I want is you to be happy. Tell me what I can do. I can come home more often. It's because I'm alway's out patrolling, isn't it? Your right, I'm self-obsessed. I'll be better, I promise. Are you unhappy? I'm so-"

Sam is so whipped. He need's to be slapped.

"Both of you stop!" We shut up instantly. Although I felt the need to prove it by yelling some more. "There you go, doing it again!"  
We lowered our head's in shame.

Emily should get to the point before Sam and I end up committing suicide. Telling us we're not taking proper care of our soul mate's is like telling us we've completely failed at life. That is what we live for. To make them happy. If they're unhappy, well then wtf is left?

Emily stood up and came to where I was standing, Sam's expression became instantly panicked, but we ignored him.

"Jared," She began, sighing impatiently, "How exactly would you know she's better off without you?"

"I-"

"Jared, do you think I'm unhappy? Do you honestly believe that? Do you think because of what Sam did, that make's me love him any less? Neither of you seem to understand the term 'soul mate' properly. So let me explain." She settled into her lecture tone of voice, "All you think about is what _you _can do to make thing's easier. About what _your_ doing wrong. About what _you_think is best for us. It's not all about you. It's about you, of course, but it's so much more than that. Soul mate's are meant to be together. That's how it is, flat out. It doesn't matter if you accidentally scratch them, or kick them, or even accidentally run them over with your chevy, their still the one for you. Their still your perfect match, as you are for them. You, Jared Tal, are the only man on the planet that can make Kim the happiest she can possibly be. You're _the one. _So stop thinking about yourself, and what you want for her. The only thing that should matter to you is what she want's. And I'm guessing you won't know that until you know her." Emily smiled, patting my cheek, "Get to know her Jared. In my eye's, **your** the one who's taking thing's fast, not Alex. Don't think about what could happen, or should happen, or might happen. Think about what's _happening_. Maybe try being her friend first?"

She strode back over to Sam and sat in his lap dutifully. He met her with open arm's. Emily turned and kissed him on the cheek with exaggerated adoration. I feel like barfing up my lunch.

Sam stared into her eye's passionatly, probably moved by her speech-which was pretty damn good.

I exhaled deeply, rubbing my eye's.

I doubt Kim even want's to be friend's with me.

All I've done is fuck thing's up since the moment I imprinted. And today was no help.

_"Because...Because..." Her breathing became shallow as she shut her feather duster eyelashes. Second's passed unnoticed. I had been too busy studying her perfection to care much for time anyway. She opened her breathtaking brown eye's once more before narrowing them. "Well, we're going on a date tomorrow night. He's practically my boyfriend."_

_..._

_Excuse me?_

_"What?"_

_She smiled, "Yea, me and Alex. The boy you asked about? We're going on date. So I'd rather you not say unkind thing's about him."_

_I ignored the last part, I was too focused on the point, "A-a date?" She nodded slowly, "Like, dating? A __**date**__, where he pick's you up and take's you out?" _

_She continued to nod, "Well, yes, I suppose. I don't know. He asked me out, and I said yes, and now we're going to go out...together." She gave me an odd expression, probably wondering why my face was on fire and my eye's were panicking. _

_I couldn't exactly focus on making her comfortable when my entire body was in a rage frenzy._

_"WHY?" _

_She looked around absently, looking to see if anyone had turned to watch because of my yelling, "Mmm. Why not?"_

_"But-He-I-He's only been here, what, a week?"_

_She scrunched her mouth up, looking to the ceiling in thought, "Almost, since monday." She looked back at me, sizing me up curiously, her eye's narrowed cutely again._

_In those moment's all I could think to myself was, 'That stupid little fucker. Of course he would do this! Especially after our conversation yesterday. Oh, he's good.' _

_He is good. Alex is a master at love game's._

_Bravo, Alex, Bravo._

_"Are you okay?" She asked, leaning in to study my shaking frame._

_"I'm fine." I spat, much too harsh._

_I had immediately wanted to kill myself for the pain that shot across her gorgeous feature's._

_"Well then fine." She snapped back, looking at the front of the classroom with crossed arm's._

_I sat staring at her for at least four minute's, trying to calm myself unsuccessfully. I didn't get the chance to fully recover before the cursed bell rang. "Shit." I muttered as Kim grabbed her bag and made a mad dash for the door._

_I was two step's behind her._

_"Wait." I insisted, grabbing onto her arm, she flinched away as if I were something detested and gross. _

_She stared up at me expectantly, still walking. At least she hadn't continued to try and lose me..._

_"What?" _

_"Do you like him?"_

_She stopped, turning to me with oddly inhuman speed. "What the hell?"_

_"What?"_

_"__**What the hell?**__ What the hell is your problem?" _

_I hadn't understood her at all. I really truly am dimwitted. I don't get girl's whatsoever._

_Which is strange because I've dated hundred's._

_I've dated hundred's of stupid, ditzy, predictable girl's. So when I speak to girl's like Kim and Emily...I'm completely and utterly out of my league._

_"What do you mean, what's my problem?"_

_"Why're you talking to me?" She shouted, waving her hand's around in the cutest gesture._

_"I-I want to." I replied lamely. I hadn't really decided on an excuse yet..._

_She scowled, "Why? You won't talk to your friend's... You won't talk to Chris Mack...A-And...Just-Ugh. What in the world would make you want to talk to me? We're not friend's, we're not even acquaintance's really. But, for some reason, your talking to me and no one else. It's really...weird. And why're you asking about Alex, Jared? What the hell?! What's...What's your problem?" _

_"I can't be friendly?" _

_She scoffed, "No, actually. You never have been." We both winced, she cleared her throat, "S-So honestly, no..you..y-you-I don't think you can." She shuffled her feet a bit, then got back to her angry tone, "And where did you go for the past month? Why were you never home-"_

_"You went to my house?"_

_Her eye's widened, "Why are you ignoring your friend's? Why're you so damn tall all of a sudden? An-And why do you keep shaking for cripe's sake?" She continued to interrogate me._

_I sighed, "Why do you ask so many question's?" Especially so many good question's. Kim is so smart. Of course she is... She's perfect, after all._

_She grimaced, "I figured since I'm the only one you'll talk to, maybe you'd tell me so I could tell all the other gossip hound's in the school." She explained in a sour tone._

_"Your a gossip hound?" I countered._

_She turned red, realizing her mistake, "Th-That's not what I meant. I-...What's your problem?" She asked, returning to her previous case._

_I couldn't help returning to mine, "Why're you going out on a date with him?!" _

_"That's not your business!" She spat._

_"Well my problem's aren't yours!" I snarled._

_Then I'd disappeared-again-and ran into the forrest by the school to change into a wolf. I would've done it in the middle of the hallway if I hadn't ran vision's of Emily through my mind to keep myself in check. _

_After roaming around in an angry rage for about two hours, I'd eventually ended up at Sam's. As could've been predicted..._

I sat back down in one of Sam's -and now Emily's, since she'd moved in a few week's ago- old wooden chair's. I rested my elbow's on my knee's and rubbed my aching skull, "What am I gunna do?"

Both Sam and Emily sighed simultaneously. One day and their already sick of my Kim banter. Awesome friend's, awesome.

I heard Emily get up again and move to the stove, probably preparing herself for tonight's dinner. Everyday is like a cooking extravaganza in this house. Before Emily moved in, I'm pretty sure Sam barely got by avoiding malnutrition. She'd probably only moved in to provide him with suitable meal's three time's a day-and because they love each other and all that gooey crap, ugh!

I looked up at them desperately. Sam stared back with his naturally bored expression. Emily began to hum as she tore through her little kitchen.

"Grow some ball's." Sam suggested.

"Sam!" Emily chastised him, waving her wooden spoon around like a weapon she would yield were he to not obey. He stared back innocently. She huffed and made her way to us, giving me a patient smile. "She's your soul mate Jared. Everything will work out, I am absolutely positive."

I grinned back weakly.

That's sweet, really it is. Just not at all helpful.

Emily's smile fell, "For now though, I suppose you step up and grow some ball's, like Sam suggested." Sam snickered up at her appreciatively.

"What?!" I don't think I've ever heard Emily use the word ball's in that context. It doesn't sound right whatsoever.

She rolled her eye's at me, as she does often, "Just because thing's have a way of working out, doesn't mean they don't require a few step's in the right direction. Like I told you, first step, be her friend. Right now, your just this freakishly tall boy who is out of the blue taking an intense interest in her. Don't be that boy. Become her friend before you freak her out to the point past no return, alright?"

I nodded like a good boy. She continued to wave her spoon at us.

"You two have serious girl problem's. Jared, I could tell you some stories about when Sam was trying to woo me that would make you piss your pant's. Your werewolves for goodness sake, aren't you supposed to be good at everything?"

Sam smiled and stood up, wrapping his arm's around her waist, "Oh, I'm good." He winked at her.

I dry heaved momentarily before standing up, "Alright, alright. This is getting sick. I'm getting the hell out of here before ya'll start getting freaky."

"Coming back for dinner?" Emily asked knowingly. I gave her my toothie grin and winked -less sexually- while making my way to the door. I heard her soft, quick, footsteps in my wake.

She followed me to the front room quietly, then waited for me to turn and say goodbye. She wrapped her tiny arm's around me and held me there, "Your a good boy, Jared. Let her figure that out. Alex can't keep you two apart."

I nodded into her shoulder and let her release me, "Thank's Em."

Sam came up behind her, grinning at me, "And dude, don't worry so much about the date. Seriously, it's just one date. And I agree, Kim probably isn't the type of girl to take thing's too fast."

I smiled at him in surprise, as did Emily. "Thanks? Sam?"

His grin widened, "I'd only worry about their kiss goodnight."

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Next Chapter is Kim's POV :D

The date is so close, ahah even I'm excited to write it.

Sam and Emily are rad, seriously. I didn't like all of Bella's descriptions of the two. But I vaguely took it to understand that around Emily and his friend's, Sam was somewhat of a normal twenty year old guy, who was forced to grow up too fast. Hope you liked this chapter, I personally don't enjoy chapter's without both Kim and Jared in them together, but this was pretty ok ;) lol

Review PLEASE, I hate writer's who beg, but it actually is important to us. Not because we love to bask in our glory or anything dumb like that, but it help's us know what we're doing right-or wrong. So review if you like, it's very much appreciated.

Check my profile for picture's and full playlist!

Playlist:

Smooth Sailing-The Morning Of

Love Potion Number 9-The Hollies

The Compromise-The Format


	11. Chapter 11: Drumroll

Hey everybody. Less than a day, I couldn't help it. This is for missing my last double update.

Enjoy Chapter 11 [:

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_Kims POV_

I'm pretty f'ing pissed, to be honest.

Here I am, this sweet, innocent, nearly seventeen year old girl. I've spent my whole life attending class, never later than a tardy bell. Did my school work, obeyed my parent, even fed the homeless on thanksgiving a few years ago. All I've ever wanted to do was be averagely happy, and an overall good person.

But that just doesn't seem to be in the card's for me.

"I can't!" I declared, tugging back against Jenn's pull.

We'd been doing this odd tug of war bit for nearly ten minute's, and neither of us seem to be getting anywhere.

"You can!" She countered, taking a deep breath and making another jerky pull in her direction. The direction of the evil _building_.

"I caaaaaaan't!" I whined, jumping up and down like a two year old. I've been attempting to use this tactic in my favor, but it's not working very well.

Jenn glared at me, squeezing onto my finger's as tight as she could. Oh crap.

She took another shaky breath before nearly ripping my arm out of it's socket, "**Get your ass in that building Kim Connelly**!"

I ended up sprawled face first across the floor, on the other side of her. I then heard her muttering half hearted apologies from above me. Oh yea, Jenn, I bet your sorry _now_.

With many loud, angry, grunt's, I pushed myself up from the pavement and scowled in her direction. "You are so frickin pushy!" I shreiked, stomping my way past her.

She trailed behind, being careful not to make it into arm swinging distance in case I decided to get fist happy. "It's for your own good." She insisted casually.

I studied a scrape on the palm of my hand that was quickly morphing into many thin line's of red. Great. Just awesome. This is exactly what I needed to start the day.

I shoved my hand toward's her. She flinched back but observed, "Oh, c'mon, that's nothing." She rolled her eye's as if I was being a baby about the whole ordeal.

I muttered to myself unintelligibly until I reached my locker.

Of course, there stood Alex. Waiting, per usual.

"Hey there pretty girl." He murmured with a practiced grin.

I've come to distinguish the difference between his real smile, and his fake. He's not a very good actor.

"Hey." I replied, smiling back weakly. I shimmied past him to my locker, fumbling with the lock for a good awkward minute.

He leaned against the other locker's beside me, watching quietly. He sighed when his boredom seeped through, "So, excited for our date tonight?"

I flinched, "Mmm, definitely."

He nodded, as if this were the answer he'd expected.

What if I'd said no? 'No, actually, I'm dreading it. Glad we had this talk, let's call it off.'

Would he have nodded then?

"Me too." He said with another grand smile, "I'll pick you up at seven on the dot, that alright?"

I nodded back at him, trying and failing once again to appear euphoric.

He studied me silently, but continued to grin. Finally, he tapped a fist against the locker he'd been leaning on before pointing at me, "I'll see you at lunch, beautiful." He winked and then he ran off the greet his more entertaining friend's.

The first person I saw hug him was Breanne, of course. With her stupid curly hair, and big boob's. Ughh. Slut.

Why did he ask me out, anyway? He's got all these girl's, like Breanne and Tilly, sworming around him twentyfour hours a day. But instead of just doing the normal, uncomplicated, thing to do. He had to randomly choose me and overdramatize my entire life!

I like him -I think- and I love that he give's me attention. I even selfishly believe that I _deserve_ it after all these year's. But it's just so sudden! And then Jared start's talking to me...Why did it all have to happen at once? It make's it so much harder to enjoy.

"We're going to be late." Jenn announced from somewhere behind me.

I turned around to chastise her for being a creeper, but was shocked into silence.

There stood Jared Tal, watching from across the hall.

I vaguely believe he opened his mouth to speak, but I was long gone. I took a lesson from my mother and mastered the act of fleeing the scene in under ten second's.

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I feel like I'm preparing to fight a caged beast...

Or be thrown into the lion's den...

Or something equally terrifying.

I shuffled my feet in front of my fifth period classroom door. I'm too chicken to turn around and see if I'm holding up traffic. I'm also too chicken to just open it and step inside. What to do, what to do. I sighed, tapping my foot.

"This is getting ridiculous." A voice muttered from behind me.

Suddenly I was being dragged away from the door by a very unfriendly hand on my arm.

I yelped, trying to feel behind for my attacker to incapacitate them. "Stop smacking me!" The girl demanded.

She released me-roughly-tossing my against some locker's. I turned to see Tilly Perks.

"What's up with you, Connelly? Your being extra weird lately. And I have to say, all of this blocking the door bullshit is taking a toll on my work ethic." She snapped, hand's on her hips.

I played with my hand's quietly, unable to form a good response.

The only time Tilly Perks and I have ever spoken, was related to her calling me name's or telling me off. This is some of both. But I think she's also maybe, like, concerned or something? Wow.

"Fine." She said, "Don't tell me. Doesn't really matter." She turned to go.

"Have you spoken to Jared Tal?" I asked, surprised at my own courage.

She turned back, her cheshire cat grin in full swing. She lifted one bony finger to wave at me, "I knew this was about him, I just knew it! Still got that pathetic obsession Kimmy?"

I cringed at her cruelty, but ignored the insult's. Underneath all of her attitude, I think we're about to have an actual conversation.

"Well, no, but lately-"

"Of course not." She cut in, her eye's narrowing, "Why would you need to crush on Jared when you've got Alex? You must tell me how you managed to bag Alex Benjamin one of these day's. It's a mystery to us all."

I ignored her painful jabs and continued, "Has **he** spoken to you?"

It was her turn to wince. As I'd figured earlier, even Tilly's stone cold heart was being tortured by Jared's silence. She shook her head, trying to keep her chin raised, "No. He hasn't." Then her cat-like eye's flickered up to me, with a look of honest curiosity, "You see, Kimmy dear, the only person he'll talk to is you. Not that any of us can see why."

I looked away.

She confirmed what I'd already known. Everyone is asking the same question's. What happened to Jared Tal, and why am I the only person he'll speak to?

Her angry defense suddenly dropped. I could almost see a sheild fall, it was such a drastic change in the atmosphere. Her entire pose changed and her eyebrow's puckered, "Has he said anything? About us, or why he was gone. Why he won't talk to us?"

I wished I could say yes. Even if it is Tilly, I'm sympathetic.

I shook my head sadly. "Nothing."

She scoffed, "What do you guy's talk about?"

I shrugged, "We've only really spoken once, yesterday. He gave me my school bag, and apologized for not knowing my name. And then he asked about Alex, and that was it."

Tilly became quiet, thinking to herself carefully. She sized me up, then a shocked expression lit her feature's. Her mouth became a wide O.

Her sheild slowly rose back up.

"OH MY GOD." She suddenly broke out into peal's of laughter.

"WHAT?!" I nearly shreiked.

She shook her head, snickering madly, "Nothing, nothing. HA! Oh god, this is too good. Good old Jared, gotta love him."

"What?" I asked again, completely lost.

She stared down at me -she's quite tall- with a superior expression. "Word of advice, Kim. You won't last long. So enjoy it while you can, freak." She then continue to laugh as she made her way into the unblocked classroom.

I frowned to myself.

What the hell did that mean?

Sighing I made my way back to the door. Just don't think about it. Just do it.

With a deep courageous breath, I pushed open my Spanish door, just as the tardy bell rang out. Mrs. Beaker gave me a dissaproving stare from her desk, "Almost, Kim." She warned, looking back down at her paperwork.

I blushed a deep red and scurried to my desk, dropping my eye's before they could betray me and look over at **him**.

This is going to be so awkward.

Yesterday hadn't exactly been pleasant. Seeing as the first and only time I've ever had a conversation with Jared, it ended up turning into a semi-fight concerning Alex Benjamin. It had eventually led to him dissapearing in thin air -nearly sending me into seizures by the way- right before my very eye's. He hadn't returned to school after that.

It's come to my realization that if this continue's, one of us will eventually need to change school's. Every other day we're forcing each other to flee the campus, it's completely unhealthy.

"Hey." He whispered in his silky voice, causing my to jump in my seat.

Don't you dare look at him! Keep your eye's on your desk, eye's on the desk. Calm down. Steady breathing, good girl. Calm. Chill. Relax.

"I'm sorry about yesterday..." He trailed off, souding as if he was frowning unhappily.

I bet he is frowning. And I bet it look's completely adorable. If I could just sneak a little peak...

No! Eye's on the desk!

"You were right, it's not really any of my business what goes on with you and other people. We're not even technically friend's yet." He chuckled in a friendly tone.

Euch. True, but euch.

Whoa whoa, wait. Did he say 'yet'?

"So am I forgiven?" He asked quietly, probably trying to avoid us getting caught by Beaker.

That's the second time he's asked for forgiveness is twentyfour hour's. I've known him three day's and he's already screwed up twice. Not a good sign for the future.

Not that we have a future! Of course we don't have a future. I'm such an idiot.

"Yea," I muttered, sighing, "Of course. It's no big deal. Like you said, we're not even friend's."

I heard him shift in his chair, his foot began to tap wildly, "Yea." He repeated, voice raw.

"But if we were friend's," I started, fishing for information. His foot became still. "Would you stop talking to me too?" I looked up to meet his gaze for the first time since entering the room.

Bad idea, but necessary.

I felt the gush of disbelief wash over me, smacking into me like wave's against the rock's. Could he possibly be more beautiful everyday? It's truly hard to believe. But apparently, not impossible. I vaguely feel myself melting in my chair. I hope it's not really happening, because then he'd probably have to mop me up, and I'd feel pretty humiliated.

He smirked at me, shaking his head. Today, as I'd come to expect, he still held the somewhat magical gleam in his eye as he stared at me. Like I was an Angel that that had just come down in a beam of light from the corner of the classroom. I like this stare. Although it's certainly creepy.

"You ask alot of question's." He repeated his word's from yesterday.

Damn. He's right. I do. But hell, I'm only human.

"Yea, but you've yet to answer any of them."

He laughed quietly, "True." He agreed.

I nodded. We fell into our normal awkward silence. But at least it's with Jared. I can handle awkward when Jared's involved. It make's the discomfort a thousand time's worth it.

Mrs. Beaker rose from her desk chair, slow and tired, her glasses low on the tip of her nose. She look's like hell. I wonder if she even sleep's anymore. Poor teacher's. They've got it hard.

"Class, I'm having a hard day, I have ton's of paperwork. So today we'll be having a free day, ok? Just talk quietly amongst yourselves. But if you get too loud, or any of you start throwing thing's or getting out of control, this is the last on we'll have. You got that?" She threatened. There were several murmur's of approval across the class, and then the familiar frenzy of voice's.

I automatically turned to Jared, used to my usual staring. Only now he stare's back.

"So it seem's we're at a crossroads." He stated suddenly. Whaa? "I can't answer any of your question's, because we aren't friend's. But you don't know if I'll even speak to you at all if we become friend's. Hmm, what _will_ you do?" He gave me a teasing smile.

Yepp, I'm definitely a puddle in my chair right about now.

Is Jared Tal teasing me? Really? Did I die last weekend or something? Did I get hit by a car, and I'm actually just in a coma, dreaming that all of this is happening when in reality I'm tied to a bed with tube's feeding me?

I don't have a problem with that. I just hope it lasts another fourty year's.

I cleared my throat hesitantly, willing myself to be clever just this once. Please God, let me say something cute, I beg you!

"I-I-Why is it my choice? What about you?" I asked-more like croaked actually.

His eye's twinkled, "My choice come's later." He explained simply.

"Huh?"

He smiled his toothy grin, knocking the air from my lungs, "After you decide to risk being my friend or not, I'll decide whether or not to continue speaking to you."

"Oh." I muttered subconsciously, unable to say anything more detailed. Although I'm vaguely aware that I should be slightly insulted. Shouldn't I?

"So what's it gunna be?" He asked, leaning in curiously.

If you ask me, his eye's look a little panicked. He seem's, worried? Really worried.

Okay, think Kim. Time to get down to business.

I think Jared Tal just asked me to be his friend. I think? Wait. No-Yes! He did! In a very complex and teasing kind of way, but a question nonetheless!

Does he _want_ me to be his friend? Is this a test? A game, perhaps? A trick?

Who would trick him? He doesn't have any friend's anymore.

I laughed quietly to myself. That's odd. Jared Tal has less friend's than I do for the first time in our entire live's. Never thought I'd see the day. And it doesn't even seem like he care's.

Suddenly I heard someone begin to tap their finger's hostily against a desk, and then a really crappy imitation of a drum roll began. "She's narrowed it down to two option's. She's on the clock. This is the final decision folks, it's now or never! Counting down, 10, 9, 8-"

"What?"

"7, 6-"

"What're you-"

"5, 4-"

"Wait! Hey, that's not fair!"

"3, 2-"

"I refuse to-"

"And the clock's run out! Time's up. Kim will be forced to give her answer now or leave empty handed."

"What was I gunna leave with in my hand's?"

"No stalling." He insisted, shaking his head. "What's your answer?"

"Well I need more then ten-" I started furiously.

"Nope, gotta choose." He grinned devilishly.

This is not at all fair. Like, what the hell? Who count's down on an important decision. I should say no, just because he's being rude. Ugh!

Unless that's what he want's me to do...To say no...Maybe that's why he's making me choose so fast...Of course that's why. He just want's me to stop bugging him.

"Are you okay?" He asked suddenly, making my eye's snap up. He was leaned in even closer, concern etched in every line on his face. I don't think I've ever seen his face more creased with worry.

I smiled weakly, taking several deep breath's. I probably zoned out and looked like a mental patient. God, I am a freak. "Yea, fine."

He sat back, frowning. "I-I'm only kidding...I...I wasn't going to-I wouldn't really..." He stuttered, fidgeting for the word's. He met my eye's with a guilty expression, "You don't have to actually decide if you don't want to."

Great, now he feel's sorry for me!  
"Why not, I'll decide, I'm just the type of person who's overly critical. Please don't worry about it. I'll decide!" I insisted hurriedly.

What I was really saying was, 'Don't give up on my yet! I'll make a decision! Just don't stop speaking to me! I'll _die_!'

That truth hit my like a bulldozer. Now that he's talking to me, what's going to happen when he stop's? I honest to God will never be the same. It's like dangling ham in front of a starving man, and then shoving it in your mouth. Of course, I think the starving man would kill you for being an asshole before dropping dead. But it's the same general concept...

Either way, he may stop speaking to me. Whichever choice I make.

So, as he put it, what's it gunna be? Will I take the risk -which I never do- and agree to be his friend? Or wimp out -as I usually do- and scurry back under my rock?

I can't do that anymore. My rock's been moved, and I can't seem to locate it anymore. There's only one thing I can really do now.

"I-"

He cut me off, "Really, Kim!" God, I love the way he say's my name... "Don't decide, please. It wasn't meant to be taken so seriously. I lied anyway. Because honestly, whichever choice you make I'm not going to stop talking to you."

"What?"

Seriously? After putting me through that horrificly stressful countdown, now he tells me he was kidding?

He smiled shyly, "I mean that, even if you decided not to be my friend, I'd probably end up telling you what you want to know...eventually. And if you agreed to be my friend, I would never dream of ignoring you." It was his turn to blush.

Holy hell, I didn't know Jared blushed! This is a new developement. I'm filing this one away in my diary. 'Jared Tal blushed today, for the first time in my presence. And diary, it is a magnificent thing to see.' I'll put it in my important thing's section. Right next to my many definition's of Jared, including sexy, smart, theatrical, brilliant, and now teasing.

I shook away my thought's, "That's sweet." I said, trying to focus on his word's instead of his body. Which is more than difficult. "But in that case, I'd have to say..."

He leaned closer again, subconsciously. Mercy, this boy is too goodlooking!

We both became silent, waiting for me to work up the courage. And of course -with me being myself- I stalled, "Drumroll?"

His lip's parted into his biggest smile that I adore and he began to tap his finger's against his desk -quietly as possible seeing as the entire class still only sat a few feet away in every direction.

Okay, I can do this. I'm really doing this!

Oh my lord, am I really doing this? Wow, even I didn't think I'd do this.

I closed my eye's, preparing myself-and probably looking pretty stupid, I opened my eye's and met his anxious.

This is one step closer to the dream. This is one of the most important moment's of my life.

Oh yea, I can definitely do this.

"I'd like to be friend's." I said, quickly as possible. Like ripping off a bandaid.

Once the word's were out, a flood of emotions overtook me. Happiness, Relief, Worry, Fear, Doubt, Self-loathing, Embarassment, Hope, Joy, and more Relief.

I waited for a reaction from him. Any reaction.

For a long time, there wasn't one.

Instead of speaking or moving, Jared had automatically shut his eye's, becoming very still. Forcing me to wait in suspense for something to happen.

I looked around myself feebly. So many kid's were listening in on our conversation, they would be more than able to hear him put me down if this was all one big nasty joke. Or if he had secretly wished for me to say no. They would be here to bask in my moment of humiliation. I would never live it down.

I began to pick at my nail's, wishing I could stick them in my mouth and nibble them off. I need something to bite down on. I'm afraid to chew on my lip at the moment. I'd probably end up bleeding.

After a few torturous minute's, Jared's eyes popped open. And he smiled.

My entire body relaxed, sinking into my chair. I hadn't even noticed every muscle in my body had been tensed until I felt them all loosen and ache with a vengeance. I don't care. They can ache all they want. I'm still the happiest I've ever felt.

"I respect that decision completely." He said in a professional tone, his smile growing wider and wider with time.

I sighed to myself. He could've said that sooner. I nearly gave myself a brain hemorrage. "So we're friend's?" I confirmed breathlessly.

He nodded eagerly, "Yes. Friend's."

Jared Tal and I are friend's.

Friend's. Jared Tal. Kim Connelly. Friend's. Huh.

"Wow." I blurted aloud. I flushed immediatly.

"Hmm?" He asked, his intense stare strengthening slightly.

I hurried to cover myself, "Oh, nothing." Everything. Everything, this is everything. I'm such a liar. This isn't nothing. This is frickin my entire life's dream coming true-almost. My dream involve's alot more kissing.

He suddenly leaned forward in his desk, smiling curiously, "So, now that we're friend's, you should tell me more about yourself." The intoxicating expression in his sultry hazel eye's was blurring my coherent thought's into a jumbled mess.

What was he saying? More? About me? I'm sure he's speaking word's...Now all I have to do is process them...Oh, you beautiful, pretty eyed, boy...

"Uh-uhmm..Okay." I stuttered, "Wha-Whaddoyou wanna know?" I asked dreamily, even sighing a bit afterward.

His eye's suddenly burned with wary intensity, "Are you going to kiss him goodnight?"

What the-

I was snapped out of my dreamy funk, "What?"

"Nothing." He stated hurriedly, leaning back into his seat. He began to tap his foot sparingly against the white tile's. He looked around for a moment, obviously playing nonchalance, "So, have you ever had a boyfriend? I mean, before..."

I could feel my cheek's darken as I looked away from him in my embarassment, I shook my head until I could trust myself not to stutter too much, "N-not really." I met his eye's cautiously, "I had this serious crush that was holding me back from thing's like that."

His eyebrow's shot up, "Oh?"

I nodded, blushing deeper and picking at the metal on my seat.

I heard him sighing unhappily beside me and I looked up again, but he -of course- did not look the least bit phased. He was still smiling that mysterious little grin, and his eye's still sparkled like no-tomorrow. "Anyone I know?"

Yes, actually. You.

He seem's so interested...Maybe he know's it's him??! Oh god, I wouldn't be surprised. Of course someone would have mentioned my obsession after all these years! Just about the entire school knew!

I studied his face intently, but he seemed truly perplexed. It could be an act. But maybe he honestly doesn't know.

Good.

If he ever found out about my obsession...I shudder at the possibility.

"No, just this guy, you wouldn't know him." I murmured casually.

"You sure?" Jared asked, seeming dissapointed with my discretion.

I nodded, "Mhm, complete stranger."

Jared scoffed, "If he was a stranger, why'd you like him so much?"

Euch.

Awesome question.

I shrugged, feeling inadequate once again, "I'm not so sure anymore. I _thought_ it was because I loved him, and that we were just, I don't know-" I laughed quietly, "-meant to be or something. But lately, everything is just alot more complicated."

Jared didn't speak for a minute, just stared at me with that creepy intensity that made me feel absolutely naked, in a good kind of way.

Finally he took a loud breath, "Well I guess it's all working out for the best. Now you can go on your date with Alex..." He trailed off, sounding bored.

I winced.

Yea. Great. Alex.

"He's really...nice." I defended quietly.

Jared was now leaning back, looking around as if he didn't care much for the subject. "That's good." He agreed. "Anything big planned?"

"Well, Al-Al-Well, he umm-he told Jenn dinner and a movie. So I'm-uhh. Ha, I'm guessing not." I stuttered miserably.

For some reason I don't enjoy talking about this with Jared whatsoever. It's probably the weirdest thing I've ever had to do. Other then eat Jenn's hair.

Jared made a sickened noise, "Typical." He muttered.

I frowned, "Why?"

"'Dinner and a movie'" He mocked, rolling his eye's, "It's so practical."

"It's nice." I murmured defensively underneath my breath.

Somehow, he still heard me, "If your into being the definition of normal, I guess it's nice. Seem's pretty lame to me."

That comment hurt. Everytime I'd imagined my first date -alway's with Jared- I'd pictured dinner and a movie. So basically he was mocking every date fantasy I'd ever had.

"What do _you_ do on date's?" I asked, turning the table's.

He became instantly nervous, "W-Well, that depend's."

I raised my eyebrow's, daring him to continue, "Oh yea? On what?"

He lowered his eye's, having been caught in his lie, he hurried to try and fix his mistake, "On who I'm dating."

"What did you do when you took out Angela Hootts?" I asked, nearly spitting the name in distaste.

He smiled up at me, "Dinner and a movie."

That remark pretty much brightened my life. I never actually thought he cared for Angela. But having that confirmed made me one of the happiest people alive I'm pretty sure.

"But enough of me. I think you should totally hold out for more than _dinner and a movie_." He suggested, eyeing me with his creepy love stare.

"Like what?"

His eye's became gaurded, "Well, I don't want to give him any idea's. But just...more. You deserve more."

That caught me short, "I-I do?"  
His eyebrow furrowed, "What do you mean, 'I do?', of course you do!" He shooked his head, rubbing his eye's. He seemed utterly dissapointed in me.

Which basically made me feel like a pile of crap.

"So when does this whole thing start? He's going to bring you home before ten right? You have a curfew don't you?" Jared asked.

His tone was somehow changing with time. Morphing into less of a casual 'friend' talk, and more of a personal interrogation. I don't like to be interrogated.

"I'll get home when he bring's me home. And I've never been on a date, so no, I don't have a curfew."

That's a lie. Last night, my mother had assigned me an eleven p.m. curfew for my date. Pretty reasonable in my opinion. I planned to tell Alex ten though, just to be safe.

"And he's picking me up at seven."

"Seven.." Jared muttered to himself quietly, looking lost in thought.

I nodded, "Uhuh."

Suddenly the bell rang, making us both jump to our feet in alarm. The class began to flood out into the hall's as we stood still, not sure what to do or say to each other.

He was the first to break the moment of awkward uncertainty, "I'll see you on monday, buddy." He said, reaching out his hand.

What? What am I supposed to do with that?

Does he want me to shake it?

What the hell, are we thirty year old business partners?

I reached my hand out and met his. But instead of shaking it, he held it there, rubbing my palm gently. The strangest expression crossed his face. Pain? I was rendered speechless.

Then a threatening voice interrupted our precious moment.

"I think we should go, Kim. Alex is probably outside waiting for you." Warren spat.

Crap. Warren. Of course he would wait and watch. Frickin Snoop!

"Y-Yea. I'll see you monday." I muttered, pulling back my hand and nearly running out to the hall.

Sure enough, there stood Alex, waiting with a smile. "Hey there, beautiful." He greeted predictably.

"H-Hey."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh God, I'm in love with Jared lol. Seriously I am. I'm falling in love with his character.  
Next chapter is THE DATE :D  
And I have plenty of surprises waiting for that.  
Tilly thinks Jared is playing Kim in case you didn't catch that.  
Btw, Jared's pained expression was because he felt the cuts on her palm.  
Please review and tell me what you thought [: I worked hard on this chapter.  
Playlist:  
Katie and I-Kill Paradise  
Teasing To Please-Cute Is What We Aim For  
It Ain't Me Babe-Dave Melillo


	12. Chapter 12: Romeo & Juliet

Sorry I haven't updated. I've been writing this all week, I got somewhat of a writer's block trying to decide how I wanted it to go exactly.  
Surprise! It's all going to be from Jared's POV! Fun, huh?  
I decided doing it from Kim's wouldn't be as cool. Because she's not supposed to know he's...Well...You'll see why it wouldn't have worked. Again, sorry for putting it out late, but here it is.  
I wasn't able to fit the entire date in this chapter. In fact, I'm barely able to brush the surface. So look for chapter's more often again, since this date will surely take a couple to pound out.

Enjoy Chapter 12 [:

* * *

_Jared's POV_

I've written a play.

It's kind of like Romeo and Juliet. The same general play of events.

....Well, ok. It _is_ Romeo and Juliet. But I prefer to call it The Jared and Kim Story.

Only my ending doesn't involve Kim's death. Occasionally I revise it to include my own death-kind of like West Side Story. But usually we both just live happily ever after. That would be the ideal outcome in my opinion.

Yea, see, how I figure it is that Alex is 'Paris', the rich son of a bitch who screw's everything up. Kim is my beautiful angel 'Juliet' of course, who light's up the world and causes the planet's to aline and the earth to flourish and leave us all in blissful peace and harmony-as a vague description. And I am the loving idiot 'Romeo'.

True to form, I _can_be an idiot.

Like today in class.

I mean c'mon, **there she was**, sitting right there in all her beauty and perfection, **right there** beside me! And as usual, I let my moment pass. I let her slip right through my finger's-_literally_.

See, I touched her today.

I mean, I _really touched _her. In an intense-moment kind of way.

Just remembering how her tiny hand had felt against my skin is enough to send my into a sweat. The sensation that had run through me was nearly orgasmic, there is no other palet to compare. Nothing I experience will ever equal up to the satisfaction that come's from simply touching her. She is incomparable in every way.

I want to touch her again. Alone. I want to wrap my arm's around her and feel her tiny frame pressed against mine. I want to hold her hand uninterrupted. The way it should be. I want-

Back to my script.

But Alas! Here come's Pari-Alex, riding in on his trusty steed to ruin my life.

Fu**ing A-hole.

Here come's this big shot from god-knows-where, stealing all my friend's, stealing my _imprint,_stealing my life! I want to eat him! One more run-in with this guy and I don't think I'll be able to restrain myself. Literally, I'll go cannibal on that mofo in half a second. And if anyone ask's about it later, the bastard had it coming.

So here come's Alex, taking away everything I love -next he'll probably come for my family. I wouldn't put it past him- and forcing me to wait out this horrific date like a hermit in a cave.

This is absolute torture.

Here I am, wallowing in my self pity-slightly drunk, I'll admit. Waiting for their stupid date to start. Waiting for Alex-Bastard-Benjamin to take out the girl of my dream's and make her fall madly in love with him.

Here I sit. Completely hopeless. Completely _helpless_.

I am weak and pitiful, though not respectable enough to be pitied.

A worthy man would at least put up a fight against this abomination of a date. A worthy man would throw down for the girl that he loves.

As a matter-of-fact...

I should go. I should go steal her back.

That's what Romeo would do. And Toni. Romeo would never have allowed Paris to take Juliet on a date without at least keeping watch to make sure Paris didn't get too grabby with his hands. It would practically be a crime not to.

I grabbed at my cell phone. Holy Shi- What's wrong with my eyesight? Am I going blind? Can a werewolf go blind? All the number's are all blurry and fuzzy-

"Hello?"

"Sam?" I asked, my voice cracking. I laughed at my funny voice cheerfully.

Sam was silent.

"Jared?" He sounded worried, and maybe even angry. "Jared? What's going on? What're you doing?"

I fingered a beer bottle in my hand, deciding to ignore the question before it landed me in a headlock, "Nothing, nothing man. I-I just wanted to let you know that I can't run patrol tonight-" I stopped to giggle hysterically. Sam is just so quiet on the phone, it's fkn hilarious. "Duuude your _so quiet_! But anyway, I've got some stuff to do so-"

"Jared?" He interrupted, his voice growing slightly harsher.

"Chyea whats up?"

"Jared. Are you drunk?" He asked incredulously, as if the idea was foreign to him.

It was my turn to be silent. I tried to quickly weigh the pro's and con's of honesty in my fuzzy mind. But as previously noted, my mind is groggy and cannot be rushed. Or reasoned with.

"I don't know." I finally decided. A normal wimp answer for the man caught in the wrong. Hopefully he'll believe I actually don't know, although I'm pretty sure we both know I would know something as obvious as this.

He sighed, "What the hell, man? How are you even drunk? Is that even possible?"

I took another swig of the beer in my lap, staring down at the 27 empty bottle's I'd littered across the floor of my room. Or around 27. Something like that...

"It's not easy."

Sam sighed again, sounding thoroughly beat, "What the hell, man?" He repeated.

I smacked my head back against my headboard, enjoying the sound of splintering wood. I could feel Sam flinch at the noise over the phone, but he stayed quiet. I closed my eye's, relishing the feeling of my head's pulsing throb, "I'm going to lose." I finally replied, taking another deep gulp of the crappiest tasting liquid known to man. How someone can create such an awful substance is a wonder in itself. "He's winning." I continued, my voice sounding faraway.

I stumbled out of my bed, tossing down the empty bottle to go in search of another, "He's winning, and I'm going to lose her. Their going out tonight and I'm sitting here, losing her. I have to go-"

"Your not losing her," Sam cut in to console me, "It's only a -Wait. What?"

I fell upon another hot beer, warm from sitting out so long and easily pulled off the sharp top, "I'm going to go win her." I explained triumphantly.

"Dude, no your not."

I frowned. Who is Sam to tell me what I can and can't do? He's only my alpha...No big deal...

"Yea I am. I'm going to go find her and tell her I love her, and then I'm going to kick the crap out of that kid." I murmured in a shaky voice, stumbling around with my open beer to find a change of clothes.

I heard Sam sigh again in frustration, "What are you? Stupid? You can't do that, man."

"I have to!" I argued, pulling on my only untorn pair of jeans.

"Your drunk. Do you realize that? Your drunk. Kim is turning you into an alcoholic. But dude, if you go your just going to freak her out. What is she going to think when you suddenly show up on her **date**?"

"Hallelujah, I'm saved." I replied dryly, not in the mood for Sam's bickering. I only called to inform him of my lack of patrolling time. Not to begin an argument that could last all night.

"She's not going to say that, and she's not going to think it either. Don't go."

"I have to." I repeated before chugging half of my last beer.

"This is your worst idea yet. This seriously beat's them all. If you go your just going to screw everything up for yourself." He warned me.

My mind vacantly agreed with him. That's the part of my mind that isn't having fun yet. I downed the rest of my beer, out of courtesy. I'm trying to make my entire brain enjoy the party.

"Everything is already screwed up." I replied bluntly.

He sighed, this time in pity, and we sat in silence. I waited for his okay, which I know he'll give. As unsupportive of this adventure as he is, he'd never keep me away from my imprint. No matter the circumstances. He took a deep breath, "Jared, I'm saying this as a friend, do not let her know you are there. If your going to go, which you will, because your an idiot, at least keep out of the way. In your state she won't be at all happy to see you. Even if you weren't drunk off your ass...It's not the time or the place to see her. Stay hidden. For your own good, kid."

I tried to ignore his last sentence's, knowing I wouldn't be able to go without a guilty conscience after hearing this. I pressed a hand to my temple, feeling a new round of stress take it's toll.

"We were never friend's." I spat into the phone before snapping it shut.

Why does he always have to be on my case? It's like he's my freakin dad or something. I already have a dad -not that he's much of a dad anymore- and Sam is only 3 years older than me. I think I'll be fine without his bullshit advice.

He deserved that. He really did...

Ugh, no he didn't.

Goddammit.

I'll regret that later.

I growled in my chest, throwing open my door and slinking out into the hallway. My little sister Mary stood across at her door-frame, staring at me. Her eye's were concerned, though her body was shaking out of fear. She'd been so close when I'd first changed...She hadn't seen, but she'd heard plenty...

"Are you okay?" She asked in her tiny voice.

I grimaced, "Don't ask that."

She nodded and scurried back into her room, shutting the door. I heard the lock click and growled again, this one forcing itself into more of a snarl. Who put's a lock on an eight year old's door? And even with it, how would that stop me from going in? Do my parent's have brains up there at all?

They'd installed the lock along with many other's scattered around our house. Our pantry now has a lock on it. As does our computer room. All of these serve the purpose of locking me out if I ever suddenly 'go into a rage blackout' or 'go insane with hate' or something like that. My parent's are the one's that are insane. Freakin psycho's.

You know what would be awesome? Really awesome? Something that would make this terrible, terrible nightmare slightly more liveable for me? If my family wasn't so damn scared of me all the time. My mother doesn't even look me in the eye anymore. Who treat's the son they bore and rose like that because of something he can't even control? It's her fault anyway. It's my mother's gene's that caused this fiasco and now I'm paying for it with their wary stare's and upturned nose's. Some family. Mary's the only one I pardon for her treatment. She's so little. Following the example of her parent's is all she really can do.

I stomped down the stairs, sounding louder than a jackhammer, with the purpose of waking said parent's. I heard my father's snoring stop from inside his locked bedroom and smiled to myself. I could feel his anger rise to the ceiling of our home like smoke from a flame. I relish in his anger, I love it. It make's mine easier to control.

"Bye!" I call out to the traitor house. Hopefully I didn't piss him off too bad. I'd rather not have to break down the door if they change the lock's while I'm out.

I stumbled out into the night, trying to raise my woozy head and keep from knocking out in the middle of the lawn. I tested my pocket's for keys and was successful. Carefully, I opened the door of my black truck and threw myself into it, trying not to break it in the process. I remember when my parent's bought me this car. When they loved me.

Before I became their son, the freak.

I didn't bother with my seat belt as I pulled out onto the street.

I know the way to Kim's house a little _too_ well. Even drunk, it's the easiest thing to remember. I've been back and forth from my house to Kim's, from Sam's to Kim's, from the school to Kim's, so many time's in just two days, the route's become instinct. I could do it blind and deaf starting from Forks if I wanted. Though I'll probably never want that.

I wonder if she's ever invited Alex into her home. Has she introduced him to her parents? He's only been here for a couple days, how close could they truly be?

Close enough.

I sped up in my nervous haste, making a sharp left that nearly tilted the car over a curb. There's her street, I can see it from here, her wonderful street that keeps her wonderful house that hold's within my beautiful Kim. So close. So close.

I slam the break's right as I come to her street corner-I'd rather not be in her driveway when Alex pulls up. Even in my drunken state I've decided to heed Sam's warning. Better safe than sorry. I trust his sober judgement.

'Keep out of the way', he'd said. And I intend to.

Up to a point, that is...

But if Alex even tries getting fresh with her my morale's are going straight out the window! Followed shortly by his severed head.

I ticked off the minute's in my head, waiting for something to happen. Basically, for anything to happen. Her door remained shut and her entire house looked void of human life. What if she's already gone? What if they left early? How the hell do I find them? What if he's hurting her right this second?

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I need another beer.

She really is turning me into an alcoholic.

A tap on my window sent my worried heart into spasms.

I glared at the culprit, and then my entire body froze, only to begin again in a flurry of bizarre shivering.

I've been discovered. By the last person I'd want to find me.

I rolled down my window a little sheepishly. So much for sneaky and staying out of the way. That lasted, what, two minutes?

...I think I'm just too inebriated to be a ninja right now.

Neither of us spoke. I was looking away, feeling pretty humiliated and busy focusing on creating a good excuse. Whilst he seemed ill at ease watching me scramble internally, he rested his elbows in my car window and leaned in with a casual expression-a smile even daring to grace his lips. I should close the window on his stupid face. Better yet, I should punch him in the stupid face. A-hole.

"Well, well. Ya'know, I figured you were a creep from the start, but not in the stalker sense. This brings out a whole new round of personality traits I hadn't even considered." Alex chuckled gaily, throwing a hand through his stupid blond hair.

Does Kim have a thing for blonde's?

Is that what this is about?

"I'm not st-I'm-this isn't-I'm not even in front of her house." I finally growled, feeling like an idiot.

Yea, so far I have to admit he's kicking my ass.

"Ahh, but you know it's not her house. How do you know where her house is, Tal? You ever been there?" He asked, opening my passenger door and sliding in.

"What the hell are you doing, Benjamin?"

He smirked, "I'd rather not have this conversation out in the open, who know's if Kim will decide to look out her window and be able to see us chatting." He looked straight ahead now that he was situated beside me, peering through the window's. My body tensed while I fought to control myself. Though my mind was at war with whether or not I even should. "Oh! Well look at that. This is a sweet parking spot, Jared. If you look straight that way you can see right into Kim's front yard. Did you realize that? Pretty convenient, eh?"

I sighed, my head spinning, giving me the image of three of annoying Alex's instead of just the one. Which was already more than enough. "Why're you here?"

He smiled wider, staring right at me now. "You already know why I'm here. Don't you Tal? Didn't Kim tell you earlier, in Spanish class?"

Kay. Who's calling who a stalker?

I smirked back, giving my own hearty chuckle -even though I felt my bone's shifting in their agitation to morph me into a beast. "You're so positive I'm a threat that you have your spies working full shifts _during school_ Benjamin? Pretty sad when you doubt your own capabilities."

"I don't doubt myself, or Kim. I just like to be aware of how much you know about us, about her. Just in case you decide to go psycho killer on us some night. Your already showing signs...You know stalking leads to extreme destructive obsessing in eighty percent of all case's." Alex informed me in a matter-of-fact tone that made me want to punch him in the balls.

I laughed again. This kid has no idea how destructively obsessed I already am.

If I'm able to keep my cool right now, I'm pretty sure Ill stay in control.

"Yea, your right." I agreed, "So I'd back out now if I valued my life. Wouldn't you?"

He glared, "You need to _get_ a life man."

"I have one, and she's in that house right over there."

He made a disgusted noise, "Your a freak, you know that?"

I faked looking at my watch -my nonexistent watch- and looked back at him impatiently, "Your going to be late for your da-appointment."

He smiled again, "You mean my **date** with Kim?"

"Enjoy it." I growled, "It'll be your last."

"Ha, you don't scare me Tal. You had your chance, for a long ass time if you ask me. But now Kim's all mine, thanks to you treating her like dirt her entire life."

I cringed noticeably.

I'm pretty sure Alex has located all my weak nerves, and now he's using them to his advantage. Clever boy.

I tried to regroup and pull my strength back together. His comment's are hitting me like wrecking balls, breaking down all my 'strong' wall's. Just like Kim has the ability to demolish them.

"It doesn't matter how many time's we talk about it Alex. Thing's will unfold however they will. If your afraid, tough shit. But trying to break me down isn't going to work. I'm in it for the long haul. Kim will be mine, and I think you know that."

His face contorted into a half pained-half furious mask of violence. "That's not happening."

I raised my hands in shrug, "We'll see."

He sat silently in my passenger seat, looking like a sulky boy who's just been put on time out. Kim need's someone stronger than this to take care of her. He's barely a child. He hasn't had to grow up at all.

He glared up at me, "So I know your here to stalk her Tal. But what are you planning? We _are_ going on this date. And your not invited."

"I was sure when I spoke to her earlier I heard an invitation." His eye's widened momentarily before he caught my bluff.

"Shutup asshole, why're you here? And I'm serious."

I snickered, leaning my head back against the rest to close my eyes, "Oh your serious, someone hide me."

"Tell me why your here so I can get to my date goddammit!"

I smiled tightly, eyes still closed, "All the more reason to keep it to myself." He didn't respond for a long while. Simply breathed heavy breaths in his frustration. Which made me somewhat joyful inside.

Then my mind went into a flurry of sharp pains.

I put a hand to my aching forehead.

Yepp, that beer's coming back to get me. Those _beer's_. How many in total? Like thirty? Crap. Even for a werewolf. **Crap**.

I groaned, opening and blinking my probably-red eyes against the dimming sunset.

Alex went quiet beside me suddenly, his breath catching, then he began to laugh. Hysterically. Even clapping his hands a bit.

And now who's calling who a _freak_?

"Oh yes! This is too good! Your drunk! Your over here, making a fool of yourself, drunk! Gahh, I hope Kim catches a glimpse of us now, that'll be too good. Maybe then you'll start to pour your lovesick heart out to her, and tell her how much you need her and cry of all the thing's that suck in your life. Please do, Jared. Be my guest. I'll walk you to the door," He offered, snickering.

A-hole.

"Shut the f**k up. I'm not drunk."

"Pray you don't get pulled over by a cop on the way back to your house man, cause you're a shit liar."

"Thanks for the critique douche bag, I needed your opinion. Yea, just so you know I'm not going home."

His eye's narrowed into slit's. "And why not?"

I had to smile again. I love making this Alex faggot angry. It's even better then pissing off my douche father. I laughed, "I have a date to attend."

"No." I laughed while he squirmed, "No, shut the hell up motherf**ker! Your not coming with us! This is our date. Back off! You think you can just waltz around people whenever you please."

"Actually, I can. Free country man, that's what that means."

He went quiet. Probably trying to think up ways to avoid this happening.

Though none could stop me now.

Unfortunately, he found the one exception.

The one warning that could alter my course.

He smiled up at me in a daring smirk, "Fine. Come, Tal. Let's see how Kim react's when I tell her what your doing at the restaurant."

"I just happened to be in the area. Hungry."

"When I point out the black truck following us?"

"I drove into the area, completely unaware of you. And then was hungry."

"She's not an idiot, Tal. It's funny to me that you keep underestimating her, when you say thing's like 'she's my life'." He shook his head pityingly, "You don't even know her at all."

Again, I flinched and had to press a hand against my heart with enough force to knock over an elephant.

One more dick comment and Alex is going down. And I mean it.

"I know she's not an idiot."

"Then you'll know to keep out of our way."

I had to laugh. It's like Sam and Alex are working as a team to make this date go smoothly. I can't do that...But they are sort of right. "That's funny. People keep telling me that."

"Maybe you should start listening."

I glared back at him, "You know, if I were you I wouldn't be giving away such good advice. I would've let you come drunk and make a fool of yourself in front of her."

"I'd rather have a nice date with my soon-to-be girlfriend, thanks. Instead of making the night all about you and your idiotically planned, intoxicated appearance." He insisted, though his voice wavered with emotion.

Any idiot could know his true intentions.

"Maybe it's not that at all." I started with a grand smile, "Maybe you truly are threatened by me...Maybe your afraid she won't be disgusted. She won't be mad. She won't think I'm a fool...Maybe your afraid she'll end up leaving with me instead of you."

I could only hope to be that lucky.

Though I doubt that would ever happen in reality. I'm glad to watch him squirm.

He bit his lip, obviously acknowledging his capture.

We were both quiet, waiting for the other to make a final move to knock over a queen.

Alex's cell phone ringing broke the tense stare-down. He moved to retrieve it from his back pocket, and I was able to catch Kim's name blinking before he moved it out of my line of sight. We both looked out to her house immediately.

She sat with her elbow's resting upon her knees on her front porch steps. Beautiful as ever. And just as alway's, her perfection shocked me with the first glimpse. Such flawless, raw, beauty, contained in such a small creature. Hunched over, hood up, looking nearly heartbroken. It's ten past seven. She's probably resorted to believing Alex's standing her up.

Which would be fine with me if she didn't look so utterly distraught. Is this hurting her? Is me keeping him here hurting her?

I looked over at him, ready to throw him out onto the street and chase him with my car to force him to get to her faster, and wipe that tortured frown from her gorgeous lips.

He looked back at me, reading my expression, which was probable full of pure adoration. He didn't look happy, but he knew what card's I held now, and that was enough. "Are you willing to risk that chance?" He asked, pressing another nerve.

And he's one hundred percent onto me. I'm not willing to risk it.

He win's yet another battle.

Bravo, Bravo.

"Get out of my car." I snapped, not meeting his eye's. I kept my gaze on my beautiful imprint, sitting alone on her porch. I began to count the second's until she would smile again.

My heart nearly broke knowing that it would be his appearance that would cause this smile.

He did as he was told, probably having read the defeat that was now plastered across my face. And most likely would be for quite some time. "Keep out of our way." He threatened and slammed my door.

He walked out into the road, heading straight for her house. He's plain in the street. I could run him over if I wanted to. Right now. With only Kim as my witness.

But then where would her smile be? Would she smile again? Do I have proof that she can be happy after his death? I can't even risk that much.

I can risk nothing when it involve's her.

My day's of dare's and careless living are long gone.

I'm no boy now, I'm a man with a purpose.

I refuse to fail my purpose.

* * *

I must admit, he's giving her some of what she deserve's.

Though I believe no man on the planet is good enough to serve my Angel -including myself- Alex is trying awfully hard.

I followed them from La Push, all the long ass way to Port Angeles. Port-frkn-Angeles. Took nearly an hour cause Alex drives like a grandma and I had to keep a safe distance behind. I think he drove that slow to purposefully piss me the hell off. A-hole.

He really does know how to push me to the edge.

Now I'm standing in front of a french restaurant, called _Mademoiselle_. The type of name a non-french owner, who know's absolutely NO french, would choose to title their fake-french-food-that-taste's-like-plastic, restaurant. Hell, this place is tacky in my opinion, and I would never think to bring Kim all this way to eat _here_. But it is nearly fifteen dollar's a course. Yes, they serve their meal's in 'course's' here. So I must give him some credit for cranking out the cash to bring her here. It requires some partial sacrifice at least.

"Table for two, Benjamin." He told the hostess, who sized them up condescendingly. As if they were either too young, or too unattractive to have reservations a _her _restaurant.

Bitch.

Kim is the most beautiful creation God has ever put to life. The waitress should'nt even be alive. She's too ugly and worthless to breath the same air as my Kim. Especially since she doesn't have a kind personality to make up for it.

Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim.

Kim look's exceptional tonight. She would look incredible in a paper bag without showering for week's to me. But tonight, as per usual, she has showered, and she is in fact not wearing a paper bag, but a pair of tight fitted black jeans and a formal navy shirt. She's too attractive, I'm having a hernia trying to keep away from her. Every inch of my body want's to be closer, to get near her, to brush past her at the very least. I need her in my closer proximity or I will surely burst.

I continued to wait outside, looking at them through the glass door's. I waited for the hostess to find their table and lead them way from the stand.

My intoxication had slowly began to fade on the ride up here. Though I'm sure my word's are slightly slurring and my head is still somewhat spinning. But I should be able to stay incognito now, if anything.

I swayed into the restaurant, immediately enjoying the lack of annoying background music. Regardless of their tacky name, and most likely tacky food, their taste in classical music will be put in my favor tonight, therefor I respect them. I wobbled up to the hostess stand and a host stepped up to assist me. While there were no other's waiting on the couch's upfront, or standing around the entrance to wait out a table, the entire restaurant was nearly filled -and most of the table buzzer's had either been stolen or passed out already.

"Table for one?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly. Least I didn't slurr terribly.

He eyed me warily, having to strain his neck up as most everyone does, he didn't look happy to be standing before me. As if he wanted to toss me out, were it allowed. He sighed finally, writing something in a book and picking up on of the few buzzer's, "Okay, table for one, that'll be an hour wait, your name please?"

I flinched as he spoke. His audible lisp and high voice is in no way a sign that he's gay. No. Not at all.

I'm no homophobe. I'm just a straight guy. We have a natural intolerance set in our blood. It's instinct.

"An hou-hou-hou-uh-er? B-but-but," I had to stop to steady my stuttering. Alcohol is definitely a last resort from now on. This is just embarrassing. "Could I make it any sooner?"

The guy sized me up. At first I thought in a way that he was thinking, 'Who do you think you are?'. On second thought I was worried it was a, 'Hey, your not so bad looking' kind of glance. But finally I saw him look around himself connivingly, and I began to steer my inebriated mind in the correct direction. He rubbed his finger's together in a hidden gesture, "You could..." He trailed off, making sure I saw his hands.

Ugh..

I'm not made of money like everyone else in this damned restaurant.

Even less then the bum's on the street probably, I barely have any money left at all.

I worked, before the werewolf bit happened, but then I was entirely forced to quit every hobby, activity, means of income, and _passion_, that I had. Now I'm living off of my previous earning's. Which were measly at best.

But I'm fairly sure I have enough to spot tonight, and live for at least another week before money becomes a substantial issue.

I sighed, pulling a twenty from my wallet. The host made a face. I pulled another ten and gave him a hard look. Meant to warn, if you keep it up I'll just kill you and leave instead. He read the expression and accepted the cash, leading me off without another word. I threw the buzzer back on the post.

He weaved me through crowded tables and I attempted to scout out a table that would be hidden from theirs, but leave me with a decent view.

The restaurants floor plan was in somewhat of a square, with the bar, bathroom's, and kitchen in the middle of the building. Table's went all the way around, meaning you could take a right and follow the square to get back to the front if you wanted. Alex and Kim had gone right. I could still hear Alex's annoying voice babbling to her from the back of the restaurant.

I let the host lead me as far back as he could without Kim spotting my height, which most people were already turning from their dinner's to ogle at, and sat myself at a booth. The perfect booth to spy from. Kim's back is to me. Whereas Alex has a clear shot. I'm fairly sure he's seen me sit here already, since he's begun to fidget again.

Good. I want him to be nervous. I want him to screw up.

The host left me with a menu and scurried away.

I immediately raised the menu to cover my face, ony letting my eyes peer over. If Kim turn's around...

That conversation isn't one I want to have.

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

Agah! The date has begun! All from Jared's POV, so be sure to check for the other's this week.  
I'm trying to build Alex's character into one you can equally hate as well as adore, since that didn't come across obviously enough in the beginning chapter's. It's all out war for her now.  
By war I mean teenage boy's fighting for a girl type of war. So it's bound to be reckless as well as ridiculous ahah.  
Tell me what you thought? Review :)  
Playlist:  
The Fourth Drink Instinct-Cute is What We Aim For  
Mr. Right-Cameron Leahy cover  
Hey, does anybody actually listen to these playlists, or are they absolutely pointless? lol.


	13. Chapter 13: Act II

Changed my mind. Yet again :/ Sorry.  
I honestly don't plan on being so bipolar with this story -it is simply a byproduct of my mood swings.  
So this chapter is going to be set from the POV of all three character's. Yes, even Alex. I tried to write from only Jared's, but I wasn't feeling it. It needed something more. Haha so yea, I hope you're not pissed and I pray you like it. This date was harder to write than I imagined lol.  
Enjoy chapter 13 [:

* * *

_**Jared's POV**_

I'd rather not feel at the moment, to be honest.

If I feel, there are only three routes in which those emotions could stray.

One, I could be pretty f'ing pissed. Like, more pissed than I am now. And I could end up wandering over to their table, grabbing Alex by the neck, and decapitating him right in the middle of this restaurant, with my beautiful Angel in plain sight.

That could gaurantee some problems somewhere down the line.

Possibility two, I could get sickeningly emotional. Doubtful, but lately, since thing's began to involve Kim, the most doubtful occurrences have been popping up. And I'd rather not cry like a bitch in front of her. She would most definitely hear me. The restaurant may be packed tonight, but that doesn't mean it's too loud to hear a grown boy as he weeps.

Three, I could get a little headstrong, a little -how do you say?- crazy? More insane than I am now, that is. Already I'm glowering at them from behind Kim's back, who knows what I'll do if I sober up?! I'd rather stick with what I know. Right now, staying drunk seems a reliable choice.

This is the reason I now have my waitress, Lorraine, who has the habit of checking me out obnoxiously each and every single time she comes to wait on me, bringing the beer's in consistent order.

"Keep 'em coming." I demand, and she has thus far done her job well.

She didn't even ask for I.D., Lorraine is my new best friend.

I wonder how many beer's it'll take until Lorraine starts getting worried. If there's a cut off limit I'm shit out of luck. Maybe if I just don't act too incredibly drunk she'll leave me alone?

The need for consecutive drinks is one hundred percent necessary tonight-it really is.

I've come to realize it take's less than half an hour for the effect's to fade, due to my alter-ego, and once they fade, I have to start all over again. Therefore, I must keep my alcohol level at a nice chill pace.

I'm doing quite well if I do say so myself.

I have yet to make a public outburst or draw attention to myself whatsoever.

Nope, I'm just here. Watching. Slurping my heavenly liquid from a straw. I can't believe I ever hated the taste of beer. Beer's so _nice_. Beer is my friend.

"Hey there, ready for a fill up?" Lorraine asks, her eye's traveling over me again as I knew they would, they then went to rest on my already half empty drink.

"Why thank you, Lorraine, that'd be wonderful." I smiled, eye's barely staying open.

She smile's back, holding the beat for a second too long. _Okay..._

She eventually looked away, to my relief. My heart raced suddenly when I saw her reaching for my lifeline, "Whoa! Whoa!" I protested, grabbing for my beer in slow, exaggerated motions.

At first she was shocked, then she gave me an understanding glance -sighing as if I had just crushed her dreams of finding an attractive non-alcoholic man for once. Sorry babe, I'm drinkin the _drank_ tonight.

Plus, I'm taken.

"I'll bring the pitcher." She grumbles and walks off.

My attention immediately returns to Kim.

Why does she always have to look so good? Every damn second! It's fkn unnerving.

I tossed the straw away from the table and downed the rest of my beer quickly. Fuck pacing myself, I need to be a mindless zombie right now. Seeing her, here, without me, with _him_, is excruciating.

"You look great tonight, by the way." Alex is telling her.

Where's Lorraine with that pitcher?

"Th-Thanks...Alex..." Kim stutters back in her charmingly soft voice. So soft and silky -silky, just like her long raven back hair that hangs just beneath her waist line, straight as a board, just begging me to run my finger's through it.

"Have you ever been here?" He ask's her, glancing at his menu only minutely.

She shook her head but didn't respond.

"Why're you blushing?" He asks her, chuckling.

She's blushing? I bet the sight is breathtaking. What I wouldn't give to be the one receiving that blush.

Why is she blushing? Is she embarrassed? Is she angry? Is she feeling flirty? What could she be thinking of?

"No reason, this place is just very expensive..." She paused to cough weakly.

Heck yes it is. I agree most definitely.

And the people here, _ugh_! It's like the epitome of old geezer's. One man sitting not to far from me is currently coughing out his denture's, right into his mixed fruit appetizer. His wife looks utterly bored and unconcerned, as if she's already seen this too many time's to care. I've been watching him though, ready to step in with the heimlich maneuver when finally one of those grape's gets lodged in his weak throat and refuse's to be coughed up. That man is a walking death trap.

Kim shift's in her seat, waving her soft hair gently and clear's her throat.

"I doubt my mother and I could afford it." She then murmur's in a humiliated tone.

Alex's face contorts into a horrified mask, whereas I feel my heart sink into the bottomless depths.

My angel is embarrassed, and possibly even offended. But the worst being, she feels uncomfortable here, in this setting, in this restaurant. I knew when he stopped at the valet in front of _Mademoiselle _this wasn't the right place to bring her. She deserves the best. But the best isn't always the most expensive.

I want to grab her and run.

Run her somewhere far away where she can feel good, and make herself at home. I'd run her to a nice burger joint, where she can stuff her face, messy or clean -either way- Id love her even more for it. Or I'd take her to a venue where some local band who'll never make it is playing a shitty show for a grand total of fifteen audience members, and maybe we'd pick up food on the way at a nice Chinese place, or the venue might even have a pizza parlor built in with the greasiest of foods on a pan to satisfy her. I'd give her the best night of her life. I know I could.

I wouldn't bring her here, where the people rely on expensive food and formal attire to comfort their incomplete lives and crappy evenings.

Alex scrambles for word's, seemingly speechless, finally he sighed, "Are you not comfortable here?"

Well no crap Benjamin, as if that's not obvious.

She made a rush to assure him, although I could hear the truth behind her consoling, "No! No, this is beautiful Alex. Thank you so much for bringing me here. And, think about it, now I can say I've been here next time someone asks." She rambled, trying to laugh it off.

Her nervous laugh is adorable.

"Planning for another guy to bring you here?" He asked in faux dread.

She giggled with him, "Oh yes, I have a waiting list."

I hear the sound of wood creaking, as if about to splinter, and looked down to see my fist clenched around the edge of the table. I believe my palm is gushing blood, but I've not yet felt it.

Lorraine saunters up to me now, swinging her hip's. Maybe she hasn't givin up yet -though she probably believes I need AA support. "Let me fill that glass for you, sweety." She offers with a friendly smile, completely blocking my view of their table as she bends over.

I had to look away when her breasts threatened to fall from her unbuttoned work shirt. In the work place, honestly? I don't doubt Lorraine will get fired soon enough, if she's often this unprofessional.

She was about to stalk off again when I grabbed her arm, "Leave the pitcher." I practically begged, though in my state it sounded more like a slurred threat.

She nodded with an almost terrified expression, pulling back her arm from my fiery touch and setting it down in front of me. She basically ran from my table at this point.

I gulped down my full cup in half a second and began to pour another.

"Do you like school?" Alex asked Kim, fishing for small talk.

Ridiculous.

I bet it wouldn't be this hard for me and her. We'd get along perfectly well, just like we had earlier today. For us, it's effortless. Not this awkward mixture of short lived babble and weird subjects.

"Ahmm, not as much as I used to." She replied, looking around. I lifted my menu back up to hide myself.

Alex sounded desperate to keep her attention, "Why's that?"

She seemed to roll that question over in her mind for a few seconds. When she spoke, she sounded strikingly wistful, "It's become so much more complicated."

Since when is school complicated for **Kim Connelly**? I have my doubts she's ever gotten a grade lower than a B in her entire life. I vaguely remember my friend's mentioning her -well, making fun of her- a long time ago. When we were still in middle school, I believe. Stupid immature jerks. They had been mocking her awesome grade's and prude dorky life. They don't even know the perfection of the angel she is. Their jealous, all of them. Jealous that she's got brain's _and_ beauty.

But if she is failing...by chance, I wonder what I could do to make thing's easier? I could take some of her workload in Spanish. I could actually _study _and help her out if she needs it. I'm not so bad at math if she wants tutoring, even english maybe...

I could be her tutor. And eventually, after month's of helpful lesson's and spending time together, she'd realize the boy who's been saving her grade's is actually the man of her dream's in disguise. And she'd swoon, of course. Yes, that is exactly how it would happen, were I to be her tutor.

Alex was still talking in a tone that suggested he was quickly losing his mind -probably from the stress of this awful date, "Yea, school just gets harder and harder, I hear ya. Did you get your test result's back yet? My class hasn't. My parent's say they'll whip me if I get lower than an eighty. And then I had this chemistry quiz, and WHEW-"

"Alex?" She intterupted, sounding bored. "This isn't the first time we've talked. I've spoken to you everyday this week. We've had conversation's. Stop trying so hard."

He was quiet for a long moment, not meeting her eye's and then he groaned under his breath, "Yea, yea your right."

Then they both went silent.

I have to admit, at this moment I did just feel a slight strain of pity for the pathetic attempts of this boy. Maybe he really _does_ have to try so hard, that's the sad thing. Otherwise it's this deathly silence that threatens to hang over them.

On the other side, I'm feeling kind of giddy from this realization. And I now find myself unable to stop smiling.

Maybe I'll hold off on my next beer and order a soda?

Alex smiled up at Kim suddenly, "If I'm going to stop trying so hard, and be completely honest, then here it is; All that I can think of right now is how gorgeous you look tonight. I can't take my mind off it."

Pfsht.

Pfffssshhhhhhhhtt.

Son of a bitch.

Touche Paris. Touche. I'm starting to think Romeo had it easy.

Where'd I put that pitcher?

* * *

_**Kim's POV  
**_

Well, this is awkward.

"Thank's...Alex..." I reply weakly.

Okay, yes, I'll admit that I'm not giving him alot to work with. But isn't that what girl's are _supposed_ to do? Play hard to get and all that.

If him and I are right for each other, thing's will work out for the best, we'll just end up together. I have full confidence in that. And depending on how this date goes will help decide what choice I make. Well, what choice we make.

Although I don't think Alex actually cares how well this get together goes. This whole week he's seemed perfectly fine with going steady in a heartbeat.

I could say yes now, in the middle of this uncomfortable silence, and he would probably be overjoyed. He might even jump from that overwhelming joy. That would be interesting.

Sigh, sigh, sigh. I am sighing. I've sighed about thirty eight time's in the past two hour's. First, when he was late, I sighed quite a bit then. And now, since this date is going just horribly, I am sighing consistently. Does he think calling me beautiful is going to help? Cause, reality check, it won't.

Ugh, I'm being too hard on him still, I know I am. This must be really difficult for him, I can only imagine what's going on his head right now.

* * *

_**Alex's POV  
**_

He just keeps staring. It's like the guy doesn't blink.

I tear at my collar, feeling as if my throat is closing up. I'm pretty sure I've begun to sweat. Crap, now I'm going to look and smell like _crap_. Great. That's f'ing GREAT!

I wish he'd leave, that dude gives me the willies. The way he looks at Kim is completely messed up. Messed up, as in I don't understand. Didn't he dislike her? Didn't they not talk? Why does he stare at her like she's the most crazy awesome thing he's ever seen in his life? Like she's his favorite character come to life, or his celebrity crush that happens to walk by miraculously. It's weird. It's pissing me off.

And now it's making me nervous.

I don't know why. It's stupid. I shouldn't be nervous.

But that Jared guy is really frickin good at putting down a guy's spirit's. The way he talks, like he _knows _thing's. As if he's one hundred percent positive she'll end up with him. It's probably just an intense amount of self-confidence, which should make me hate him more. But he sound's so right. And that makes me anxious.

I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to freak her out, or turn her off.

Therefore, I say nothing.

And when I do happen to say something, I offend her. Like an asshole.

And what the hell is going on in my stomach, for God's sake, since when do I have butterflies?

I don't like having butterflies. It is not pleasant.

Is this chick really worth it? Worth this creepy stalker guy, awkward fleeting moment's, and prude quiet behavior? I don't even know why I'm attracted to her, most of the time.

Then sometimes she's interesting.

Like something I've never experienced. Because she _is_ something I've never experienced. I've never liked someone quiet and shy and troubled before. It's surprisingly alluring.

Yea, she's worth a shot, least for now. But if that creep comes at me with a knife, that is it! I'll drop her like a bag of mary-j during a police raid. No joke, that's happened.

I look up at her to speak, to begin a normal conversation, but of course right there in my line of sight, right behind her head is Jared. Staring his awful stare. Goddammit.

I don't like the way he look's at me either. Accusingly. Threateningly. Skeptically.

But worse than all of that -which I can actually live with. I can live with his hate and jealousy. I understand those emotion's in this situation.- I hate his _acceptance_.

He may not even know it. I barely noticed at first... But sometimes, at random moment's, when I do or say something kind -to Kim, only when I do it to Kim- the way he looks at me...It's-It's almost...I can't even think of the word's.

It's like we're friend's, or something.

No, not friend's. Closer. Like I'm his hero. Like I'm Jesus, and I've just healed the terminally ill love of his life. It's not cool.

I hate that look. I want to rip it off his face. I don't want his kindness, I don't want to be his hero, or his friend. I don't need a fan. I need him to back off of my conquest. She's mine and I wanted her first.

Although, I must be honest. The challenge makes it better. It wouldn't be half as fun without him around. I just wish he was less creepy. I've fought with a guy over a girl before, many time's actually. I enjoy the chase, I do. But this isn't the type of fight I'm used to. This is different.

And deep down I think it's because he's not in it for the same reason's I am. He calls her _his life_. Ugh. He says and does such strange stalker thing's. I'm not used to this and I don't want it. I want him to fight back like a freaking man goddammit! What's his problem?!

"Where's the waitress?" Kim asks suddenly, pulling me back my angry thoughts. She sighs, again.

I'm getting really sick of that. I get it, this date sucks, stop making it worse by emphasizing that fact, thanks.

"I don't know." I mutter, but she doesn't hear me. I only have to search the room for a minute before I spot the slutty waitress with her shirt button's undone at a table full of college guy's -all of them staring unashamedly.

Exactly why I want Kim so bad.

She's so sweet, and pure, and innocent. She would never wear her shirt unbuttoned. I've dated enough whore's for a while. So I'd say she's worth it, at the very least for now.

"I'm hungry." Kim whine's, scrunching her face. I have to laugh, cause it's cute. She has a few really cute face's. Cute enough that it makes someone want to take a picture. I should bring a camera on our next date.

If we have one. Which we won't if I keep screwing this up.

"Hey!" I yell at the waitress, not bothering to keep my voice down. This place has crappy service, especially considering their price's. Why I chose to bring Kim here, I don't know. Worst mistake I could make, for many reason's.

The waitress doesn't flinch.

"HEY!" I yell a bit louder, making some older woman scowl. She's wearing a wig. I don't care when people who wear wig's get mad. That's just fine. "_LORRAINE_!" I shout, surprised I remember her name.

Suddenly Kim is giggling.

Giggling? Giggling is good. Right? Yes, yes it is. I did something right. We might have a second date. Glory, glory, hallelujah.

"Shh! Keep your voice down! We're going to get in _so much _trouble!" She says through adorable cackles. Ahh, laughter. The best anecdote for a crappy start.

I smile, ready to yell even louder if I can continue this turn for the better, "Lorr_ai-eeeene_, you are _needed_!" I call in a singsong voice, enjoying Kim's continuous cheer.

"Shh!" She insists, but smile's through.

Now Lorraine has heard my obnoxious calls, and is turned, glaring at me with the type of pure justified hatred only a stranger can pull off.

See, anyone can hate someone. Anyone. But deep down, the emotions that person feels for you are shrouded by so many other emotion's. To name a few, familiarity, fondness, resentment for a specific event, remorse, or even the memory of good time's. It's hard for an enemy, or acquaintance, to completely and utterly hate you, through and through. But when a stranger hates you, that is the purest and most awful type of hatred out there.

Because that's all there is for them to feel toward's you.

Their hatred.

That is the type of glare Lorraine is shooting us. I kind of want to block Kim from that type of heat, it's nearly painful.

"Can I help you?" Lorraine asks, not attempting manner's.

Kim is trying to swallow her giggles unsuccessfully. "Ha-mm-yea. I'd like the-hahaha! Crap, I'm sorry! Haha forgive me-ahmm, I'll have the Duet Magnifique, Turkey BLT, Pesto Pasta, and Caesar Salad, with the bleu cheese on the side... Haha, and sorry..."

Kim is blushing such a deep red, I'm surprised the rest of her body still hold's enough blood to circulate properly.

"And for you?" Lorraine asks, unhappily turning her cold eye's towards me.

"I'll have the same, down to the cheese." I answer giddily. Kim giggles again and my heart leaps. Second date, here we come.

"Yea, yea." Lorraine mutter's and walk's off.

More than likely, someone will be spitting in our food tonight.

Kim is still breathing out her laughter when Lorraine is finally out of earshot, "That was funny." She state's the obvious, which is kind of strange, but not unwelcome.

"Thanks,"

She nods and looks around. She is eerily quiet all of a sudden. No. Do not tell me she can switch back to awkward _this _fast. The girl has, what, a ten second rebound? Jesus Christ!

"Do you like cat's?" I ask, just for something to say.

Wow, I am pitiful tonight. Where's my charm? I know I have some. I must've misplaced it.

Actually, no, fuck that. I haven't. Kim just refuse's to work with me. Everyone else on the planet, I can get along with perfectly fine. But nope, Kim has to make this hard. It's like a game to her.

Okay, no, that's me. This is a game to me. And that's just fine. It's fine. I will win this game.

Even if I'm reduced to asking stupid question's. Stupid question's are endearing, I think. Maybe she'll find me adorable for it.

"Cat's are cool." She replies quietly, "_Cool cat's_."

I'll pretend I didn't hear that, because that's a pretty lame phrase.

Of course, once again I look up at her and the only thing I can see is Jared, staring like a maniac from behind.

Staring at her, smiling grandly, as if her strange little phrase were the funniest thing he'd ever had the opportunity to hear.

What. The. Hell.

Something is wrong with these two. Seriously fucked up. If they can both enjoy that joke then maybe they are better off together or something. Maybe I'm fighting a lost war, maybe I'm-

No. No, no, no. No.

_He_never payed any attention to her before. That is wrong. And I bet he only wants her now because I-

Of course!  
Of freaking course!  
I'm surprised I didn't see it sooner! Ugh, no shit!  
Here I come, Alex Benjamin, charming and persuasive. Whilst the once great ruler of the school -so I've been told- Jared was gone, busy turning into an antisocial freak of nature. While he's gone everyone decides I'm cool, and everyone suddenly thinks he's weird and mean and sucks. So now he wants it back. That's what he wants. He wants what I've got. What I took from him. And now, he thinks that includes Kim.

Maybe he think's taking her from me would fix his social status, return him to glory.

That's why he stares at her like that! Like she's some beautiful, glorious, _prize_. That's another way to describe how he stares, like she's a gift from the god's or something. And now I understand...

Well f********************* that.

She's my prize.

Come to think of it, she does kind of look like a prize. All pretty and shiny and pleasant. Enjoyable.

I want to win her. I need to win her. I like her, I like her so much -especially now that I see what I'll lose. I'll lose the one thing that I have that means the world to him. The one thing he is unable to thrive without.

Ha, not gunna happen.

* * *

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

Not done yet, I know it's a long date, but there's still alot that needs to happen.  
So basically, to sum up all of their cryptic message's, Kim only laughed so hard because she was trying to make it easier for Alex -that's why she was able to switch back to awkward so easily. She wasn't really that into it. Jared looks at Alex all loving sometimes because he enjoys Kim's happiness, even if it's Alex who cause's it. He's her imprint, c'mon, of course he'll be grateful. Alex really does like Kim, he does, but he's a normal non-imprinting, horny, teenage boy who's got an entire life of women to live. He knows he's not going to settle down with Kim, and he knows that if they get together, they won't last forever. But he does like her. And he's not readily willing to let Jared steal her away.  
Like most teenage boy's, alot of the attraction also lies heavily on the chase lol.  
I hope you liked this, head's up for chapter fourteen which will be out soon.  
Tell me what you think? How do you think the date is going?  
Playlist:  
She Changes Your Mind-Copeland  
Say Yes-Elliott Smith  
Despite What You've Been Told-Two Gallant's


	14. Chapter 14: Act V, Scene III

Hokay, this came faster than I expected, I was suddenly on a roll. That happens occasionally. This chapter is a bit of a cut off, but fills out the rest of the date which needed to be done.  
Btw, I completely abandoned my idea to do it all from Jared's POV. Bye-bye idea, it's gone now. This is from both him and Kim's, next chapter will be all Jared's.  
I sincerely apologize for that, though, if I got your hope's up. Kind of. Not really, because it wouldnt've been as good had I stuck to that plan. So this is actually a positive change for the better, ha. Believe me?

Enjoy chapter 14 and tell me what you think [:

* * *

_**Jared's POV**_

I have a headache -a _migraine_. And there's only one person to blame.

Guess who.

"You know, I remember this place having better food. This is nice though, right? Nice little set up. Look at that thing over there! That's awesome. You have a pretty shirt on tonight. Do you like turkey? This is really good turkey-" This Alex boy must have an on and off switch or something, because suddenly he's blabbering off like a roadrunner. It's taking him under five seconds to complete a Martin Luther King length speech. "-I came here the day we moved to La Push -the first night- with my family. My sister Katie tripped a waiter. Hilarious story. And there were these humongous circular light's -hmm, they mustve taken them down- and Katie loved them, she made my father go out and buy some. Have you ever seen those circular light's? The oriental ones? You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about. Everyone's seen them. Do you like oriental light's?-"

The kid can't shut up now. I can practically see Kim shrinking in her chair as he talk's on and on and on. Give her a chance to collect her thought's, dumbass! No wonder she's not talking to him, she can't barely breath between the measly time spaces he leave's in his sentences. For cripes sake!

"-I love asian films, and Bruce Lee. I love Bruce Lee. Do you like Bruce Lee?" He finally leaves a substantial pause for her to fill.

She is either speechless, or clueless. "Uhuh." She mumbles quietly.

I have to chuckle under my breath. She obviously has no idea who he's talking about.

It's cool, Bruce Lee wasn't that great anyway.

But, of course, Alex continues, "I have all of his movies, he was a God. Did you know he died? He died, a long time ago, he was pretty young too. Awesome fighter. I wish I could fight, I'd kick ass. Do you like karate? I like-"

Kim is checking her phone beneath the table and sighing at the number's. I, too, pull out my phone to check the time. Even for an intangible third party, like myself, this date is boring. 8:46. I wonder how long they'll stay. Probably not too long, considering Kim looks near her breaking point.

"I don't like karate." Kim interrupt's him midsentence. He's not even on the same subject anymore.

He pauses to recap, "Huh? Wait. You don't?"

She shakes her head, "Nope, I don't like fighting at all. I'm more of a 'peace and love' type of person. Gay, I know."

Alex scrunches up his face, "Well, that's not gay. It's lame, but not gay."

"Thanks...." She mutters, trailing off.

Way to go shit brain's, offend her _again_ why don't you?!

I officially pity this boy. This is probably the worst date I've ever witnessed. Even the crappy date's on tv are not this depressing.

So Kim doesn't like fighting? Well, that's not going to go over well if I ever get around to telling her what I am -or more specifically what I **do**... I hope she doesn't put up protest signs outside of Sam's house that read, 'No Killing Vampire's! Peace for all!' or something vaguely along those lines. That would be a downer.

Lorraine saunters back over to me, the fourth time in five minute's, the woman refuses to give up, "Hey there, how're you doing back here? Decided what you want to eat yet?"

I have the menu hoisted up on the table, balanced, in front of me. Like a barricade, a shield. I can easily peer over the top to watch my Angel as she suffers through this massacre of an outing, but when she starts to zone out or get curious -which she does often- and she looks around, I can just as easily hide myself behind my menu. If I order food, does that mean Lorraine will take it away?

"Nah, not yet." I reply, sighing. I actually would like to eat, my always-up-for-food stomach is rumbling, made to sound like a screaming banshee. The dying man with the grapes sitting in the table beside me looks afraid every time it grumbles, he peers at me out of the corners of his eyes, mumbling fearful whispers to his decaying wife.

'I think that boy is going to explode, Meryl.' The old geezer tell's his wife, 'Finish your fillet so we can go home. My peepers are on _fire_!'

"Are you sure, sweety, we've got some great choices?" Lorraine continues hopefully. She either really cares about her customers, or she wants me to leave a big tip. Or she's fishing for a phone number.

She turns to leave, unsatisfied, and nearly trips over something in her way. She bends down and comes back up with a straw, staring at it like -what the fuck?. She turns back to me and my straw-less mug.

"Is this _yours_?" She asks, icily.

I shake my head.

She isn't fooled.

She places the straw on my table and stalks away. I don't worry too much, Lorraine will be back. Every time I freak her out she comes back with one less button, I don't doubt that will continue all night.

I look back over at Kim's table to see Alex stuffing his face. Mauling his plate. There's some type of drippy white substance pouring out over his chin. What any girl can see in him is a mystery. Maybe it's a girl thing, like I must have a vagina to understand.

Was I this way? Did I used to act this way on date's? I'd like to believe I was a bit more charming and enjoyable. A lot less of a mess, at least.

"So, Kim," Alex starts whilst chewing. I can see Kim flinch in her seat. "What do you usually do on friday nights? When your not on _dates_?" He chuckles at his weak joke.

Kim takes a minuscule bite of her sandwich before covering her mouth with her napkin. She discreetly spits the speck of food back into it.

At first, I find myself laughing. This food must be pretty f'ing terrible. It sure look's terrible.

But then a new thought occurs to me.

Maybe the food isn't so bad. Maybe it's something else entirely. Is she...Could she be... Is Kim an anorexic?

My migraine falters and then picks back up into sharp pains that shoot through my skull like bolts of lightning.

My eye's scan her body frantically. She's skinny, for damn sure, but she looks so _soft_. No protruding bones, no sharp angles, she looks touchable and smooth. She couldn't be anorexic, could she?

My heart is aching. If I were Alex -well, first of all, I would have noticed her spitting the food, which he has yet to realize- I would run her to a scale and weigh her. I would make sure she's being healthy. I would find her some food that's actually edible and watch her eat it, just to be positive that she is in fact perfect, and everything is going smoothly inside of that painfully mortal body of her's. A body that could easily go bad, and fast.

That's what I would do if I could. If I held the power tonight. I should do it anyway. I should march over there and throw her over my shoulder.

But I can't. I am pitiful. Both Alex and I are worthless excuses for men.

All I can do is wait. I'll have to watch her more carefully during school. Maybe I could bring her food if she's too picky for the lunch line's, I'll have to figure out what she like's first of course. I could do that. That might even be fun. Cooking for her and making her smile, watching her eat and give off her healthy glow. I would enjoy that.

Stupid frickin Alex. He doesn't even see these thing's happening. She could be choking and he would simply go on devouring his sandwich.

"I don't do much of anything." Kim replies, moving around bits of her pasta with a fork. "Some time's Jenn and I will have sleepovers, and watch movies and stuff. Travis come's over with Sam too every once and a while. They keep to themselves though, alot of the time."

Alex nods, giving her a skeptic glance, "Sounds fun."

It's obvious by his tone of voice that he doesn't actually believe it's fun at all. He's judging her and I hate him for it.

"What do _you_do?" Kim asks him casually. She continues to not look up -now stabbing the pasta viciously and cutting it up with her weaponly utensils.

Alex mulls over the question and I can practically read his mind, 'If I tell her about parties and movies and shows and all the other awesome things I do, will she be put off?'

Yes. Yes she will. I kind of want to yell it out, but at the same time, I'd rather he drop even lower on her affection scale.

I think of this as fair, in my mind. I'm not technically doing anything to screw this up for them, and if he were to make her happy, and they were good together, I'd probably even support the union. But Alex Benjamin is a stupid awkward pain in my ass, who can't hold a conversation with her, offends her on a constant basis, and won't ever be able to protect her. Therefore, I refuse to back him up. He's really just horrible at this.

"Well, back home I used to do alot of thing's. There's probably not alot to do in La Push though, so I'm sure it's different." He avoids the question strategically.

Props to the douchebag. That took some amount of skill.

"Yea, there really isn't." Kim mutters, slamming her fork down on a particularly stubborn piece of pasta. The fork cuts through and makes a loud thud against her plate. I don't have to see her face to know she's blushing. She continues as best as she can, trying and failing to sound nonchalant, "My life is pretty boring compared to yours, isn't it?"

Alex opens his mouth several time's, but not a peep escaped.

Chance's are, in some way's, this is true. The opportunities for a good time are far more likely in Alex's case. He probably came from a bigger town, with more entertainment, and more people. That's not her fault at all, though. Her choice's are boring, yes. But I doubt I would have more fun at any exciting attraction in the world, with any number of fun people, then I would simply sitting on her couch, with her beside me.

I'm guessing it's not the same for Alex.

"Not boring," He attempts to salvage the discussion, "You just don't have alot to work with."

Kim is quiet. No noise escapes her as she cuts yet another bow-tie in half.

Then, to my extreme horror, Alex suddenly leans towards her. A hand is lifted in her direction. There it comes, reaching, nearing closer, it's there -just beside the tiny finger's of her right hand.

Thinking fast, I don't have the time to weigh the pro's and con's of the following action's. And, considering I am drowning in alcoholic substances, I don't truly agree that I am to blame.

Wouldn't any other man as intoxicated with adoration for the love of their lives as myself do the same? I'd like to think I'm not alone in my quick-reflex reaction.

One minute his hand was not a centimeter from touching her, the next it was clutching his eye, and he was yelping in shock.

Alright, alright, perhaps it was just a tad unnecessary. Possibly a half step over the line.

"Ow! My f-king eye!" Alex ground out through clenched teeth, rubbing at his watering left eye. It's turning red from the irritation. Serves him right for getting grabby. The boy needs to be kept in check.

I sneakily flicked my straw back across the floor. It landed beneath the old geezer's table and he stared at me accusingly, like 'I saw that you nasty hooligan'. Thankfully he was too old and tired to care enough to do something about it.

Kim is screaming.

"Alex? _Alex?_ Are you okay? What happened? Let me see!" She latches onto his hand and rips it away, taking the matter into her own capable hands.

Shit. Ha. Shit.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me.

Okay, so that wasn't the best idea. Now she's all over him trying to correct my mistake.

Which is just an awesome sight, by the way.

"Is there something in your eye?" She ask's him, pulling his eye open with her fingers to look.

Dayummm. Euch. His eye is seriously red. I hope I didn't blind him, that wasn't the intention. I just wanted to halt his attack -not so horrible.

Maybe I should've just yelled at him or something though... Instead of resorting to five year old tactics and spitting a ball of my saliva into his open eye.

Sound's worse put into words than as a general idea.

"No, no it's fine, don't touch me, it's okay!" Alex is insisting, pushing her hand's from himself.

That's right, boy, now your understanding.

Kim hesitates over him before settling back in her chair. She took her fork up and began to cut the pasta more quickly now.

Alex messed with his eye for another few minute's, both of them not speaking, barely moving.

That was slightly immature of me. I think. I'm not really sure right now.

But frickin A, it's way too early for all of _that stuff_.

Still, I wonder how I can fix it, and make it up to them. This is their date. Kim should be having a nice time. Alex should not be writhing in agony. Yes, I'd rather he not be happy, but torturing him isn't right either. I wonder if I should send some anonymous desserts to their table or-

Whoa, death glare. Alex has recovered, and he is now scowling at me.

Never mind the dessert's, he's fine.

'Watch your back.' He mouth's while Kim stares at her plate.

* * *

_**Kim's POV**_

This food is crap.

I'm fighting the urge to throw it up. It's a weak fight. At any time, I could lose, and I'll either be yelled at by the stupid slutty waitress, or Alex will be disappointed and feel bad. I don't have the strength to deal with either of those. So I must win my inner battle. I must. For the sake of my sanity.

My hand still hurts from where Alex grabbed it and threw it away from his body a few minute's ago. In the roughest way. It's not _my_fault he got something in his eye, does he have to be so mean about it? Geeze.

Thing's are looking up in the talking department though, which is a strange relief. Alex is talking more, now. Alot more. Unbelievably more.

Kind of annoying, actually.

"-And I went to this monster truck show, when I was a kid. You should've been there, it was MAGIC. My dad and I met all these driver's, like-"

I don't care. I don't care who you met. Why am I here?

"-Then this guy went like-he was just like-WHAM! Right on top of this other guy's car! And best part? The guy was in the car. He was still sitting in it. Freakin awesome-"

Hmm, I guess.

Well, sure. It does sound slightly entertaining. Hmm. Monster _truck's_. Monster truck shows. Not so bad, not so bad.

"-Most people think it's violent, but it really isn't. Nobody gets hurt or anything...Well, except for that one guy-"

Poor one guy. He will forever be known as 'that one guy'. I think that would be the worst kind of death. A public one. But not public enough -meaning awesome enough- to where people will remember your name. Just dying a slightly memorable death, that would be hell to me. Cause I'd always be 'that one girl' who died in 'that one way'. I'd rather be only known by my close friend's and family, who will remember my name and cause of death.

Hopefully.

"-So yea, what kind of things did you do when you were a kid?" Alex asks, taking a large bite out of his turkey BLT. A string of clumpy mayonnaise fell from the sandwich with a splat onto his messy plate. I scrunched my nose and had to look away before it caused me to hurl up my own clumpy sandwich. Can no one in the world make a decent meal? Or am I just incredibly picky?

"Ahmm," I start, picking at a stray thread on the table cloth to distract my eyes.

Huh. What _did_ I do when I was a kid?

I went to the zoo that one time, I think. And the museum with my class. I believe I had a rabbit when I was four.

Hmmm. Well-no. No. Hmm.

Wow, this is sad. I can't really remember anything special at all. There are memories, of course. But not of any specific time or date, or event. All the memories I have are normal daily occurrences -good one's, yes- but normal nonetheless. Stuff I'd do now. Only in my memories, I'm much shorter, and cuter.

To be frank, I didn't do much of anything as a child.

My mother raised my brother and I without a father, therefore she worked her ass off day and night. She didn't have time to take us on adventures. My brother is several years older than I, so throughout the majority of our time together, he was far too mature to be hanging out with someone as young as I was at the time. Even when he would do cool memorable things, I was left at home.

Actually, thinking back, I haven't experienced very much in my life. I've seen a museum and a zoo, I've been to a theme park -once- and eaten at a couple restaurant's -all in either Seattle or Port Angeles- I've done _nothing_. Nothing.

I mostly spent my younger day's, and my older day's, watching -okay, stalking- _he-who-must-not-be-named_...

Yea, I promised myself not to think about **him** on this date. I've broken that promise several time's tonight.

What should I tell Alex about? I only have four choice's, which makes this easier.

I try to remember more clearly the time I went to the zoo. I think I was around six...Who was I with? There's a man with no face. All I can remember is a dark shady man.

My father?

"We went to the zoo." I blurt out before I can stop myself.

Alex pauses in the middle of taking another bite to raise an eyebrow, "We?"

I nod, feeling stiff, rigid, "My father and I."

"I didn't know you have a father." He says, drinking from the straw in his dr. pepper. He pauses mid drink again to roll his eyes, "Well, I know you have a father. But I thought it was more of a 'had' thing."

I chuckle weakly and shrug, "It is."

He nods and continues to eat, but the thoughtful expression on his face lets me know he's not finished on the subject.

I look down at my own, expensive, dinner. Not worth a penny. I have _attempted_ to eat, I really have. It's just hard. I'm pretty sure the waitress put dirt in my sandwich. Why my sandwich, I'm not sure, Alex was the obnoxious one. Maybe she's sexist. Stupid waitress.

"Where is he?"

My eyes flicker up to meet Alex's curious gaze. He's finally put down his sandwich and is ignoring his straw. Oh, he must mean business now. Seeing as he's barely taken a breath from his meal since it arrived. I think eating while talking calms his nerves perhaps.

Crap, I doubt there is a right way to answer this question. For one, I can't get myself to answer truthfully. And two, answering honestly would bring on a whole new round of questions and pity. So no. I'd rather lie.

I grab my water and take a sip, trying to think up a suitable lie. I begin before I actually have a chance to process the words, "He was part of the Italian mafia, I never knew him. I've been told he was on a quest to find the purest, premium, crack on the market." Whaaaat am I saying? "They sent him out with twenty men in search of the fabled crack. He came limping back with four fingers missing, and two broken legs, without his men and without the Mafia's supreme product. It had been his coming of age assignment, his first and last, he would remain a package boy to the grave. They killed him right there in the Don's office."

Well, for on the spot thinking I did quite well.

I take another gulp of my water and wait for Alex's reaction.

There isn't one.

He stared at me as if I had been speaking in a foreign language.

I've decided he has no sense of humor. It's sad, but can be dealt with. I'll just have to enroll him in a comedy class.

He continued to stare. Then he shook his head, snapping out of it.

From somewhere behind me I hear laughter, deep and husky. At least _somebody_ got it.

"Your Italian?" Alex finally asked. The laughter grew louder.

Seriously?

I studied Alex's face, which remained straight, and grave. Ha, he's serious alright.

I sigh again, disappointed. This is useless. "No, I'm not Italian." I reply, rolling my eyes to the heaven's.

Why have you cursed me with this humorless date, oh Lord? Why?

Alex seems alot cooler in the comfort of my home. When we're watching a movie and are not forced to converse. His conversation skills are lacking.

Alex bit his lip, furrowing his blond eyebrow, "But you said-? Never mind. Hey, how did your dad limp there if he had two broken legs?"

I am lost.

"What?"

He smiled patiently -as if _I_ were the one acting slow, "You said your dad had two broken legs, but you told me he went limping back. How could he limp with two broken leg's?"

Huh, didn't catch that. I suppose I did say it though.

Does it matter? I made the whole thing up anyway. Should I even bother explaining?

"Your right, my mistake." I mutter in a defeated tone, too exhausted to go into detail.

Discreetly, I pull my phone out under the table. 8:51. Damn. We still have another thirty minutes at least until I can beg him to take me home.

"I guess we don't have time for a movie do we?" Alex asked. Crap, did he see me checking the time?

I shook my head towards him, "Nope. Not at all."

"Sucks." He muttered under his breath. He keeps doing that. Mumbling things. It's frustrating. Louder he say's, "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn it all.

"Oh yea? What?" Now I am biting into my sandwich like 'a starving child in Africa' as Jenn would put it. I'll need something to bite on when the conversation takes a turn for the worse.

"Well..." Alex begins nervously, running a hand through his blond hair -which he does when he gets anxious, "It's about us."

I _guess_. Even though there isn't technically an us. Yet. Or ever? I don't know. I'm not ready to talk about 'us'! Do I even want an us? No us! Don't bring us up!

"Huh, is that right?" I ask nervously, the water in my glass shaking as I bring it to my lips. Am I trembling that terribly? Wow.

"Yea, yea it is. I just wanted to figure out where we are. You know, see if we're on the same page?" I hate that saying. 'On the same page'. I hate it.

So that's proof enough that we aren't, in fact, on the same page. Because I would never dream of saying that.

"How so?" I probe, though I sure as hell already know.

I know exactly what he's asking. I think the sadistic part of me just wants to make him suffer through an explanation.  
Especially for ruining my awesome mafia joke.

It's Alex's turn to start picking at the table cloth, rubbing a stain on his pants left by the bleu cheese, and to sing along nervously the lyrics of a song playing overhead through the speakers. Finally he stutters, "K-Kim...You know that I-I-I have _feelings_ for you...romantically. Yes?"

Ahah! Now who's tongue tied! Payback for trying to make me say _'date' _biatch!

"Mhm." I murmur, still sipping my shivery water.

"A-And by romantically I mean-"

"I know what you mean." I interrupt. I'm not cruel enough to make him describe that part to me.

He nods, relief shooting across his feature's for half a second. He opened his mouth to speak again, but all that came out was a throaty gurgle. He grabbed his dr. pepper and downed it hungrily. "I just wanted to know...If you have those same r-r-romantic _feelings_...for me?" He finished when his mouth was free.

He seemed unable to meet my eyes now.

Ugh. Badass question, Alex. Do I?

First thought that comes to mind, is no. I don't.

I don't like the way you talk, some time's with a strange country accent, then sometimes like a snobby city boy. I don't like the way you smell, like the strongest brand of cologne you could get your hands on. I don't like your lack of a sense of humor. Or maybe I just dislike the fact that I can't make you laugh. It makes me feel inadequate, like maybe I'm the one who can't be funny. Like it's all my fault. I don't like your blond hair, or your blue eyes. I don't like your pale skin or cold hands. I don't like how different you are from me. I don't like that people like you, as strange as it is. You'd never be mine, even if you were. You'd be _ours_. I don't like that your loud and outgoing and obnoxious. I don't like that I can't be myself with you. I don't like that I don't know who I am when I'm around you. I don't like that your safe and secure and your life is nearly the definition of perfect. I don't like your family, which is the worst thing there is to dislike about a person. I don't like that your mom looks down on my mother for working, or that your father is still around. Around to love you. I don't like that your older brother is a pervert high school dropout, or that your younger sisters make fun of me to my face. I don't like your fond memories. I don't like that you have so much more fun that I do. I don't like you at all.

But on second thought -and I've always said to never think twice, because the second thought is alway's a contradiction to your natural instinct- I do like you.

I like your charming smile, and classic good looks. I like that your so different from everyone else in La Push, incredibly so. I like that you don't leave me waiting forever, and that you ask me out on date's. I like that you respect me and act like you truly consider my feeling's. I like that you pay attention to me -when no-one else does or ever did. I like that I mean something to you. I like that you have hobbies and friends and a life of your own-but still want to be a part of mine. I like that you make time for me. I like to know that if I do decide to be with you, I'll always be okay and taken care of. I like that you bring me attention, and demand that I be noticed by everyone in sight. I like that you make me a part of something bigger. I like that you get along with my friends, and your own, and everyone in between. I like that I never have to beg or want with you. I like that you take me to expensive place's, like I'm _worth it_. I like you alot.

But I don't.

Then again I do.

But I really don't.

But, maybe, I do?

Okay, technically I have feeling's for Alex. I also dislike him. But regardless, I do have feeling's for him. It's like half and half. Fifty-fifty. I like him and I don't.

So maybe I can just leave out the 'don't' part...

"I-I..I do have some..._feeling's_-" I paused to cringe, "-for you.."

His face sparked in half a second. He's grinning so wide I'm sure he's creating new wrinkles. "Really?"

Ughhh! Don't make me repeat it, if anything!

I nod and hide my current blush.

He is practically bursting with excitement, "Well, hot damn-" Oh wow, make me regret it why don't you. "-that's great! I was wondering if maybe you'd want to...I don't know...Be a little bit more exclusive? You don't have to be my girlfriend yet, if it's too soon. It's probably too soon. But just a little more official?" He shot a glare at someone behind me and then smiled wider.

Yes, it is much, MUCH, too soon to be his girlfriend. It's also too soon to be _exclusive_. Ick! What does that even mean?!

What do I say? What is exclusive if not a relationship? Is it a relationship? Is that what he's asking for?

"Exclusive?" I'm able to choke out, grabbing up my water glass to down the frog in my throat as well as I can.

He's nodding again, quickly, "Yea, like, people know that we're dating and that we're...special...to each other." He sound's like he's choosing his word's carefully.

I still don't like it.

"Don't people already know we're dating?"

He frowns for a moment, "Yes. But they don't know the extent of the phrase. They know we are going on this date. Date as in singular. I'm thinking of a broader term. I'd like to be able to tell people we are really truly _dating_."

Dating. Huh. Dating. That's intense.

I can't even really wrap my mind around it.

Dating, date's, girlfriend. So many foreign word's. So much spinning in my head. I think I'm currently seeing two Alex's.

There is a loud banging sound from somewhere behind me, and a few loud gasps, but my spinny, groggy, brain can't function quickly enough to really care. I'm too stuck on _dating_. Dater's. Datarooney. Datating. Funny word, date's. Like the fruit, date's. So basically, we're fruiting.

Ahahaha. Ha. Yea. I'm not ready for this. Already I'm losing my mind, just from thinking the word.

"Can I get back to you on that?" I have to ask. Because any decision I make right now would be the equivalent of a stoner response. I'm practically high I'm so out of it. And whatever I say can and will be used against me.

Alex's face falls instantly. But there's not a thing he can do about it, so he obliges politely, "Of course."

We're both silent while my heart beats unsteadily in my sore chest.

"Well, I guess we should get out of here." Alex says to break the silence, pulling his wallet from his back pocket.

I nod, since I am incapable of word's.

He spreads out a thick stack of crisp bills above the check and pulls another ten to cover the tip. I envy every cent in his bursting wallet.

He stands up and offers me a hand from my chair, "I didn't notice he left." Alex suddenly say's, staring at something behind me. I follow his eyes to see an empty booth.

"Who?" I dont remember who was sitting there...? Did we know them?

Not that we're a 'we' now...

Okay, did _Alex_ know them?

Alex shook his head, snapping out of a funk, "No-one, just a guy who kept looking over."

I shivered subconsciously. Someone had been watching us and I hadn't even noticed! "Creepy." I murmur, frowning, "Tell me next time something like that happens!"

"It matter's much?" He asks, leading me through the crowded restaurant and out into the chill night air.

I shrug on my jacket and hold it to myself, while Alex hand's our number to the valet.

Ha, duh. Wouldn't anyone being stared at want to know?

"Yes. I want the opportunity to kick the guy's ass!" I insist angrily.

With that, Alex throws his head back to laugh.

* * *

Ha, I liked writing this chapter. So, will she say yes? Will she?  
How did Jared feel about Alex asking her to go steady? And why did he bolt so early? Yes, the loud banging noise and gasps were him making his very quick, very public, exit.  
Find out the answer's to these question's in the next chapter. Dum-dum-dum.  
Also, please review and let me know what you'd like to see happen later on [:  
Playlist  
In Our Talons -Bowerbirds  
Why Do You Let Me Stay Here? -She & Him


	15. Chapter 15: Ironically Enough

In this chapter, part of the message is that everyone must suffer before they can appreciate the good thing's in life. Emily and Sam were tested when they first got together according to Stephenie Meyer. And in my story, that's kind of what Alex is. A test. Nobody should have everything handed to them. I'm writing it so Jared has to suffer, so that when he finally does end up with Kim, he can fully appreciate, and be completely worthy of her.  
In chapter 14 Jared thought Kim said yes to Alex because he ran out too soon (he was going to explode, so he had to leave) even though she didn't, btw.

Please enjoy chapter 15 [:

* * *

_**Jared's POV**_

I'm shattering.

I can feel it in my bone's, in my blood, in every pore that is ebbed upon my flesh. I can feel the loss, the dream that has fallen away. The depression sinking in. Smothering, can't breath, I need air. I need to rip a hole in the pattern above me, suffocation lingers, and I can't outrun it. I'm trying -I'm running towards the door at the end of the hall, that refuses to come closer. It's running from me, as I'm running from them. Him and her, as a whole. But I'll never get away from her. She's alway's in my mind. Every second, every thought. Whether she has a starring role or is simply an important extra, she's in the scene. She's in the dream. Any dream, every dream. I'm beginning to believe my dreams no longer have a plot, they are simply made up of her smile and her laugh.

She'll always be there, in my veins. Even when the blood runs dry, when my brain fails to circulate, she will be the only lasting mark on my lifeless body. Death can't outrun her, nor unconscious thought. She's there in my happiness, and my rage, and my sadness. She's taken over my emotion's, and my mentality. I cannot be happy without her, now. I am only truly angry when it involve's her, now. I am only sad when I realize how completely hopeless we are, now.

I have no life without her. And I don't particularly want one without her.

So I am dead. I really am.

Because I don't have her, and I can't take her. And she smiled, and she is happy, and I can't take her smile -her gorgeous, exquisite smile. I can't take her from him, who caused that heartbreaking, breathtaking, smile.

I can't hurt her... I can't help but want to. My body rages war. A painful, violent war inside of my body. Curses are exchanged between fighters, but I doubt either side will win. This war will continue until the day I die -or she dies- which would also be the day I die.

Worst yet, I don't want to forget her! And that fact make's it even more complicated to survive. To endure is almost impossible. I don't want to not love her, it isn't that way at all. Seeing the world now, through these eye's that have found their one true desire. That have seen their impossible future, and their reason for being. These eye's can't ever forget. This body can't at all detatch itself from her unbreakable hold. I wouldn't take it back, that day in the lunchroom. Yet it's been killing me every second since it began.

My life is over.

My stomach groans in protest, as I have not eaten in nearly eighteen hours. My body needs to eat every three hours. This is unhealthy. I could die.

I almost want to.

"Jared, sweetheart," Emily's voice comes from the direction of the kitchen. I am too lost in self-pity to move my head.

Why did she have to go on that date? Why did he have to take her from me? Why couldn't I have prevented this? Why is this happening?

Emily sits on the edge of the couch beside me, though my large torso barely leaves her any room to work with. Her face is a mixture of pity, maternal instinct, and boredom. See, Emily is completely positive this is all just a phase. And that Kim and I will be together 'in no time'.

It sure doesn't feel that way.

In fact, all I can really feel is chunks of my heart being pulled bloody piece from bloody piece. It is a grotesque image. My pain matches the morbid theme. I may very well become a cutter -like those emo kid's, or whatever they call themselves.

Yes, Jared the Emo Kid. Has a certain ring to it, sound's nice.

Emily sighs, stroking my nonexistent hair -running her fingers over my buzz cut, "Jared, you need to eat something." She insists.

I still don't move.

Why should I eat? Kim didn't eat. If Kim is walking the edge of starvation, then I too can manage. Whatever she is, I want to be. How else can I be close to her? She doesn't want me around. All she wants is her dumbshit, awkward, worthless Alex.

They had a horrible time. I know they did! I know it! I don't care if he asked her to go steady, I don't care if she said yes -she was unhappygoddammit. It was written all over her face, all over her body, in the air around her. Why is she torturing me? Worst yet, she doesn't even know she's torturing me. It's like that's what she was made to do or something, like she can't help it.

Does she know this is happening? Does she know I'm dying from my unrequited, neglected, abused and battered love?

She can't know. My angel couldn't know about this. She is heaven sent from above -evil is not in her nature. She is the kindest, loveliest, most exquisite human being alive. With the biggest heart the world's ever seen, I'm sure of it. She can't be aware of this -this _agony_.

If she would only be mine... I can only imagine the euphoria that would bring.

I truly do imagine it, often.

Life would be complete, in that state. There's nothing in the world that could part us. Perfection would blossom and our love would bloom. She would love me. She could. But there's that damned, annoying, fathead Benjamin standing in the way! Alway's in the way!

My body ache's. I can't go on. My life is **over**.

"Jared? Sweety, can you hear me?" Emily's worried voice hint's toward hysteria, "Sam! Sam, come here! He's still not talking!"

Sam grunts as he walks in the front door, having heard Emily from out in the yard where he noisily has been cutting the grass. His face does not betray his ever cranky demeanor, and though he does not glare at me, his eyes are not friendly. He hasn't been keen on comforting me after my harsh word's over the phone last night -which I barely remember, though that fact proved to be no consolation for what I'd unfortunately told him.

I barely have any strength to send him a heartfelt apology. I can hardly say the words and mean them. All of my emotion, all of my strength, is being put into my effort to remain in one piece. I can only say sorry so many time's before I explode.

Sam looks me over, setting himself in a recliner nearby. His face has black soot in certain spots, from working on Emily's car earlier in the day. And his eyes are drooping sleepily from working my patrol shift last night. I feel that I am slowly tearing Sam down with me as my world falls apart, yet I can't find it in myself to care very much.

"Leave him be, Emily, he just needs time." Sam chastises his girlfriend gently, she frowns back and he goes silent.

"He's had plenty of time! A whole night's worth, and he's only spoken a single sentence, Sam! That's not normal." She counters, shaking me a bit.

My body reacts instantly, tensing up, and I feel myself nearly reach out and smack her away. But somehow, thankfully, my body can't even find strength to do this. Maybe my depression will come in handy. Maybe I'm catatonic. Would I know if I were catatonic? Perhaps this means I won't ever have to be a werewolf again. I can just lay on this couch and die while Kim is off smiling somewhere, brightening up that small corner of the world.

That's not so bad.

If I'm suffering and she's happy. I suppose that's fair, isn't it?

Alright, God. How about we make a deal? If you make Kim as perfectly happy and content as is possible for a human being to be, you have my permission to leave me in this living hell I reside. In my mind there is nothing but crimson thought, stained with rage and hate, drowned in a deep blue abyss of sorrow and misery. Leave me here, God, and let her be happy. Do we have a deal?

Silence.

Do we, God? Or is this all for nothing? Am I suffering for _nothing_?

Silence. Crickets.

Is she happy? Is she? She's got what she wanted, what she said she wanted since our first conversation. Her 'future boyfriend', that's how she'd described Alex. And now that's what he is. So is she happy? Is it a fair bargain? Do we have a deal, or not?!

Silence. Crickets. Tumbleweed.

I'll take your silence as your consent, God, and will hold you to your unspoken word. Make her happy. Make her happy and I can thrive.

Make her happy, or I swear, no length of distance can keep me from you. No value of faith, or love of creation can keep me from confrontation. I will suffer, I will bleed. I'll do anything. But she had damn well better be happy! I want to see her smile, from here to forever. I want to hear her laugh, even from a distance. I never want to see her tears. So long as I can't have her, and you are allowing her to stray off with that loathsome, worthless, child, leaving me hear to slowly decay, she must always have joy in her heart.

Otherwise, I will find my way through the sky, off towards heaven -if there ever was one- and straight into your domain. Where I will go at you for her frowning and her fear, or her hate, or anguish -whatever her distressed emotion may be. Her unhappiness is the point which I break. Until then I will endure it all. Till she frowns, then I will find you. I will cross over into your realm, God. And you'll know you have no excuse.

You'll know I have every right to be in a fit of rage. Because this pain your inducing -whether it is you allowing me to hurt or not -whoever's fault it is, it doesn't matter. Because you hold the card's here. You have the future in your hand's, and yours alone. Don't let me down.

Emily shakes me again and a low growl emulates from somewhere deep in my gut. I believe the noise is hunger, but it could very well be an instinctive warning for her to get her hand's off me. I doubt I'd ever get around to actually hurting Emily Young, but she needs to learn to give werewolves their distance. Has she not already gone through this before? Can she not learn her lesson?

Emily doesn't budge, but Sam hurriedly pulls her off the edge of the couch and into his lap. She sits tight, but the frown on her face can't seem to fall away as easily, "Sam, he's really scaring me. Do something, please?" She begs, at a loss of word's herself.

I'm probably not making life any easier for Emily either. I can't help it. I'm broken.

Sam's eyes widen momentarily -most likely not looking forward to reviving me from my silent eclipse- but he shifts Emily from his lap nonetheless and comes to sit cross legged beside my head on the ground. His expression isn't so unforgiving anymore now that he's focusing on my face. Which probably resembles that of a kicked dog. "Jared," Sam starts, clearing his throat and fidgeting a bit, "Jared, I need you to say something to make Emily ha-"

"Sam Uley!" Emily growls while jumping to her feet. She stands over him furiously, but is still in comparison _not_ intimidating.

I open my mouth and manage to croak out a pitiful, "I'm okay."

Both of them look at me in shock. Like, they hadn't expected me to know how to talk anymore.

Emily is quiet for so long as I can take a single breath, then is set off in an excited rant, "Oh Jared! Honey, I'm so sorry about last night. Would you like something to eat? How are you feeling? I bet you're hun-"

"I'm okay." I repeat, since those are the only word's that will form in my throat. I'm incapable of much else. Emily shouldn't push her luck or I won't even be able to give her that.

"Are you sure? I made some incredible cookies this morning, and we have eggs and bacon I can have ready in no time-"

"I'm okay."

She let's out a loud breath and falls back into her seat -as if my refusal of her baked goods is the worst possible rejection she could suffer.

She knows nothing of rejection.

As a matter of fact, she is the rejector. Just like Kim. Sam and I are simply the victims of these beautiful, powerful, rejectors.

"Jared, you have to eat sometime." Sam starts, angry now of course because Emily is sad, "I get that what happened last night was pretty bad, but you can't let that keep you down-"

With that, I locate my voice.

"Pretty bad?" I ask him in a harsh tone, sitting up before standing over him -much like Emily had a minute ago. Only, I'm much, much bigger. And much, much broader. I am considerably intimidating. "Pretty bad would have been Kim slipping and scraping her knee, last night was a disaster!"

"Don't be melodramatic." Sam rolls his eyes away from me.

"Melodramatic? You think this is melodramatic? Try watching a guy ask Emily to go steady -and resist the urge to stomp over and rip off his bloody head! And then come talk to me about exaggeration's! The fact that Alex is still alive to tell the tale is proof that I am the least dramatic man alive!" Sam rolls his eyes again, regardless of my rambling.

He doesn't even know the sort of agony that come's with this situation. He may have had a tough time winning Emily, but there was never another man. He has no clue. I'm alone in my pain and noone can understand the extent of it.

My jealousy would overwhelm your average human. They would die from it.

"You don't have to fucking yell at me, shithead! And you had better calm the hell down right now or you're out of here, got it?!" Sam snarls, hopping from the ground to tower over me.

He's much taller. He _is _the alpha. I'd be dead in a half second if we were to get physical.

I take shuddering, vibrating, breaths to steady my rapid heartbeats. Nothing is helping. Thinking of Kim is only leading me to thoughts of her date last night. Which only sets the fire off into brighter, heavier, flame's. Why is this happening?!

"Why is this happening?!" I voice my thought's aloud unintentionally and feel my exterior crumple in a coordinated slump. Both inside and outside are now equally defeated. What's left?

Emily's face is a mirror of mine, I'm sure. She looks just as pained as I feel. For a moment all I can see is the bright light within her, escaping to cover her scars and heal her to her natural beauty -which is always just beneath the surface. She is the type of person to take a someones pain straight from their heart and apply it to her every day routine. Until you are right, she is wrong right along with you. She's one of a kind.

I'm so glad she's in my life.

But she's not Kim. And not even her immense capacity for love and her never-ending care can heal me. I _need_ Kim. And that is all I need.

Yet she so obviously doesn't need me. Why is life this way? Why can't the woman I love simply love me back? As easy as that. All I need is her love.

Emily stands up and comes to me, Sam follows close behind -ready for me to dare and raise my voice again. "It's all part of a bigger picture, Jared." Emily insists, looking up at me, "You must know loss before you can love."

"I already love her! I love her so much. So much it hurts..."

"I didn't say before you can _be in _love. Before you are _allowed _to love -consider it like paying your due's. Once you can accept her happiness over your own selfish gain, and strive in a situation where all hope is lost. When the time comes Jared, she'll come running to you. I know it. I've told you before, and I'll tell you again, there is no way she can **not** love you."

I throw a hand over my eyes, attempting to sheild my broken expression from the couple.

I'm ashamed of myself -though marginally. I doubt I'll ever live this down, if we ever make it to that point where we can laugh about this later. Right now, if they start laughing, I'd probably find myself ripping them to shreds -unintentionally...of course- and that isn't what I'm up to at the moment. All I'm really up to is curling into a ball and rocking back and forth, perhaps with a nice large pepperoni pizza, and dreaming pleasant daydreams of a future that may never see the light of day. Although that doesn't make them any less enjoyable.

I enjoy them until I come back to reality, and nothing is as it could be, perhaps as it _should_ be.

Emily's repeated that same logic more or less at least fifty thousand times. She always insists that Kim will come around sometime, someday. And I believe her. But then I don't. Because Kim feels farther away then the sun. That's how I could describe the distance of my body from my heart. Both her and my heart are up somewhere floating in the sky. She's a star aglow that I just can't reach. I'm the child below who feels so hopeless, he finds himself barely putting in the effort to try. Who could reach up and steal a star from the night's sky? Who has that power? I'm no superhero, I'm not Jesus, I can't perform miracles. And who says she's mine to take? What makes me special enough to breath in her presence, much less claim her as mine?

I can't keep away. But I'm at a loss when it come's to charming her. I don't feel worthy enough to flirt with her. I have this odd dream of exactly how it would play out, were I to ever try and flirt with her.

'Hi,' I would say, attempting nonchalance. 'Hey,' she would reply, in her angelic murmur. 'Your looking awfully beautiful today,' I would compliment hopefully. She'd be silent. Nerve wrecking silence. Then the laughter would start. The dream ends with me dying a tragic death before she can laugh for longer then thirty seconds.

I'm pretty messed up if I can't handle a minute of her humiliation. I am truthfully and unbelievably stuck on this perfect girl.

"So you're saying I have to suffer to be happy?"

Emily nods with a bright smile, a very hopeful smile. As if in her mind she's thinking, 'finally, he understands!'

But I don't understand. Because that's bullshit. Completely ludicrous. Whoever decided the world would work this way is a dick and should be killed off. If he or she is already dead, then I vote we dig them up and do gruesomely violent thing's to their corpse. If I had come up with that idea, I'd expect nothing less from mankind. In my will I'd even give my permission. That's sick and it's twisted and is as hypocritical as it is an injustice. I kind of feel like murdering someone, but I think that's just my inner werewolf thinking.

"That's crap." I state bluntly. Sam growls in his throat and Emily's frown returns. "It's crap! I shouldn't have to live unhappily for thing's to go my way. I don't want to lose her to _eventually_ have her. That doesn't make any sense!"

Emily is stuttering over her word's now, trying to catch herself up, "W-Well-Well consider it like-"

"I DON'T WANT TO CONSIDER IT!" I interrupt rudely, and also loudly. Emily's mouth opens wide in shock.

For a split second, I am able to imagine just what exactly I'd do to Sam were he to ever cross my Kim the way I have just done to his Emily. I'm one-hundred percent positive I would kill him. Wherever we are, at whatever time, no matter the consequences, I would punish him accordingly.

Therefore, Sam has every right to grab me by the throat right now. As he immediately does.

We're eye to eye, and his hatred is overpowering my weak attempts to free myself. In my defense, I'm so weak with depression, even if he is ten times as strong, this is not my best effort.

His voice is lethal when he speaks, "You will never interrupt her again." He begins slowly, Emily is protesting in the background. But somehow her voice cannot dwell into our tense personal bubble. He is all I can see and hear and I'm almost afraid -I would be if I could feel anything but my broken heart today. "You will never raise your voice to her, again. You will never make her nervous, or afraid, or anxious so long as you want to keep your head on your shoulder's. Got it?"

"I'm sorry Sam." I say instantly.

Maybe it's sad I don't hold out longer, or resist giving in. But I do apologize so easily today because, in the first place, I never meant to offend her. I like Emily, she's sweet and wonderful and nearly family. And secondly, I don't care about my pride. It's been lost for day's as it is. Who cares if I don't put up a fight? Nothing matter's other than Kim. And there's not a thing I can do about that right now.

Sam eye's me for another few odd minute's, half-glaring, half-sizing me up. Finally he releases my neck and step's back a few feet. "You've changed." He state's.

I'm not sure in his tone of voice whether he's happy, or disappointed. "What do you mean? Sorry, Emily, for raising my voice. I didn't mean to hurt your feeling's or anything."

"It's completely alright, Sam overreacted, I didn't even mind!" Emily snaps back, stalking off into the kitchen. She's had enough testosterone for a good half hour at least.

I look back over at Sam, who hasn't taken his eye's off me. He has that unfriendly, yet not quite glare, look on his face. It's uncomfortable. "What?" I ask again impatiently.

"You've grown up." Sam replies, still not turning away.

I feel like turning around and staring at the wall or something. Just so I don't have to stand through his impenetrable gaze. "Why do you think that?"

He smirks suddenly, "The Jared I knew before would have ripped my arm from it's socket the minute I laid a hand on him. Believe it or not, you were pretty reckless when you first changed." Sam chuckled softly, looking to the kitchen for a second when we both heard a pan fall from somewhere within. Emily's footsteps recover and he returns to his staring, "It started the day you imprinted on Kim. The change was tangible, to say the least. I didn't think much of it. But, she really has made an impact. A giant one. Makes me wonder what I was like before Emily...I must have been a monster." He joke's.

I have to smirk with him, considering the irony of his choice of word's.

"I don't think I've ever seen you the way you were last night, man." Sam continues in a much darker tone. The entire mood of the room shifts with the change of subject.

I feel even less comfortable.

This is not something I want to talk about. Last night was...bad. Really, really, sickeningly bad. So bad, I still have to go back and pick up my car from _Mademoiselle_'s parking garage later tonight. Since I never got around to driving it home. I ran the entire way back. And I'm positive people miles away were able to hear my howls on the long run home. Sam had had to tackle me to the ground to stop my loud, incessant cries of pain.

"That's because I've never felt the way I felt last night." I explain, looking away. Silently I make my way back over to the couch and sit down, resting my head back with my eyes closed.

I feel Sam sit beside me with a loud thud. Poor couch.

"I have."

Of course Sam would make this about him.

But I am slightly curious, so I encourage him on, "You have?" Though I already know why.

He nods -and even though he keeps his usual straight face, I know he's pleased that I asked, "A few time's, when I first met Emily." Oh wow, what a shock. "Thing's were hard then. Really rough. Rougher then your silly love triangle-"

"Silly?" I growl. I'll show him silly! The bastard!

He immediately backpedals, "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. No offence."

I ignore his apologies, "Didn't the same thing happen to you, sort of? There was you, Emily, and Leah. That seems like a triangle to me." At the slight mention of Leah, a plate makes it's loud collision with the floor of the kitchen. Sam jumps to his feet.

"It's alright, I'm fine!" Emily hurriedly shouts, running through the living room to the broom closet. She fishes out a broom and is back in the kitchen in no time at all.

Sam doesn't even glare at me this time. I think I've disappointed him too much today. He doesn't have the strength in him to bother.

He turns back to me with a loud exhale, "Let's go for a walk, dude. We need to talk."

With that, he leads me out into the sunny day. It's a ten step walk from the couch to the sidewalk outside his house. That's how tiny the little yellow house is. Pretty sad.

He doesn't miss a beat, "That was different." He says as soon as we're walking along together. I realize vaguely the reason he wanted us out of the house.

So Emily wouldn't hear him talking about Leah.

"There was more love in our case, and family issues. There was so much more involved-"

"More love? You don't think I love Kim? Why do you and Emily always believe-"

"I didn't mean between Emily and I." He interrupts impatiently, giving me a grimace.

I don't get it.

"Of course, from the moment I laid eyes on her, I was instantly in love with Emily. But I was talking about Leah, Jared. I loved Leah, very much. I've told you the story, in my head, a few times before. But I don't think you understand the pain I went through, as well as Emily and Leah. The way you're feeling... I felt just that same way not so long ago."

Huh. That's awkward.

When I first changed into a werewolf, more than a month ago, Emily and Sam had already been together for quite some time. They were already established. They had a previously set routine, a stable life. A blossomed and ever-budding love. I never factored in the pain they had had to go through to get here, to this bliss.

But what does that mean? Do I _have_ to hurt to have what they have? I still can't accept that. "How did you two finally work it out?"

Sam was quiet in his thoughts for a few minute's while I attempted to enjoy the rare sunlight that loomed over La Push this afternoon.

For some reason, weather does the opposite of what it's supposed to do for my emotion's. Whereas some people, when their sad or angry, the weather reacts accordingly. When I'm in my state of depression, as I am currently, it's all bright and sunny and fkn chipper. What the hell? It's pretty messed up.

"We never really did." Sam finally replies, snapping me back to our conversation. I raise an eyebrow, "The night I lost control...That was the turning point for us. We have yet to talk about everything before that night. One day, we were fighting and it all looked hopeless. And then Emily was in the hospital, clasping my hand and begging me not to leave her side." A small smile formed on his face at the memory. Then a frown. Then a smile again.

Well that's just great.

That's really fucking great. It's great!

So what Sam is basically saying is I have to go over to Kim's house, completely maul her beautiful face, drag her bleeding body to the hospital and wait for her to regain consciousness. Then maybe -_just maybe_- she'll beg me to stay with her. And that's a long shot.

That's great.

"I don't see how that's supposed to help me at all. You've basically just stolen every last hope from me." I reply with dry sarcasm.

Though, it isn't really sarcasm, because it's true. He crushed my dreams just now.

He rolled his eyes, "What I'm trying to tell you is I've felt hopeless, Jared. Really hopeless. I believed things would never change, that we would never be together and it all was just a lost cause. I hated myself, I hated my life, I lost every ounce of dignity trying to change things. And it worked. I'm trying to tell you, Jared. It will work. It's gunna hurt, and it's gunna feel like forever. It'll take alot of rejected attempts and long nights of curling into a ball and rocking-" Is he reading my mind? "-but it'll be worth it. Emily isn't just making it up when she tells you she knows you'll end up together. She knows, I know, the elders know-"

"You told the council I imprinted?" I hadn't wanted it to be a big production. Damn it.

He ignored my interruption, "It'll work out Jared. I just pray it will under different circumstances."

We both went silent, thinking of the horror I could possibly impose upon little, angelic, Kim Connelly.

I didn't allow myself to wallow on the thought. I shook my head spastically, "That won't happen."

Sam nodded to me, not daring to disagree, though I think it's what comes to his mind each and every time I mention Kim. I really do. The first thing he sees when he thinks her name is a miniature version of Emily, with scars down the side of her body. And that only makes me more positive I could never hurt Kim. Sam's imagination is vivid, and terrifying.

"So what do you suppose I do _now_? You told me to be her friend. Here I am. I'm her friend. And in my opinion, that has only managed to make thing's worse. Because in turn, now Alex has upgraded from being her _friend_, to being her _boyfriend_. What the hell do I do?"

I really am lost.

I'm in pain, and I'm lost. Not a great combination.

Sam sigh's, looking around as if we might suddenly come upon a guide book on the side of the street, with specific instructions on how to solve this dilemma.

Wouldn't that just be perfect? If life worked that way?

"Okay, well, maybe try this. You say you went from being nothing to being her friend, yes?" I nod obediently, "And Alex went from being her friend, to being her boyfriend?" I nod less enthusiastically. Where is this going...?

"Well maybe -if that's your goal- you should try that, idiot."

Again, I don't get it.

* * *

"Hey, so I left my car here yesterday." I tell the valet, handing him my overdue card.

He stares at it with a blank expression for a moment before looking up, "You were supposed to return this yesterday." He states matter-of-factly.

He doesn't move to go retrieve my car. He doesn't even blink.

We are both quiet for one awkward second too long.

I have to shift under his steely gaze, "Uhh...Yea...I know. But I left my car here yesterday." I explain again, hoping he'll understand this time and disappear.

It doesn't happen.

He has no eyelids, I've decided. He has yet to blink since I walked up.

"Can you go get my car?" I finally ask, defeated.

He doesn't budge.

He blinks. So he has eyelids, surprise surprise. Now the mystery is whether or not he can walk.

"You were supposed to return this yesterday, to get your car." He repeats.

Okay. Maybe he's just autistic or something. Maybe that's why he's not moving. That would be fine, if he were.

But if he's just a dumbass I'm gunna be really pissed off.

"Yea, _I know_, but I left my car _here_ yesterday. And now I want my car. So there's your little card, please go get my car." I snap.

He's not blinking again. But at least he's moving, "Let me go get my manager." He says and heads towards the entrance.

I'm not sure whether I want this to happen or not, and by the time I decide that no, I don't want to see his manager, he's already gone.

Shit.

The last twenty-four hours have not gone well for me at all.

Shit. Shit. Sh-Whoa, what is that?

Atop a black metal stool there sits a silver metal case. Unmanned. Completely alone, up for grabs. It's mine for the taking.

Right there. His little metal key box is **right there**, not very far from me. No other employees are outside...And there aren't alot of witnesses walking around...

I could easily pry it open and find my keys, no problem. He probably won't be back for another minute or two anyway, and if I'm really fast-

"Jared?"

* * *

Yea, it's Kim [: ahah  
So, just some extra stuff, in case you didn't catch the meaning of the title, or the theme of this chapter, it's all about the irony, and you can probably scout out plenty of it. Just about the entire chapter is made up of it. Jared is now the one who must 'first know loss before he can know love'.  
I don't know if you understand Sam's last advice at the end of the first part. To Sam and Emily, Jared's situation is somewhat comical, because they both know -as we know- that Jared and Kim will undoubtedly end up together. Sam's advice actually does make sense though, if you think about it. What he means is, Jared needs to just be himself and talk to Kim and ask her out on a date the way Alex did. As simple as that. But of course, Jared is still just a naive teenage boy who believes it's all hopeless.  
So he doesn't get it.  
I really want them to get together soon too, ahah, I'm just as impatient as all of you. But my story is based on them creating an actual relationship rather than miraculously caving into a couple. Give it time, I swear that them growing into their relationship is even better than them just automatically being together, without any obstacles at all.  
I hope you liked chapter 15!  
Review and let me know what you think [:  
Playlist:  
Pretty Buildings- People In Planes  
Lost and Found- Taken By Trees


	16. Chapter 16: Fantasy

Hellooo, I know it's been over a week, I suck. Forgive me please, I beg you, it was unintentional. (Read bottom for a more thorough explanation, and some groveling.)  
Midnightmarshmallow beta'd this, because she's a saint.  
As requested, playlists will now appear at the top of the page.  
Playlist:  
Wouldn't It Be Nice- Cameron Leahy (covering The Beach Boys)  
Unwashable- Starlight Incentive  
Anywho, this chapter is pretty important to me -in that Jared and Kim are together and alone for the first time. I like it so much, I've decided to elongate this into a few parts. Sort of like The Date, but without Alex being ridiculous. So look forward to Part 2 soon :)

I hope you enjoy Chapter 16, definitely let me know what you think.

* * *

_**Kim's POV**_

The sun is baking me alive.

Why is it so hot? I don't know. Probably because someone is trying to kill me.

Or maybe I'm just too used to temperatures below zero.

Really though, I'm on fire. I feel like whipping out an egg and frying it on the sidewalk or something. I'm pretty sure I could.

"Why?" I ask, looking up at a startlingly blue sky. "Is this punishment?"

I suppose I'd deserve it if it was. I'm a bad person. Terrible, actually. My entire life I never did a thing to be ashamed of. And suddenly, I'm leading someone on. Worst of all, I know I am, and I can't stop. I think I even like it. I just… I don't know. I've never been liked before. It feels nice. I understand why people are so in love with being loved. It makes me feel good.

But is it worth all the guilt? I didn't sleep a wink last night. After calling both Jenn and Zach to fill them in with a horrific recollection of my pitiful date – which both of them said was bound to happen. Quote, 'First dates are the hardest, especially if it's your first date ever.' End quote. Property of Zach.

As predicted, that didn't help a bit.

In my opinion, the date went down in flames, nearly as scorching as today's punishing heat.

Even Alex is acting like nothing went wrong. He called me this morning, just to say hello. Exactly that way, 'hello,' and that was it. Like nothing frickin' happened. Am I the only sane one?

It would be so much easier if Alex felt the same way. If he disliked me and agreed that last night was a disaster, and that we two should go our separate ways. In that case, I'd be free. I wouldn't have to be the one letting go of something. I'd be the one being let go. I can handle being let go, it's been that way my whole life. I've never had something I could ever really claim as mine – something I had the power over.

This is new, this is different. And honestly, I'm not sure how to handle it.

"It's so hot!" a girl exclaims excitedly as she comes strolling out of a vintage shop with her girlfriends. I'm in Port Angeles, on my way to Mademoiselle's to retrieve my lost and forgotten cell phone. I have to hike through this insane heat, at five p.m., after taking a series of stinky buses that ended up costing more than I make a week at my summer job, only to find a phone that's so tattered I can hardly make a single call without it shutting off. It's not even worth it to come look. But nonetheless, here I am.

For a girl like me, this sunny day isn't fun. Not in the least. But of course, the happy-go-lucky trio cheers and giggles and makes their way past me without a single glance. I want to glare. Why is this a good thing? This heat is monstrous, and not at all appealing.

Save me, someone, anyone, please?

"Yea, I know, but I left my car here yesterday. And now I want my car. So there's your little card, please go get my car," an angry voice snaps.

For a moment everything becomes eerily quiet. No noises on the streets can catch my attention; it's as if all sound has been erased. Because I know that voice.

I know it well.

I've dreamt about that voice every night for over a decade. It's all too familiar. But strangely out of place?

"Let me go get my manager." Another voice breaks through my barrier and suddenly the world comes racing back. I can hear the cars and the pedestrians, the sirens and the horns. So much noise I don't want to hear! There's only one voice I need. Where has it gone?

I hurriedly turn the corner towards the voice, and right there in front of Mademoiselle's is the last person I'd ever have expected to see.

Life is out to get me. Not even kidding.

Why else would Jared Tal be standing right in front of my desired destination? Why would he look so incredibly irresistible – with his muscles ripped beneath his white T-shirt, and his pants scraggly and torn – today of all days? Why would this horrible coincidence be happening, if not planned by some higher power who enjoys watching me squirm? This is seriously messed up. This is not a coincidence.

I watch him for a few seconds in shocked silence, willing my mind to not play tricks on me. Hoping this is all an illusion and that I'll eventually blink him into another, less attractive boy, who doesn't hold my heart on a string.

But alas, it does no good. This is the Jared Tal, in all his breathtaking glory. Stealing my thoughts and making my heart swell uncomfortably. "Jared?" I am shocked to hear myself squeak before I even decide to acknowledge him.

I'm not sure why I say it as a question. I'm well aware that it's him, I'm positive. But there's still that little hopeful piece deep down that says no fate is this cruel, cruel enough to put him here, now, when I've already got so much on my plate.

It's too much!

The pain he inflicts by simply being in my close proximity… I can't handle it. Seeing him is the best, and the worst, part of my days. I want him more than I've wanted anything. But it burns my eyes to see him, standing tall and gorgeous and unreachable in front of me. If only Alex were more like Jared. At all like Jared, I should say. Then maybe things could be different. Maybe I could like him.

They're polar opposites, Jared and Alex. Whereas Jared is everything good, Alex brings out the attributes I detest.

If only this beautiful, untouchable boy could love me back… If only life would consider granting wishes, I'd have had Jared long ago.

Jared heard me call him. I can tell, because his back muscles tensed up the moment his name escaped my lips. He's rigid and breathing hard, but not turning. I can't see why not…

Unless he doesn't want to talk to me… Unless he's planning on ignoring me…

Maybe yesterday was all a joke? Maybe he got bored in class, because he had no one else to talk to, and decided to mess with my head? I'd willingly admit I enjoyed it. If it was just a joke, it was the best, most enjoyable joke anyone's every played on me. I'd accept it wholeheartedly.

And maybe, if I take it well, he'll play another?

But then, contrary to my depressing thoughts, Jared turns around, having to look down to meet my eyes.

At first, I catch a glimpse of some foreign emotion. An emotion I haven't seen much of since the day he came back. Anger? Loads and loads of anger. Pain? Quite a bit of pain. And sadness, plenty of that. Such agonizing emotion, it's frightening.

Then his eyes focus, and the moment they do, they take a tangible shift. Their change is nearly animated. I can practically see the hate draining out from them, trickling pool by pool. "Kim," he breathes, turning my name into one of a deity, and I watch as relief washes over his entire stature.

His shoulders lift as he breathes deeply, then exhales, slumping forward with past effort. His face, which seemed abnormally pale and creased with lines I'd never noticed, smoothes out and sinks back into a small smile. His entire body appears exhausted – to put it lightly – and I wonder what Jared's done today that has him so incredibly put out.

"Jared? Are you all right?" I find myself asking, in a knee-jerk reaction. My concern for him is not something I need to think about.

No matter if we were 'friends' or not – even if I was invisible to him – had I been walking down this street today and seen the look on his face that I am seeing now, I would not hesitate to ask. Whether I would be laying myself out for humiliation or not, I can't let him suffer. It's not an option.

He closes his eyes, taking his usual deep breaths. "Yes, Kim. I'm fine," he murmurs softly, and then opens his eyes to smile.

Somehow, although I don't have many previous smiles to compare it to, I know this smile is forced. He isn't fine at all.

"What're you doing here?" he asks, beating me to the punch. What am I doing here? I can't seem to remember.

First of all, where am I? Everything is a blur, except for his perfect, smiling face. Oh gorgeous, muscled, tall Jared. I forgot how terrible weekends could be without you.

Already, in only twenty-four hours, I've managed to suffer quite a bit from my Jared withdrawal. No Jared smiles, no Jared laughs, no Jared being Jared. It's a horribly way to spend my days, so utterly Jaredless. He'd been gone for so long, so many lost weekends, that I hadn't remembered what seeing him and losing him felt like. Now I know. And I wish I had stayed ignorant.

Every time I'm forced to live without him – even if only for a few hours – it feels like the whole world goes awry. Like nothing will ever be right again. And then I see him, and all I can think about is the next time he'll leave and I'll have to miss him. No wonder I stalked him for so long.

Oh, that's right, my phone.

"Last night I had that date, remember? I told you about it? With Alex?" His face hardens a bit before his smile returns – his very obviously fake smile.

Odd.

"Oh, that's right. Your date. How did that go?" he asks, looking around as if he couldn't care less.

He probably couldn't care less. I doubt he even wants to be having this conversation with me at all. Can't blame him, I sort of just popped up out of nowhere. But what the hell is he doing here anyway. He couldn't be…

Well, of course he is, who am I kidding? He's probably waiting for his hot date to show up. God, I'm an idiot. I can't believe I actually stopped to talk to him. We aren't close friends; we're hardly friends at all. He doesn't need me as a friend. He just needs someone to occupy his time in Spanish. Why do I always do this? I did it again without even realizing. Ugh!

I found hope.

Ha, what a joke.

"It was fine," I mutter, staring at my feet. I'm willing them to move, to walk away or something. Just anything, basically. But they refuse. They have a mind of their own. They want to stand here and converse with Jared Tal. There's no way I can deny the effect he'll always have on me. It's butterfly-inducing to no end. "I'll just leave you alone then –" I start, begging my limbs to obey, but I am interrupted by the entrance doors bursting open.

A tall bald man exits with a small blond boy in his wake. They both stride up to Jared with purpose and I am left confused. "Hello, sir, my employee tells me you left his car here last night?" Jared's face is a mask of horror. "It's no problem at all; I'll just need to see some identifi –"

"What?" Jared interrupts the man, his horrified expression slowly fading into nonchalance.

He often unleashes this uncaring expression. Kind of strange, actually. It's like he's hiding something. But he uses it so often – and really, how many secrets can one teenage boy have?

Now the bald man seems as confused as me. He points to the boy on his left. "Ralph told me you came in for your car and –"

Jared's eyes are bulging slightly, looking back and forth between me and the bald man. What is wrong with him today? "No, no, he must have been mistaken, my car isn't here. I'm not sure what you're talking about, actually," Jared insists, taking a step back from the pair.

Suddenly the blond boy steps up, nearly furious. "But you just said –"

"Are you telling me I'm wrong?" Jared interrupts him, his voice threatening and his eyes burning. Both the bald man and I are shocked.

Ralph and Jared seem to have a private moment in the midst of turmoil. Their eyes meet and Ralph's breathing comes to a sudden halt. I had the tiniest prick of pity for the boy as a look of bloodcurdling fear raced across his features. He was a mouse caught in the eyes of a snake, and he was left speechless.

Jared, on the other hand, was able to compose himself better than poor frightened little Ralph. "I was just coming to grab a bite to eat… but maybe I should take my business elsewhere," Jared said to the older man, whose frown immediately turning into a hospitable smile.

Anyone could see the false advertisement on his tongue. "Oh no, please, don't let my foolish friend scare you off. Come in, come in, free drinks on me, for you and your girlfriend –"

"No!" I hurriedly threw in.

Thanks, old man, make this more awkward for me, since it isn't already vomit-inducing. Humiliate me in front of my life-long crush, why don't you?! Sometimes I just hate people.

I sneak a quick glance at Jared, assessing the damage, only to watch his jaw twitch. Almost as if he was hiding a smile. But instead, he keeps his mouth clamped tightly shut. I wish he would smile and make this more funny than it is embarrassing. But why would he smile? What reason does he have? This isn't funny. This is probably gross for him – being associated in that way with shy, nerdy Kim Connelly. The idea is most likely making his blood boil.

I try to recover myself as best as I can, my eyes pricking and my cheeks heating up. "I'm not his – we're not – I'm not anything. I just came to get my cell phone, I left it here last night," I tell the bald man, all while wishing he had been right.

What would it be like if I were Jared's girlfriend? Would he bring me to restaurants like this? Actually, I hope not. This place now harbors some of my more horrific memories. But I'd come time and time again if it were with Jared. I'd go anywhere with Jared.

The bald man looks at Jared beside me, as if to confirm my story. Jared's face goes blank for half a second before he smiles at the man. "She's a kidder, eh?" he suddenly snickers.

I am? I'm a kidder?

… What?

Jared turns his smoldering eyes on me, his smile making me turn into goo. I nearly fall to the ground from its impact. "Always cracking jokes. My little jokester… C'mon, love, let's take the man up on his offer."

Love? Oh sweet Jesus, did Jared just call me his 'love'?

I'm positive I look completely befuddled right now. Possibly a little shocked. And also, like I'm peeing myself. This is one of those non-scary moments people sometimes have where, regardless of the lack of danger, they still have that odd little sensation of wanting to pee themselves. It's quite uncomfortable.

They're all looking at me, waiting for something. A response, a reply, an agreement. Because honestly, even these strangers know I am powerless to refuse any offer made by Jared.

If he asked me to jump off a cliff, I'd ask only one question: "with or without a parachute?"

Jared is growing impatient. At least, I think it's impatience. He's fidgeting awkwardly. Tapping his foot and messing with his fingers. Pretty adorable, actually…

And then my heart stops beating. Jared Tal has quite suddenly, and surprisingly, winked at me. Like we're sharing a secret. A pass between intimate friends. A wink. A beautiful, glorious wink.

Kill me. Just kill me now.

Nothing will ever top this. This is the sweetest, most perfect moment of my existence.

"All right…" I manage to slip out dreamily. Jared exhales a little too loudly and the employees exchange a freaked-out glance.

He motions for me to follow and I let him lead the way in after the bald man.

Oh sweet Jesus, did I just agree? Why did I just agree? Do I want to do this? Pfssht, oh well, I don't expect myself to be strong enough to deny him anything anyway.

Jared opens the door for me, making me trip over dizzy thank yous, and we step into the dimly lit café. "Right this way," the bald man orders, taking us to a dark booth near the front windows.

Usually, I hate booths.

Today, I've changed my view.

Never before has a booth been more appealing.

A host follows behind the bald man, bearing menus. "Drinks on the house, pass it on to the waiter," the bald man tells the host who nods and places down our menus. They scurry away together.

We are left alone.

It's fine. It really is. I am more than content to sit here and stare at Jared – well, if that were an option.

Instead, things seem to be flipped, as they have often been in the past couple of days. He's the one staring at me. Making me so uncomfortable I can't even imagine looking up. The horror! Then I'd be forced to look into his eyes. I try not to look into people's eyes too often. It's practically a guideline that I live by – no eye contact.

I fiddle with the torn maroon-colored seat beneath me. I always wonder how the seats get so worn out in booths. That's one of the reasons I dislike them so much. I always picture some really fat lady sitting in this seat, breaking it and wearing it down. Rubbing her butt all over it and stuff. I don't know why. That's pretty weird, isn't it? Ugh, why am I here? I don't deserve to be sitting here with Jared. I imagine old ladies' butts rubbing on seats; if that's not unworthy, then I'm no judge of character.

"So…"I say to fill the sunken silence.

Jared's still staring at me. I wish I could know what he's thinking. Why won't he look away?

And why can't he give me a turn? I really want to look at him… He looks so handsome in this dim lighting – the image of a man from a romantic novel. Candlelit tables, dark smoldering eyes, and a small mysterious grin. I can't handle this amount of sexy all at once. This is bad for my health.

"You never told me why you're here today, Kim," he finishes for me, finally prying his eyes away to open his menu. And the way he does it – with slight hesitation – literally makes me feel that he's prying them off me. Like he's forcing himself to look somewhere else. Is there something wrong with my face? That would be too horrible. I would not survive it.

While he's looking away I hurriedly sweep my hands over my face, kind of spastically, and come up with nothing. Except a little facial oil, because I have a terribly oily complexion. I probably look like a glowstick right now, under these dim candles – whereas they make _him_ shine like a golden idol.

Life can be so unfair.

I think I'm starting to see what Jenn and Alex were talking about the other day. He looks at me... strangely... The expression is indescribable. A mix of interest and curiosity. At least, that's how I view it.

Do I interest him? Like, an exotic animal or something? I don't think I'm _that_ weird.

I realize that I'm staring relentlessly – even if he's doing it, I have no excuse – and tear my eyes away with much difficulty. "I left my phone here last night, when I came with Alex." Why do I keep saying Alex's name? It's like I'm deliberately showing off.

Heck, maybe I am. It'd be nice to prove to Jared how I'm not just some weird nerd. I've officially been on a date. That makes me cool, right?

"And I came to pick it up," I explain, watching him vaguely scour the menu. Every few seconds I notice him – very sneakily – flicker his eyes up to look at me. The speed at which he does this is shocking. Practically superhuman. "Why are _you_ here?"

Jared closes his menu, which gives off a slapping noise that makes me jump, and then sits back in his seat. Eyeing me again with restless conflict in his hazel eyes. Of course I immediately look away, like the coward I am. "Are you hungry?" he asks, ignoring my question.

That's sort of rude. And normally I would pry. But this is _Jared Tal,_ after all. Scaring him away is **not** an option. If he wants to tell me, he'll tell me. Eventually...

And I'm actually not hungry. Or to be blunt, I'm not willing to eat here ever again. The food was crap and not at all worth the stomach pains that came later. I shake my head, still not meeting his eyes. "Not really."

"'Not really'?" He imitates in a gently mocking tone. "So, _sort of_?" he presses, opening his menu again.

His eyes are focused and concentrating this time. As if he's just now located his appetite. His brow furrows adorably and I let out a satisfied sigh, which causes his eyes to flicker back. "Is that a yes?" he asks with a smirk.

Crap.

"Um...sure." Yea. Totally.

That's why I sighed.

Gahh, I'd love it if I were brave. That way I could stare him straight in the eye right now and have one of those intense moments over the dinner table. The type where the man and woman express their undying love to each other, and agree to live happily ever after.

Not that just looking a guy in the eyes always works out that way. But anything could happen, right?

"Damn! No!" I suddenly swear, catching myself. Jared jumps in his seat, his eyes panicked. "Actually, I'm running low on cash, and I'm taking the bus home later, so it's all right if you want to eat without me," I find myself blurting out, coming to the sudden realization that I'm half near broke.

I have around ten dollars in my pocket. Not even enough for one plate here, much less food _and_ bus fare.

Jared snaps his menu closed again – he seems seriously impatient today – and grimaces. "I wouldn't make you pay," he mutters in a low voice, seemingly offended.

Okay. I was _trying_ to be polite. Why is he in such a foul mood? And why did he con me into eating dinner with him if he's not going to enjoy my company? Not that I expect him to...

I wonder where his hot date is anyway. It's been a while. Will she be mad that I'm here? I'm probably not pretty enough to threaten her. She'd take one look at me and think 'how cute, he brought his little cousin' or something equally degrading.

"Are you waiting for someone?" I ask courageously. Normally I'd be too shy to ask. But I'm too stressed over Alex to care if I humiliate myself.

Jared smirks, his eyes boring into my forehead. "What makes you think that?"

Hmm. Well, _I don't know_. Because you're here, alone, with no other explanation, maybe? That could be one reason. In fact, this is all pretty odd, when I think about it. This whole situation screams, 'Fate!'

I'm almost suspicious.

"Just figured. I mean, why else would you be here? Alone..."

His eyes become instantly guarded, "This is a nice restaurant. I like the food." He explains, drawing idly with his pointer finger on the glossy wooden table.

Really? He does? That's weird. Although I guess I've seen Jared eat grosser things in my life. Once, in second grade, he decided to try eating his beloved Play-Doh. That was the end of that phase.

"I don't." I state bluntly, picking up my menu. Might as well try and find something edible if Jared's willing to pay. I am pretty famished, most likely due to this heat.

He chuckled quietly across from me, and I could not stop myself from looking shocked. It's not everyday Jared Tal laughs at something I say. I'm still having trouble getting used to this communication thing in general. It continues to knock me off my feet.

I try to compose my surprised expression and clear my throat. "So you were just strolling about Port Angeles on a Saturday evening, with no prior agenda, and decided to drop in for a bite at one of the most expensive restaurants in the city? All by yourself?" I know I sound like I'm interrogating.

And that's probably because I am.

He nods, unfazed. "Basically."

"Huh," I murmur, sizing him up unintentionally. He smiles when he notices my wandering eyes, and I look away with a scarlet blush.

I bet I look like a cherry right now. Or a raspberry, maybe. What's redder than a cherry? I'm probably creating a new color altogether.

"So how was your Friday night?" I ask in a broken voice to change the subject. Please, _please_, don't notice how nervous I sound.

His face hardens before he unlocks his jaw. There! There's that face again! The agonized, angry, miserable one. It's like he's trying to keep from screaming in pain or something. It's scaring me. "It was pleasant enough," he replies tersely.

All of these cryptic answers and faraway looks are making me nervous. What is he hiding? "Is something wrong?"

He looks back at me. This time, it is he who is sizing me up. And yet, I'm still the one with weak knees and pink cheeks. He smiles when my cheeks redden again and lets out a loud exhale. "No, I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night," he explains with a tight grin.

What in the world would be bothering Jared? Sure, his social life is in the crapper, but that's his own fault. He could have it all back with a snap of his powerful fingers, I'm certain. It's like he doesn't want it anymore – _any_ of it. And that's another something I don't understand. What changed while he was away? He's not only talking to **me** now, but he's a completely different person. A new, scarier, somewhat friendlier – in my case, at least – person.

And I believe I love him even more for it.

"Yea," I agree faintly, too lost in my own dark thoughts to pay more attention, "me neither."

A curious spark lights his eye and he leans closer. "Why's that?"

I shrug. How much information is too much information? _Is there_ too much information with Jared? I feel like I can tell him anything. But can I?

I take a moment to consider my actions. I don't even truly know what Jared's intentions are. He really could be playing a prank on me. This entire month could've been preparation for his epic prank. I don't know, I don't know anything. Telling him my secrets, my personal prejudices and doubts, could be used against me in the end. He's barely my friend... But every time we've spoken, I somehow feel that we're more. Not exactly best buddies, considering the uncomfortable silences and mysterious pauses, but just... just, more.

Then again, I've always felt more attached to Jared than I should. Much more attached than he is to me.

Eventually Jared realizes I'm unresponsive and leans back again, watching me with critical scrutiny in his hazel orbs. "Tough night out with your boyfriend?" he snaps in a slightly harsh tone. I wince reactively.

His words have a bite in them that I did not foresee. Something is eating Jared Tal. And he's taking it out on me. Shockingly, I find myself not caring. Because so long as something is hurting my Jared, my own pain means little to nothing to me.

The minute the words escape him, his expression softens. Although he offers no apologies, his body simply gives off the impression of remorse.

I don't understand Jared at all anymore. He is more a mystery now than he ever was before.

And how in the world does he know Alex asked me out? He called him my boyfriend! Boyfriend! Has Alex been telling people we're official already? I never even agreed! "How do you know about that?" I ask hesitantly.

He bites down on his lip and lifts his shoulders. "I dunno."

That little rat! He's totally going around telling people! Ugh! I could just kill him! And Jared knows! I may as well just go ahead and die now. For some reason, I want to deny it a thousand times and swear it could never be true.

Not that I owe Jared any explanation… Not that Jared even cares… It's just embarrassing.

I'm not sure why, but it is!

I don't like Jared knowing. Just like I don't like talking about Alex with him. I feel so comfortable around Jared, I really do. The only exception being when we talk about Alex, or Jared's old friends – basically when we talk about anyone but ourselves. When it's us, my world is perfect. Then when we involve other people… everything seems so complicated again.

"You know, Alex needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut," I snap, to no one in particular. I'm mostly saying it to myself, but Jared leans close again. The look on his face makes me feel that he likes my Alex bashing. "It's my life too! He can't go around exploiting to however he pleases!"

Jared frowns. "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."

Ow. That hurt. I had already felt like I was doing something horrible by leading Alex on, but now Jared refers to it as a crime. I'm becoming more and more convinced that this entire day is punishment.

First, I realize I left my phone here and freak out about it all morning. Then, I spend a load of cash getting up here in this boiling heat. Finally arriving to find Jared in all his godlike beauty waiting outside. How could this be anything but punishment assigned to me by the fates?

"Even if I had said yes," I start defensively, "it's not a capitol offense or anything. I don't see why I should do 'time' for it."

I am about to continue when I notice Jared's expression. It turns my stomach uneasily. His mouth is completely wide open. Like, it's nearly hitting the table.

Did I miss something?

He snaps his jaw shut and leans even closer, his eyes boring into mine.

Again, I want to look away. But now I can't. I'm stuck. Just like poor Ralph.

"If you 'had' said yes?" he probes, voice on edge.

I nod. "Yea! All I said was I would think about it. Does that sound like a yes to you?" I reply, restraining my eyes and angrily sifting through my menu.

Jared is quiet for a few moments, and I feel like judging his silence. But if I look up it'll be painful to look away again. Just as it is every time. I'm already in enough pain as it is.

"So you aren't with Alex?" Jared asks softly.

I shake my head. "No. Is that really what he said?"

Huh, the grilled cheese looks pretty plain. How badly could anyone screw up a grilled cheese? That's a promising option.

"Nah, I haven't talked to him," Jared admits, leaning back again and making the seat squeak. I wonder how much Jared weighs. He's pretty muscular. And his height alone must be a tip-off.

I furrow my brow, very confused by his answer. If Alex didn't tell him, then who could have? How many people has Alex told? Is everyone in on it already? "Then who told you?" I ask, looking up before thinking better of it. I sigh. Now I'm stuck.

His smile falters before he looks away, maybe sensing my unease. He looks back towards the front of the restaurant. For a while he stares at nothing, with restless eyes that never stay still.

At last, they focus. Without warning, his hand shoots out to point at the front podium. "Who do you suppose she's talking to?" he asks.

I turn to see whom he's talking about and stumble upon a short blond woman, twisting her hair around and around her pointer finger, with a miserable mask across her face. She's chatting with agitated body language on a cell phone, waving her hands about manically.

I don't see how this is all relevant.

And why does he keep changing the subject? It's pretty annoying. I never thought Jared could have an annoying quality, but I'm not feeling this ADHD vibe I'm getting. If he would just be open with me! Ugh! I want to know him so badly, it hurts. I want to know everything. And maybe that's the reason I'm so frustrated; I want too much, too soon. We just barely made our first contact in twelve years and already I'm digging for more. How could I be so selfish?

I shrug, deciding to play along in his little game. I guess if it'll make him happy... "Probably her rich older husband, who's too busy having an affair with his office assistant to remember their dinner date tonight. She's been catching on the past couple of months, finding little clues here and there. Tonight, for instance, is one of them. She's trying to save their failing marriage – or at least keep it up until the pre-nup kicks in and she gets her cut. Why marry an older man if you don't get your share of the cash?" I ask, voice dripping with my usual dry sarcasm. "That would be a shame."

When I look back at Jared I expect him to be smiling appreciatively – I myself found my story pretty entertaining – but instead he has that same intensely curious expression on his face. "You like making up stories, don't you," he points out in a sure tone. He's stating a fact, not asking a question.

I shrug again, picking at a corner of my menu that's slowly tearing.

I could be honest and tell him that the reason I make up stories is to replace the awful truth: that life sucks and is often too boring or depressing to capture my attention the way only fantasies can. Fantasies are what have kept me alive my entire life. Fantasizing about a better world, a better life, a better day or week or month – all including Jared's love for me, of course.

Basically, the world as I know it would be one hundred percent flawless if we were together. Or at least, that's how my fantasies portray it to be.

"Stories are what make the world go round. Books, movies, plays, songs, even jokes… they're all just stories," I explain, ducking my head to hide my blush. I sound like a freaky self-righteous hippy or something.

Now I feel like telling him I eat meat and don't intend to drive a fuel-efficient car when I grow up. Would that make me sound like less of an animal rights activist?

Jared's biting down on his lip pretty hard, and finally he opens his mouth to speak – right as the waitress comes sauntering up to take our orders.

And of course I'd get the slutty waitress from last night. She's like a package deal with this crappy restaurant.

I smile patiently, waiting for her to acknowledge me with some type of polite recognition. But instead, she ignores me completely and stares at Jared as she greets us. "Well, hello. It's nice seeing you again."

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

Haha, oh yes, 'the slut' is of course Lorraine.  
How in the world will Jared talk himself out of this one?  
Read Chapter 17 to find out? Ahah, I feel like that deep voice at the end of those tv show's. I love that voice. He's so entertaining.  
So what did everyone think? Be honest. Do you like where this is going? Am I getting their chemistry down right? Constructive criticism is welcome, as always.  
Although compliments are better ;)

Lol, I hope it made you smile. We should all smile more.


	17. Chapter 17: The Truth

Hey, this is the continuation from chapter 16 of Jared and Kim's first sort-of 'date'. Not really a date, because it wasn't planned. More of a hang out, if you will. Ahah, it's just as good though :)  
Hmm, not alot to say really, except I worked hard to make it special for you all (with more dialogue, for those of you that asked) and I'm pretty proud of how it turned out.  
Enjoy Chapter 17, I greatly hope that you like it.  
Playlist:  
Bad Day- It's A Musical  
Living Proof- The Downtown Fiction  
Secret- The Pierces

* * *

_**Jared's POV**_

Holy. Fuck.

Is that...

No. It can't be...

Shit, _it is_.

Oh no. No, no, no. Don't come over here. Please, please, don't come over here.

She's coming over here. What do I do? Duck? Would that be too obvious?

"Well, hello. It's nice seeing _you_ again." Lorraine says pointedly as she approaches -giving me her same old seductive smile.

She makes me want to puke.

My eyes are panicked as they flicker from her to Kim and back.

I only have to listen to Kim's unsteady heartbeat to know that she's confused. But she's always been smart as a whip. If I give her a minute to think, she'll be sure to figure it out. She'll know soon enough. What will I do when she knows?

Now, this is quite a predicament I've found myself in. A real pickle. I've been in some pretty fucked up situations -I _am_a werewolf- but this tops it all. This is the last straw on my leaning crap pyramid.

This is that moment in a boy's life when he realizes, _OH, so __**this**__ is what they mean when they say life can only get worse._

"And so _soon_." Lorraine continues. "Did you miss me?" She jokes with a wink. Oh wow, perfect. So any lasting cover I had is now blown. Couldn't she leave well enough alone and just _stop talking_? For Christs sake! "And _you_." Lorraine spits in disbelief, looking back and forth between Kim and myself as if she's missed something very important.

I look to Kim, who is doing the same. Looking at Lorraine, and then looking at me, and then looking at the table, and then repeating the cycle.

This is all very uncomfortable.

"Do you two know each other?" Kim asks quietly, finding peace simply staring down at the table. I don't think she likes eye contact very much. She's been refusing to look me in the eye since we sat down.

Her expression is freaking me out. Why does _she_ look embarrassed? I'm the one who's having a traumatic experience over here.

Lorraine laughs heartily in response to Kim's question, "Only in passing. I think the question is, do _you _two know each other?"

Why didn't I see this coming? The only thing I'd been think about was spending some alone time with Kim. I never thought in a million years... I had no idea one person could attract such terrible luck the way that only I do. Life is pretty down all in all.

Kim looks up at Lorraine with a shy smile, thinking of a response. I should probably be doing something to avoid this -them speaking to each other- but I can't find my voice. I'm speechless. I'm so scared, I'm literally unable to speak. I can only watch as my scheme falls to pieces.

"Only in passing." Kim mutters shyly and I smile despite myself, because Kim made a joke.

Because Kim is adorable, and she has a wonderful sense of humor. But not wonderful enough to find humor in my stalking her.

If she finds out... Well, she can't find out. I can't let her find out. She would definitely not laugh.

Lorraine laughs with Kim, "I'm sure," She says with a chuckle before beginning again, "So I'm sort of surprised to see you together, considering last night-" My heart stops beating for a split second before picking up in double time, "-you didn't seem like you knew each other."

Kim's eyebrow furrows in confusion, "Why would you-"

"Last night!" I cut in spastically, smacking my fists down on the table. The wood creaks in protest, "Thank you for reminding us! My friend, Kim, says she left her phone here last night. She really needs it back. Do you mind looking for it?" I ask as calmly as possible -although my heart is pounding out of control. So loud and outrageous that I'm positive they can hear it themselves.

And I can feel my eyes bulging like a mad man. If the heart doesn't tip them off, my eyes surely will.

I stare at them hopefully, begging them silently to let it go.

Both girls look at me strangely.

Kim's the first to look away, "Why would you not think we knew each other?"

Lorraine looks away too, back to Kim. Both of them are ignore me completely.

I would be pissed if I weren't so afraid.

But this is bad. Very, very, bad. I don't want them to converse. Conversing leads to terrible things. Terrible discoveries. How can I stop this?

"Well," Lorraine starts her explanation, "You were with that other guy -the blond one, right?" She turns to me with her evil snake eyes, "And _he_ was-"

Shit.

"_I _was wondering what the special is today. Would you mind recommending anything in particular?" I interrupt, sifting through my menu.

I pretend to read through it, but my eyes refuse to focus. My head is a hectic, scattered bundle, obese with turmoil. I can't think straight!

I'm fidgeting. My leg is tapping up and down crazily, and I'm vibrating from head to toe. I feel like a ticking time bomb. I'm going to explode. I'm going to explode all over Kim Connelly, and then I'm going to kill myself.

Their both giving me that strange look again. I'm staring to understand what it means. By using it, they're more or less telling me to shut the fuck up.

"The potato soup is good." Lorraine says to me vaguely before turning back to Kim -who is watching me with a suspicious expression.

She's figuring it out. I can see it in her eyes.

Kim is truly the most clever girl I've ever known.

"_Anyway_," Lorraine sighs, "What happened to that guy from last night? And why are you two here together today?" Her eyes spark suddenly, as if she too has come to her own realization. She turns to me with added excitement, "OH MY GOD! Is _she _the reason you were sitting alo-"

"Is prying into your customers personal lives in your job description, or is that your added touch?" I snap sharply.

"Jared!" Kim exclaims instantly, shock mixed with vast disapproval in her tone.

Lorraine falls into a hushed silence. Her quiet dignity is that of a wounded animal.

Kim is looking over at her nervously, biting down hard on her bottom lip. Then she looks over to glare at me.

My angel is disappointed, and glaring at me.

Life sucks so bad, I think I've gone numb.

"That was rude." Kim seethes, her voice cold across the table.

I want to reach over and grab her. I want to hold her to me and apologize. I want to not be here, in this situation.

"I'm so sorry." She says to Lorraine, who's already recovered enough to shoot me a few nasty looks of her own.

Lorraine shakes out her hair, shrugging, "No problem, what would you like to drink?" She asks -tossing aside the conversation and pulling a notepad from her smock to take our orders.

Kim is biting down on her lip again, peering around herself frantically. She doesn't seem able to function properly do to the current event that surrounds us.

I sigh, hating myself. "Root beer." I mutter, looking down at the table and exiling myself to shame.

"And for you?" Lorraine asks Kim impatiently after a few moments of silence.

I hear Kim gulp loudly, "The same..." She murmurs in her soft whisper.

Lorraine stomps away and leaves us in more of a wrecked state then we already were.

Kim clears her throat, but says nothing. We both know I am the one who must speak first. I'm the one in the wrong. I'm the one who has quite a bit of explaining to do.

But I'm too afraid to get down to it.

I kind of want to shoot myself in the face.

Have I officially made this make-shift 'date' as horrible as her date last night?

I shouldn't have mocked Alex so easily. This is harder than it looks.

I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have been so harsh with Lorraine. But I had to do _something_! I couldn't just sit here and let her spill out my entire secret.

It's not her secret to tell, anyway. She had no right to say anything. If I wanted to tell Kim I'd been here, I would tell her.

Not that I'd ever have done it on my own, without Lorraine's push.

I wonder if Kim has pieced it together yet. She's so very quiet... I can only assume she's figuring it out.

I might as well talk before her mind has the chance to blow it out of proportion. Though that would be hard since what I actually did was already pretty bad.

"So," I say, not sure how to start.

Why am I so _awkward_?

"That was pretty mean." Kim says. Now it's her turn to fill in the blanks for me.

Now I'm the one being really quiet.

I guess I deserve this.

I finally muster the courage to meet Kim's gaze and suffer the pain of her disapproval all over again. I doubt I've ever experienced anything as strong as this before. All of my feelings are a thousand times heightened when Kim is involved. Like my shame, for instance.

I've never been more ashamed of myself.

"It was." I agree, letting misery sink into each word, "That was wrong of me. I shouldn't have said that."

"Then why did you?" She snaps, her icy tone freezing the world around us. There is no restaurant. There are no waitresses, or hostesses. There are no people. There is no life. There is us and her anger, and I'm a slave to both.

I'm caught tongue-tied again. No answer would justify my behaviour. And I don't want to make excuses, I can't. I'm the worst excuse for a sole-mate...I truly am...

I lift my shoulders weakly, "I don't know." I reply in a bleak tone.

She huffs a breath and looks away from me -as if I'm unworthy of her attention.

I am unworthy of her attention. I'm an asshole.

She surprises me by looking back quickly. Her eyes full of a burning curiosity, "Jared," She starts, her voice hesitant. "What she said... Well, were you... W-were you _here_, last night?"

Shit.

I didn't doubt for a second she'd figure it out. Although I had hoped.

I sigh in defeat -giving in to my cruel, cruel fate, "I _did_ drop in for a while... But I didn't know he would bring you here -I didn't even really see you." I hurried to make weak excuses.

Kim's chewing off her lip again. There might be nothing left by the end of our dinner.

Her expression is inscrutable, "Why didn't you just tell me? I mean, we're friend's, aren't we?"

My heart beats unsteadily, "Yes! Of course! I just-I didn't want to make thing's weird-"

"Why would that make thing's weird?" She asks, her eyes narrowed.

I scramble for composure, "Because... Well, because-" It's my turn to gulp too loudly over the table, "A date is a very personal thing."

She falls quiet for one immeasurable moment. When she opens her mouth to speak again, her expression is far from friendly, "You're right. A date is a personal thing. Which makes me wonder why you would eavesdrop on me and Alex's conversation's-"

"I wasn't eavesdropping!" I insist, trying to sound shocked.

But I can't truly be shocked. Because Kim is smart. _And_ I was eavesdropping.

She scoffs, "You were, too!"

"Was not!" I counter, crossing my arms and leaning back.

I probably look like a sulky little boy. But I don't care. Cause this sucks.

"Then _who told you_?" She asks, lowering all cannons.

I'm stop dead mid-breath.

Changing the subject won't work now.

"I-I-" I try to speak, but only throaty noises escape. She raises her eyebrows challengingly. "I-"

She sighs, her whole body thrown into a dramatic exhale. She leans towards me over the table -forcing her beauty to knock me sideways.

My gorgeous, complicated, angel. Somehow, her stubborn resolve only attracts me to her more. I don't think I'm attracted to complex qualities. I think just anything that she is is perfect to me. She could be an insufferable, satanist, _Nazi_, and I'd probably still find ways to love her.

Her eyes are glaring into mine. I sort of miss her shy lack of eye contact now...

"Is this how it's going to be? You keep doing this. You're keeping things from me, and lying to me, and completely acting the opposite of what I'd classify as a 'friend'. Jared... You've got to choose. Either we're friends and we tell each other things. Or we're what we were before... Which was not really anything, I guess." A flood of panic filled her expression for a split moment before her calm returned.

My own panic was coursing on a rampage inside of me. Even my bones were aching at the very thought of losing her. My leg tapped twice as fast against the tile floors.

"I don't want that." I admitted sheepishly.

Kim gave me a small smile. I may be imagining the relief that's glowing in her eyes.

"I don't either. So tell me the truth."

That hit me hard. I want nothing less than to tell her all of my secrets -every last one of them. But I can hardly brush the surface. That is, if I want any chance with her in the future.

I knotted my fingers into my hair, leaning my elbows on the table.

I'm about to have a brain hemorrhage.

I stared up at her, studying her face for the few minutes that we were quiet. Eventually, her natural shy returned and she couldn't help but avoid my eyes. She blushed, and my heart swelled. She **is** my heart. How can I lie to my heart? I have to give her something, I know I do.

She's so smart.

She'll know if I continue to leave her in the dark.

I have to tell her _something_. But not everything. Not yet.

I groan, leaning back again, still studying her. I find it hard to ever look away. Nearly impossible. Every time I look at her it's like that first time -I'm falling into my bliss abyss. Filled with the pleasure of loving her.

Loving her is almost as wonderful as it would be were she to love me back. Loving her is enough. Loving her is what I was made for.

"What's it gunna be?" Kim prods, sick of my silent staring.

It's probably pretty annoying, now that I think about it.

Being stared at all the time.

Though I wouldn't mind if it were Kim staring at me. I like Kim to stare at me. Well, when she's not glaring.

"Here are your drinks." Lorraine says, making us both jump in our seats.

Even me, with my enhanced hearing, had been too engrossed in our conversation to hear her approach.

"Hey-yea-thanks-" I try to be polite, but she walks off before I can finish a sentence.

She's obviously not over it yet...

"Someones still mad." Kim murmurs, reading my mind.

Sometimes it really obvious that we're perfect for each other. Her mind reading, for example.

I finger my soda, staring at it doubtfully. I can only imagine the horrible things it's been through. "I have a feeling it would be a hazard to my health if I tried drinking this." I say, pushing my drink aside.

Kim nods, looking down at her own soda with new eyes, "Yea, I'm a little worried myself." She agrees, pushing hers beside mine.

We're both quiet, thinking to ourselves.

Then, suddenly, Kim smile's.

A real, wide, toothy, grin.

My heart stop's beating.

Her eyes flickered up to mine -their deep brown luring me to fall ever deeper under her spell.

Her gorgeous lips move, "He's narrowed it down to two option's." She says, smirking whilst her eyes twinkle with delight.

I feel myself smile, but can't breath. The wind is knocked out of me. I'm staring into the face of perfection and am at a loss of how to react. What can a man do at a time like this? I'm bewitched.

"He's on the clock." She continues with a short giggle. I've never seen her more free. It's irresistibly appealing. "This is the final decision, folks. It's now... Or it's never."

I take an embarrassingly loud breath finally -when I'm down to the risk of passing out- and her face falters.

She's probably scared because I'm turning blue or something.

She waits a few seconds until the color returns to my face and then smiles -less passionately- to go on, "Counting down, ten. Nine. Eight-"

"No need." I interrupt, claiming my voice as normally as possible.

Though, I doubt that she's fooled. It must be obvious, my utter devotion to her. She must know. She has to. There isn't anything more noticeable than the thing's that I do. My lack of breath around her, my staring, my attention. Their all tell-tale signs.

"I'll tell you the truth."

She smiled her wide, courageous, smile again. "Good."

Without another word I reach into my pocket and fish out my wallet, "Just not here." She frowns, making me laugh. "We'll go find some real, nonfrightening, food somewhere. And I promise, I'll give you some answers."

I made sure to say _some_. I think I've lied to her enough already.

Her eyes turn to slits, her expression doubtful, "And... And you promise you won't, like... Not tell the truth?"

"You mean, 'like', lie?" I correct her.

She looks down with a scarlet blush, "I don't think you lie to me... I just-I think sometimes you only tell me what you want to tell me."

...What?

"So... You mean, lie. You think I lie." She'd be right if she did...

I'm such an asshole.

"No! No, I don't. I think you tell me the truth. But just with your own twists... Kind of like a story. Like the stories I like to tell... Is it like that?" She asks, her voice drenched in curiosity.

I smile at her, because I know she's pretending.

She's trying to convince herself I'm like her. That I'm normal and just making thing's up. Because subconsciously she knows what I'm doing is different.

She's young, and innocent, and naive. She doesn't have much to lie about. I'm not so fortunate. I can't tell fibs anymore. My life is a lie, completely and totally.

I can't avoid that truth.

But letting her believe what makes her happy is more important to me than bursting her bubble.

"Yea, kind of like that." I say gently, unfolding five dollars and placing it on the table.

We don't have a check, but I figure that's enough to cover two soda's and a tip. Unless this place is worse than I imagined and they expect five bucks per soda.

I quickly devise a plan to retrieve my car -I'd rather not make Kim walk to the restaurant I have in mind- and suggest casually, "Hey, why don't you go find someone to look for your phone?"

Her eyes light up, "Oh crap, yea!" She hops out of her seat, looking around for help.

"Just don't ask Lorraine." I caution.

Lorraine would most likely find Kim's phone and destroy it. And/or do more evil things to it.

She smiled up at me hesitantly, "Yea, good idea." She muttered, walking away towards some employee behind me.

I head towards the entrance, willing my mind to remember her smile and tack it into my brain forever. Today has been the most I've ever spoken to her. It's also been the most I've ever seen her smile. Today has been the best and the worst day of my life.

Well, the worst start.

But if I'm being honest, any day that I can see Kim is the best day of my life.

I could be on my death bed, but if she were there, I'd be smiling from ear to ear.

Ralph is at his post, sitting lazily, when I stride out into the sun to meet him. "Hey." I call, informing him of my presence.

He doesn't reply.

I'm very good at making enemies here. I should probably never come back.

"Can I have my car?"

Ralph jumps up in understandable fury, "But you _just_ said-"

I roll my eyes, "I know, I know. But I changed my mind, my car **is** here."

Ralph looked ready to keel over and die.

Poor kid, so confused.

What the fuck ever. I don't care. I just want my car. Preferably before Kim comes outside.

"But-You-I-You can't change your mind about stuff like that, man! That's not something you-"

I stilled his word's simply by stepping closer to him. Towering over him. "Can I just have my goddamn car?"

"Fine! Fine!" He frantically agreed, opening his little box and practically throwing the keys at me.

I nodded to him appreciatively, "Thanks," Just as Kim exited the building.

She eyed him curiously as she walked towards me, holding up a distorted silver device that vaguely resembled a _broken _phone, "Found it." She said triumphantly.

I smiled back, glad that our short time apart hadn't lessened her uncharacteristically cheerful mood.

Or maybe it's not so uncharacteristic. Maybe I've yet to really know her true character. She could be anything. But probably, she's everything.

She was made for me, after all.

"Awesome," I reply, nodding towards the parking lot, "Let's go."

She stops in her tracks, confused, "I thought you said your car wasn't here."

Shit.

I can do nothing but smile sheepishly.

I'm really good at fucking myself over.

She sighs and starts walking past me, giving me an impatient grimace as she strides by, "You and your stories."

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

What did you think? Was it good? This chapter is stressful for me, because the chemistry needs such intense supervision. Tell me how I did?  
Ahah, Kim is in denial. She's letting herself believe he doesn't lie to her so it won't be a big deal, even though it's not as simple as pretending. She's still just a teenage girl. And an immature one at that.  
Their date is still going strong, I think the next chapter might end it though, if not the one after that. It's not supposed to be that intense, their just getting to know each other. They needed to start knowing each other better, I think.  
Btw, if I get 10 reviews for this chapter, I'll update before Friday :)


	18. Chapter 18: Melrose

Alright, here's chapter 18. Yet again, a continuation of Jared and Kim's date. Almost over, only one chapter left. Took a while, I apologize.  
I'd also like to apologize for this being two hours late. I said Friday, and it is now Saturday morning at 2 a.m. Not a huge difference, but a difference nonetheless.  
But I did work on this very hard for the past two days. My computer kept pooping out on me, so it literally took two days to complete it. I got so pissed I nearly threw it down the stairs once or twice. But those dark days are over, and here is the end product. I think it turned out pretty swell :)  
Playlist:  
1945- Hello Apollo  
Dancing In The Moonlight- Van Morrison (Only the beginning)

Enjoy chapter 18, everyone, I hope you like it.

* * *

_**Kim's POV**_

There's this boy in my class. Jared.

And he confuses me.

For instance, his choice in restaurant's.

Melrose Hamburger Heaven is a decently populated burger joint about ten blocks north of _Mademoiselle'_s .

It's in the middle of downtown Port Angeles, and is often litter ridden with hoodlums of all shapes and sizes.

None of the people I personally hang out with would make the hour's drive up to the city for a plain old burger -but it _is _a hot commodity among the rest of our schools population.

Jared included. He's known to be a strong follower of the place.

He was the first to discover it, I believe. And of course, back then, if Jared Tal had told someone in our school that frog legs were in, they'd have caught a frog and fried it in less time than you can blink. Before he left, him and his friends would come up to the city every weekend. They'd hit the mall, or go catch a show, maybe even go partying if the bouncer was dimwitted enough to think they were of age, then they'd go to Melrose to end the night.

It was a sort of holy tradition, I'd thought. A tradition only him and his friends were allowed to participate in.

_I've_never been to Melrose.

I've never really been anywhere.

So why has Jared Tal, of all people, taken _me _to Melrose?

I can't help but feel unworthy.

"We could go somewhere else." I tell him while fiddling with my fingers in my lap.

Jared's cocks an eyebrow, "Why? Do you not like the food?" He asks, a bit of skepticism in his voice.

What would he say if I told him that I, in fact, did not like the food?

It's his favorite restaurant. He'd probably stone me.

"It's not that," I mumble defensively, "This is the first time I've been here, actually."

Now both of his eyebrows shoot up. He leans forward, completely intrigued, "Really?"

I nod, unable to form a better response. I'm a little humiliated.

Oh, and here comes the blush.

Jared smiles to himself for a moment before messing with the pink carnation in the middle of the table. It's in a brown mug that reads 'Save The Trees' across the side. It's tacky and cheap, but somehow endearing.

I like this place already.

His eyes flicker back to mine, making me choke on a breath, his smile broadens, "How come? I mean, I'm sure you've heard of it."

I shrug.

Yea, I've heard of it.

No shit, I've heard of it.

Who in this region hasn't heard of it?

Honestly, the only reason I'd never mustered the courage to come was out of fear of looking like the lame social outcast that I am. If I had come, with Jenn most likely, and Jared had been here with all his fabulous friends, having a fabulous time, my self-esteem level would have dropped to epic proportions.

And my self esteem has always been low to begin with.

"Someone may have mentioned it." I reply vaguely, occupying myself to study the people passing by the windows beside us.

Jared's very quiet for the time being while I people watch.

I know he's thinking something unpleasant. I can feel it.

I can only hope it isn't anything bad about me.

He'd have a right to, if he were. I mean, what good does he have to think of me? All I've done today is prove -in excruciating detail- my own inferiority.

"I'm glad you never came." He says suddenly, startling me. I look over at his usual curious gaze and he smiles again, "Now I can say I was your first."

I laugh humorlessly. Who in the world would he tell?

Who would he _want_ to tell? It would ruin his reputation, in several ways.

I'm sure he was just joking, but still. A boy can't mess with a girl's heart in this way. It's just cruel.

Here I am, trying to savor every last second of our time together. Holding onto every teasing joke,and pointed grin -saving it all to write away in my diary... To tuck away in my heart forever.

And he's just a boy having fun with a pathetic girl, whom he's very aware is hear over heels in love with him.

He must know.

I'm swooning. It's pretty easy to realize someones swooning.

They get lazy eyes and take insanely long breaths.

Yea, he should know.

"I'm very happy for you," I reply in a dry tone, a little peeved. As much as I'd hate for him to stop, I'd rather know what brought all this on.

Why is he hanging out with me?

Why is he my friend?

Why is he practically flirting my pants off?

This is so uncharacteristic of the Jared I know. Or knew, I guess.

Ugh. These are the questions which haunt me.

Well, a few of the questions which haunt me. I should really start keeping a list.

"What's wrong?" He asks, judging my tone.

Ha! My plan has been played out perfectly. I knew he'd ask. It is, after all, the polite thing to do. And now I'll have no trouble bringing up, "So uh, Jared... About those questions..."

Any trace of a smile quickly falls from his expression and a guarded look haunts him. Someones not too happy.

"Nothing bad, I promise. I just want some simple answers. I think you owe me that." I insist a bit stubbornly.

He sighs, leaning back in his seat unhappily, "I know I do." He grimaces, "_You_ don't even know how much I owe you."

Yet again, confusing, "Alright, well then tell me."

Immediately he breaks out into laughter.

The mean, mocking, kind of laughter. "Hahaha. No." He snickers tauntingly, "Not happening. Let's work out a system here. You ask the questions, specific questions, and I'll answer those questions, **specifically**."

I don't like his tone of voice.

And his attitude towards the subject -like he's talking himself out of getting in trouble with his parents or something.

I'm not his mom. I'm not going to be mad at him for sneaking out at night or drinking or anything. I'll be afraid for him, yea. And I'd probably suggest myself to be his designated driver or something -just to make sure he gets home safe- but I'm not an overprotective psycho. Well, not a psycho.

I can handle the truth.

"Fine," I say, accepting his terms.

Two can play that game.

I'll just have to be very thorough with my questions.

No matter, we have all night, and I can do quite a bit of talking very quickly when I want to.

I open my mouth to start, but he holds up a finger in protest. "One more thing," He says quietly.

I frown in response.

Rules suck.

As if he'd read my mind, he continues, "You can only ask three of these important questions-"

"Three? Are you kidding me? C'mon! I can't find out anything with that!"

He groans, tapping his foot faster, "You can find out plenty if you ask the right questions."

How in the world would I know how to do that?

And what's worse is that I don't know what exactly I'm trying to find out. What I'm actually trying to do in the first place is find out what I'm supposed to be trying to find out.

Gahh! The confusion!

"But-" I start to protest angrily. This is so not gunna fly with me.

"You wouldn't want me to lose all of my mysterious charm in one night, would you? Let's be fair now. That wouldn't be any fun." He jokes half-heartily, his fingers tapping along with his foot now.

He seems so anxious I almost agree.

But then I don't.

"No, no, that's not fair. Being fair would be you telling me what's going on, it's so confusing! Every time I'm around you it's like a shadow blocking me from being completely at ease. I need to know why-why-"

"Why what?" He asks patiently, hands folded on the table now in a very business-man type of way.

But I'm not that stupid. I know what this is. "No, I can't ask, cause then I'd lose one of my questions. And I only have three, cause you're a jerk."

He looks shocked.

We both go silent for an awkward beat too long.

"Did you just call me a jerk?" He asks, utterly astonished.

Shit.

Did I just call him a jerk?

"I'm sor-I didn't mea-Oh wow... It's not li-Jared-I-Crap!" I stumble over my words hectically, praying to be struck down with each screw up.

Jared, on the other hand, looks completely chilled. More chilled than he had been before, in fact.

He's enjoying this.

"Crap?" He presses, his light eyes amused.

This is so not funny.

"Crap!" I exclaim, still panicked.

I can't believe I called him a jerk. I really can't.

I guess I should've expected something like that though. Seeing as I'm so horrible with social encounters and all.

I should've known I'd say something retarded.

He's not a jerk. He's perfect.

And I suck.

Oh god, he hates me.

I hate myself, and he hates me, and nothing will make it better.

Oh god. _Oh god_. _**Oh god**_.

He laughs suddenly -taking a large strain on my sanity- and leans towards me, "Kim, it's completely fine. Calm down. You look like your about to burst."

Do I?

Am I?

I should. Please, stupid retarded body, just blow up right now and get it over with.

"Kim," Jared starts, probably realizing that I'm not going to calm down. "Calling me a Jerk isn't really a big insult in my book, I've been called worse, I think we're good."

"No!" I hurriedly counter.

Nobody should ever call Jared anything. He's better than that. He's better than _them_. Anyone, and everyone.

"No! It still wasn't right, I shouldn't have said it. It was unnecessary." I insist with a great degree of self-loathing.

He looks up thoughtfully, biting his lip. When he finally looks back down he shrugs, "Maybe. But it's over. You said it, and it's done, and you can't take it back-" I start to hyperventilate and his eyes bulge, "Kim! Stop! You said it, and I'm not mad. As a matter of fact, I'm in a lot better mood than I was five minutes ago. So thank you. You should call me a jerk more often, actually."

Well...Wait...Is he serious?

Cause I could do that.

If he wanted...

"Really?" I ask hesitantly.

He laughs again, his mood completely recovered, "Well, not _that _often. But if I'm acting like a douche someday, and I piss you off, feel free to use it at your disposal. I am nameless, and you are free to call me whatever you please." He replied gallantly.

That's kind of weird.

But, whatever turns him on, I guess.

I nod pitifully and he smiles wider, "So can you please stop eating your lip and smile?"

To make him happy, I attempt my largest grin I can. It must be pretty lame, because his smile suddenly goes lopsided -in a mocking way, I think.

He looks dorky. Like, a cute little nerd or something.

Ha, he's never seemed so _human_ to me. He's always appeared godlike in a way.

His humanity manages to return the color to my face, and I can talk without sounding spastic, "Can I call you Tree?" I ask, laughing at myself giddily.

He gives no response. Not even a chuckle.

"Get it? Cause you're tall." I explain, motioning up and down his freakishly large body, "Like a tree."

"That's not very creative, Kim." He replies with mock disappointment.

"Well, hey," I protest.

I take my creativity very seriously.

Seeing as it's all I've got to work with, considering my lack of good looks and inability to participate in most athletic extracurriculars.

"It's not that easy." I insist, "You try."

His smile falls dramatically, "That's different."

"Ha," I roll my eyes, "Of course it is."

He looks away from me in a frustrated way. As if all my teasing just now took it's toll -now that he can't think up a nickname for me.

"It'll be easier when we know each other better." He decides, taking a sip of his coke.

He's right. We don't know each other well at all.

And just like that, I can't help myself. I take his lead in to bring back the subject. "Which brings us back to the point..." I begin gravely.

His eyes become instantly guarded, but he pushes his drink away and sits back, playing it casual, "The point of?"

I sigh, "Why we're here-"

"I thought we were here to eat and enjoy each others company." He says in a nonchalant tone.

Well, first of all, OH MY GOD he's enjoying my company.

And second, "No, we could've done that at _Mademoiselle's_-"

"The enjoying each other part, maybe, but you couldn't pay me enough to eat there." He interrupted with dry sarcasm.

That's true, the food is pretty hard to stomach-

But wait... Wait... Didn't he like the food?

"Hey ahmm, didn't you tell me you liked the food?"

Without another word, Jared smacks his face down on the table.

No fkn joke.

Not even kidding.

Literally, his **face**.

He takes one loud, deep, inhale, and then WHAM!

Just like that.

Right down clean across the surface.

The noise it produces is obnoxiously loud and humiliating -so loud we could be thrown out at any minute now, I'm sure.

Not to mention it sounded pretty painful. I think I heard some wood splintering.

"Jared?!" I immediately cry, reaching out to help him or something.

I have to do something!  
The kid just slammed into a table for cripes sake!  
My hands fly over him, looking for a way to help. But he raises up a finger. Signaling for me to wait.

And so I wait.

I wait.

And I wait.

I watch as everyone around us also waits -for the boy who looks unconscious to raise his head and assure them all that he's not going to die.

I wait. Wait. Wait.

"Jared, are you okay?" I finally have to ask, when the suspense becomes painful.

He sighs, also very loud, and begins to raise himself slowly. It appears that every movement takes a toll on his body, "Yes, I'm just relishing in the aftershock of another one of my brilliant _stories_." He replies bitterly.

I grimace, "Do you _ever_ tell me the truth?"

He laughs quietly to himself, tracing circles across the table, "I like to think I do, sometimes." He mumbles almost to himself.

I sigh.

I'm beginning to think every word he's ever said to me is a lie.

I know so much about him. I know everything he likes. Everything he hates. I know more than half his family members by name, age, and even face (I caught sight of a few vacation pictures once). I know him. I _know_ him.

But I don't know him at all.

I can't expect myself to. I've only been his friend for the last two days. But even then, every conversation we've had has been a series of lies. He's not even trying to let me know him.

I don't get it! He's leaving me in the dark with everything and it hurts! I just want to be close to him! However creepy that may be...

"Okay. Question one." I start, fighting against the stinging in my eyes. Jared sits up straighter, in preparation. "Why do you want to be my friend?"

Surprisingly, he smiles, "Easy. I lo-ike you." He says, coughing slightly.

That's a weird way to say 'like'. It sounded very country-esc. 'Lahke'. Hmm, I'll have to jot that down in my journal. _Jared has the CUTEST way of saying 'like'_.

But his answer, as cute as it was, was not what I was looking for. "I meant, why now?"

He shakes his head, grinning wickedly, "Nope, can't rephrase after the question's been asked. That can, however, be your second question if you like?"

"But-"

"Nope." He insists, popping the p.

I glare back at him, "You know, you should've told me all these rules at _Mademoiselle's_. I would've made you stay and force-fed you the food, ya jerk." I mutter angrily.

He smiles, giving me wide, fear-filled, eyes, "Oh, the horror!"

"Damn straight..." I murmur incoherently, still angry.

He smiles wider, completely happy with my anguish. He lifts his hands to fold over the table again, "Number two?"

"I'm getting there!" I nearly yell back.

I expect him to cower or be shocked or just something. Anything remotely surprised would've satisfied me.

Instead, he just winks. Making my heart do jumping jacks, of course.

Stupid jerk.

I mutter away under my breath for a good sixty seconds until I calm down.

When I've fairly recovered, I continue, "Question two, what made you like me? You didn't even know me. The only way you could like me, is by being my friend, which you weren't until yesterday. Which makes your explanation of wanting to be my friend completely false, because you can only like me by being my friend...which you weren't...I think I already said that..." I trail off thoughtfully.

Jared looks dumbfounded.

"Ahmm... Repeat the question?"

That'll be hard, since I have no idea what I just asked.

"I guess, why do you like me?" I rephrase hesitantly, playing with the carnation.

I think I like carnation's better than any other flower. I think. I mean, roses are BA but there's just something about carnations.

Jared is quiet while he thinks, staring at my fingers.

It seems that when we're together he's always staring at me. Or some part of me, at least. He has to be, it's like a rule. He barely ever looks away. It's pretty uncomfortable.

"I like you because," He suddenly says, in a questioning tone. Like he can't decide on an answer.

Crap.

Why did I have to ask _that_ question.

Chances are, he doesn't have an answer.

Because he doesn't actually like me.

God am I an idiot.

"Pass?" He asks warily.

Without another word, I let it go. "I honor your pass. So question two, why did you stop hanging out with your friend's at school?"

Jared's too shocked to acknowledge my new question, "Wow. You let that go fairly easy, I'm surprised. You seem alot more stubborn than that, no offence." He says in his awe.

I pick at the flower again nervously, but his eyes don't stray further from my face than my chin. He's too interested to look away.

"Well, it was a stupid question." I start, knowing he won't let it go if I try. "I don't even know if you honestly like me at all. And I'd rather not force you into saying you do if you really don't."

He's ravenous.

The moment the words left my lips, the fury up-rose from within him.

Like a spontaneous flame, the fire burst in his hazel orbs, giving them a red, hellish, tint. "I _told you_ I like you." He insists, unable to keep the bite from his voice.

I don't like his tone.

I may be a lot of things. I'm weak, pathetic, a pushover, and usually pretty forgiving.

But I won't accept being talked to in this way, "You tell me alot of thing's." I snap back defensively.

The flame automatically is doused by my cold words.

His face turns to stone.

"You're right." He murmurs in a dead tenor.

We both become uncomfortably silent.

This isn't our usual natural quiet. Our shy breaks. This isn't normal.

This is our after-argument quiet.

It's sad to say I already know this silence very well.

We've spoken for three days and we've already fought almost every day out of them.

Can we go twenty-four hours without arguing? _Seriously_. Jesus Christ..

A new song blasts out overhead from the speakers and many couples stand to replace the ones that had danced the last dance on the restaurants small dance floor.

This has been happening ever since we arrived, over thirty minutes ago. Maybe an hour. I'm too depressed to look at my phone.

The only reason I notice them now is because of the song. I love this song. I've imagined myself dance to this song before. Just like them, all of those couples in love.

All of those couples who have someone to love, who will love them back.

Someday I'll have that.

I have to, eventually.

I only wish it were with Jared.

Why, God? Why do you put him here, so nice and funny and interesting.

So perfect.

Only to torture me?

I'm still staring at the happy couples in agony when Jared's voice breaks through my tortured thoughts.

"Would you like to dance?"

* * *

Ahah chyess, I went there.  
You all probably didn't think I was gooey enough to do it. But I did. Ha!  
So anyway, for the answers to Kim's last two question's you'll have to check back for chapter 19. Sorry, there's not enough room. Plus, I like to make people suffer. It's an issue I'm trying to work through.  
(In the song 1945, at the end it says 'i hate you' over and over again. And that in no way is relevant to my story. It _does_ add to the mood of the end though, I guess)  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MuffinCakes8!!!! I said I'd do it, and I'm doing it. HAPPY FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY! I love you. I don't know you, but I love you, and I hope your birthday was fun for you.

Alright everyone, tell me what you thought? And again, if I get 10 reviews I'll update by Monday. 3


	19. Chapter 19: For Christs Sake

So again, sorry, it's another two hours late. But this one is SUPER long, so it more than makes up for it, lol.  
Seriously, this is one of the longest I've written so far. But I told you guys this would be the last chapter of their date (so we can move on to other pressing matters) and I kept my word. This ends it -for the most part. You'll see what's left.  
Mmm not much to say, except this also has alot of dialogue. I'd like to warn you that I'm going to go back to less dialogue in a few chapters time, so don't get mad at me. I'm going to be going back and forth between alot of dialogue and practically none throughout the entire story.  
NEXT CHAPTER THEY KISS, CALM THE HECK DOWN!!! And you know who you are, _woman_.  
Playlist:  
Dancing In The Moonlight- Van Morrison  
Boston- Augustana  
Yellow- Coldplay

Please enjoy chapter 19, and tell me what you think :)

* * *

_**Jared's POV**_

"Would you like to dance?" I ask hesitantly, blood leaving a sour taste on my tongue when I bite down too hard on my lip.

I feel only a moment of pain. The slightest prick. A wince of stinging. And then I feel the wound heal, at it's alarming pace, and lick away the remains -meaning I hide the evidence. For what would Kim say if she saw me bleeding in my nervous state? She would be worried, about my mental health most likely.

Because really, how intense is that? To bleed over something as simple as rejection?

I'm so fkn in over my head.

Kim's mouth is open in a large O and it's a beautiful sight -my heart is on fire with the need to run a finger over those soft lips. I want to shut her mouth with a kiss -I want to know how it would feel. I'm sure it would be the single greatest experience in all of my life.

If only I could.

If only she didn't look so _flabbergasted_.

That's seriously the vibe I'm getting. A disbelieving, suspicious, frustrated type of shock I've never seen on a face before. Kim always gives me the strangest expressions. I only wish I knew what they meant.

Right now, especially.

This wait is torture. Is she doing this on purpose?

The song that originally caught her attention is still playing strong above us, and I only hope she can pull her curious surprise together in time to actually participate. The couples twirl across the stage, pulling each other close and causing my mouth to go dry when I imagine us in their place. Would Kim let me pull her close?

Will I be brave enough to try?

I wait expectantly, praying for acceptance.

Finally, she croaks in a rough voice, "Y-You and...and _me_?"

I stare at her dumbfounded for a split second, trying to decipher any double meaning behind her word's. I can find none. She's serious.

I look around pointedly -trying to draw attention to the fact that we are the only two people within hearing distance of this table.

Who else would I be asking?

"_Why_?" She asks, seemingly astonished.

Why? Ha. Why? Really?

Possibly because you were just staring at the dance floor with a look in your eyes that was to believe you'd give both ears and your left foot to be offered a partner. Probably that's why.

Or maybe it's from my own selfish mindset. Maybe in the back of my mind I myself wanted to ask you because I'm so friggin in love with you, I'd dance with you regardless of the fact I've never danced classically before in my life. And the only dancing I've ever truly done has been with slutty girls who's only talent is to grind and pop and lock. Maybe I wanted to do it because you're the most gorgeous creature in the room, and I want to show you off like the Angel that you are.

Either of the three reasons could be true. But I know of one that definitely is.

I asked you because I needed to, because I couldn't stop myself. Because a part of me knew it was the right thing to do, for both of us.

"I don't know." I reply instead, watching her blank expression with careful skepticism. "I thought you might want to..."

She shakes her head, several times. Shaking it with that same vacant look in her eyes and slack jaw. She looks mildly handicapped -which isn't exactly a terrible sight considering she can still pull it off. I just don't like it due to the fact that it scares the shit out of me. Is she giving herself brain trauma? Am _I_ giving her brain trauma?

"Do you want to?" I press gently, trying to calm her obviously ramped nerves.

What's gotten into her? Is it really that huge of a deal? To dance with me? It can't be that terrible of a thought...

She shuts her mouth -to my extreme relief- and looks down at the table. Though her eyes are still wide and idle. For God's sake, what is she thinking? It's scaring me half to death.

I'm about to speak again when her pretty lips open, "I can't dance." She mutters in a humiliated tone which turns her cheeks scarlet.

My heart sinks for her.

Does she think I care? Does she think I know any better? Who does she think I am? Houdini?

I'm only human.

Well, alright, I'm _mostly_ human.

"Neither can I, but I'm willing to try if you are?" I prod her teasingly -smiling with what I hope looks like encouragement. Although it may resemble blind fear.

Cause what if I step on her foot or something? I'd break her. Then shoot myself.

"I don't know..." She mumbles to the table, her eyes never straying far from a fixed point, "Aren't you mad at me, anyway?"

That caught me off guard. I faltered.

"Why would I be mad at you?" I ask incredulously -the idea of being angry with her at all is completely foreign to me.

I could never be mad _at her_.

I can hate everything else in the world. I can hate situations, I can hate other people. I can hate ideas involving her -as I have recently- but never her herself. Never.

I stare at her in quiet stupor.

"What I just said wasn't very nice." She explains in a tortured voice. A voice that begs my arms to react.

Someday I'll be able to hold her and reassure her that there is nothing in the world that could make me angry with her. And she'll know why, and she'll know it's true.

For now I have to suffer through watching her tear herself up.

....It's killing me with every second.

"What **I **just said wasn't very nice either." I try to sympathize weakly.

She scoffs, narrowing her eyes at the window, "Nicer than what I said..."

I laugh humorlessly, knowing my smile will look as fake as it feels, "Well, I guess that depends who you ask."

Kim glances at me vaguely -and I can tell she notices the fake smile for all it's worth.

She's too clever for her own good...

"Not really."

I sigh, blowing a huge burst of air out. How can I explain? How can I make her believe? How can I assure this clueless, lovely, girl that I am not and never can be cross with her, without spilling out how devoted I am?

I don't think I can.

Instead I settle for, "I don't care." Shrugging, "It's over. It's in the past."

She rolls her eyes, which are still narrowed, "Everything's in the past with you." She grumbles.

I laugh, at both her pitifully disheartened expression and her truthful words.

I usually do put unpleasant thing's in the past fairly easy. But why dwell on what you can't change? It's gone, and you can never take it back. None of it.

No matter much you'd like to...

I nod -ignoring my own regrets that now come streaming to mind, "Not right now." I counter honestly, "Not this moment. _This_ -my question, your decision- is happening **right now**." She pulled her full bottom lip into her mouth to suck on, making me smile again.

She looked so thoughtful I almost didn't continue. I wanted to sit there staring. But already, the song was at it's climax. Soon it would end.

"So what do you say?" I ask hurriedly, glancing at the dance floor in my anxious haste.

She also looked to it -though not so anxiously.

Doubtfully, with her eyebrow slanted, "We're going to look _so _dumb." She murmurs in a dejected tone.

"Well, geeze. That's insulting. I thought I looked rather spiffy tonight.." I counter, pulling down on my shirt.

Her eyes grew wide -as they often do when she believes she's done some type of horrible, irreversible damage, "Oh _NO_! I _totally_didn't mea-"

I laughed abruptly, cutting her off, "O.M.G. I'm like, _totally_ kidding. _'Totally'_."

Her only reply is a glare.

I muffle my laughter for her benefit.

Then I don't have to anymore, because it stops in a strange rush of sadness once I realize the song -which had caught Kim's attention, and therefore mine- has just ended in a loud climactic chorus of instrumental brilliance. Brilliance which is now wasted.

Kim realizes this too and a strange look crosses her face. A sad remorseful look, "Oh...It's over." She says bluntly.

I doubt I've ever seen her more depressed.

I can't stand the look on her face.

Better to say, I _won't _stand for it.

"There are more songs, Kim." I tell her gently, praying to God for the words that would heal her heart.

I've got nothing.

And I'm guessing God doesn't either, since nothing is miraculously coming to mind.

"No..." She says gruffly, shaking her head, "No, it's good it ended. This way we don't have to go up there and make fool's of ourselves."

I take that comment hard and cringe.

Sure, we may have looked a little retarded, but it would've been worth it. To me, at least.

"I doubt it would've been _that_ bad." I reply lowly -her pessimism is taking it's toll.

"It doesn't matter, because it's over." She snaps in a direct tone. Her word's command an end to the conversation.

But I'm hardly one to obey.

I can't just let it go.

Not when I can see how beat up she actually is.

The only thing I can't understand, is why, "It was just a song..." I insist cautiously.

I have to be careful.

She's in a dangerous mood. Any slight offence could tip her off the edge. And probably the wrong end of that edge.

"I know that, and that's why I'm glad it's over. It's like you said, right? It's in the past." She retorts, tucking into the remains of her burger.

I already finished my own four...

Her reply is not what I was expecting.

She's twisting my word's around horrifically. "Well, it's not _all _in the past. I mean, **we're** still here Kim."

She barely acknowledges that I've spoken -literally shrugging off my word's, "It's whatever."

With every new word my mind falls less and less sane. Her pain is driving me crazy, as well as her indifference.

I never knew this is what it felt like.

Being in love.

Caring for someone so much more than you care for yourself. I had no idea it would be so demanding. It's demanding me to fix the issue immediately. And therefore I must.

"No," I mutter, trying to think of ways to recover her mood, "No..." Another song has just begun to play overhead.

It's slow.

It's perfect.

Somehow, I know it's yet another work of fate.

Fate is my friend tonight.

"No it's not." I smile at her.

Kim's face remains blank and unhappy.

I ignore her lack of enthusiasm and refuse to lose mine.

In an instant I am across the table beside her, holding out a hand in courageous hope. If she turns me down again, I'll surely fall to pieces right here in front of her. But for now, I'll let myself believe fate is on my side.

She stares at my hand cluelessly, "What're you doing?"

"Come with me." I tell her, not bothering with explanations.

It should be fairly obvious why, anyway.

She sneers, befuddled, "No. Why?"

Is 'no' a knee jerk response with this girl or something? It's always _no_. She needs to learn to say yes every once an a while.

Her rejection stings. My weak teenage mind begs me to sit down, and not cause myself even more suffering.

But thing's are different this time. I refuse to be denied. Because this time it isn't for my sake -no, I know she needs this to ease her mind. And whatever her needs may be, I must fulfill them.

"Kimberly Connelly, would you just _take my hand _for Christ's sake?!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Kim's POV**_

Well that was rude.

And no, I will not just _take his hand_. **GOSH**, he won't even tell me where he wants to take me! How can he expect me to follow him blindly?  
Better question, how can I expect myself not to?

With a defeated sigh, I give in. Letting my hand fall into his.

I realize with another round of aching depression that our hands fit perfectly. My small, pathetic one -in proportion of my small pathetic body- in his large, callused, man-hand.

Ha, man-hand.

His eyes glaze over curiously just before he pulls me out of my seat -not gently enough- and nearly drags me over to the dance floor in his haste.

Another song I don't know is playing softly from the speakers, and less couples litter the floor do to the lack of familiarity. It is only us and a few other brave souls.

I am not a brave soul, actually. I'm most likely the least brave soul out here.

I'm scared and embarrassed and ready to kill Jared in the alley behind the restaurant where we parked once we get out of here.

Ugh.

Without a word we reach a side of the stage and Jared turns back to me, his eyes practically glowing. He must really like being in the spotlight...

Why he'd want to be here with _me_, I have no idea. It truly is a mystery -one of many others.

We stand a fairly reasonable distance apart. Not as close as most couples, but not far enough to raise speculation as to whether we've ever had any other human interaction in our lives.

Luckily, Jared is more of a gentleman than I've ever imagined... **Or **I was just dead-on before about how he'd never ever think of me as attractive, because his hands are placed high up on my back.

And they aren't moving whatsoever in any direction.

His grip on my hand is firm and his eyes are locked on mine with unwavering certainty.

He may not know how to dance, but he sure as hell is determined to make the best of it.

That's the mindset I need to be in.

"How are you so sure of yourself?" I ask him with a curiosity I can't hope to hide.

It's actually annoying in a way.

His pride.

Not pride...That's not the word.

And it's not him -but his _self-assurance_. His dignity.

Alex has it, too. I see it pouring from his every word.

Why don't I have that?

Why am I the only one without it?

Jared chuckles gently and I refocus on his face.

He smiles down at me timidly, "I'm really not."

I frown. Another lie? "Seems like it to me."

"Maybe it's all just an illusion?" He says in a joking tone. But his words are real, and dripping with sincerity. "_Or_ maybe you just don't know me as well as you assume." He spins me out without warning and steps forward to follow.

But I wasn't ready.

I wasn't prepared.

And now I'm doing this weird spinning maneuver and I have no clue where I'm going. I could fall off the stage and be unaware.

Thankfully, he reaches out to grab onto me again.

Unfortunately, neither of us are coordinated enough to do this correctly, and I end up backwards, facing away from him.

I turn back quickly to realize we're both blushing.

Jared has a charming blush...

Neither of us mention the passing blunder and we continue in silence for a few uncomfortable moments.

Finally, he clears his throat, "Maybe you're only brushing the surface." He begins again casually, "Maybe-" He stops to twirl me alone awkwardly.

I trip as expected- before he pulls me back to his chest. Even closer than before. "-you're not paying enough attention. Hmm?"

Ahah, hahaha, ha.

Pfshhhht.

If only he knew! If only he had any idea the amount of attention I've paid to him these past twelve years. I mean, I'm glad he doesn't. But if he knew, he wouldn't dare say such things.

For goodness sake, I _stalked_ the kid!

I try to stifle a smile that threatens to parade itself and shake my head, attempting to calm down, "Maybe you're right." I say, choking to cover up a rogue laugh that slips out.

Jared doesn't look deceived, but he does however look confused.

And that's okay.

As long as he doesn't know what I'm hiding, I'm okay with him knowing I'm hiding something.

After all, he's doing it. So it's only fair.

Plus, my stalking secret is probably alot more humiliating than anything _he's _keeping from _me_.

* * *

_**Fifteen minutes later...**_

"My feet hurt." I complain.

I know I'm whining, but they really do hurt.  
A couple of minutes ago, during a little bit of a faster song, Jared and I had been forced to double our dancing efforts -seeing as how we both suck with a passion- and it hadn't gone well.

I kicked him in the shin, several times, and he stepped on my foot, once.

But it was enough.

It hurt like, like I can't describe.

It was searing, aching, holy-shit-I-broke-my-foot pain. I never knew he was so _heavy_.

And the fact that he'd been stepping down with extra force -because we were dancing- didn't help the weight factor at all.

He'd apologized over and over like a mantra and I'd insisted that it was nothing and I was completely fine and dandy. But I'm a liar.

The shoe officially does -metaphorically speaking- fit.

Unlike my real shoe, that is starting not to fit since my foot is swelling fairly badly. I haven't seen it for myself, but I can feel it happening.

It's like trying to stick an elephant in a box. The elephant will most likely suffer some damage.

I'd love to see how bad it is. To asses that damage. But I'd never check it in front of Jared. He'd either be really grossed out, or really guilty.

Neither of which I'm ready for.

No. I'd rather stay here and live our happy moments for as long as possible.

There he goes, though, looking down at me doubtfully again.

The kid hasn't been acting the same since he stepped on me. "I'm sorry, let's go sit down," He hurriedly insists, looking about ready to throw me over his shoulder and carry me there on his own.

I shake my head, repulsed at the thought of leaving now.

I shouldn't have said anything at all.

But that's what I do. I'm a chronic complainer -I've had the problem since birth. Well, I'm _guessing _since birth. I wouldn't really know since I only started forming complete sentences at age two.

Ah well, birth seems pretty likely since I'm so damn consistent with it now. I've always, always done it. I simply complain to my heart's content.

Jenn's told me, Sam's told me -my brother and my mom have gotten to the point where they instinctively block it out. Everyone knows it. That is, everyone who knows _me_, knows it.

Jared doesn't know me. Not well. So he doesn't know it.

He's going to think I'm annoyingly whiny.

Which I am. But there's an excuse, however pitiful.

I wonder if I should tell him...

"I don't want to leave, I just complain alot. It's sort of a little quirk I have." I explain partly -though not going into the depth of my 'quirk', which is way more than a quirk.

Jared shrugs, "I like it, this way I know when you're displeased with something. So I can try and fix it."

That sounds way too promising to be true, "Why would you do that?"

He smiles down at me, rolling his eyes as if the answer were obvious, "To make you happy, of course."

...But why?

Ugh, no Kim. Don't ask that. Stop being annoying! Enough questions!

Wait...questions...huh.

Why do I feel like I've forgotten something fairly important?

"Were we talking about something a while ago?" I ask and feel his back go rigid beneath my hand. "I asked you something...I just can't remember-"

"No." He replies automatically, his face suspiciously calm, "I don't remember you asking anything...in particular."

Instantly I recognize this face.

This is his lying face.

It's also sad that I can differentiate this face from others so soon in our friendship. "You're lying again."

His expression turns sheepish.

"You need to quit that." I add disapprovingly.

"I know..."

He smiles to the floor, no longer making eye contact.

I sigh, looking away at the other sparse couples around us. All of them are dancing much better, and more gracefully.

Damn coordinated people! Damn them all.

Crap, I need to focus. I really cannot remember what was so important...

I hate moments like these. It's right there on the tip of my tongue...

I sigh heavily, frustrated, I look up at Jared with an only half-hopeful expression.

I don't expect much help.

"Do you know?" I ask, knowing full well that he does.

But he doesn't reply, as expected. He only stares back into my eyes as if this is the first time we'd ever made eye contact.

I have to stop myself from doing the same.

Because truly, his eyes look beyond incredible at the moment.

There are a dozen bright spotlights glaring down upon us, and it's hard to ignore the bright hazel glow his wide orbs exhibit. They reflect rays of sunshine into every corner of the dark cafe. I could stare into them forever, and be completely-

No. No, no, no, not this time.

He still hasn't replied, and it's a bit angering, "Tell me?" He doesn't even bat an eyelash. "Please?" I breath hopefully.

Please was the magic word, apparently.

Just like that, he snaps out of his deep funk. His eyes grow wide and blink in a shocked sort of way. Then a frustrated eyebrow tilting kind of way. And then a pouty childish way.

I wonder what's on his mind that's making him so bipolar? What crazy thoughts are in that noggin of his?

Jared spins me out one last time before the current song comes to an abrupt end.

Two more couples shimmy off the dance floor and leave us along with just one other. I look at them and feel a surprising wave of hatred wash over me. Their being all kissy and lovey and cute.

Freakin hate them.

Can't they just get a room?

_Some_of us are trying to enjoy our non-romantic, date-ish, obsessively obtained, company. And the PDA is just ruining it for everyone involved!

Jared's mulling over something in his mind, leaving him speechless. We stand facing each other in silence, waiting for the next song to begin. When it does, I find myself automatically back in Jared's arms -his grip even tighter than before. As if the time apart had hurt him physically as much as it was torturing me...

I highly doubt that.

"You were asking me some question's, Kim... Important questions.." He replies as we cautiously step along.

What we're doing can barely qualify as dancing. Although it's obvious that we're both trying to wit's end to do it right.

It's just not working out for us.

"Of course!" I immediately gush, shocked at my own incompetence.

How could I forget that? It's too easy to get sidetracked around Jared.

All he has to do is look at me a certain way.

Like he's doing right now... Oh, Jared....

I shook my head quickly -trying to shake off the creeping dizziness, "So what was my last question?"

Jared sighs to himself, looking away from me for a long period of time. Possibly even the longest period of time all night.

I hope this isn't pissing him off or anything.

Instead of answering, he pulls out a cell phone from his back pocket, staring down at it in silence. When he looks back up at me, he is expressionless, "I should take you home soon." He mutters softly.

Ha.

No, I'm more stubborn than _that_. "I'll just ask you again in the car." I threaten.

The faint shadow of a smile lights up the corners of his lips, but no glory comes from it.

He is either dreading the car ride too much to feign happiness, or is honestly unhappy. Either would be a terrible truth.

He looks down at our feet, which still sway to the soft lull of an instrumental lullaby, "Maybe I should leave you here then." He says to his shoes.

Panic lives only a split moment in my paranoid heart until I can separate the joke in his monotone voice. I smile, trying to uplift his misery.

It's _only _a few questions. In my opinion he's taking this whole thing out of proportion.

"I'll strap myself to the hood if you try." I counter bravely, and thankfully he _does_ smile.

However pitifully it may be.

He doesn't respond to me though. He just continues our dance, looking down at our feet the entire time. I have a feeling in my gut that he's thinking unpleasant things again. I've always known I have a sixth sense when it comes to Jared.

When we were younger, and he would run around like an insane little monkey across the playground, I would _usually _be watching him. But when I would be looking away -which was very rare- and somehow he managed to hurt himself... I could feel it. I always could. No matter the circumstances. Sometimes I would be at home and feel it there, too.

I would always know when he'd been hurt in some way.

The best example would be when I was eight, and making some brownies with mom, for Zach's birthday party. I felt the awful stinging agony in my midsection, threatening to rip up my organs. That was the worst it has ever been. I have a theory that the pain mostly depends on how serious his sustained injury turns out to be. That time, he broke his leg jumping off the roof.

He'd been trying to fly.

Basically Jared has been testing my sanity our entire lives.

Now, remembering him as a child gives me a warmth I can't describe. The type of familiar feeling that uncurls with a shiver in your stomach. It sparks a pleasant mood deep within you, that comes pouring out through your pores whether you like it or not.

It's hard to believe that we're here, now.

Back then, I'd never have imagined...

Okay, well I imagined quite a bit. But even when I'd tell myself _'someday!'..._ I think my mind knew I was lying. My realistic ego knew that a night like tonight was impossible.

But if it was so impossible... Then how in the world am I here?

"Thank you." I find myself saying aloud, staring up at Jared.

Nothing in the world will ever compare to this.

I should be groveling at his feet, spewing my gratitude into him. But even then it would not be enough -enough to make up for everything he's given me tonight. It was more than I could've asked for.

Jared finally looks at me again, flickering his endless hazel eyes to mine, "For?"

"For forcing me to come up here." I tell him, although it's so much more than that.

I'm not stupid enough to relay my thoughts on him. Just cause I think it, doesn't mean I'd ever _do _it.

Pfshht. Screw that.

He smiles -genuinely- and my heart soars.

Good to know he's not too unhappy with me... "The pleasure's all mine." He insists, twirling us again.

He has no idea how all **mine** the pleasure actually is. There's not enough pleasure to share with him, as a matter of fact.

"Not really." I counter, then mentally smack myself.

Jared laughs, his whole body shaking with it, "Yes, really."

"No."

Wow.

I just need to shut up.

It's like a have a natural fight instinct. Like I can't help it.

His smile falls marginally. "Yes."

I bite my lip, begging myself to keep quiet.

It's no use.

Why can't I just accept the compliment? That's all it was. But _no_, I have to be all whiny about it, cause I'm a darned _stinking_-  
"Nuhu-"

"Do you have to force a fight on every subject, or is this a personal prejudice you have against me?" He interrupts, as fed up with my complaining as I am.

I almost want to thank him for stopping me -I'm not sure how long that would've continued if he hadn't.

"I'm not sure." I reply, although I know the answer.

I'd rather he not know how many 'quirk's I actually have.

"When you figure it out, let me know. I'd rather not be the only one on your bad side." He laughs, spinning me.

When I'm back tucked against his chest I smile up at him, "In that case, I do it to everyone."

He grimaces.

Seems like someone doesn't like it when the tables are turned, "Now you're just lying." He grumbles looking over my head at something.

I shrug, "If the shoe fits..."

Our conversation goes eerily quiet for a short instance as we both consider the phrase I've just used.

That may not have been the smartest expression.

"You do realize you just agreed that you're a liar, right?" Jared decides, looking back down at me.

"Well...crap, I guess I did, didn't I?" I would have liked to give some excuse, or pull an explanation out of my ass. But I'm at a loss to fix it.

That's one of those thing's you can't cover up easily.

"I'm sorry?"

Jared scoffs, "Why do you always apologize for everything? Especially thing's that don't deserve apologies?"

Good question.

I dunno?

"Would you accept if I call it a nervous habit?"

"Nervous?" He smiles down over me, his lips spread wide over his mesmerizing white teeth.

I'm going to need to get some dental floss, I assign as a side-note to myself.

For heaven's sake, I can't be walking around next to a guy with perfect teeth if mine aren't up to standard.

Then what he does next shuts down every working agenda in my pitifully fragile body.

Even my mind refuses to process it.

Suddenly he's leaning over me, his eyes baring into mine mercilessly. His lips are so close... so close...

"Now why would you be nervous?" He breaths gently, his sweet breath coming out in puffs of air across my face.

I-I-ahmm.

Whoa.

I should probably say something, shouldn't I?

Ahmm.

...Ahmm...

"I-I-" I stutter, unable to think, "I.d.k...M-My b.f.f. jill?"  
Jared's eyebrow slants dramatically. "What?"

I am speechless.

I am a speechless idiot.

Someone should seriously lock me away before I am let loose to do any more social damage.

Soon enough, Jared is laughing.

It starts out real slow -as if he's not sure what to do- but then it grows, and grows, into this horrible, humiliating, solo laugh fest.

The best night of my life has just suffered a substantial loss.

"Sorry," Jared coughs between laughs, not even dancing anymore.

We've stopped mid-step, and the couple continues to twirl around us. The non-awkward, graceful, couple.

Those bastards.

Jared's still laughing, leaning over from the force of it, and I'm about to punch him in the face. "Sorry, what?"

I have no reason to even try and defend myself. The damage has been unleashed, and it was a hell of bomb to drop. But I can't stop myself from my pathetic attempts, "It's from a cell phone commercial-"

"No, I know where it's _from_." Jared chuckles, rolling his handsome eyes, "I just don't know why you said it."

Sucks that that's what you want to know, since I myself have no idea...

"Would you accept if I call it a nervous habit?"

He laughs once more, shaking his head, "You're kind of strange."

Ouch.

My ego is currently a plane in the clouds, that's engine has just been shot to hell.

Now we are spiraling towards the ground at a frank downward angle.

Metaphorically meaning: My shit's goin down, yo.

"I know." I practically whisper. "Is it really bad though?"

He nods -with grave features, "Yes. Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"I'm sorry...." I mutter pitifully, misery seeping into my words and weighing them down in the air.

My lip is trembling as the words sink further and further into my core. I'm strange. I know this, I've known it forever. People have been telling me that since the beginning of time -my time, at least.

I jump on my heels when I feel something touch my face.

And then he's there, staring into my eyes with that same intense stare.

Jared tips my hanging chin up with the knuckle of his left hand, "I'm only kidding, dork. You can stop acting so miserable. And you don't have to say that." He sneers, scrunching his nose at the word, "'_Sorry'_."

I sniffle, just now realizing how close to tears I'd been. "O-Oh.." Sniffle, "Sorry." And then I sniffle again.

Sniffle, sniffle. Several sniffles. Sniffle.

Jared has a pained expression on his face while I sniffle away -which is pretty gross of me, but I can't help it.

Finally he sighs as the last song ends.

Without another word I'm being pulled away from the dance floor, down into the cluttered cafe.

I watch as Jared pulls his wallet from his back pocket while we walk, and then he glances around at me, "Kim, you're still saying it." He comments as he pulls bills from the damaged material.

I nod, even though he's already turned back around, "I know, you're right. Sorry."

He sets the bills on the table and twists back around to me -trying to rid me of my annoying habit- he gently grabs my shoulders to shake me, "_Kim_."

I shift my head back and forth, unable to quit the addictive phrase, "I know! I know, I'm trying. Sor-"  
"We're leaving." He interrupts, walking past me whilst shaking his head in a dissaproving manner.

I sigh, catching up behind him, "Okay... And by the way, I'm sorry for-"

"_**Kim**_!"

* * *

_To be continued..._

Sort of.

* * *

The date is over, but they still have the drive home -during which she finishes asking her questions. I know I said they'd come in this chapter, but they didn't fit in with the theme of it all. The only way I could think to fit them in would have caused yet another fight, that I wanted to avoid. So instead, I'm going to put it all in the drive home. It should be an interesting car ride.  
What did you think? I bet you all thought I was going to make them dance automatically. I like to hold out on you though, if you haven't noticed lol. And in my imagination, Jared and Kim are way to dramatic to just get it over with. Their both super insecure and paranoid, it's almost ridiculous. Yet, I just love them for it haha.  
Tell me how it went, these chapter's where their talking more take a huge toll on my mental health. I'm so scared you all aren't going to like them, so any and all of your feedback helps [:  
Ten+ comments will encourage me to bring chapter 20 faster, but I hate to bribe you guys.  
So only do it because you want to, not because you have to.


	20. Hospital Depression, Forgive Me

Hey there, you guys :)  
So, I know this isn't necessary -I HATE A/N's, personally- but I felt obligated to let you know what's taking the next chapter so long. No, I don't have writers block, lol. In fact, I have it nearly finished. But a little over a week ago (I think?) my appendix burst.  
Sounds cool, right? No, it's not actually, it's fatal.. So of course, some action had to be taken -action that landed me in the hospital for a week, bored out of my mind. I didn't enjoy it either.  
I went into a depression while I was there, no joke.  
Anyway, chapter will be out soon, it's the kiss!!! Ahh! Yea!  
I know, I'm excited too.

Peace out homie.

-Kim


	21. Chapters 20 & 21: Storm Traffic

Hewro :) This is a double update. Here it is, what many of you've been waiting for. The kiss! I didn't plan to tell you about it at all, I just wanted to spring it on you, but then I did. And yea, so here it is.  
Tell me what you think please, please, please.  
About my playlist this chapter, To Greet Me Here is one of my favorite songs...not that anyone cares lol. But I do suggest you give it a chance, it has a slow start, but it's worth it.  
Playlist:  
Whirling- The Icicles  
To Greet Me Here- Mashlin  
After Sunset-Styrofoam

Enjoy Chapters 20 & 21 [:

* * *

_**Chapter 20-Kim's POV**_

No attempts at small talk have been made.

Although, the silence is not entirely uncomfortable.

Jared's truck is decorated as expected -meaning: the floor is his trashcan, and the condition of the seats is poor.

But the air conditioner is still working, surprise surprise, and the brakes don't squeal or make any other frightening noises to worry about.

So I suppose all in all this is a step up from the truck I had envisioned in my dreams... Those dreams where Jared and I would drive down vacant roads, lined by a deep thicket of the greenest trees, hand in hand. Off, off into the glorious sunset...

In reality, there is no setting sun.

The sun set hours ago.

As a matter of fact, the day has taken a predictable turn for the worse altogether. A drastic turn which could only be possible in the Olympic Peninsula.

For, in but a few measly hours, the scalding hot heat of our earlier day has taken a complete turnaround into a slightly horrifying storm. Topped with a whole lot of thunder and about an hours worth of storm traffic to get out of the city.

I dare say I miss sweating.

The one good thing about storm traffic is the amount of time it provides me. Jared time. Perhaps today is just my lucky day. Yes. Yes it must be. Things this wonderful don't just happen all the time.

Life could not get much better.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Jared asks, staring me straight in the face.

I might possibly be watching him in a creepy way. But it's not like he's being discreet. Even while driving he barely looks away from me.

Kind of weird sometimes, I'll admit. But, seeing as we haven't moved a fraction of an inch in over a half hour, I'm not too afraid of us crashing or anything.

"There's no escaping it now." I say in a grave, threatening tone.

He doesn't look the least bit phased, "Technically I _could_-" He starts, like a smartalick.

But I'm having none of that. Not this time.

I refuse to be distracted.

"Shh, shh, no. You couldn't." I insist, shushing him into silence with a finger over my lips.

He looks unhappy with being told to shut up.

I don't care.

He deserves it. He needs to stop trying to change the subject.

I watch him creepily again for a few seconds before continuing, "What was question two?"

Jared's lips press into a hard, thin, line. I must seriously be bothering him.

And yet, I'm oddly amused.

"You asked me why I stopped hanging out with my friends." He finally says, when I suppose he decides there is no way out of it.

Outside is the storm, inside is me. Poor kid.

"Oh, that's right." I mutter, just now remembering. I pause for an answer, which he doesn't give without encouragement. Most likely because he's trying to avoid answering at all costs. "_Well _why did you?" I prod hopefully.

Outside thunder strikes the nearby trees. Neither of us so much as flinch. He sighs, turning his body towards me as far as possible. He might as well turn off the car, we're not going anywhere.

Jared frowns, looking up at me through dark lashes, "It's a tough subject, Kim. And I'd rather not lie to you anymore," At once I open my mouth to argue, but he holds a hand up in truce, "So I'll tell you the truth." He hurriedly adds, causing my ears to perk up at the foreign word.

It has been a long time since I've had any real hope of the truth from him.

"But forgive me if it's not all you want to hear. I can't explain in detail..." Nevermind, there goes the hope.

I sit staring coldly at him, counting off the seconds until I recieve the typical half-ass answer he always gives. Jared pauses also, probably gaining courage.

I don't see why everything is either half the truth, or a flat out lie with him.

_Everything_.

It's absolutely retarded.

I wait impatiently for him to continue, twirling my thumbs. "I guess I sort of had to." He says at last.

He looks doubtful of his own pitiful answer -as if he knows it's as vague as he could've been, and is feeling guilty.

I grimace, poking for more information, "Had to? Why would you have to do something like that?"

"Many reasons." He murmurs, looking out the windshield to the thundering navy sky.

The next crack of lightning that comes causes me to jump a foot above my seat -straining on the seat belt Jared forced me to wear. I see him eye it cautiously, just as he did when I first buckled it -like it's an untrustworthy scrap of material.

"One of which was out of love for them." He continues after the obnoxious lightning subsides.

I snort quite loudly, making his frown dip even lower.

But that's just as retarded as the rest of the bullshit he throws out.

You don't ignore the people you love.

You just don't.

"You love something...so you leave it." I mock, rolling my eyes, "A tad cliche, don't you think?"

"That's not what I meant." He replies, offended by my quick conclusion.

What else am I supposed to think?

If he were any more vague, he'd be silent.

He inhales sharply, struggling for the right words, "Sometimes when you care about someone, and you want whats best for them... even if you see the best path leads them away from you... you know it's what's right." He tries to explain with some difficulty.

He's not looking at me now, but down at the black carpet of his truck. _If _he can see it. It's covered with papers and napkins. I think I spotted his insurance and registration down there a while ago... I'm just not sure if I want to ask.

I'm not sure if I want to know.  
"What made it best for them? They don't seem to think of it that way."

He shrugs idly, still not looking at me, but now his eyes are cast down at his steering wheel. "They don't know why," He mutters softly, "They don't understand."

"Because you're not telling them!" I throw my hands up in an exasperated gesture. It's like he wants everything to be complicated, I swear! "Why won't you talk to them? They have no clue why you stopped communication. If you could just explain..." I try in my most persuasive tone.

Which is pretty pitiful.

Even Jared -who has seemed so attuned to my emotions thus far- doesn't look up from the steering wheel.

When he next speaks, he speaks to it, instead of to me. His voice literally projects towards it in a way that suggests I've been forgotten, "I can't risk that." He mumbles to the leather, "I can't. Imagine! If they were to say something -anything, anything at all- to make me angry. What I would do... I couldn't- I can't." He stutters miserably to his broken horn.

His words would be frightening -stomach churning-a **threat**.

They would be... were I not madly in love with him.

"What if they did?" I whisper, trying to force him to remember my existence, "What would happen?"

He shakes his head, looking up at me with dazed eyes, "That's an entirely different question." He says evasively, "Is that question three?"

I'll give him a question three. I'll shove it right up his butt.

"That's not fa-"

"It's complicated." He instantly says, ending my childish complaint. A muscle jerks in his jaw when he looks at my hopeful face, and he seems suddenly weak. For only a split second. It's so hard to remember sometimes, but Jared is just a kid. Just like me. "Please, Kim, don't. Please."

His tone is too heartbreaking to ignore.

"Okay, but finish answering question two." I give him my terms gently, so as not to break his fragile nerves, "You barely gave me an explanation. You said it was what was best for them, but you have to at least tell me why that is."

I figure that's a fair bargain.

"Because I'm dangerous." He immediately replies under his breath, keeping his eyes shut tight.

These vague answers will be the death of me, "_Why_?"

He huffs a sigh of frustration, opening his eyes again to look out his side window, "_Again_, is that question three?"

"You're unbelievable!" I snap, offended by his cold behavior. All I want is some answers! Is that too goddamn difficult?

"I'm sitting right here." He says mockingly, throwing me a dark look.

"HA_HA_," Like the immature girl that I am, I stick out my tongue. Then instantly regret it when his face scrunches up -because he's trying not to laugh. "Don't be a smartass." I scowl.

My cheeks are on fire.

He smiles at me, "What kind of ass should I be?"

"The nice, _open_, _**honest **_kind." I seethe through gritted teeth, my eyes nearly popping with rage.

He's tempting me. With that smile, and that mocking expression. He's trying to make me angry.

The jerk.

"Where's the fun in that?" He winks, his smile growing with each word.

My heart falls into my stomach, and I fight to keep a straight face. Why, _why_, does he always have to wink? Especially when I'm at my boiling point? When I'm actually being strong, he winks, and it all goes crashing back down. It's thoroughly a spirit breaker. Cause now all I want to do is rip his clothes off and do naughty, x-rated things to him.

Which makes this all so much worse, because that means I can't even be pissed at him. And I want to be. I deserve to be.

As if he can read my broken hope in my eyes he sighs, "Don't be mad." He whispers, leaning his head back against the rest as he stares me down, "Please don't be mad. Kim, I've _told _you..._someday_-"

"When is someday?" I interrupt, surprised when angry tears burn my eyes, "Someday could be never!"

"It won't be!" He insists, his grip on the wheel tightening until I can actually hear it's leather protest, "I just-I need _time_. Or do you think we'll stop being friends in just a little time?"

I scoff, rolling my tear filled eyes, "Who knows what could happen -you seem to have pretty unpredictable mood swings if you ask me."

"I'm sorry." He murmurs gently, looking down at the floor again.

These must be his safe zones. The floor, the steering wheel, the sky. Anything that isn't me.

"Now who's apologizing?" I mock, scrunching up my nose to keep the tears in. I look out the window, praying to God they won't spill over.

"Sorry." I hear him murmur, in barely a whisper.

There's a long silence as neither of us has anything else to say. Neither of us is happy with the other -and both of us are scared to start another conversation, that would most likely lead to another argument. Because every conversation of ours leads to an argument... Because of Jared and his secrets, and me and my curiosity.

Finally I hear him fidget in his seat, restless, "Shit," He mutters, and I instantly turn around.

My natural curiosity gets the better of me, yet again, "What?" I have to ask, cursing myself for being so weak.

Then he smiles.

...

...

Yepp, that's a smile. He's _smiling_. What. The. FRICK?!

At a time like this, of course Jared Tal would smile and melt my heart. Probably because he knows the power he holds over me, and he knows how to use it.

_Jerk. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk._

"That's addictive." He explains, still smiling like an idiot.

I fight my own beaming. No, no Kim, don't smile. That's what he wants you to do. Resist, resist!

I don't care how cute and funny and wonderful he is. I **refuse **to smile.

I refuse to.

I refuse-

Oh what the hell, like I wouldn't smile back, who am I kidding?

Alas, I smile. I smile as wide as ever, and as always, the argument fades away with the next sheet of rain. Funny how Jared's smile takes away the rest of the world.

"Right?!" I find myself chuckling, unable to hold in my laughter.

He's laughing too, easily, and that's when I see the familiarity. Whereas now, in school, around other people, he is cold and distant. He's scary and standoffish.

But here, tonight, in this car, he's smiling, and he's laughing. He is only himself again around me.

I don't know why this is. I don't know how it's possible. But I can't deny I'm proud. I feel honored. I feel pathetically, and ridiculously, lucky.

Freaked out, a little, but _so_ lucky.

The light in his eyes I used to see when he would speak with his friends, or laugh with his friends, or just be happy in general, is there again. And if possible, it's twinkling even brighter. His laughter is even more joyful.

I love him. I _love _him.

He jerks the car forward an inch or two and I want to slap myself for staring again. I focus my attention past the windshield. The cars ahead of us shift uncertainly, edging forward a bit. It may not be much, but at least we're moving.

I haven't decided whether I want to be moving, or be stuck here for eternity yet. Eternity in this car sounds pretty nice...

"So, question three." Jared says, clearing his throat. He had been staring just as intensely.

I'm so surprised that he's the one bringing it up, that I can't answer for a good minute or two. In my eyes this is equal to that of him sprouting horns and a tail. I never imagined he'd actually sound _eager _for another question.

This _boy _and his _mood swings_! He's so absurd! "Question three..." I start, racking my brain for a suitable question, "Kay, I've got one. Did you really have the flu? When you were gone? That's what everyone's saying."

I had always wondered the truth behind this rumor. The flu could very well have done the job. But somehow, for some reason, I can't imagine Jared home in bed, sweating and feverish, for an entire _month_. I can't even really imagine it for ten minutes. So a month is mind boggling.

And that excuse wouldn't explain others curious events that went on during that time. Like his parent's lack of explanation. _His _lack of communication.

Where do those fit in to his 'flu' excuse?

I look over at Jared and feel my stomach drop. Whereas a moment ago Jared had seemed ready for whatever came his way. My question appeared to have done it's job in wiping that slate clean. His eyes have returned to their guarded scrutiny, staring at me warily -seldom even blinking. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"I-I don't know," I stutter, uncomfortable under the hefty pressure of his gaze, "It just seems weird to me... And anyway, that doesn't matter. Just tell me, yes or no?"

He silently debates, his eyes narrowed. At last his face is relaxed, and the wrinkles on his forehead smooth, "No." He answers firmly.

There is a tense silence.

He looks away.

...

Seriously? That was-that was _it_?

"Then why were you out?"

"Ahh," He's grinning his devilish grin, "That wasn't the question. You asked yes or no, and I gave my answer. Now I'm afraid you're all out of questions." He says, faining pity with a faux frown.

"But-"

"Nope. I'm free tonight, no more interrogation." His eyes twinkle madly in the dashboard light.

I doubt he's ever been more relieved. And he certainly has never looked it.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it all.

"No, no no no, I'm putting my foot down-"

"How? We're in a car, in case you hadn't noticed." He motions around us innocently.

"JARED _TAL_-"

"Kimberly Connelly?" He interrupts, his voice gentle and polite.

His smile reminds me -in an unpleasant way- of Tilly and Sonya Perks. With their Cheshire grins.

All evil grins tend to resemble that in my eyes.

"UGH, you make me want to kill something!" I yell, smacking my fists down on the seat.

And I kind of _do _want to kill something. Not anything big. Or like, a little fuzzy animal. Just something like an ant pile. I want to hose it down. It's not like people don't do it everyday, anyway...

"Long as it isn't me." Jared shrugs.

We take a wide left turn, forcing me to smack into my door. "Shit!" Jared swerves trying to look at me and drive at the same time. On this road there is no traffic. This is the road leading to La Push -barely anyone goes to La Push willingly.

"On the contrary, you're at the top of my list." I snap back threateningly. I've already recovered.

Jared shrugs again, his eyes still flickering from me to the road, "Bummer."

His tone isn't flattering. Am I that pathetic? Am I not intimidating at all?

"_Only _a bummer?"

He laughs, sensing my unease, "C'mon Kim, you _can't _kill me." He jokes, taking another jerky right turn. This one tumbles me into him, instead of the door.

My cheeks burn red as I push off of his -oddly hot- arm. When I look up he's already smiling.

_Jerk. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk..._

For a moment I situate myself properly in quiet humiliation.

"Can't I?" I ask, hoping he doesn't notice the tremor in my voice.

He's staring at my cheeks. Ick ick ick. I'm so _brown_, why am I the only brown person that can blush? Curse my genes!

Damn it. Damn it-

"No," He says, shaking his head. Then his smile returns, his face positively glowing, "I'm way too entertaining. Imagine how boring your life would be if I left now?"

At that I fall completely silent. That hit below the belt.

...The thing is, I don't have to imagine it. I already _know_.

I've lived it.

And he's right.

If he left now, I'd die.

* * *

_**Chapter 21-Kim's POV**_

"You seem jumpy." Jared notes, his eyes pondering as they size me up. "Are you anxious to get home?"

Ha. Anxious was not the word I'd use.

"No, no, the opposite actually," The far, distant, opposite, "My mom's going to _murder _me for being out so long. I left pretty early today, and it's been hours..."

I notice his tangible wince when I mention her violent punishment.

But it's true.

I'll be lucky to survive the night.

"Protective?" He asks nervously, clearing his throat.

He sounds nearly as afraid as I feel. Is he scared she'll drag him out of the car and beat him when we pull up? I guess he could drop me off down the street if he needs to...

"Mmm, not exactly." I try to assure him. Although I think _he _should be reassuring _me_, but whatever. "Let's just say she's not the type to notice detail -but she probably realized I wasn't home yet when she was eating dinner alone."

He nods his understanding, but is otherwise silent.

I wait for the words that never come. It would've been great if he had sympathized, or just said anything remotely soothing. Maybe relayed a funny family story, or explained that parent's usually love their children too much to do any real damage...

Instead he sits tight, staring through his windshield at the blank darkness.

Traffic is nonexistent now, on this desolate road. Here we are driving along in the rain, completely alone at a steady pace. I give us twenty minutes before we're in La Push. And then maybe another three to reach my house. Is that all we have left? Will that be it?

What will happen come Monday?

Jared is still quiet, and now I'm just freaking the fuck out.

I don't know why, but I don't like him thinking so much around me. Every time I see him going into a dazed thought session I have the sudden urge to make loud noises or smack him -or just anything to stop it from happening.

I guess I'm just afraid he's thinking about me. Or _rethinking_, I should say.

"What about your parents?" I ask, to bring him back to reality, and to calm my own ramped nerves, "Do they just set you free? I'm surprised they haven't been calling."

Come to think of it, that _is _odd. Jared's phone has been sitting idly in a cup holder for the entire drive. And other than one text message, to which he quickly replied, there's been no other grabs for his attention.

I suppose I'm not surprised he isn't being bombarded by friends -he 'gave them up for love' or whatever.

But I _am _surprised his parents haven't tried calling. It's nearly ten, and not even one phone call.

Jared is quiet, staring at a dead bug on the glass. He doesn't blink. It's as if I hadn't spoken.

"My phone is dead, so I'm safe, but yours should be ringing off the hook." I add, staring from him to the bug, back and forth.

At this, he chuckles. One loud, unamused, sound before his face goes still as stone, "What hook?"

I roll my eyes, fingering my own pitiful phone, "You know what I meant."

He nods gravely, "My parents don't notice detail either, Kim."

When he looks over at me, I see for the first time this odd little glare in his hazel eyes. For a while we are lost in each others heavy stares, falling into a peaceful silence.

Then his head tilts off to the side, like he's suddenly become too exhausted to hold it up any longer, "Or anything else."

"I'm sorry." I murmur. He turns back to the road.

I feel oddly negligent. How could I have not realized? After so many years of Jared stalking? I had always believed him and his parents were close.

I pray for him to stare back at me -to look back into my eyes in that intense, incredible way. I want to feel his pain. No, no, I want to take it away altogether.

He sighs again, this time on an impatient note, "Don't be. There are others out there alot worse off than me, Kim." He insists, tapping his fingers atop the wheel, "I've got food, clothing, _shelter_. I'm fine." He pauses, and then looks at me hesitantly, "I'm sorry too, though." He adds, frowning.

"_Why_?"

He's quiet for a beat too long. "Your mom should notice you."

"Oh, _that_." I laugh awkwardly. Who cares? He's right. As long as I'm fed I should be happy. "It's not a big deal."

My words seem to spark some twitchy defense mechanism in him, because he is suddenly turned towards me, his face stone-cold and serious, "It _is_. You deserve to be noticed, Kim." His teeth are literally gritted in his random fury. He turns back to the road jerkily, "_More _than deserve. I find it hard _not _to notice you these days."

I sit stupidly for a long time. Waiting for a punch line, or an explanation.

There isn't one.

So that's it.

That's it. That's it!

I can't do this anymore!

"Okay, stop." I command, fighting my nausea.

My whole body is instantly at war with my mind, begging and pleading for me not to end the heaven it's been experiencing.

"What?" He asks, confusion ebbed in his slightly frantic voice.

"Just stop." I repeat. "What? No, not the _car _Jared-" Jared swerves back onto the road.

"What do you mean?"

"Stop saying things like _that_." I explain vaguely. I'm sure he knows what I'm talking about though. What else would I be talking about?

Jared, as it turns out, does not know what I'm talking about, "I don't understand."

"You're so-You're just-You're ugh!" I shout, ripping at my own hair.

"Ugh?" He repeats, still lost.

"You're confusing!" I yell, abandoning all formality, "You _never _say what you mean. You keep saying things that sound like something but probably aren't anything. You lie -you take evasive action to keep from telling the truth, as a matter of fact. And-and-!" I pause to catch my spastic breath. "You will either tell me what's going on right now, or just-just quit it!" I demand, lowering my fist on the leather arm rest.

"Quit _what_?" He asks, his eyebrow flickering -and if I'm not mistaken, his lips are twitching too.

He better not be laughing about this.

"Where did this come from?" He asks as calmly as ever

I, on the other hand, can not find my calm. My calm is gone. It went on holiday, or possibly just left for good. I might actually have gone insane tonight. "It came from everywhere! And _everything_! All of your funny jokes and flirty answers, STOP IT-"

"Stop being funny?" He asks, and now he's definitely smiling.

Is this_ **funny**_?!!

"Alright, ha." He pauses to laugh, like an asshole, "Alright. Look, Kim, I want you to focus on being just a _tad _more specific."

I try to contain my fury, which rises within me and fights to rip off his smiling face. How can he be so insensitive?! This is really bothering me! "STOP ACTING LIKE-LIKE-"

"Like?"

"Like you... Like you li-you li-" Shit, I can't do it.

I can't do it!

I am a pathetic coward.

"Okay, I'm going to ask you something." I say, breathing through my nose loudly, "And it's probably going to be really humiliating, and sound really retarded." Jared shakes his head gently, his eyes still wide.

I'm not sure whether he's shaking his head in a disagreement -or as a weak attempt to stop me from continuing.

Does he already know what I need to ask? Has he always known? Was this his plan?

"Jared..." I start, the breaths through my nose getting louder and louder as I beat down my spiraling thoughts, "Do you.. d-do you..." Now I'm flat out hyperventilating, "Do you _like _me?"

Jared's eyes are huge. I wonder if they're a mirror of mine. "We've been over this-"

"No! No, I mean... When you told me you liked me, earlier, with-with what definition of the word.. _'like'... _were you referring, exactly?"

He swallows too loud. His Adams Apple quivers under his suddenly pale skin.

"You've used up all your questions."

I smile sadly, shaking my head.

"And you're using up my patience."

"Kim-"

"Could you just, please, just give me this one?" I beg, my entire body exhausted, "_Please_? I'm sure your answer will be exactly what I'm expecting... But the way you're talking and the way you've been acting all night..." I trail off, unable to finish the thought aloud.

All night I've been given the impression there's something else going on here.

I may not have alot of experience with boys. But I'm not stupid. There's something happening, and it's killing me not to know. Why can't I be allowed to know anything? I'm not a child! I'm his age! I'm his _friend_!

But then again, why do I expect so much? I can simply look at the way he's treating his former friends to realize how important friendship is to him.

Am I another one of the many? Am I disposable?

I can't believe there isn't something else. Something deeper.

And there has to be a reason he's treating me so differently tonight... "I'd just like to hear you say it." I add to his silence.

I want to hear him say it's nothing. That we're nothing. I expect it. I just need to hear it. So that my foolish, hopeful mind can be silenced at last. It's been bugging me all night, and I don't think I can stand another second.

"What are you expecting me to say?" He asks in a steady monotone. His eyes don't flicker to mine as they should.

Am I losing him already? I shouldn't have brought it up! Why do I always bring these things up?

"All I'm expecting is the truth." I hurriedly assure him.

"What if-" He starts, running a hand through his hair in a finicky gesture, "What if what you _think _is the truth -is _not _the truth. And whatever answer I give you, you won't believe whether it's true or not? What would be the point if you're already so sure of the truth?"

I snort. Even now, at a time like this, Jared's tone is so evasive it's amusing, "I promise to believe whatever answer you give me, and not question it whatsoever."

"Whatsoever?" He repeats doubtfully.

He has every right to roll his eyes.

"Not a peep, promise." I insist, crossing myself to prove it.

He still doesn't look convinced, "Excuse me if I find that hard to believe." He murmurs under his breath.

"Sorry?"

He smiles gently -a quick smile that barely touches his eyes, "Nothing." He mutters shaking his head.

Without warning Jared begins to swerve off the road, into the trees that line the sides, "What're you doing?" I ask, barely interested. I'm more focused on his answer.

I might've been afraid of being raped and brutally mudered were I not with Jared.

But technically it's not rape if I'm willing, right?

"I don't want to crash." He explains simply, turning off the car.

The minute the lights go out, leaving us with only the dim lights of the street lamps, my heart begins to thud violently. "Why would you crash?" I ask in a shaky voice, to keep up conversation.

His eyes are dark in the night, and they watch me with heavy skepticism before he finally murmurs, "I don't want to risk it,"

We are both quiet, listening to my heart beat unsteadily. I can only barely see him smile, "If you're afraid of getting in trouble, we're only ten minutes away from town, and there won't be traffic to get into La push. Trust me."

I nod as though that's what has been troubling me all along.

But it's not.

The trouble is earlier, when I had been so happy that we were alone together, I hadn't really been aware of the _true _meaning of 'alone together'.

Alone together is here, in this car, on the side of a road completely vacant. It's just us, with light so distant and feeble that I can just barely make out the twinkle of his eyes and the glisten of his soft russet skin. I can only just see the strict chiseled bone structure of his severe face -gentled by my presence, but only in minuscule comparison.

I can barely see him. But somehow he's breathtaking even in darkness.

This car has a tense vibe. I'm not sure if it's a good sort of tense.

There are too many emotions circling us to be sure. But I know this is where I want to be. No matter what he says, or what happens.

Somehow this is right -being here with him. I know it.

"Okay." He starts, in a trembling voice. And I can tell he's feeling the intense surroundings just as substantially as I.

He gulps -pretty loud- and shifts his body to face me, as he did earlier.

"Okay..." He says again, looking down. "Okay-"

"You said that." I interrupt.

I see Jared grimace for a moment, "Okay..." He says one more time before sighing, "Earlier, when I told you I like you... The context of the word was meant in the more... _intimate _description."

That sounds kind of dirty.

"Intimate?"

He looks up thoughtfully, "Personal?"

Again, personal doesn't make any more sense than intimate had. "Like, private?"

He shakes his head, "No, more serious."

"Like, grave?"

He smiles, "Deeper."

"Intense?" In the more 'intense description'.

No, that's not right.

He sighs, "Forget that. Think.. _affectionate_."

My heart speeds up again. I'm sure he can hear it. He'd have to be deaf not to.

"So, passionate?" I ask, my voice cracking.

He laughs humorlessly, "That's an understatement and an overstatement all at once."

Sorry? "Huh?"

He's still smiling, "Less passionate, more meaningful."

That's true, passion isn't very meaningful. It's more full of lust than romance.

Than-Than _romance_.

"..._more _meaningful?" My voice shakes uncontrollably and Jared nods. "So... maybe... r-romantic?"

The car becomes more silent then ever. We don't even take breaths.

We are statues.

Jared stares so fixedly at me that I felt sick.

Two minutes I sit under his unwavering gaze -having just uttered the most horrifyingly humiliating thing possible- and he says nothing.

Then, at long last, "That sounds about right."

My mind blanched.

"No." I say automatically, in a zombie-like croak, "No, Jared, _really_."  
He nods, his features grave, "Yes, really. That's the closest to how I feel that we're going to get tonight. So, romantic. I _romantically _like you."

Still not processing.

"Come again?"

He sighs, seeming displeased with having to repeat it over and over, "I like you, _romantically_."

"Like-like-"

"Like, if I were to tell someone I like you, I would mean it as more than a friend." He tries to explain as you would to a child. In a quiet, patient, voice.

There are many things I should have asked after he gave me _that _piece of information. But instead of being smart and logical, I ask the least important question. "Then why did you ask to be my friend?"

This is barely relevant.

"I was under the impression that was the first step." He says, in a surprised tone.

He probably agrees I should've started with a better question.

All night I've been throwing out important questions, and then _this_.

"Was I wrong to have tried that?" He continues, "Are you telling me I could've skipped it? Because if you are I'm going to shoot myself in the face."

"No, no!" I hurriedly insist, "I was just wondering..."

"I wanted to get to know you." He explains in a matter-of-fact tone.

How can he be so calm?

"Y-You don't though." I say, and then mentally stabbed myself, "I mean, not _yet_."

Wow, way to be obvious, Kim.

I quickly try to return the spotlight to him, "Why're you telling me this so soon, if you were waiting to 'get to know' me?"

At this he went quiet.

It was not a hesitation, or thoughtful silence.

"Hold on now. I'm not _telling _you. This is not me _telling _you, Kim." His tone is exasperated, "You've more or less **forced **me into saying it the _entire __**night**_. Not _even_! The entire _week_! By all means, I would've waited longer, but you're making this more complicated than I planned." He snapped, turning back to face forward indignantly.

"Planned?".

He falters, "_Imagined_." He rephrased, glancing at me anxiously.

"You 'imagined' me?" I ask, my voice drenched in doubt.

Yea, right.

There's no way in hell he's telling the truth.

It's completely unbelievable. It's all just a joke.

Not that that's a bad thing.

I'm sure he's not doing it in a mean way at all. He's just having some fun. Jared deserves to have fun, he's been miserable all week. And if I'm the anecdote to his misery, I'd surely take the ridicule to spare him.

I only wish he would come out and say it.

How far will he take this?

"In a way." He explains vaguely.

"What way?"

"Questions! You're full of them!"

I shrug, my entire body shaking.

Any moment now... I only have to keep pretending like I believe him, and he'll admit to it.

Then I can go home and die.

For now I just wait...It won't be long. "I'm a very curious person." I murmur in a lifeless voice.

He grimaces again, looking out the windshield at a passing deer -we get alot of those- with it's mate. "I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not." He murmurs deftly.

It will all be over soon...

I'm just now starting to feel the pre-mature pain of it.

Once he tells me it was all just a joke, that'll be it. Probably forever. Maybe every once and a while he'll tease me, just for few extra laughs -just to remember more thoroughly the epic joke he played once upon a time.

And maybe I'll get really lucky, maybe I really will have been such a good sport that he'll think I'm worthy of saying hi to every once in a while.

Maybe he'll speak to me now and then.

I bet if I tell Alex he'll get mad. He'll fight Jared. He'll try and defend me, or something. Or maybe he won't fight -seeing as Jared's so intimidating. Maybe he'll just help me feel better by shit talking Jared. Even though that probably wouldn't help. It would just make everything ten times worse.

I could never tell Alex, anyway. Why would I need to? After this I'm a goner, for sure. After he tells me it's over I'll simply slip away.

"So, you... so you like me?" I ask hesitantly.

Please god, don't let me cry. Don't let him see me cry, if anything.

Jared, who had been waiting patiently, sighs, "You're questioning it, Kim."

"N-No, really, I'm not! It's just..." I'm not a very convincing actor.

He's going to know that I'm onto him. Then he'll think I'm no fun.

"Just what?" He prods, turning back to me and scooting closer. Right into the light.

The light, however pouring golden upon him it may be, is still dim. But I can now see the outline of his muscles beneath his white shirt, and the tan glow of his face. I can see his eyes tinged orange and excited.

He looks so happy.

How can I take anything from him? "Nothing..." I murmur, trailing off.

Then he frowns, and his eyes darken, "It's not 'nothing'. You just don't want to tell me because you're questioning it!"  
I wish he would stop. My heart's already breaking.

Adding pressure doesn't help.

"I'm not." I insist in a tortured whisper.

His eyes are still sour as they gaze down at me. His whole face is a mask of grave seriousness. He's so into it! He's so into playing a harmful joke on me. On someone innocent! Why? Why this?

Why can't it be real?

I can't-I can't get hurt like this. Twelve years of waiting for him, for what? Why can't it be real? "It's just not true!" I find myself yelling at him, unable to contain my pain.

I regret it.

But then again I don't.

I want his happiness. But this, this _joke_, is not worth the pain.

I would gladly die for Jared Tal.

Just not on these terms.

My epiphany has me reeling, but Jared seems just as determined as before, "_That _right _there _would be questioning it!" He seethes through gritted teeth, seeming very frustrated indeed.

How will I convince him to stop trying? That I'm onto him? That it's over? "I'm really not," I say calmly, "I could only question something that has a chance of being remotely honest. This, well, this is a joke."

Now he's the one freaking out while I sit calmly beside, watching, "It's not-Ugh-Just-Why in the hell does it have to be a joke?!" He asks, ripping at his hair and neck.

His eyes are huge, staring down at me. I'm not sure whether they look more stressed or agonized anymore.

He needs to stop being so serious. It's just a joke, after all.

"It's impossible." I explain quietly, adding a small smile for encouragement.

Maybe if he sees that I'm okay with it, he'll still drive me home.

But Jared just glares back, "Really, _impossible_? I'm sure crazier things have happened than a guy liking a girl, Kim."

I sigh, nodding, "Fine, then, it's improbable."

He just stares at me. I don't like this stare. It's not his usual stare at all. He's looking at me like I'm a random stranger who's just run over his beloved dog or something. What the hell? I'm not being mean. In fact, _I'm _being nice about the fact that _he's _being mean. I should be awarded a medal. I'm so frickin nice.

Finally he scoffs, making a disgusted noise with his tongue, "'_Impossible'_," He mocks, smacking his hands on the steering wheel, "Ridiculous!"

"I am **not **ridiculous!" I growl.

"Not you!" He snaps, "Your self-doubt! You're swimming in it!"

"Ha! And what does that mean?" I laugh, crossing my arms.

He laughs just as harshly, his nostrils flared.

His eyes are no longer orange. In fact, they have no color. Their black as the night around us.

"You _know _what it means," He snarls, "Don't act shocked. Only a person truly self-important would have the nerve to deny someone elses words of affection!"

"'Self-important'?!" I repeat at a yell, "I fail to see how my _self-importance _comes into this."

Jared laughs mockingly, shaking his head, "You're too busy thinking about your own self-doubt to just accept what's staring you in the face. You're too busy thinking about protecting yourself to think of anything else!"

Well, maybe.

No, no.

What right does he have to suggest that? I'm the one who's lived twelve years, day after day, hurt and ignored by him! The very person throwing the accusations! "Is that so wrong?" I scream digging my nails into my arms, my lower lip trembling.

Jared appears to be about a half second from yelling out something particularly nasty when he stops, his eyes fixed on my bottom lip.

It takes nearly an entire minute for my lip to stop trembling and his scowl to completely fall away.

Even after, he continues to stare.

"No, it's not, Kim," He murmurs in a surprisingly calm voice. His gentle words make the previous argument seem even more intense. He takes a deep breath, tilting his head again while staring into my eyes in that old way of his. That intense stare that never fails to melt my heart. "It's just...It's just a shame."

His disappointment is something unendurable. He's worse than a disapproving parent. Even more powerful.

How can he look so serious? How can he look like this is hurting him half as much as it's hurting me?

He looks so honest and true. Why can't he be honest, _or _true?

I just want to tell him -I wish he could know. Maybe if he knew how much I really, truly, love him, he'd stop this horrible game.

My love isn't a joke, it isn't something that can be laughed off or made a fool of. It's not something that can be wiped away off a slate after it's done being used. It's real, and whole, and it means something. It's got to.

If he just knew...

"You know," I start quietly, not even sure if I'm doing the right thing, "You didn't even ask me how I felt about it."

He laughs bitterly, "I think that was clear enough."

"But if I _were_ to believe you..."

My heart leaps, my ears ring. I'm throwing this up to fate.

It's in fate's hands to catch me.

"You didn't even care to know what I would say."

"I care to know more than you'd think." He bites his lip, debating whether or not to ask. Our conversations have been known to take odd ends and strange turns, at any moment we could start arguing again. "I'll bite." He decides, "How would you have felt about it, '_if you believed'_?"

I smile hopefully, "Well, I don't believe you. It's ludicrous that you'd even ask, I can't believe you would be so bold!" I mock, rolling my eyes.

And just like that, he's smiling too.

Which is strange. Because it vaguely reminds me of... myself.

When Jared laughs, I laugh. Why does it seem like when I smile... Jared smiles?

"You're strange, Kim." He chuckles, interrupting my thoughts, "And that _is _a good thing."

It's now or never.

Now or never ever. I'll never have another shot like this. He just told me -even if he was kidding- that he likes me. I'll never be given another opening like that, and I'll never have enough courage to start the conversation myself. I have to do it now.

"If I believed you... If you were telling the truth..." I sigh, fighting nausea.

Stay down, vomit, please! Last thing I need is to barf in his car.

Not that it could get much dirtier, but still. It would be unattractive.

"We're friends, right?" I start, stalling for courage.

"Yea, of course. Ki-"

"Real friends?" I press, staring daggers into his eyes, "Jared. Look, Jared..." I pause, closing my eyes.

My breaths are coming out heavy. This is too hectic! Too serious! I'm just a girl! I'm just a little girl! We can only take so much drama. Well, some of us... "I'm so scared." I start, my tone hysterical, "I'm so scared that you're just going to turn around and start laughing any second now-"

"What do you mean?"

"That this will all turn out to be some huge joke-"

"I would never-"

"Let me finish!" I insist, "Gahh! I can't believe I'm even saying this... I-I feel like anything I say will be used against me, later. But I have to know... I have to know that this is _real_. That you're _really _my friend. I don't know if I'll believe you if you say it... But I can't- I can't- I don't think I can tell you some things until I'm sure."

"_Kim._" Jared stops me, shaking his head, "Kim, I could never lie to-"

"Ha." I interrupt a little rudely.

But, seriously, that would've been the worst possible thing to say.

He rolls his eyes, nodding his agreement, "Okay, wrong choice of words. But I could never hurt you. And so far I've been pretty good about that, so don't laugh." He smiles tentatively, "I would never tease you like that. Trust me."

Shocked, I gasp as I feel a hand cover my own. I look down at our hands, that are now entwined. "Trust me." He repeats in a whisper.

The look in his eyes is one I can't deny, "Alright." I murmur, giving in to the inevitable. "I don't-I _can't _completely trust you. But to be honest, I'm having the best time tonight. And I mean the _best_." Why don't I just go ahead and show him my diary while I'm at it? "So if it all blows up in my face, then so be it. I want to tell you. I think I need to. I have to tell you sometime, or I'll always regret not saying anything."

"Not saying what?" He asks, scooting even closer, as if this is some great secret, "Not saying what, Kim?"

I laugh humorlessly.

Here it goes. "Well, the best way to put it is..." Crap, no, not like that.

"If you were telling the truth, when you told me you like me...." Nah, that sucks too.

"If I believed you. I would tell you..." Shit.

Jared looks as impatient as I feel, "What, Kim? What would you tell me?"

Will this be the last time he'll look at me with those adoring eyes, so loving and careful? Will this be it?

I have to make the most of it.

Uninvited tears wet my lids and burn my eyes, "I-I, I like you too." A loud sob escapes before I can hold it in, "_Romantically_." I mock, laughing again.

Looking up, I see Jared's eyes sparkle. How odd.

Why would he cry?

Is he sad that he's going to have to turn me down? Is he regretting his cruel joke on such an innocent person? Then he laughs too, smiling toothily. "Come here," He whispers, nodding me closer.

I scooch about an inch towards him, causing him to laugh yet again and fill the rest of the distance I failed to occupy.

I'm not sure what's happening, but suddenly he's there, so close I can feel his breath on my forehead -and though I refuse to look up, I know our lips are too close for comfort.

Without another word, Jared places his pointer beneath my chin and tips my face up towards his.

He doesn't need any more invitation than the nervous giggle that escapes my lips. He kisses me. He really, _really, _kisses me.

* * *

This is both chapters 20 & 21, since I used chapter 20 to explain the delay. _And _I'm also posting chapter 22 -so that's like three chapters in one night lol. I hope that makes up for the wasted time.  
Tell me what you thought of these chapters? I'd love to know.  
Oh and next chapter I have an even bigger surprise -one I refuse to spoil by telling you about here.  
I bet you can guess it though, it's gotta happen sometime, right? (hint hint)


	22. Chapter 22: Clearwater Calls

Heyy :)  
This is the double update for not updating for so long. After I got sick I kind of just let it go for a long time. Sadly, I am the typical procrastinator. But here, at long last, is chapter 22, in addition to chapters 20 and 21. Which actually makes this kind of like a triple update, which is cool. Ahah, yea...  
I really hope you like it.  
Playlist:  
Flightless Bird, American Mouth- Iron & Wine  
All Those Nights- Chase Coy  
Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek- Chiodos

Here's Chapter 22, have fun [:

_**

* * *

**_

_**Jared's POV**_

I don't think there's a word suitable to describe the way I feel when I kiss Kim Connelly.

It has no comparison, and is held to no competition. It is prey to no competitors.

It is simple pleasure, and unguided passion.

I don't need to grope her to intensify the perfection of the moment, or to further excite myself. For, her lips are enough excitement, and _she _herself _is _perfection.

I apply a bit more pressure to our kiss when I feel her grow restless. She trembles insecurely against me.

I don't need to ask to know I'm her first kiss -or one of the first, at least. She's hesitant, and she's gentle. Her lips quiver when I press against them too lightly, and protest when I get too riled up. And if that weren't obvious enough, her eyebrow is also severely, _severely_, creased with worry.

I'm afraid they might be stuck like that permanently if she doesn't loosen up soon.

I know it's weird to stare at someone while you kiss them -I'd never done it before, and whenever I've caught someone who has, I almost immediately am turned off and the mood is ruined for us both- but now, I just can't help it. She's so _interesting_, even when being kissed. Her face is scrunched up in the strangest, cutest, expression. She seems so scared, and I have no other way to assure her than to kiss her again, and again, and again. That's all I can do, and yet, although her expression stays scrunched and frightened, I know it's what she wants.

My fingers knot tighter into the roots of her hair now, and pull her gently further into the kiss, holding her more securely. Her hands tremble as they try to muster bravery on my wrists.

I don't blame her for being hesitant.

At first, when our lips met, the sensation had been so surprising I'd nearly attacked her. Thankfully, she'd immediately snapped me out of _that _mood with one bleak yelp -which had made me throw myself away from her across the car in fear that I'd more or less killed her.

Which I hadn't, thank God, but that doesn't take away the memory of thinking it had happened.

That's not something I can easily forget.

My heart pounds even faster when I feel her lips spread into a smile beneath mine, "What?" I ask, smiling hesitantly.

She shakes her head, kissing my lips again eagerly.

I don't feel sparks as I thought I would. Sparks are a bunch of bullshit -which I'd already suspected long before I kissed Kim.

In place of sparks, there are explosions. And even they are not what you'd expect.

I don't feel them on my lips -although I feel plenty on my lips right now- the explosion is _inside _of me. Both inside my mind, and inside my body.

In my stomach, there is the oddest feeling of the ocean waves crashing over and over.

What I'm feeling right now, is eternity.

It's a thousand years happiness in every single kiss. It's a thousand accomplishments, a thousand smiles and laughs.

It's knowing Kim is happy, and that I am responsible. If only for these brief seconds, I am responsible for someone elses happiness. And not just any someone, but _**her**_.

My angel. My light, and my dark. My sun, the _moon. _

Every hour, every day, everything. My forever. I need nothing else. It's all really useless.

If I could, I would leave this world altogether and take her away with me. Then we'd cease to be ourselves under the specified names, the specified terms, and beneath lights of judgement.

Names are nothing, we don't need them.

Kim isn't a name, she's a **sole**. She's my _sole mate_.

She isn't just a person, she's a **personality**. Kim fits my anger and my sadness, my happiness and frustration. She's a word on every subject, and a match to every sentence. She's not just a face, but a mind, with an opinion.

Kim isn't just-just a hand to hold, or lips to kiss, or a body to be appraised. She's a piece of myself. Without her body, she'd still be my Kim. She'd still be the one made for me. She's the ghost that I'd walk with into the gates of heaven, or flames of hell. Without words, she'd still be my other half. The only thing that could complete us.

We make something real, something substantial, something meaningful. We make something that many people never have the opportunity to create. We make a reason.

A reason to bother. A reason to live. We are one being that sees a purpose, and a hope, other than to eat, and sleep, and defecate. There are wonderful things out there that are untouchable, and unreachable. In life, we'll never achieve them fully. But they're there, and together we can wait out the years to reach that high.

"I'm kissing you." Kim whispers. Although _why _she whispers in a vacant car, I have no idea. She giggles lightly between particularly deep kisses.

For an amateur, Kim is doing exceptionally well.

"_I'm _kissing _you_." I reply, pressing against her more tentatively.

I don't dare try to associate tongue just yet.

I'm stupid, but not a fucktard. I don't want to scare her.

She's giggles again, nearly going into hysterics. She seems very nervous to be kissing at all. I wasn't nearly this nervous during _my _first kiss. In fact, I'm more nervous now than I had been all the way back then -and that was quite a while ago.

Maybe that's because I didn't love that girl. In fact, I can't remember her name.

"Jared-" I cut her off with another kiss, making her laugh a honking laugh I've never heard before.

She literally snorts.

Which, of course, makes _me _laugh. And then we're both laughing. And then I'm kissing her again because she has the _cutest _laugh.

I feel her sigh, "Jared-" She tries again, but I barely manage to let her breath. My lips attach themselves to her again.

She's addictive.

Her taste, her scent, her touch. It's not **my **fault she's so appealing. If she wants to talk, she should try to be less irresistible.

"Hmm?" I murmur, still kissing her.

It's a rhetorical 'hmm'. Because I don't expect her to be able to talk anytime soon anyway.

She manages only barely to whisper against my lips, "Home-" I cover her mouth with more kisses, "I-Mom-Home-"

I sigh, pulling away. Those were the magic mood-killing words.

Nothing else could have pulled me away from her.

She's smiling in the darkness, and there has probably never been a more beautiful sight. Trees behind her are dim and casting shadows in a design across her red face. She has a talent for blushing for long periods of time. A trait I've grown fond of.

"I hate that word, 'mom'." I mutter in my agitation.

She giggles again, but stays quiet, just staring.

Her goofy grin is too adorable, "You giggle alot now. Is it because you're nervous?" I ask, smiling back at her.

Bold, I know, but I think we're past all the pretense.

If possible, her face becomes even more red. She looks like a pretty little strawberry, "I think I've gone right past nervous into a whole new level of devastation." She murmurs anxiously, giggling again.

I frown.

Devastation makes it sound really bad.

She studies my expression, "The good kind."

I roll my eyes, "There is no good kind of devastation."

"There's a good kind of everything." She counters, picking at a loose thread in the leather of her seat.

That's not even true. But should I argue the point? We just kissed... And I kind of want to kiss her again... And she'd probably just get really pissed...

"No way." I finally insist, unable to hold down my opinion.

And just like that, I see that frightening spark in her eye. The one that screams, 'I am woman, hear me roar'.

"Yes, way." She is instantly in attack mode.

I admire her attack mode. It is truly terrifying.

"What about evil?" I test confidently, "How is there a good kind of evil? Evil is the very _contradiction _of good."

"_You're _the very contradiction of good." She mutters testily under her breath, glaring beneath her heavy eyelashes. "And evil can definitely be good. Without evil we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good."

I scoff, "That's not fair. So when some evil person does something terrible, it's just supposed to be okay, because it's teaching people how to appreciate the good? I strongly, _strongly _disagree."

She shrugs idly, "To each her own."

"His own." I correct. Though I already know she'll be more than ready to argue this too. Somehow I've grown ready, even eager, for her confrontation. I _enjoy _it, in some sick, twisted way.

"No. Her own." She insists, smiling.

I smile back, dazzled by her beauty.

Then her smile falters and her eyes flicker to the road. My heart sinks. "I should be getting home." She murmurs in a low tone.

At least I know she dislikes the idea nearly as much as I do. If I could, I would drive around with her all night. Then all day tomorrow, and then all the way through the next however-many-years of our lives. She would probably get bored of me, though.

I nod, but find my body unresponsive. It refuses to drive her away from me. I hate the idea of leaving her alone tonight.

There is a long moment where I can tell she is thinking the same things that trouble me. Thinking about tomorrow, thinking about how long it'll take to fall asleep after this. Thinking about how this happened in the first place.

I had been prepared for a long, rough, journey to her heart, and instead found she was nearly as willing as I. How could I have been so lucky? How will I ever stand being away from her again?

"Okay... Let's go." She says, breaking the silence awkwardly. She's amusingly strange.

I turn the car on with begrudging silence and give her one last longing glance. Her expression is impatient, which makes me hurriedly look back out at the road.

She means business.

I suppose I _have _kept her out longer than planned. About two or three hours longer. But there was that whole traffic thing... And the thunder... Then the kissing was completely unexpected, though not unwelcome in the least...

Fifteen minutes later we're in La Push and I'm still thinking about all of the unplanned things that occurred to make Kim Connelly this incredibly late getting home. I hope what she said about her mom killing her was an exaggeration. Although it's believable, considering the time.

But it isn't my fault. It's not.

The fact is that I didn't plan this. Not one moment of it. And I can't be blamed for wanting to milk every second for all it's worth. I only just came to find the love of my life. It's understandable that I hog her attention for hours longer than I should.

"Do you think your mom will really kill you?" I ask nervously. My mind is shaping horrifying images that make me want to vomit.

Kim doesn't seem any more confident, "I really, really hope not."

I nod jerkily, scared out of my mind.

Does she not understand that I'm not kidding? I don't want to tell her how serious I am. I don't want her to know how obsessed I am, not yet. But the things she says... They drive me insane.

"Left here." She points, directing me. I don't dare say I already know, or that I don't need help. That's another sign of my obsession that she doesn't need to know about.

I take a left and then a right where she points -unnecessarily. Her house comes into view, looming at the very end of the street in front of us. For some reason Kim blushes dark scarlet. I would've thought she'd flush -I myself feel a little pale. I swallow convulsively.

"Pull up right here." She mutters, pointing to the side of the road beside a thicket of shadowed trees. We're only about ten feet from her house now, and my heart is racing.

So is Kims. I can hear it.

I've been listening to it's rhythm all night. She has very expressive heart reactions. Right now it's skipping rapidly, like a fast paced broken record. "Would you like me to walk with you?" I ask, both eager and unwilling.

I'd rather her mother not try to shoot me and then have to go through the long explanation of why I'm not dead or even really hurt at all. That would be an unpleasant conversation for several reasons.

Kim looks from me to the house uncertainly, "Ahmm, no." She decides, eyebrow furrowed, "Tonight isn't the best night for that."

Her words spark something in me I hadn't known had been dormant. I want to ask the question that spins in my mind, begging to work it's magic.

But it's way too bold.

Way too courageous.

I'm not that courageous. Not at all.

"What night would be the best night for it?" I ask, shooting for the stars. Surprisingly, she smiles.

What on earth did I do to deserve this? It's unreal.

She fiddles with her fingers, smiling down at them. She's still red in the face. It's been like, five minutes. God she's talented. "I don't know. What do you mean?" She asks, grinning gaily.

She knows exactly what I mean. It's becoming easier to decipher her expressions.

"Well," I start hesitantly. I hate having to do the boy job -the date picking and decision making thing. What if she can't? What if she doesn't want to? Rejection is physically painful when Kim is involved. "Tomorrow I don't really have any plans, you see. I was just going to sit around and...well, yea. So if you wanted to go for a walk, or to eat lunch or something, it would be very much appreciated."

Kim blushes worse than ever, but now at least she can look me in the eye.

She bites her lip and I very nearly burst out of my skin, "So, this is strictly because you have nothing else to do, right?"

I resist the urge to yell, 'STILL?! AFTER EVERYTHING?!' But I'm pretty sure she's just messing with me. She knows. She knows it's so much more than that.

She has to be able to feel it. The way that I do every single moment... I don't dare ask her how she felt when I kissed her. But I know she feels something when she's with me. Something tangible.

I take a deep breath -a just in case breath- and prepare for a doubtful, but possible, rejection. Nothing is for certain at this point.

But we are getting closer.

"Kim, would you like to go to dinner tomorrow night?" I manage to choke out.

She stares at me vacantly for a long time.

I've made her speechless in an unflattering way. "Just here in town," I add, a little worried.

I'm suddenly glad I prepared for rejection. Not that it will help that much either way. But at least I took precautionary measures. "At the diner or... or something...." I trail off weakly.

She blinks her vacant eyes, "What kind of dinner?" She asks in tight voice.

At least she spoke. I was starting to think she would get out of the car and leave in complete silence. Relieved, my voice is slightly more casual, "Like I said, the diner. Or if you want something more expensive we could-"

"The diner is fine." She hurriedly insists, "But I meant... Is it..." In her lap, Kim is tearing at the skin on her thumb. If she bleeds, it'll be my fault.

Fuck me.

"Tonight was just a friend thing, you know." She continues shyly, "We just sort of ran into each other. But tomorrow wouldn't be just running into each other. Cause we're talking about it right now. It would be..." She lets go of her thumb just in time -the skin left raw and red, "Well... What would it be?"

I sit for a moment, trying to decipher another of her silly codes. Kim is a complicated being. She accuses me of being vague, and yet she never says what she means either. Hypocritical to the very end.

But I think I understand the vacant eyes. Who does she think I am?

Well, okay, I had a bad reputation in school, yes. But I'm not a complete asshole. I wouldn't just kiss her and not follow through. She is _Kim_, after all. Not that she has any idea what she means to me.

I smile gently, "Is that all that's on your mind?" I ask more confidently than I feel. Her blush deepens substantially, "It would be a date, Kim. A real, preplanned, set in stone, date."

Her eyes are suddenly so full of emotion it's hard to believe they were recently so distant. "S-Seriously?"

"If you're free."

A smile flickers quickly across her face, then falls away into the shadows just as fast. "I am, I'm free. I'm not doing anything. I have church, it's Sunday, but after that I'm completely yours. I mean-" Her face scrunches up miserably and she looks away, "I mean, not like in a weird way. I'm just... I can go to dinner..."

I smile gently, trying to make some of her blush subside.

She might blow a blood vessel or something.

"Good, so seven? Church should be over by then, right?" I've never actually been to church myself, so I wouldn't know. My parents have always been good people. Religious even, to a point. But church is just one of those things they deem unnecessary, like coasters and dieting. "I'm sorry, I've never been."

I wonder if Kim will judge me for this. Is she very religious?

What religion is she, anyway? Is she a fanatic? Will this be a problem?

I'll convert for her.

She nods, laughing, "It's definitely over before seven. It starts at ten and ends at eleven thirty, so I think seven will be just fine."

I smile ruefully, "Awesome, so seven it is."

"Yepp..." She nods again, staring out the windshield to her house.

It is most menacing at night, I've decided.

She looks back at me, her lip tucked in, "I should be going, I've stalled too long as it is."

I nod, hating this goodbye scene. I can't even walk her to the door. The first time I'm dropping her off at her house -under the impression there will be another time- and I have to sit in the car and watch her walk away alone. This sucks balls.

She opens her door a bit and then turns back, "Okay." She mutters, eyes flickering around restlessly. "Well... Bye."

She's out of the car before I can stop her. Before I can even say goodnight.

I watch her leaving. I watch her walking away.

Will she dream of me? How does she feel about tonight? Did she enjoy everything that happened? Was it what she wanted?

And what about her mom. Will she get in a shit load of trouble?

Will she be mad I couldn't walk her to her door? Or that I didn't have the guts to face the wrath of her mother?

She's reached her grass. It's almost over. She's almost past the point of unreachable.

"Wait." I call, bursting from my truck and racing as quietly as possible up behind her. She didn't hear me call, but she must have heard my footsteps.

She turns, her eyes hopeful, relieved, expecting.

And I'm already there, right in front of her.

"Hi." She smiles.

For telling me not to come with her, she looks awfully happy I went against her wishes.

"Hey." I reply, not sure how to continue. I kind of thought she'd hiss at me to go back to my car and that I was going to get her in trouble and all I'd have time to do was whisper a guilty 'goodnight' and hope we were still on for our date tomorrow.

Instead she waits silently. Staring.

"Goodnight." I whisper pathetically, avoiding her eyes.

To my guilty surprise, she smiles. As if she hadn't expected anything more. "Goodnight, Jared." She whispers back, truly glowing.

Maybe she didn't expect anything else. Maybe all she really wanted was to know I'd come after her. I hear girls like small, cliche things like that.

So why do I feel disappointed in myself? Obviously she's happy, which should automatically make me happy. Which it does.

But at the same time, I know what's missing.

I just wish I didn't have to be the one to instigate it.

Fuck being a boy, man.

She turns to start walking again, crushing a twig under her shoe.

Fuck my life, fuck my life, fuck my life, "Wait!" I whisper, reaching out and turning her by her shoulder. She looks up at me curiously. "Can I-" Her eyebrow slants dramatically. Why am I asking? I'm a disappointment to men everywhere. "Can I just-"

I don't bother finishing. Instead, I attempt to retain what male dignity I have left and lean in. Without further adou I've kissed Kim Connelly goodnight for the first time.

The first of many, hopefully.

I float back to my car like I'm on a trip, and her lips were the drug.

* * *

No way this is happening.

It's two fucking a.m. I am not waking up.

The sound of my obnoxious ring tone is the last thing I need after finally falling asleep. For at least three hours after I got home and dealt with my only half interested parents I had sat up thinking of and reliving my night. Going through every word and action with excruciating detail. Testing the signs for proof of Kim's affections.

I think she likes me. I really do.

At least a little.

But now I am asleep. Or I should be.

I should be continuing my wonderfully awesome dream of Kim -clad in her usual sneakers and jeans- kissing me and calling me her boyfriend...

So, no.

No, that phone is not ringing and I am not answering it.

I lift my head up barely and see that my phone is in fact ringing and about to fall off of the dresser onto the floor. Fuck my life.

And it's Sam. Which can only mean one thing, and that one thing is not a welcome invitation right now.

Patrol? Tonight? I wish someone else would just phase already, damn it! Sam and I are in dire need of some help. Juggling twenty-four hour patrol duty between two teenage werewolves is not healthy.

I grab my phone, hating my own selfishness. Sam has been on patrol for nearly two nights in a row. _And _he already lives with his girlfriend. I'm a jerk.

"Sup?" I mumble incoherently.

Somehow, Sam understands, "Are you asleep?" He asks. His panicked tone makes me sit up a little straighter.

"Whats up, man?" I ask clearly, my dream daze slipping away.

His breathing is heavy, like he's been running. Or is running. "Get out here, now, I'll explain when we've changed. Just head towards the beach, okay?"

"Sam, whats going on?" I insist, already out of bed and starting out into the hallway. I see Marys head pop out from behind her door. She frowns at the sight of me leaving, again.

Sam sighs, "It's a kid. Harry Clearwater called and told me he heard howling outside his house, and when he took a look outside he saw something running around."

"Who do you think it is?"

Sam sighs again, sounding depressed.

I hate to admit I was more relieved than sympathetic. But now, I'm just relieved and guilty.

A howl in the back-round of the phone makes me walk faster, and I hear Sam pick up the pace over the line. I'm nearly outside when I hear him mutter, "Shit!"

My eyes bulge. What's happening out there? "What?!"

Sam swears a few more times, running even faster, "He's changing course, he's headed towards the houses. He's going straight for Atlas, I've got to go." The line goes dead before I can muster a worthy snarl.

Atlas.

Atlas is a street at the edge of town, right near the beach. Two streets over and another street in there is a small, familiar house. In it is a sleeping girl named Kim Connelly. With her is my heart. Both are closer to death than they can possibly imagine.

* * *

Who do you think it is? Ha. Duh. Kidding.  
Well, I kind of like this chapter, it sets a lot of things in motion. Was it any good? Let me know :)  
And about Atlas... Idk, I couldn't think of any good street names for an Indian Reservation. Any suggestions?

Fun Fact: The drummer of Chiodos used to live up the street from me. He was kind of a freaky kid. He was in another band before Chiodos, and they practiced in his garage every monday, wednesday, and thursday. Not a bad set either, too bad they broke up... This one time he crashed his truck into my moms minivan. It was really hardcore, he was drunk and everything, frickin intense right?


	23. FYI

I'm thinking of starting this story back up. Anyone interested? I probably will whether or not I receive any replies, so don't feel like you need to if you do want me to start it back up. Just a little warning to everyone who may have long-forgotten this story, there will be an update in the near future.


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